Because we are supah fly.

Smile and pout for everyone to see.

Thanks for exposing how under dressed I am.

I'm currently hanging out here in school. Wala lang. Later na. Have to do homework. Bye2.

[EDIT] November 30, 2006

Hello there. I'm curently hanging out here at home because school is out. Apparently, a super typhoon has entered the country and is due to hit Manila at around 8 am tomorrow (if my memory serves me right).

Yeah. I haven't really done so much lately. Aside from the fact that school life is still mundane, the December chills are giving me allergies and that I talk to some of his friends now, nothing's to be happy about so far. Maybe, some things are to look forward to. But then again... I have no idea.

I asked my dad to buy me the book: Veronika Decides to Die by Paolo Coelho and I'm really excited to cuddle up and read it, with a steaming cup of coffee or noodle soup and a bag of nachos and salsa dip beside me. Oohh lala.

And oh, I got something I really wanted for so long yesterday. John and I had our henna tattooes courtesy of the ACTM henna booth at Sec B. Coolness. The image? Number 23 lang naman. Something to remember him by for the next two weeks. So far, my usual rants concern the same things. Perhaps, things have been downright easier now that I have been able to revamp almost everything in my life (an obvious sign that I am moving on) and just you know, going with the flow.

I'm loving it, for what everything's worth.:) Basta. Just keep doing this and I'll eventually come through. At least I'm somewhat happy.

Love is not love which alters when in alteration finds, when life gets hard and things change, true love remains the same.

The Association of Communications Technology Management presents:

Okay. This is weird and rather unfortunate. Something went wrong with the admin's connection so the whole RMT comp. Lab is unable to have access to the internet. Oooh. I was planning to do some nasty things pa naman. Kidding.

I was surprised to see one of my 'hottest' batch mates here. I was supposed to stay in the terminal somewhere there to get a good view but then due to this inconvenience, the good view has turned into a picturesque scene of the back of his head. Hahaha. So much for that. I want to blog really bad that I'm typing this entry in MS Word and I'm going to save it in my flash disk. I am quite wondering who else have arrived since I left the caf some minutes ago. I could always use the walk but no one's willing to walk with me. (Someone's dozing off while waiting for the net to connect) Sheesh. I need to do some research right now!!!

The usual. I am in my school career mode because I don't have any other choice but to keep myself busy. Yeah it sucks when the last song that plays in your head is Out of Reach by Gabrielle. It's like admitting to yourself that you're such a fool for letting all of him get into you and take everything, that in the end, you feel so hurt and empty. Okay. Ito na naman tayo sa walang katapusang drama. I'm sorry. No one can blame me. I'm hurting so back off! No amount of Caramel Macchiato, vanilla ice cream or Coffee Crunch can take the pain away. Not even a rocking party, a sleepover, an extreme sport or some guy. – I guess it's just him.

Speaking of a rocking party, last Saturday was the twins' debut – Jean and Jermaine. I was up in the morning to go shopping with my parents so that I could buy stuff and gifts. I decided to really (Oooopssss. Jiggy and Ana just walked in…) have myself predisposed (Oooooppsss Dani just walked in. – Idol debater) to start my life anew and just move on. So what I did was to shop for a lot of stuff for myself. Food, cosmetics, food, food and a lot more food. Coolness. Anyway, I arrived at the party looking all glammed up but the 18 roses was already starting. Ayus lang. At least the eating part was yet to happen so I content myself in chatting with my HS friends (I sooooo missed them) and as usual, taking pictures with weird poses. (Pics at my multiply, soon.) Then the party ended at like 12 and a lot happened in between. It was fun and tiring because I wore my killer heels – yeah, same ones I wore at his prom. The dancing part was kinda lame because most of the guys stood there and some people attempted to partner us with everybody else but then not a lot was interested to even stand up. Plus the music was freakishly weird so we (Mita and I) were the only ones who got the groove on.

And then yesterday. How could I even start describing the grand finale of my wretched love life? – Started as early as May 2005. Oh well. I was at Greenhills in the early part of the morning because I was supposed to get a new fone. There were a few negotiations with my parents and I thought that I didn’t really want to let go of my old one so I agreed to wait until they can get me a new one without trading my old one in. (Still no connection!!!) and then he texted me in the afternoon and stuff.

