Love me.

To commence this trying-hard-to-be-perky entry, I would like to thank the makers of blogskins for this wonderful lay-out. I practically spent an hour customizing this lay-out so that it could really fit my taste. Hahaha.;p It's so cool. Notice anything? It's not pink anymore! It's full of color. (Duh, that's why colour my life nga eh.) I chose this skin because it's really apt in describing the status of my life. Every single event that transpires every single day, whether I get the chance to write it here, adds color and vibe to my almost-perfect life.

And I say almost perfect? ☺

Yeah. This is related to Sis' post in her blog about being blessed with a nearly 'perfect' life. You see, it really depends on how a person defines the word. For me, perfection goes hand in hand with satisfaction or it's satisfaction vis-a-vis perfection. Perfection is something utopic and quite unattainable if you think about it. It only becomes tangible in a sense, if a person becomes content with whatever he has, and thus can really say that he can't ask for anything more.

I'm going through some rough times now but I think it's an inevitable part of this almost perfect life. If everything were that easy, then I wouldn't really have the chance to ponder on how blessed I am despite the struggles that continue to challenge me. With perfection comes acceptance, with acceptance comes contentment. That is how you treat life. That is how you give back to what you owe to.☺

Sure, I don't have a car (yet. Crap, I need to get that license.) and all that jazzy stuff. But I guess you could say that material things underscored, myself is pretty much the whole package. So much for ego tripping.;p

Seriousness aside, I'll make kwento muna. Hahaha.;p

My streak of good luck started a bit after Thursday and went on until the weekend rolled. Going home with Laine for two consecutive nights activated my 'optimism' radar and the senti/spiritual reflections inside her orange CRV allowed us the 'oh we are so blessed' sort of contemplation. We had this IAC game afternoon of Friday and I really enjoyed it. (Heeeey!!!:)) La Salle boys/girls? (hahaha), you guys did great. Winning against a really good team, not to mention, the champs last year really gave us a good head start for the league. I played fairly well, although a lot of errors. Hahaha. A bit distracted because Hun was there. But I love you for being supportive.♥ After the game, the girls Riafae, Lainey and Nik plus I had dinner at Pancake house. A splurge on Ice Cream waffle for dessert was enough to complete my day.:)

The next day was also super. I was really annoyed because we had to come to school to the ROTC Athletes' Assembly. Hassle super. But we just laughed it off even if we wasted 1 hour and 30 minutes making noise in Sec B Foyer in our type D attire.Iit was pretty much okay. Hahaha;p

After that, Hun picked me up and brought me to Podium for his long-awaited lunch-birthday celebration with his mom. I have to admit, I was really nervous at that time. I mean, I have an idea with what his mom is like and a thumbs up that she sort of likes me, but I was really careful not to screw things up. Fortunately, everything went well. We enjoyed the lunch and I'm sure I did great. Hahaha;p I love it.♥ Looking forward to next time.☺

Saturday night, I partied at Lyn's 18th in LP. I really had fun. I sang songs in front of a crowd whom I don't know.;p (kapal talaga) and our former band mentors said I got fatter, but in a good way.

The next day was Dylan's Christening. I kinda bonded with Engaz but was too tired to stay. Plus, I had to do stuff so I went home after the lunch.

My dreaded Accounting LT was yesterday, by the way. Talk about soupy snacks. I even got sick as we were studying in Temple Drive some hours before the test. Blame in on bad weather.:(

Just in time for me to go take care of some stuff. I'm glad I was able to make this entry even if it's slightly shot gun-ish. Hahaha.;p

Two sides of the coin.

Probability states that there is a 50% chance that you'll get either side when you flip a coin. That's it - heads or tails. Do or die. Oftentimes, we flip a coin to see whether we are making the right decision, moreover, to actually push us into choosing something when faced with a lot of options. Sometimes, it helps us to question ourselves if we may be doing the right thing or otherwise. A lot of uses if you think about it.

But then again, the act of flipping a coin, itself is just a matter of sheer luck. It can't really be a logical basis as to how we plan our lives and direct our plans ahead. However, we have our own share of the heads and the tails part, in the same way that we are plagued by the ups and down of life.

