I'm so sick of this.

Okay. Never a single day has passed without me having to hear myself complain of all the stuff that's happened to me.

This is just so tedious. It's bad enough that I have to be pressured and stressed out because of the so many things to do in college but I can't help but be bothered with the so called unnecessary stress that this one heck of a wretched lovelife is bringing.

I'm so much of an emo. I hate feeling this way.=c

Would it be safe if I say that I'm dangerously in love? Hahahaha=p Naaah.

Whatever. I was just talking to JV a while ago and he said a lot of stuff. ( Pardon me for saying this, but I do think he's right about this one thing.)

Well at least I have no plans of doing that now. The world practically needs me to be busy. So I won't care about petty moodswings right now. Maybe I have to have a cup of coffee. yeah, I'll do that later when I go back to the caf.

So there. Yesterday was nothing. Juts typical. I had classes, had my nerd mode on, did the lit paper with Alexa and Geoff during half of my break, did stuff after that in the lib, had class again...blahblah.

Which reminds me, I have training every Mondays and Thursdays. Coach was looking for me last monday. Well, I thought we wouldn't pursue trainings after we got disqualified from the IAC league.

Oh well. Before my dad and I went home we went to my lola's house. And oh, his mom called me up and told me some freaky stuff over the phone.

Ayun. So my sched up to date:

Monday - volleyball training after class
Tuesday - choir practice after class
Wednesday - chillax
Thursday - volleyball training after class
Friday- ADS training after class

*Well, it isn't much but I guess I have to get my butt working. I have a lot of papers and long test coming up. Yeah.

Sabi nga ni JV, 'fight stress with a smile'.

I can still force a smile from time to time. Now could be a good one. ♥♥♥

On hypocrisy and insecurities. --- never make excuses to excel.

[So in the mood to write an EMO article -- something reflective]

To those who happen to read this, just read okay?

Once in a while I actually spulrge in a huge amount of professionalism in my everyday life. Way back in high school I would always assume a pile of responsibilities and tasks apt for a student leader; someone out of everyone's league. C'mon let's face it, I may be a plain Jane when it comes to fashion and social status (well, not at the least) but I'm no average chick or better yet, a MEDIOCRE. So why do I feel so insecure? I have no idea. Well maybe because I haven't felt so bad about myself inasmuch as I do now.

People would always say I'm basically brains and beauty and that my charm works with the mechanism of smart talking and the radiance of a beautiful mind. My opinionated and witty conversationalist tactics always captivate the people whom I converse with. My passion profusely ignites the senses of who I am bringing out the sincere personality I would want to harbor to my audience. Thus my life.

But all these have perished in an instant now that I'm in the tertiary level of schooling. Although for all it's been worth, I have never failed to uphold my standards. My forte remains to be as it is, my capabilities undermined yet challenged at the most and my social life underway. Perhaps all these are a part of what I choose to live in my life and my struggle just spruces up my being. This is just the beginning of fun and living.

Nevertheless, all these don't matter if the one person who I want to be proud of me demands for anything that I wouldn't opt to do. I thought we have long passed the stage of superficial interest. I THOUGHT WRONG. Well yeah, apparently my efforts into making him see that I'm actually battling for a reputable name in college are all in vain. I do understand his concern somehow but doesn't he think that I'm just to stressed out to even think of those 'petty stuff'? I mean, think about it, it's bad enough that I have my pms right now when I have papers due next week and long tests too! Then he just makes this remark saying...blahblahblah. Yeah! I'm aware of that and I'm actually trying to do something about it! Just not now!!! Can you like support me instead anad take care of me to somehow relieve the stress and pressure???

Okay. Let's cut this guy some slack. I know it's been rough with his problems and all that but I won't deny the dubious fact that I have my OWN heap of problems to attend to. It just tampers on my well-being having to deal with this unnecessary feeling of low self-esteem coming from him. It's really ironic that he's the source of all this.

Label me a hypocrite if, at least once, I haven't actually considered looking at CUTE and HOT guys. Yeah. I do. I just don't make a huge banner that I do it.

Raaaarrr. This blows me off and makes me off guard. I can't say I don't regret having to compromise school work with comforting him. Well, yeah. I don't not because I felt oligated to do so but because I love him.