We talked as I wanted it to happen. I was waiting for him to get his stuff because I really really wanted to see him personally before I finally convinced myself to let go. So we did. I missed everything about him. It's as if we haven’t seen each other for a long time. Then I asked him to just stay away from me so that it could be perhaps easier to move on. But no! I just couldn’t do it! Or so I thought. I had to find out some other stuff which proved my instincts right. There are other girls lurking around and celebrating his momentous freedom. Ewan basta. Karma – what goes around comes around. What goes up must come down. Yihee. Bitterness.

Whatever. I don't really care about them. For all I know I did my best and I gave him everything – the tad bit where I went wrong. I just had to be the most loving girl that I didn't leave anything for myself. Basta for now, life's definitely not going to end here. Ano ako loser? No. dati kasi ako pa yung matapang. But I knew better and he didn't. sorry nalang.

I even saw a falling star while we were parting ways. Ang sad because he made me wish for something. All I can say was, "Ayoko. I don’t believe that my wish will come true. Nagwish na ko dati diba? If wishing upon falling stars come true then why are you leaving me now?" – Awww.

Okay. So for the last part, I won't really vent out remorse or contempt for what happened. Tama nga si Bhi. If we're meant, then love will find a way. Maybe not now but in the near future. If not, then I guess he's not the one for me. I just have to be thankful that he was once a part of my life. Besides, we agreed to be friends. And oh, I'll be holding on to the promise of watching the fireworks display on the 20th of December. – Pinky swear? Yeah. He did commit to that.

I love him. I guess it'll never die. But moving on and letting go mean acceptance at the very least. Easier said than done. But I'll be fine. Basta hindi kami bitter. Who knows right? We always always find ways to make things better.:) Pray nalang siguro I guess.

So, honey, I’m sorry and thanks for everything. The past year has been wonderful because I got to share it with you. I’ll always be here. You know that. Be strong. Kaya natin ‘to. Goodbye.

I'm doing just fine. - Very pretentious.

Well, what can I say? This week had its own share of ups and downs - mostly ups because I had to run away from facing a pitfall.

As I was trying to accept the fact that I really have to let go, I have started taking school very seriously (Wahaha:)) and I believe that I'm doing pretty well right now. Hmmm. Things to take note of:

1. Bazaars - I just heart them. ~ Much of my anxieties were kinda forgotten because there were bazaars in school and the girls and I (include the boys) spent most of our break times scouting for things to shop for (with Laine being the sole soooper impulsive buyer) and eating stuff available at the stalls. The Sec field bazaar was the one which we got to hang out longer in because we only went to the Eagles of Hope Bazaar this morning. Although the latter offered more variety in terms of commodities and food, I say thumbs up to both bazaars. You just make life good for people who have money and for those who are in search of good bargains. Hahaha:)

2. School rocks. ~ I loved Lit this morning. In fact, I'm loving Lit everyday. Hahaha:) Poetry or anything related to love and whatnot just adds spice to my flavorless errr... Lovelife? Hahaha. Basta. It's giving me a grasp on how to lessen the burden that I'm feeling right now. I also had my first ADS training for this sem awhile ago. Vernice was my partner and we seemed to have agreed on one thing as we prepped for the debate: we are becoming frustrated debaters. I mean, we can never become as good as those internationally acclaimed debaters and we have no capacity to improve our skills a notch higher. But like she said, we just have to train, train, train, train... We were up against: Jamina Jugo, Claude Gomez and Paolo Salapantan. It was fairly good considering that we lacked matter on what the WTO really does and how it functions on the modern-day context. Glenn was ever so kind in giving his comments about me and I was kinda relieved when he said that from the last time that he has seen me debate, I have greatly improved. But come to think of it, I was sucky kanina. So does that mean that I was that bad before???:( Hahahaha. Oh well. Math 19 is just really great. We were given our first passport test (a.k.a. quiz) this afternoon and there is no way that Cort and I would not get an A in it. It was easy and fun considering that we were just battling against time while we solved simple derivative equations and connected the dots to form the Playboy logo. Come now. Some of us didn't solve it entirely when they realized that the picture was to be a rabbit wearing a bowtie.:D

3. Shopping and party time again. ~ I cannot wait to see my friends again. Tomorrow's the twins' debut at the Club Pavilion somewhere in multi. I just have to firgure out what to wear, buy a gift and make myself pretty then I'm all set. I also can't wait to get a new fone. The one I'm using now is like trash! Arrrgh. If things will remain as they are (given more or less a week) I have decided to switch to Globe and keep my Sun line open if in case you know.

