Dear Heart :)

Entry written while Dream A Little Dream is playing in the background. 


Dear Darilita, 


I know this may come as a surprise because you have made it a point to let everyone know that you've been dreading this day like a blood extraction. In the middle of frantically caffeine overdosed mornings and unjustly extended work hours, your yuppie life has been caught in the looming bitterness of this day. That, for the first time in how many years, you are back to the non-celebration and non-recognition of this occasion. That, amid the piles of things to do, you find yourself scouring for genuine reasons to feel happy for everyone around you who is, face it, not in the same state as you are right now. 


While convincing yourself that it is just a trivial day in the everyday marathon up the corporate ladder, it should be appropriated with nothing but a shrug on the shoulder, the right to dress nicely and the perfect excuse to indulge in spamper. Looking back on your aspirations a year ago, you hadn't achieved all the goals that you've set and you're not exactly where you want to be. But that's okay. Because it's proven that where you are now is somewhere a million times better. 


If there's something your 22 years in life have taught you it could be that one, you are the lone creature who will depend on yourself until the very end and that second, no time should be wasted doing/(spending) things/(with people) you do not love and live for. 


Stumbling upon the few epic romances of a lifetime has no less than proven that your worth is yet to be realized by a man whose value is beyond question. Value the luxury of having time for yourself and doing the things you want. Value the money that you save and spend, of being able to feel that everything you work hard for pay off to make you a sustainable living. Even without a man you have the incorruptible strength of a woman. Because really, you have surpassed your trials in life with everyone you could ever need, your family and friends. 


It is the same thing in knowing that you should never expend hours on people who will never respond and on things that are not worth your time. Choose your battles and know that not everything is within your control. Especially love. You can't force yourself to live with something that doesn't fuel you with the sincere kind of passion. Not even your personality, not even your chosen profession. 


It's alright to remain a hopeless romantic a month before you turn 23. You've had your share of love's polarities so it's time to settle for middle ground. There is one way to go from here: move forward to the countless encounters on who Mr. Right could be. Be in no hurry to try and get hurt, so that as you age and become better, you will have no regrets. 


Now that you have practically convinced everyone that you will don this day with a gift-giving of chocolates, do it without remorse, without pretentions and without bitterness. 


Do it without expecting any act of reciprocation from unwarranted parties. 


Do it because you are just filled with priceless happiness right now. ♥ 

Valentine's day is fairly overrated anyway. At least for the chunk of the population who can relate. Hahahaha :) 


Don't stop believing that he's out there, gorgeous, smart and loving, ready to sweep you away. He just doesn't know it yet. 


Love, 


Your ♡ 

What's Inside My Bag?

Because I am feeling so good and it took me a month of lagged time to actually put my life on track, the all new me is keeping all my commitments intact too! Here's to the start of an interesting spread! Hopefully this blog will be a doorway to many opportunities of whatnot :) The most important part is, the nostalgic part of me will now have something to look back to. Unlike the past couple of years that I have been able to skip quite a few important chapters, daily/weekly updates won't be such a hassle!  


But anyway. Here goes!


I have always wanted to do a post that details the inside of my bag. No matter how many times I've seen it in other 
fashion/personality blogs, I was always curious to try and detach myself from the post so I can judge my own character. What happens inside a person's bag tells a multitude of things: what she deems important, her initiative to take responsibilities, her sense of preparedness and her daily activities. 


Of course I should know. I always liked lugging a lot of literal baggage around ever since I was a kid. My grade school trolley back then was like a pirate's treasure chest of sorts because it was unjustly oversized and heavy for a kid my age. I was able to bring that habit with me until puberty and for the rest of my stay in the academe, which is why my medical insurance now comes in handy and pays for a month's worth of therapy for scoliosis that was years in the making. 


So really, how much can a girl carry in one bag? Let's talk a look at what's inside mine :) 

1) I use the large red longhandle bag of Longchamp Le Pliage. This is the first 'investment bag' that I bought for myself since I started working. It looks a bit too shabby now because of overuse. Seriously, because of its size, I sometimes use it as my sleepover bag or what I call my layas bag . But then again, I bring it with all my junk to the office and that works for me! 