So why does it matter anyway? Because I thought that if one person loves you, he has long accepted your flaws and imperfections. That no matter how wrong you are in just about anything, he'll stand by your side to give you strength and help you with your aspirations. Better yet, he'll be proud of you no matter what you do even at your failures and shortcomings Moreover, he'll gloat about the littlest of what you've achieved, even by just conquering your fears. He'll accept you for what you can be and help you improve yourslef, not for mere display of beauty but for the world to see that it's him that makes you smile while exuding sincere love. And then he'll look at other girls to naturally appreciate beauty but in the end, it's still you who's the most beautiful person in his eyes.

Then all this boils down to what's left of what we understand about love. People change and stop putting their best foot forward. Some things indicated above may be stated based on what I experienced from him before, therefore implying my inability to adjust with his sudden change.

But then, who says I won't overcome this? After all, we make both ends meet. Whatever he lacks in brains, I make up for it. And whatever I lack in appearance (which I technically doubt), he comprises.

In the plethora of all the hot people in 'his' society, why wouldn't he be blinded by microminis and slim figures? Let's just hope that after all, he's got the best the world can offer and that is more than just a pretty face; a loving heart, skillful leader and a smart ass. ♥♥♥

It's easier to let someone go than to go back and find yourself being rejected.

This day was just rough... To the highest level of depression.

Okay. Chill. Sit back and relax. Argh.

Gory details next time. I need to work on stuff pa.

Fragile (Free) - Maria Mena

I've been walking around all day thinking
I think I have a problem, I think I think too much
I've been taught to hold back my tears and avoid them
but you've made pain into something I could touch
I've been walking around all day laughing
Think I'd be better off without you here
And I bet you're sweet and hard to get over
So I'll cry and people will stop and stare
Now that's ok, let them stop and stare

Cause I am fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free

I've been walking around all day waiting
And waiting is all I seem to do
Cause I never get it unless I'm fed it
But this time I'll just have to
Yeah, this time I'll just have to

And I'm fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free

Say you're not around, am I finished?
If you're not around that's too bad
Hope you're safe and sound, not alone now
Cause you know I believe in you

I'm still fragile
I'm still hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free
And I'm fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free
Cause I'm fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
But I am free

It's over. There's no turning back.

Got nothing to do.

Okay. I'm such a bad peson for telling Jiggy that I'm heading here to the comp. lab to start with my Filipino paper. Well yeah, somehow I will start my paper but I want to redo my friendster profile. I don't have anything to do eh. Really.

Starting off the morning with me having to get pissed at my dad for insisting on picking me up, I really have to make an excuse so that Hon can pick me up later. There are a lot of band events here and I heard from magic last night that it's the Magic School Tour today. We'll just have to check and see people from Magic 89.9 roaming around campus.

I kinda feel guilty for using the pc this way. Hahahaha=p I mean a lot of people are in need of a computer to actually type something and here I am, using it for nonsensical purposes. I have here Rico, my english blockmate who's such a smarty pants, by my side typing something for their Filipino Sagala.

And so there. I think my mom kinda sensed that I'll be going out otday. Instinctively. Well, there's nothing wrong. They SHOULD assume it because it is a FRIDAY.

I really would want to see him!!!=p I miss him already.

I want to have class na. First thing in the morning at English class is a talk by the ADS for the Dela Costa Cup. I'm quite excited.

Hmmm. Wala lang. I miss my HS friends.=c

Rarrrr.

Lotsa stuff coming up this weekend.♥

Toodles♥

These are the days worth living♥

Nothing much. Yesterday was mundane. Well yeah. I learned a lot from the UN talk of William Panillo. I'm looking forward to our training tomorrow.


Today was just typical. I went home early because I had to go to SM to apply for my postpaid account in Sun.

Hon and I have't really talked but he passed by here. Awwww. Can't wait for the weekend.=p

The flu.

I just dabbed my nose with a facial tissue. Argh. I hate this. I never seem to run out of sickness evern since the school year started. It's quite unusual considering that my immune sytem's a lot stronger in enduring the plague of the rainy season. So now, I'm coughing and blowing my nose from time to time.

Anyway, I still have to finiss my paper for Lit. I wasn't able to finish it because I came home late last night. Okay. Wait.

HANDS UP to TANGHALANG ATENEO. The play was great.=p Superb. Vivaciously Oustanding.

Well anyway... It's freakin' cold here mehn. I'll finish my paper and head to Matteo Ricci to sleep with Gen and John.ü

Toodles♥