Welcome me back with open arms. My prolonged absence has finally ceased. Haha. Makes me really wonder why I cannot treat writing as an outlet now, when in fact there's a lot of things going on. Things which, at 'a very basic level' should actually stimulate the tip of my fingers to type an entry. The brimming emotions: rants, joys, woes, cries and jubilations. You can also include the sabaw-ness on that list. ;p But I guess that's also why I barely have the time to slack off and browse the net. I have so much stuff to do that it takes me hours to finish corporate stuff. So anyway, I am back and that is what's important.

School Update

Thanks to my career mode on, I am now like the Queen of Workaholics. I can never seem to stop working. I mean, really now. Never a day has passed without me having to go about attending meetings, org stuff, studying, reviewing and then gift-hunting, social gatherings (I'm out like most Saturday nights), parties, lalalalala. A long and tedious list if I may say. Wahoo. So much for that. Don't get me wrong, this is heads for me. I am not complaining. It just gets too piled up and stressful sometimes that I end up having irrational level one breakdowns and I end up lashing out on my boyfriend. Haha. So sue me.;p

Accounting the bitch

I was never the best at Math and I am falling downhill. I need to get a tutor big time. I have lot of readings for other subjects too. It's not that I'm such a dumb dumb that I couldn't get the lesson. It's just because of my uptight sched, I wouldn't be able to find time to study alone. That would mean less time=more cramming. More cramming=more likely to fail. And I really couldn't risk that.

On letting debate go

Yes, it was excruciatingly painful. The gory details? I saved it for friends. I was downright depressed and angsty that I ended up being told off by most people. I give credit to their points, about me having a lot of serious org works because I have positions and projects. It would be likely unfair both ways if I compromise my quality of performance just so I could fit everything in my schedule. The game plan is: I find time to train this year and I come back next year - varsity material.;p It would be a plus because ADS is hosting next year's Australs. Yippe.

UAAP Opening this Saturday

We checked in Araneta in hope of getting tickets for Saturday's opening and game: UP and DLSU. But it's sold out already! So much for first dibs on Season 70. Here comes DLSU. I love it.;p My social life is so messed up!!!

Parties and stuff

Speaking of social life, I have 3 parties on Saturday - two are already scratched out. Huhu. Sorry Moe for not going to your 17th Prom Night the Rerun -ish sort of Party and sorry Hun, for not being there in your celebration. We're watching the game naman ah.;p Oh yeah. But that depends on the super slim chances that we can still get tickets. Arrrgh.

Happy birthday to the guy I most love.♥

Because I love Lyn so much, I'm hosting her house party this Saturday. And oooh, I really miss my HS barkada so I guess I'll be seeing them then.:) The next day, I have to go to Rhiley's Christening. Engaz tripping naman. Weee.;p Such a loaded weekend.

Omg. It's getting late. Hafta end this again. Baboo.

Coffee-less mornings.

On mornings like this, I wander around wanting to write.

On mornings like this, I think about having to give up the sole thing which makes me sane. So now, I write.

I am currently in the Ateneo Rizal Library doing a last minute slacking off before my ADS interview. Mental note: Almost 30 mins. before it takes place - I am so screwed because I haven't set up my case yet. Wahoo.

I don't know why I just had to sit in the caf and lash out on a horrid can of Pik-nik Ketchup Fries which 100% ruins my diet and pill-popping addiction. Haha. The latter is a bit overstated. ;p

Omg. Maybe I should do this later and panic now. Bye!;p

I blog.♥

I can no longer be hailed as the Queen of Blogging due to my 'prolonged leave of absence' here. I can't really find the time to sit around and be the usual computer junkie because I still don't have my laptop and I can't find the time because of my extremely busy sched.:(

This week was super. I went to trainings, formsems, meetings, and the RecWeek was full of hype. We didn't have classes today because it's the Ateneo Faculty Day (hurrah!) so I was able to get some sleep and rest - to make up for my overfatigued condition due to this weeks activities.

I seriously want to take a break now and it's just halfway through the first month. Yes. Majors and extra-curriculars: career mode on. Yahoo.

I've been wanting to change this blog's lay-out (again) because I think it's too plain for my uber dynamic lifestyle. I sincerely think it is time to go with something spunky (yes, the new term I've picked up from watching ETC's Date My Mom;p), bubbly and vibrant - just like me. xp

Oh well. I'll change this blog's skin muna. Tata!;p

The Summer that was.

