After everything this year, this is the way to end it. My 223rd post and the last for 2006.

Embrace life with me.

(Past week adventures to follow)

It's been one hell of a year, I must say. Honestly, it doesn't really feel like the year's about to take its last flight tonight. I don't know. Maybe it's just become another part of me with all the letting go that I have been doing. So I guess for me, it's not a big deal anymore.

So let me see, as far as I can remember, I was having so much fun ever since I entered and finished Senior year. And then what?

This year had taken almost all the most important hallmarks in my 17 years of living.

2006 was when I...

~ full blasted the last months of my Senior year.
~ got brought to the CSA Juniors' Prom. - the first and last prom of my life.
~ was with someone on Valentine's and my 17th birthday.
~ hosted a post graduation and birthday house party with school friends and barakda
~ passed Ateneo, UST and La Salle
~ chose Ateneo for my college
~ graduated with flying colors
~ felt happy because of how my family patched things up
~ had one of the most memorable activities with the Youth
~ was very active in parish duties
~ had one of the most fun summer getaways
~ had my hosting, writing, debating and everything career taken to another level

~ took risks and became daring in life's challenges

~ handled responsibilities more maturely

~ HAD THE BEST SUMMER EVER.
~ lost one of my important gifts.
~ entered college in The Ateneo.
~ imbued the whole sense of being an Atenista
~ found my new set of friends
~ experienced more than heartbreaking and life-changing circumstances
~ LIVED LIFE AT ITS BEST. - as always.:)

Furthermore, I felt everything in my life grow as the year came to its end. I can't believe I'm turning 18 in 2007! OMG!

So tonight, as 2007 unravels to give me a whole new life to look forward to, I want to take the chance to have a last glance at everything that has happened and be thankful for what has been given. Truly, everything was just worth it, regardless of the joy and the pain that it caused.

Like I said in my past entry, nothing is not what it seemed to be. But that's not a bad thing. We just have to learn to live with everything and make the best out of it. Right? So, I now face
another chapter with a huge grin on my face; no regrets about my past, no bitter and hurt feelings. I may have to take time on all the letting go because of the heartache thing, but I can do it. After all, I believe that someone and something great is out there waiting for me.

Now, I can finally say that you guys can come and celebrate life with me.:)

Yuletide spirits still soaring high.

Fuckah. I wrote a long entry and it failed to publish. Next time.

Before I forget.

The night at Laine's party was a total blast. Turned out that there were only three of us from the block who made it.

Overview:

Highlight was the "I've never" game with Laine's HS barkada. - Yes. They were both there.
Made friends with a lot - including Elise V. who happens to be his friend and batchmate.
Partied and ate the night away.- Got drunk again! Thanks to vodka cocktail, vodka sprite, vanilla vodka and tequilaaaa.:)

Merry Christmas indeed.<3

A tribute to my past.

I consider myself as one of the luckiest people in the whole wide world even though I pretty much don't get everything that I want. I rant about the most trivial and the most selfish stuff that anyone on the planet can ever complain about. But hey, in my defense, I'm a girl so back off. ;D

My thoughts and recollections lead me to one sole thing: I have come to realize how fastpaced this world is. I usually take that statement for granted knowing that what's important is the moment that I am living now, the past has occurred and no one knows what will happen in the future. But once in a while, a person does get the sense that everything happens only for a fleeting moment. Once it does, it vanishes and becomes part of the so-called past. Bitter instances are better left behind as some choose to remain stuck in them and wallow on their own misery. The best ones are for keeps that some would give anything for them to happen again. However, that's the thing with life and the mere act of being allowed to own something isn't it? Once the moment is yours, savor it and make everything out of it. Thus the cliche: you never know what you have until it's gone. Reality that continues to bite.

Now that I look back and for everything that was for the past year, nothing is what it seemed to be. Things have constantly changed and have gradually taken steps forward for the sake of moving on with the circle of life.

This is proven by the fact that I no longer hear the boisterous laughter that my friends and I make when we randomly get together just to have nonsensical conversations. I no longer see us walking around, pigging out and sharing our life-long dreams and aspirations. We get a few of those times now. Nothing seems spontaneous for we are now bound with responsibilities. Things which we dreaded and didn't have to worry about when we were years younger. I also miss the time when loving was such an easy thing do especially when it's given in front of you. It's the moment when you decide for a person to walk in and be a part of your life and just changes it in an instant. Then something unfortunate happens and suddenly, that person is taken away. You get devastated because you have gotten used to the things that you have started to share together and the life that you were living with that person. Nothing but heartache and sadness to keep you company while he is gone. Then the hard truth hits you: he's never coming back. Oh well, unless if you're meant to be then it's bound to happen, in one way or another. It's sad to let go but sometimes, you have no option left but to do so. You are a part of this journey and if you don't want to get left behind, you better keep your feet moving.