What else? I'm kinda tired now. I have to rest. Tata!:)

Not an emo girl. - you made me stronger by breaking my heart.

It's been quite long since I have updated this. (3 days is a long time) For the past few weeks, I have been quite religious in jotting down my thoughts and feelings but now, I have yet to fill this in with a tragic and life-changing experience.

Maybe it is indeed time that I move on. It's a bit surprising that I'm not the usual on-the-verge-of-a-breakdown chick now that we have finally broken up. I stressed finally because we have done this a couple, no not really a couple but a lot of times already (but we still held on). When we do, I just can't help but feel like everything's falling apart and I become sluggish, grumpy and cranky towards almost everyone. However, I have broken that tradition of mine for the past few days. Simply ironic considering that I should be really crushed for it's the very last time that we gave our relationship a chance. I walk around campus with my friends in my usual kulit and perky mood, nearly like everything's normal and nothing has happened.

His love has made me stronger and it doesn't necessarily mean that I have turned cold and numb towards the pain that this 'parting of ways' has brought me. Of course I'm hurt and even if I wear my happy cheer face most of the time, it doesn't imply that I'm not hurting or that I'm walking away that easy. I am hurting, just not on the outside. Plus, I know no amount of tears can never bring him back unless he decides that on his own. But after how we have discussed matters before we finally decided to stop, I found it hard to press any urges of doing drastic means to keep him. He has expressed his utter desire to be free and so I gave him that. I could have handled things differently but then I didn't, because I know that I would only be fooling and hurting myself if he stays but then remains to be unhappy. Whatever. I'm not really sure why we have flaked out like this. I didn't have the guts to grasp all the unexplainable reasons.

Today is the 23rd and supposedly our 17th month of love. (He texted me this morning and I have no plans of replying or of reminding him of my existence.) But it had to end so soon.

I'm not sorry for myself and for everything that had happened. Maybe not now. Wait until next week. Hahaha=p Basta. I just know that there's a lot to do to continue any rubbish attempts of flushing all of the pain, anger and loneliness out.

This week has just been crazy. School is cool. I miss lib-ing and matteo-ing. There isn't much work to do so I guess I don't really have to stay and hibernate there.

It's also my mom's birthday today so we have our family dinner later. Yeah. I told myself that I will do everything in my power to be busy, lo and behold, my schedule just agreed with me.

I heart myself from now on.

I'm no turning emo - the girl who cries emo tears until she falls asleep, takes out memorabilias and admires all the things that used to be, refuses to let go and face the harsh reality and just starts malfunctioning in every aspect of her life. But I do cry, as justified by the fact that when I walked towards the block table in the caf this morning, Niko asked:

Niko: Ilang hours kang umiyak last night?
Da: Seriously, do I look that bad?

Hahahaha=D

Sige na. Math test tomorrow. Bye.:)

So don't you ever get to thinkin' you're irreplaceable.

People suddenly run away and disappear without saying goodbye and leaving any reason. No matter how hard you look, no matter how far you are willing to run after them, you never seem to catch up. Until one day, you get tired and you give up. People run away and have their own reasons for doing so, and when they do, they don't want to be found unless they think they are ready to come back and stick to their promise of not hurting you, again.

If you open my accounts (my ym stat, multiply and friendster), you will get to see the statement which I chose to be the title for this post. I don't know. I just happen to like the song because of its beat and meaning. But I don't really intend to make it as a banner for how I am feeling right now in order to come after people who I want to feel the pang of guilt upon hearing this. I think I never will. Well, basically because I'm not that type of girl and I right now, this therapeutic thing called blogging is one of the few things keeping me insane.

(One Tree Hill Soundtrack in the Background)

I was like a human bee last night. I cried really hard like I have never cried before. I was hurt like I was never hurt before and for some reason, I liked it. Not that I would treat it as the sole thing in gauging the status of our relationship right now. Messed up is kind of an understatement. After two weeks of being treated like a princess, I sort of forgot the feeling of having to go through this tragic moment. I may need some time to regain my sense of strength.

And it's as if I can already tell that perhaps, I never will be free of this love that has long captivated my existence. Even if I try to break free from it, I will never ever have the guts to walk away. I have no idea why and it's making me scared. I'm not scared of being alone. I just fear life without him.