2) My Mercury Drug medicine pouch. When I found this coin purse one random day while packing for a trip, I decided what better to use it for but for a mini-medicine kit with all the essentials? I have pain killers, anti-allergies, antacids and paracetamol. Whenever I feel queasy and ill, I just conjure the pill I need and then all is well :) 


3) My makeup pouch (posting the contents of which on another entry) which holds how I understand everything cosmetics should be. I rarely ever retouch my very basic makeup application throughout the day and this routine even takes place inside a cab, when I'm stuck in the usual traffic jam on my way to work. It's a pouch from LeSportsac which isn't the actual design. But it would be nice to have one that looks like the picture I got.


4) My dark red framed Swatch glasses. I got my near-sightedness and astigmatism from my mom so I started wearing prescription glasses when I was a sophomore in college. My first ever pair was a rather cute pink-framed one with 
stones in the rim from Lulu Castagnette. I don't wear it all the time, just in board rooms when I do presentations to give me the complete touch of class and intellect. But since my vision is getting a bit poorer, I'm beginning to consider wearing contact lenses soon. 


5) I never leave the house without any earphones but only the best brand gives me the best grooves and that's my Apple earphones. I gave my shuffle to my mom so I use my BB for listening to music. Especially when I'm stuck inside a cab with the most annoying stations of all time. 


6) My ever-reliable connection to the outside world BB 9360. I lost my BB 9300 Keplar in BCD when I visited last October and I almost died because most of my social life inside the office depended on it for updates. I switched to using a BB Bold for a while, but I missed the crunch of the keypads that only the Curve series can give. So when I found out that BlackBerry was releasing a sleek version of the Curve, I was quick to get my hands on it as a Christmas gift for myself (after buying my iPad) HAHA. 


7) My dual-sim Sun/work/the one I least check phone Nokia C2-03. Though my BB's battery gets drained because of the 3G connection, this Nokia phone can go for days without charging. Plus I got it because of the easy interface, touch-and-type dual function and the just-in-case-my-Globe-phone-gets-lost-again (but I surely hope and SWEAR not) dual-sim feature so I have a standby spare for both lines. 


8) The Bath and Body works anti-bac pocket sanitizer. When I first saw this in the market, I actually thought having it was a bit tacky because it turned out to be such a fad. But I got is as a gift from my good friend Patty and that's when I felt that it was very handy and useful for a busy gal like me. The scents are very refreshing too. 


9) My red leather Canon business card holder. This was a picture I got from Google (well bec I couldn't take pictures my camera's lens is being fixed for a whopping bill of 7 grand) but we actually had Manels design a customized leather card holder as giveaways for our clients last 2010. I'm 100% positive that I'm not the only one who has this in more than one color. 


10) My 2-year old Topshop sunnies. This has been the sun glasses for everyday use prior to the F21 shades that my friend Robbie never gave back and the Fly Wear wayfarer pair that I sat on. I actually need to replace it soon because it doesn't hold onto my nose bridge anymore. Nonetheless, I never leave the house without it esp. when I feel that the morning cab rides can be a bit slow and bright, I get to sneak in a quick nappie under it before I land in the office. 


11) Mossimo Secret Wish spray-on perfume. Frequently mistaken as a deo spray, I got this super bubbly and sophisticated scent from my good friend Jamie. It smells a lot like the Bebe perfume that I bought from SG last summer so I went on ahead and bought it. I'm really eyeing on the Lanvin Eclat bottle when I finish this one. 


12) House keys. This has my locker keys in the office, gym locker keys and keys to my former college room (hahahah I forgot to return it). Of course it conveniently allows me to go home in the ungodly hours of the morning when everybody else is asleep in the house and wouldn't help me yank the door open. 


