Thursday, January 24, 2008

Time off.

My latest craze now is my return to my former addiction: coffee. So far, I have tried every flavor that's being sold in the CTC vendo machine - cappucino, mocha, latte and 3 in 1. Haha. It's now become a morning ritual. Ugggh. I'm hooked again. Oh well. Wallowing in a bittersweet sensation is what I need to do at this point.

What is life without coffee?<3

Here's the funny thing. I've been so depressed lately that I'm beginning to push everyone away. How retarded right? And yes, that includes my ever-loving boyfriend. We actually took some 'time off' since we were both amenable to the fact that we're so not in sync lately. Maybe just a little break to figure ourselves out on our own will do wonders. Or I don't really know. I have yet to find out. Let's see.

I would like to think that everything's going well so far. The week was the usual dose of stress with some added package due to the late-night review class and an Accounting test with only a single free day in between. You could just imagine the horror. But other than that, everything is just normal although a bit trying.

The week was so stressful but today was quite an exception. I had class like the usual. Before I could succumb to my non-regular eating patterns, I found myself eating jumbo liempo at Chiggy's with the boys. That was a whole week's worth of calories I swear. Hahaha. But it was okay. Fine. It's times like these when I burn everything out by merely thinking. Grrr. And then I signed up for the biz fair. I hope to squeeze in some time for a summer job - in ABS-CBN Interactive or L'Oreal Philippines. Hahaha. I intend to send my resume online so I won't have to sweat it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Although, at the rate of how my Sanggu career is going, if (and I'm super wishing) we win, work immediately commences at Summer term so I guess... I have to postpone my plans of laying the foundation for some work-related experience. I also met Io's friends who were visiting from Australia. Crystal, JP's sister (Io's HS best friend) was so pretty and petite. And she's working as this Sales Agent (uhmm she used this term something specialist) for Louis Vuitton. How cool is that? And JP seems like a great guy. It was so nice to meet them.:)

And omg. I was wandering around the LS Bookstore this morning and I found this: Design Your Life 2008 Planner by C&S Designs.


Super cute. I swear.

Of course I was chanting that I love my BdJ planner. I really do! But it's just so pretty and so Ateneo and uuughhh! It came too late demmit! Omg. It was like screaming Daryll all over it! Oh well. At least I know where to get a super cute and convenient planner next year. It's as big as a filler, as think as a 50-page notebook but as chic and stylish as I dunno. It's so unique. :)

And I'm so sad because Heath Ledger passed away.:( When I heard it yesterday morning, I immediately got my hands on a computer to find out. At that time, only a few articles were out on the net because it was just hours after they found his body.

So there. That's about it. No more rants in the meantime. I just blew pieces of good news. I might possibly go to the White Hot AMA Party this Saturday or maybe not. Basta. Haha. So much stuff to do eh.

I would really like to take advantage of this early bed time.:)

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Impressions.

Picture this: a girl sobbing her heart out, with a chocolate bar in one hand and the phone in another. And because there was a sudden collapse in sanity, everything just seemed to crumble.

Lo and behold. I had my first breakdown this year. And because there's still so much to do and so much to think about, I have no time left to actually discern why I'm currently undergoing this unnecessary but inevitable phase. It's all major stress and frustrations.

I'm stressed because I have a lot to handle.
I'm frustrated because I want to accomplish everything to make time for rest.
And I am mad because something's wrong with the way I'm dealing with this undertaking right now. It's just so wrong.

Falling apart. Lord please help me.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Everything's changed.

Currently doing: A living room study escapade - LS Industry Analysis, ASBR Article and an attempt to study for Accounting LT; attempting to finish reading my copy of the Wall Street Journal; planning to do my room collage and collection of pictures; watching Everwood
Munching on: A cup of coffee and donuts.
Listening to: With You by Chris Brown

There's something I realized this past week. I've been working so hard that I barely took a minute to stop and think about what's going on in my life. It seems as if people aren't what they used to be. Things are definitely not what they used to be. My life has taken this big turn around a sharp edge that went by unnoticed. And now, I have taken things gradually not really fastening the big change which has taken place.

I know I have adapted well. But does this mean I wasn't able to let go of the things which I previously held on to? Or was I able to live through them well so I don't have anything to regret about?

Hmmm. I have to figure this out before my head gets too invaded with academics. Ha ha.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

And this goes without saying.

I just have to post this before invoking the comm paper mode.

I hate crabs. I hate people who have no sense of dignity and who have no tinge of humility whatsoever. I hate people who are good, in fact more privileged and more advantaged, and they just know it.

