Southbeach diet and taking the high road.

After everything that's happened, I just want to laugh it off.

Here's a glimpse of the things that I have been up to for the past week.

1. The shop opening. - So much for running a business. I know that this entails a whole lot and I guess it's for the benefit of the family so what the heck.

2. Divi shopping. - My cousin and I went to Divi to have a shopping craze last Sunday. I ended up buying a new bag, a new pair of jeans, a top and some other stuff. Hahaha=p It is indeed my therapy. I felt really happy then.

3. Gig at Kublai's. - After watching the gig last Friday night, I am soooooo thrilled for my party. the band performance is gonna rock and is one of the highlights of the party now. Amfad is really really great:) I love it.

4. Commitment issues ~ the neverending saga continues.

Okay. For a headstart, I just wanna say that everything's gonna come down to the point that it's no one's fault. And that some things just lie within the perspectives and attitudes of certain people towards love. In this situation, I, with the biggest stroke of bad luck, unfortunately got involved with two of the most stupid people when it comes to relationships. I may be a fool because I let him use me (without consciously knowing what he was doing) but since I know how sincere and genuine my feelings are, but at least I can say that I am worthy of all respect.

Based on what's happening, the side order is trying to overpower the main entree of the meal. It's not supposed to work that way. Whatever my advantages are when it comes to the overall impact of life, my shortcomings with love just seem to seep through. I have had enough.

So what if I reached the limit and gave everything? I just realized that because of that one true, unconditional and incomparable love that I wholeheartedly and selflessly gave it's enough reason for everything to keep going back. Because the fact remains that at the back of his mind, he knows that he may never get to experience that feeling again. He is fully aware of the things that that girl can do to him but he still chose it. It's not my fault anymore. I need to get rid of those users. Bitches and jerks aren't worth my time.

If you feel lucky that in the end you have each other, think again. You don't deserve to be happy after being so insensitive of other people's feelings. You will never be the quintessential couple because we were the epitome of love years back. Good riddance.

Fuck you. Get a life that doesn't have me on it. I deserve so much more. I deserve to be happy. Now, if you can't understand that, then it's not my problem anymore.

I am so proud of myself with how I have been doing with my Southbeach diet. I'm doing myself a favor so can look extra hot on my night. It's 23 days before it. Eeew. Yucky number.

Burnout before the yearender.

I'm gonna make this quick before I actually ask John to have this session with me. I have my usual rants and rages but I guess it always comes to the point where I cant' take any of my life's pitfalls.

Okay. Later later when I arrive at home. I still have to see what else this day has for me. If it gets any worse at that.

Never been this stressed.

I have never undergone this much stress in my entire life. Except maybe of course, when I was in HS.

Sheer boredom.

I am stuck here at Matteo with nothing to do. Thanks to Sir Joey, Math is a free cut today. Well yeah. Serves us right after the hell-ish LT yesterday. Hmmm. Right. Multiply is down for site maintenance. What to do? Bum around I guess. Hmm...♥

Somewhere in between.

I feel like crap. My head is throbbing with pain, my stomach is churning, my body is aching and my spirit is so heavy. The irony of it all is that I stayed home today and I slept after eating dinner so I just woke up.

I didn't come to class because I wanted to take the chance to study for my Calculus test tomorrow. I was feeling a bit sick this morning so I opted not to go to school at all. The thing is, I haven't really studied because I was like doing a lot of unnecessary stuff this afternoon, when I woke up late. Patapon ba? Not really.

So now, I am wide awake and I hope to pull off this all-nighter. I don't really know what's happening to me right now. I'm so so so sad.

I'm traversing somewhere between the lines of super depressed and extremely low but at the same time, I haven't lost hope that somehow there is still something to look forward to after all this crap.

Summer. Yes. Summer. Let's forget about summer class. Just summer.

And yeah. I miss him. I don't know what happened after the talk but I'm pretty sure that I didn't say anything to make him stop talking to me. =( Next time na nga.

Burst.

Rage and fury.

If there's anything in this world that I am least patient at, it's waiting. I hate waiting although I make people wait a lot. But the thing is, overdoing it just makes me snap. As in cry and just infuriate myself with tears.

I'm really really pissed. I am so mad at my dad right now. I have been bumming around since 4 o'clock just being a nomad, transferring places, starving, trying to study and trying to get some things done. I'm stressed, tired, hungry and I doubt that I will ever get some rest when I come home later. In my time, it'll be too late to do things, unless I'm going to start another all-nighter.

Fuck this shit. If I just knew, I would've gone home when my PE class ended. If that would be the case, then maybe I shouldn't be worrying about how to do the things that I have to finish by tonight. But wait, I didn't know didn't I? It's so fucking lame. 5 o'clock is already an allowanced time so that I could sit down and study. But 7 pm? Having to wait for three hours? Shiyet. Super waste of time.

It would be good if I had my own laptop. I would be able to finish my papers then. Too bad I don't. Sorry for me I guess. Hahaha. Sorry for me. Thanks to the malfunctioning computer units here, I have to transfer from time to time. Oh yeah. And for not informing me about how late I was gonna get picked up, I had to multi-task and do things at once so I could get a head start with everything else. If only I knew, I would've finished at least once. But I didn't, didn't I?

I had to wait. I just had to even if I didn't have to. But, if I knew that it would be like this, I would've chosen to go home on my own. Screw it if someone gets mad. I have tons of stuff to do. Get it?

What's bad about it is that my battery had to die down. I had to go to RMT to have it charged. I looked stupid standing up and charging my fone and I was already beginning to feel that people were glaring at how stupid I looked. I had to go here to the lib. I wanted to throw my fone, but not this time.

Thanks to the late time, every place here in Ateneo will close and I still have to wait. I haven't eaten lunch. I have a bunch of stuff to do. Thanks to the traffic, I'll be home by the time that it would be too late for me to decide whether or not I should get some sleep because in the end, it would be the latter. Choice pa kunyari. Wala naman akong magagawa eh.

And then when I finally come home, my very loving parents will scold me for staying up so fucking late. Oh well. It's fun to stay up and get so tired the morning after eh! It's fun not getting any sleep at all and taking tests and shit at school. It's just so fun of a leisure to spend all my time staying up doing non-academic related work. Puta.

In the end, my fruits will reap: ang baba ng grades mo.

Then whose fault is it huh?

I should be home by now. I shouldn't be doing this if I were at home already.

Fuck fuck fuck.