Then again sometimes, the journey just becomes tedious and wearisome for a few of us. In those times, we begin to question if the pain that we're experiencing is worth it just so we could reach our destination. And it's as if everyday we are given the chance to answer this, the truth is, only we can tell. No one else.

On moving on and letting go, they're phases that every one of us inevitably goes through. It's not a choice that we have to make because we will unconsciously and eventually do. The thing is, we just have to be reminded that everything we have now is temporary, every person that we know and every material thing that we own. Nonetheless, we take the options whether we make the best and the most out of everything: every single second of our borrowed time and every memory in our lives. What's great about it is that we take a better outlook in life once we learn to accept that things do happen for a reason and not everything stays with us. We have to struggle to accept in any way that we can for in acceptance comes the feeling of liberation. When we free ourselves from the chains that lock us up in the past, only then can we be happy. We will never run out of things to encounter in our God-given lives. Therefore, we have to be grateful that we are given the chance and the will to seize every opportunity that passes by. We have to be thankful for everything: the pain, the joy, the true friends, the bitches and sore losers, the jerks, the frienemies, the sisters and brothers, to the heartbreakers and to the promise-breakers who never kept their word. Without them, life would just be too easy.

On the contrary, some people will stay on with us. It's part of God's complex design. The tricky part is, the same people will gradually take on a different role in our lives. :)

I think it is only fitting to say that after everything that has taken place over the year and for the past 17 years of my life, I know that I am living at my best. I may have my ups and downs and some emotionally-constrained times, but rest assured that I can grapple on with much fun times.

Now that I look back, I see a big picture of what has made me who I am today. When I look ahead and what's in front of me, I see a wide horizon waiting to be lived.

I love everything I am and everything I am going to be. :) --- see how lucky I am?

I don't wanna wait for our lives to be over.:)

I missed the last time when I had a nice and sensible chat with my friends. Aside from my own little world here at home which pretty much includes net surfing, reading, couch potato-ing, sleeping and a tad bit of work, I'm glad I can still slip in some time to hang-out with my friends. Think windowshopping, coffee, a long commute and breakfast after simbang gabi. Shallow moments which give me priceless memories, unfathomable satisfaction and the right amount of conditioning to keep myself sane.

The last day of school for me was pretty unusual. I woke up late (entailed another absence in sibmang gabi) and refused to be dropped off at school by my dad because Mita and I had this spur of the moment thing the previous night and we sort of agreed that I would take her on a tour in school after which we will head to a mall or something to have coffee. So we went to AdMU and she was an Atenista for a day. I had her watch my thing in Math 19 (The Calculus Carol project) and then after the last goodbyes and seasons' greetings to my blockmates, we started our way to Makati.

When we were along Katip, we decided to buy some Cello's because Mita had taken a liking on it since people began bringing her some of its donuts. So we bought a bag of C's and then agrred to eat it while having coffee.

G4 was full at that time. Okay. A lot of Agustinians were there. I even saw some of his batchmates and friends. Since Starbucks had a hell lot of people, we then wen to Bo's Coffee to have our small talk. Yeeeh.

After that, chitchat and stuff we went home tired and really happy.

This morning on other hand, my friends and I had breakfast at Crunchee's place after the simbang gabi. I was slightly pissed off because of my mom but then got a grip while we were at her house. Then, I just slept through the whole day.

Tomorrow's gonna be a party day I think? Haha. Can't get too excited. Might ruin what's bound to happen.:)

Everyday is just a life with hues of pink.

I always knew that sooner or later, the littlest of what's left of our so-called relationship will be put to the uhhh... black holes of oblivion. I was also aware of the fact that the happy cheer face? Doesn't really work all the time. Sometimes I just can't help but feel the pang of the pain that's been welling up inside; enough to strike me with excruciating pain, something unbearable that just blacks me out and numbs me up. Okay. Gibberish.

Past few days? Not really happy. Had a few share of exciting moments as well as bumming ones.

Well I guess what I really want to say is that I have nothing to spill after a long time of not making a blog entry. I mean, that's a reason why this has been a little outdated and behind.

I will try to come up with something with perfect sense. Something that will attempt to explain the solitary feeling of emptiness that has kept me crashed and burnt.

Spare me.:( I'm tired and weary. I'm not taking this road again, not especially if it brings me back to you. You hurt me and I don't know why I can't let it go.

A wishlist.

A list of things to do. Cross each one out after it is accomplished.

1. Finish Veronika Decides to Die.
2. Study in Math and other long tests.
3. Finish paperworks.
4. Christmas shop for myself, family and friends. No to side orders. - as quoted from someone.:)
5. Dream about 'his smile.'
6. Bond with my cousins and titas.
7. Have a merry merry Christmas. - no austerity measures and no strict diets.
8. Prep for gimmicks.
9. Just be happy. - start with a new list for New Year.
10. Let go, let live and let love.:) --- mission accomplished on this one.<3