When everything just seems to go way beyond - when every praise just has to be verbalized, when high grades have to be bannered, when new and expensive things have to be endorsed, when seemingly perfect relationships are always the headlines - everything becomes pretentious, not to mention, capricious because of the infallibility, or so we think. And then, no one can even butt in to stop the narcissism resonated. Ha ha ha.

I HATE YOU. You are such a hypocrite. You are so insecure.


Monday, January 14, 2008

Almost flipping out.

Oh so sabaw due to Theo LT just came home head throbbing eyes feel sore had late dinner daymn I ate the nachos again bad breath from salsa dip too much onions i feel so tired must finish my theo speech questions for analog soul theo consultation interview for ASBR year end report for COSA on Wednesday Entrepreneurship Talk for Sanggu must be there before acc class on Wednesday omg omg panic comm paper LT due on friday acc LT next week LS industry report two chapters next week don't know if my sagala proposal made sense and got us in the festival stupid mtv didn't tell us the airing of campus crashers missed it a few times already still no running mate for the elections Gio declined must talk to Raymond and Yuzon must wear something cool tomorrow i'm scared of natividad must proofread speech for hidden heresy i think i did well in the tests been working nonstop since the weekend felt sick last saturday acc class is bullcrap extended on wednesday i hate my teachers but i have to love them everyone wants to go to JTA deadline of slate is on wednesday please gab extension i don't have a running mate yet omg omg accounting until 9 pm i hate it i want to read my new shopaholic book sissypoo gave me new havaianas spent my money on a quiksilver wallet for hun and lotion for mommy hahahaha omg omg i want a new dress i want new shoes stupid dress code can't use my new slippers omg omg drove sissypoo's car must get license must talk to tita for bora must inquire for minoring must do stuff for partido ignacio omg need to talk to flip omg i wanna cut fil but i don't want to miss a thing omg my stupid laptop is not responding to lib wifi and anywhere for that matter i hate it i have to keep track of my expenses must buy my stapler i have a big zit on my nose i'm breaking out i think it's pms omfg i drank a grande macchiato and a cinnamon roll during theo review last starbucks for this school year omg i wanna prove people wrong i wanna watch i am legend and the snow white movie i wanna rest and read the wall street journal wowoweeeeee Neyo is coming to Manila i'm watching i'm so there. update planner. regrouping starts. 5, 4, 3...

The perks of being a Management student. Hooray. :D

Sunday, January 13, 2008

This is so cool.

Out of boredom (and in between my theo reviewing spree) and the desire to ship myself into a far-flung area and indulge in an escapade, I made this. (kudos again to Jeff's blog and its wonders.:D)




This was just so striking. I took it from Jeff's blog.

Mang Jaime's Story

by Ms. PJ Mariano, ADMU Philosophy teacher

7 January 2008

Just 20 minutes ago, I struck a conversation with the taxi driver whose unit I had flagged down at Gateway in Cubao. I was wondering why he wasn't too familiar with the roads of Metro Manila, and he kindly explained that he had only been in Metro Manila for a few months. He was from Davao City, he said—and I immediately jumped at the chance to practice my very rusty Bisaya.

Maybe it was the familiar language that spurred Manong Jaime to tell me his story. Maybe it was the mother tongue that so reminded him of home that made him comfortable enough to narrate the events of two months ago that, as he put it, made his Christmas the saddest he had ever experienced.

I thought it was just homesickness. From what he had said before that, I had learned that he had no relatives, no family in Manila—he left wife and children back home in Davao. At 71 years old, he heard the stories from taxi drivers fresh from their stints in Manila, claiming that they earned far better than what they made as taxi drivers back in Davao City. So he decided to give up his stable—albeit not very high-paying—job as a taxi driver in Davao and go to Manila, earn more for his family.

At the end of his story, Manong Jaime tells me in a mix of Tagalog and Bisaya—almost flippantly—"sana hindi ako naniwala sa mga hambog na iyon." Why? Not just because the reality of being a taxi driver in Metro Manila was a far cry from the stories those men had regaled their neighbors with. Not just because he struggled to even just meet the "boundary" charged by the company for his aging unit. Let me tell you why.