:(

Love is the guiding force in our lives. - Lucas

I have decided to make this a second entry instead of making a third part edit in my first one. Wala lang. I wanted to put the title because I really feeeeeeel its intensity.

So it turns out that he just slept through the day and I do trust the fact that he may be sick like me. Although I have acknowledged that, I still don't like how he hasn't texted or called or how he even told me to "Pwede mamaya ka na tumawag?" and just casually hung up the phone. Ohh man. As much as I don't want to deny the fact that there is an innate goodness in the heart of even the most evil of man, he just proves it otherwise.

Sitting around and watching One Tree Hill does make one think. Maybe things are bound to be crappy after all and no matter how much you make things better, when the stars refuse to conspire and help you get the life that you need, then it's not gonna work. Sooner or later, you have to give up on that notion of happy ending. On the other hand, it's your mind that can you screw you up. When you think to much and disregard your heart in the process, then feelings get agitated and everything else becomes tedious.

Ultimately pissed off.

So here I am today, a balmy and slightly chilly afternoon spending quality time with myself all alone in the house. I have no idea what's happening right now. Or better yet, what happened to me last night after our funscapade at Eastwood.

Well, for what everything was worth, yesterday was really fun. Right after our Fil class, we headed to Eastwood to have our late lunch. We had to ride in John's car beause I had to tell some bits of gossip to Laine and John had to give an account of his overrated breakdown due to heartache. John even said that he now knows how Niko feels to be one of the girls - he never had that much noise in his car before we rode in it. Hahaha=D

When we reached the place and were already enumerating the list of things that we wanted to shop, Laine was appalled when she realized that she left her wallet. Of course, it meant trouble because everything from her credit cards to her driver's license were there and if she did lose it, she'll be dead. Good thing she asked her maids and her driver and it was found in their van so she just borrowed money from Niko. So everything was okay then.

We ate a hell lot at Superbowl of China. (We joked about having to leave after two servings of Kropek) And then after walking around, windowshopping and seeing fellow Ateneans like Sari, Pao, the gang of Justin Manzano and Ria's and my blockmates, we went to the moviehouse to watch Casino Royale.

Honestly, I was purely reluctant before watching the movie because it isn't really my kind of thing. But I thought, what the heck. I don't pretty much have a choice anyway. So then after the movie, (which was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long) I thought it was okay.ü Well, actually it was good. It had comedy, romance (it was soo sad) and a lot of action. Good job.

After that, we just went home because we were running pretty late then. John was the only one who was having a night out and the rest of us had to go home.

Today is just an idle day. For some reason last night, I had an unexpected fever so I crashed onto my bed because I felt really bad. (My parents panicked and offered to bring me to the hospital) The last thing I remember was talking to hon but I was feeling dizzy at that time and I'm not really sure if we had a decent conversation or not. Hmmm. And now, everything's just messed up. Wish me luck.

[EDIT] I'm not ready to sign out yet. I still have tons to write about. Well... Yeah partly because I was snooping at other people's blogs and it was kinda fun. Hahaha=p I read *toot*'s blog and her blog blahblahblah. I was even reading my 'kiddo' blog at My Space yesterday morning.

Oo nga pala. I wanted to die of happiness because of a remarkable thing that happened yesterday. Ooooh gawd. I think it would have been better if I found out that I got a 96 in my last paper in Lit 13 before the sem break started. I could have used the added motivation to face Poetry and Drama class. But then again, waaaaah!!! I feel soooooo encouraged and sooooo confident with myself right now! This sem's career mode biatch!=p

Speaking of career mode, I was bugging Laine and Ria to join me in executing my plans for the ACTM yearend party. I'm included in the not-so-active members cards last sem and I wouldn't want to continue it for the remainder of the year. I really am not used to being the 'member'-member in my org so I decided that I'd do stuff to end it. Sher asked me if I could join this contest - dance contest in ACTM (after which if I win I get to auction off the hottest bachelors in Ateneo. Included in the list are Jai Reyes, Chris Tiu and JC Intal). Though the plan's not sure yet, (my options are a dance contest or a stand-up comedy showdown -- I pleaded that they pull me out if it's the latter) I said yes. So the event's at Absinthe at Greenbelt on December 8. Wooohoooo.:)