Crushed.

I was never a novice at rainbows disastrously turning into a pile of crap right then and there. Is this what happens after dyeing my hair and sporting a new hair do?

It's exactly two days before my big day and things just had to go from soaring high to sucking low as everything inches closer to the 30th. This can't be good at all.

Rants and rages soon after my academic suffering.

As good as it gets.

I never imagined that life could be this good. I mean, even if I'm helluvah stressed and everything, I have a lot of things to look forward to. My 18th birthday, perhaps? Oh yes.

However, before my official day, I still have school work and finals to mind. Plus, the rest of the party preps. I am so excited.

I wannan be able to say so much more because I'm really really really happy now. But I guess, I have to do stuff muna. Hahahaha;p

I'm gonna do my serious blogging later.:)

Crash and burn.

Under the rain.

Walking under the rain makes my feet cold, my head light and cold and my heart even colder.

Walking with a stranger seemed to have made a twist.

I wasn't feeling cold nor was I feeling anything at all. It was like walking with someone with whom I was uncertain about and at the same time trying to make me feel that there is warmth beneath the small umbrella that the two of us were sharing.

Does this make any sense?

Under the rain, walking with someone who I barely know, walking with someone who is unsure with what role he wants to take in my life is more of a life-changing event.

Something that's not trivial. Something... something... something...

A walk that will hopefully lead me to deliverance.

Happiness is a choice.

Peace. Love. Happiness.

There are some random moments in your life when you catch yourself making major decisions that will determine your fate - and it is at these precise moments that you also find yourself making way for fulfillment because your pursuit for happiness reinforces your will to take the risks, no matter what the cost may be.

The past. It haunts me like crazy. For a while I thought that it has permanently abandoned me, that I have actually gotten rid of it, I was happy with that set-up. But no, up to this moment people just do realize their mistakes. They try to initiate ways to ba able to patch things up and considerably make amends for whatever wrongdoings that they did, keeping in mind that it's never too late.

In fact, there is such a thing as 'too late'. Especially when relationships can't seem to find their way into people's hearts; when they remain to be taken for granted and worthless in those selfish and self-centered eyes. You can't blame people if they choose to move on and get their lives back after having been put in a situation where they can no longer grapple on and consider their hearts whole. They have every right to leave everything behind in the hope of finding someone who will give them back what they deserve, someone who will fill the void that's been etched in their hearts.

Woops. Continue this na lang.:)

Turning point.

I love them:)

Funny how you find solace in the weirdest places... and errrr, people for that matter. So anyway, before I actually have a word vomit, here is an account of the stuff that I was up to for the past days. ( I was really pissed at not being able to blog at home. Ugh)

Last week was like any other week where I was super stressed and drained with all the stuff that I had to finish. The only highlight was the ACTM Yearend Party last Friday. Everything else just happened to draw its roots from there. Get me? Oh yeah.

After AMFAD's performance, we found the party kinda lame (sorry!) mostly because the Seniors just had the spotlight and so did the other 'active' members of ACTM. We just didn't see the point of staying especially when we kept on asking for free food but it never, not even once, came to us. So we decided to go to Greenbelt to have dinner instead.

We ate at Bubba Gump, took pictures, shared stuff and then finally called it a night.

My weekend was stressful more than the usual. I just had to do stuff for my debut which kinda puts pressure on me now that finals and deadlines are slowly accumulating and will eventually hit me like a tornado. Waaaah. Help please.

*Now I have realized that the 'morsel' of hope is existent. Life can get crappy, but I guess that's just how the mechanism works. You can't really savor the goodness of small surprises if you haven't been put in a downright crappy situation. I think this applies to people who always take other people for granted and who are selfish and inconsiderate of other people's feelings. Like you darling.xp

I don't know what to expect in the coming days, however, I have to admit that ever since !&^$^@%, I know that there are events to look forward to. Maybe it's about time that things took a turn for the better and maybe someone is bound to save me from this hell-ish kind of life. And who knows? I might save him too. Okay Daryll. Whatever. You sound really obvious. Feeling mo ba nagwowork 'tong inconspicuous attempt mo? Hahaha=p No, this isn't vague at all.

I may be deemed to take life in a different direction now that I have finally let go of the old one which has kept me manically depressed all this time. For all I know, I just have to hold on to what I have now, not really thinking of what would happen and just letting things be. It is mystifying how things fall into place. I don't care why, how or when. I'm really thankful that they just do.♥

Southbeach diet and taking the high road.

After everything that's happened, I just want to laugh it off.

Here's a glimpse of the things that I have been up to for the past week.

1. The shop opening. - So much for running a business. I know that this entails a whole lot and I guess it's for the benefit of the family so what the heck.

2. Divi shopping. - My cousin and I went to Divi to have a shopping craze last Sunday. I ended up buying a new bag, a new pair of jeans, a top and some other stuff. Hahaha=p It is indeed my therapy. I felt really happy then.

3. Gig at Kublai's. - After watching the gig last Friday night, I am soooooo thrilled for my party. the band performance is gonna rock and is one of the highlights of the party now. Amfad is really really great:) I love it.

4. Commitment issues ~ the neverending saga continues.

Okay. For a headstart, I just wanna say that everything's gonna come down to the point that it's no one's fault. And that some things just lie within the perspectives and attitudes of certain people towards love. In this situation, I, with the biggest stroke of bad luck, unfortunately got involved with two of the most stupid people when it comes to relationships. I may be a fool because I let him use me (without consciously knowing what he was doing) but since I know how sincere and genuine my feelings are, but at least I can say that I am worthy of all respect.

Based on what's happening, the side order is trying to overpower the main entree of the meal. It's not supposed to work that way. Whatever my advantages are when it comes to the overall impact of life, my shortcomings with love just seem to seep through. I have had enough.

So what if I reached the limit and gave everything? I just realized that because of that one true, unconditional and incomparable love that I wholeheartedly and selflessly gave it's enough reason for everything to keep going back. Because the fact remains that at the back of his mind, he knows that he may never get to experience that feeling again. He is fully aware of the things that that girl can do to him but he still chose it. It's not my fault anymore. I need to get rid of those users. Bitches and jerks aren't worth my time.

If you feel lucky that in the end you have each other, think again. You don't deserve to be happy after being so insensitive of other people's feelings. You will never be the quintessential couple because we were the epitome of love years back. Good riddance.

Fuck you. Get a life that doesn't have me on it. I deserve so much more. I deserve to be happy. Now, if you can't understand that, then it's not my problem anymore.

I am so proud of myself with how I have been doing with my Southbeach diet. I'm doing myself a favor so can look extra hot on my night. It's 23 days before it. Eeew. Yucky number.

Burnout before the yearender.

I'm gonna make this quick before I actually ask John to have this session with me. I have my usual rants and rages but I guess it always comes to the point where I cant' take any of my life's pitfalls.

Okay. Later later when I arrive at home. I still have to see what else this day has for me. If it gets any worse at that.

Never been this stressed.

I have never undergone this much stress in my entire life. Except maybe of course, when I was in HS.

Sheer boredom.

I am stuck here at Matteo with nothing to do. Thanks to Sir Joey, Math is a free cut today. Well yeah. Serves us right after the hell-ish LT yesterday. Hmmm. Right. Multiply is down for site maintenance. What to do? Bum around I guess. Hmm...♥