Last November 15, 2007, at around three a.m., Manong Jaime was in the Roxas Blvd. area, looking for his next fare. He was at an intersection. The light turned green, and he was easing his taxi unit across the intersection when a very fast SUV crashed into the side of his taxi. He later learned from witnesses—and there were many, as there was a police outpost at the intersection—that the taxi spun and hit a pole. The police rushed to get him to the hospital, while a concerned bystander with a motorbike tried to chase after the speeding black Ford Expedition. It was to no avail, though—the SUV was going too fast for the motorbike to catch up with it, and no one was able to even get a glimpse of the plate number. It was, simply, a hit and run.

Manong Jaime, in the meantime, was confined in the hospital from November 15 to December 5, slipping in and out of consciousness. When he was discharged, he had to pay a bill that totaled roughly PhP30,000, including all his medicines. He was able to obtain some support from DSWD that covered more than half his bill, and his employer gave him Php3,000. The rest, he had to scrape together by borrowing from the other taxi drivers that he worked with. No family member, not even his wife, could visit him during his hospital stay. He says that the policemen who helped him were frustrated and apologetic, telling him that "Tay, kung nakuha lang naming yung plate number nung Expedition, kami mismo pupuntang LTO para hahanapin yung nakabangga sa iyo. Kami mismo yung haharap sa kanya."

Now, even though his left foot is still swollen, he forces himself to drive. "Para lang naa ko makaon ug makapalit ko ug tambal," he says. Just so that I can eat and buy the medicines I need. "Mingaw na ko," he tells me. He is sad. He misses his wife and children. He wishes he had never come to Metro Manila.

Why am I writing this? Why am I telling his story? To some, it may not be any more different from any other sob story of a probinsyano discovering the sad truth about life in Manila.

But if it was "just another sob story," why do I feel so angry? Why do I feel like I want to get out of the house right now and hunt down every black Expedition in Metro Manila, until I find whoever it was who caused the hit and run accident? Why do I feel so frustrated? Why do I feel like I need to be the agent of justice for this man whom I barely know?

I'll have to admit that one reason for my emotional reaction is a bit selfish—it has to do with what I do. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I head to one of the top universities in the Philippines to teach philosophy. One of the things that I hope they learn from me is how every action we make has an effect on other people, whether we know it or not. The other thing I hope they learn is to respect and value every person, every unique individual alive. I worry a lot about whether or not they see the point.

After Manong Jaime's story, I half fear for my students. Would they have done the same, leaving whatever damage they inflicted in their wake? Or would they have done the right thing, would they have taken responsibility for whatever effects their actions had caused? Would they have helped Manong Jaime—or whoever other person was injured in the accident?

The other reason for my indignation is a bit harder to articulate. What repeats over and over in my head is: "I can't believe things like this still happen. I can't believe this injustice will just go silently away. I can't believe one person can treat another person, a fellow human being like that!" I silently curse the anonymous driver of the black Expedition.

I'm a bit embarrassed by my thoughts. Mang Jaime is far more charitable than I. He seems to have put himself in the shoes of the person driving the Expedition. "Siguro natatakot siyang mahuli ng pulis," he speculates. "O baka nakainom." There seems to be no hint of anger in Mang Jaime's voice, as far as I can tell.

I have to do something, I realize. But all I could do at that moment was give a little extra on top of what it read on the meter. Not much, really. I get off the cab, and start crying as soon as I shut the gate behind me. What must I do? What can I do?

8 January 2008

I still don't know the answer to my question, nor can I find any adequate way to conclude what I've written.

A few minutes after arriving home last night, I called my boyfriend and told him Mang Jaime's story. He, too, was indignant. He hit upon an idea, though. "If you really want to help, why don't you? Magkano ang isang tiket sa barko pauwi ng Davao? Baka pwede kang makatulong na bayaran yung utang niya o yung kailangan niyang bilhing gamot? Kaya nating makagawa ng paraan." And, I agree—there is a way that I can help, render charity by assisting him financially. After all, I jotted down his full name, took note of the plate number of his unit, the taxi company he works for—it would not be too hard to track him down. Maybe I will take the advice.

But that still leaves me dissatisfied. Somewhere, out there, on the streets of Metro Manila, someone did not take responsibility for his or her actions and is not being held to account for it. Someone did an injustice to another human being, and pretended it did not happen.

Maybe, you're thinking: So, you want justice, then? How's that going to happen? And In a sense, you have the right of it—our formal justice system operates at a snail's pace, overloaded by immense case loads. Being a vigilante is certainly not an option at all. How can justice be done? I don't know either.

But I'm hoping that, by writing this, I at least did something. Please pass this on—do something, too. Who knows—one day, this might show up in the inbox of an anonymous driver of a black Expedition that was speeding in the Roxas Ave. area, in the wee hours of 15 November 2007.