It's been like forever since I have updated is. Well, trying looking at my oh-so-jammed-pack sched - it pretty much explains everything. Ugh. I soooo feel terrible because I am letting this all go. Summer. Summer. School year. Huhuhu.:( Although I am a bit excited, you know. Majors, orgs, parties, blockmates, reasons to shop, boyfriend, Ateneo, Ateneo, UP, Ateneo, more school, library time, new stalls at SOM mall, work, UAAP, Accounting, sleep deprivation, career mode, DL. Everything worth working hard for.:)

I know the world doesn't really care that I have abandoned this blog temporarily but I guess, I am now back to share and spread my good fortune to everyone. Ahahaha.xp

Errands.

I still have to do a pile of errands before school starts. Currently, I have been busy working on sophomore 2nd sem reg, Ria's reg (proxying without knowing the guidelines is like torture!!!), Sanggu booth shifts, Org Plansems, a little backstabbing at the Freshies and a lot of sidelines for school. Hahaha. Beats having to go home and do my other stuff. I have to clean my room. I've been wanting to do this but I don't have the time! Then I still have to shop for my back to school things.

oh shoot. continue this next time.

[EDIT] June 10, 2007

I was having second thoughts in making this entry. First, because I am so exhausted with the week that I was having. Second, because oh well, no one will read this anyway. Haha.

But I still did it. So here goes.

This week could be summed up in one word - exhaustion. I was in school the whole week for my reg (coolness, feeling the Sophomore vibe even more), PlanSem for CoSA, Regstop Shifts for Sanggu and Ria's ling delayed-and-stressful-me-proxying-reg. But it was all great. Everything was rewarded with a weekend shopping spree with the parents and a hair treatment at the salon. Now, I have a new bag, tops, a new pair of jeans, two new pairs of jeans, all complete with my new school supplies to flaunt come start of school. I love the dress code. I love back to school shopping. I love school.

Although what's weird is that we have a homework for Accounting on the first day of lecture already. Ppffft. So much for the heads up I guess. Yes, Accounting is 'the' bitch. But hey, we make both ends meet. DL mode right on.

I'm really happy with the way things are now. Even if the summer ender was a transient moment of dispersion with my barkada and I, which was supposedly marked with a yearly trad of inuman, after the championship game which we fought hard for and didn't win, we just parted ways like everything was a joke. Oh yeah. What a way to end the summer.

I wasn't really successful in accomplishing everything in my to-do list. But I sure did a lot of heavy stuff this summer. Oh well. Kwento mode next time. :)

Rise.

May 29, 2007. Greenbelt. Bridge near the chapel. Ring.

A more elaborate account when I come back. I have a bedtime to follow. Ahii.;p

Drama mode.

Something I whipped up on a random and super crappy day.

Emo. I loathe the word. I depsise its meaning. I believe that I can never put myself in that downright pitiful situation when you feel that you've hit rock bottom. It's when all else fails, you refuse to budge and just remain on that depressed and hardcore frozen state.

And for a fact I know that I am not emo. Although I'm pouring my thoughts on this long forgotten journal (which, by the way, is supposed to be my time capsule for the memories of my relationship with this one person) in plain RED INK, listening to really depressing songs and crying my heart out, I'm still not emo. It's just one of these days, these few moments when I landed on the floor with a loud thud and felt myself crumble into little pieces.

All because I am unhappy. Ever had the feeling when certain people enter your life and attempt to convince you that they're the one? Later to find out in the process that everything was a hoax - a big fat manipulative lie that's just going to leave you empty afterwards. Sure, they take you for a ride, but it's like asking for your soul in repayment. You retaliate, you fight hard. But since you've let your guard down and have trusted the person enough, you gladly allow yourself to be consumed.

Left to wallow, to contemplate. When will you ever find that something that's not going to keave you drowning in self-inflicted pain and bitterness? An overly deflated ego? A severely damaged system? A shattered heart? The one that's not going to give you a thousand questions - the what ifs and what could have beens, the regrets...

That certain thing that's not going to give you the eternal feeling that you're bound to suffer this miserable fate.

The one which will make you more expectant; brimming with hope and longing.

When will you ever find that? When will it find you?

Waiting, letting this pass is as easy as letting this all go.

I am worth the fight.