13) The breath freshening toothbrush. Being office-based has given me the chance to freshen up on lunch hours so I carry this toothbrush kit with me along with my monthly supply of tissue. I had to resort to a pack of mints before but since this is the routine on yummy luncheons, I feel and look refreshed ready to take on afternoon (and overtime) challenges. 


14) My Charles and Keith seaweed green wallet. This was an impulsive buy last December in the middle of a yearend stress spree with my good friend Rica. I wanted to replace my old wallet because it was full of unnecessary paper and was a little discolored when it caught the color of my bag after taking a shower in the rain. I never go for colors like green and yellow but I got it anyway because the interior is smooth and hot pink. Very often it's empty and full of receipts that justify my irrational spending but I always treasure it when it helps me survive on a monthly basis. 


15) The Belle de Jour Powerplanner 2012. I can never go on my daily routine without listing the things that I have to do. It has to be in a scratch paper, a post-it or a notepad that is inserted in every page of my planner. Every appointment and every errand that I have to pencil in as well as brewing thoughts and feelings, all go in the secret pages of my journal. Without it, I am never complete!


So that's it. I know this hardly does justice to all the contents of my bag but more or less, these are the everyday must-haves. Will do another post on my makeup kit next! 

There can never be enough time for a 22-year old like me.

My relationship with this blog has been reduced to being plain pathetic, I can never squeeze in enough words to justify how I have been living my life. 


After my last post, 2 months zoomed by and the new year kicked in. Work has never been busy enough that I  have had to do overtimes for about 3 days in a row (being the lone soul in the office, define creepy) and I had to practically give up what was left of a so-called close to occasional social life. In between reruns of Sex and the City, New Girl and Modern Family, weekends with family and irrational shopping, I have always found the means to exhaust the remains of my free time. 


It's no wonder why it's 3AM post-holiday dawn that I am up watching my series, with my planner, junk food and coffee attempting to do work but ending up setting it aside for... well an attempt to update this blog. 


[EDIT] January 30, 2012


As I have said, plenty attempts have been made none of which were successful to actually fulfill the longings of this blog. I really have no time. Sometimes I would rather just sprawl all over my bed and sleep, the rest of the time I would play Temple Run or some stupid gadget game if not, I will be out doing some irrational gratification for my job through nonsense shopping and binging on food. 


Which is why, according to MyFitnessPal digital calorie counter and diet tracker, I now weigh 140lbs and should now limit my intake to about 1490 calories/day. PLEASE.KILL.ME.NOW. 


Ever since I have been formally fastened to Marketing, my life has been all about the leg work. (Will save that for future posts) 


Three things I plan to update this blog with: 


1. 2011 Highlights
    - Places I went to 
    - Meals I cooked 
    - Major investments 
    - Tick offs from my former goals list
2. 2012 Resolutions
3. 2012 Travel Destinations
4. 2012 Professional Goals 


HAHAHAHA :) 




Because this is my life summed up in a photo: 

Toodles! :) 

In God's Own Time

For the past two years, Oct. 20 meant shitloads for me. I was celebrating the birthday of a then-important person fussing about surprise party preparations and keeping all our friends happy. 

Today, as I moved forward from the distant meaning of several calendar dates of a past life, I never expected it would significantly mean something different. Until today. 

12:40 PM. I was about to exit my office pantry after another awkward lunch with my new teammate and 'bosses' when I got the text. Mom told me that my lolo was gone and that they were on their way to the hospital. 

A sudden flurry of emotions rushed past me. I held on to my phone and I didn't know how to react at first. Eventually, after what seemed like a long pause, the tears came. I had to let something out in front of my teammate or else I would have gone berserk. 

She advised me to just give myself a good cry since it was the natural thing to do. Instinctively, I did. Then she suggested that I go to the hospital so that I could assist in whatever my family needed at the time. After breaking down in my cube and staring blankly at my laptop, not knowing what to do with my pendings, I gave up and asked my boss's consent to take the afternoon off. Then I headed to Makati to meet the family. 

Multiple organ failure. Roughly at 1030 in the morning after his bath and breakfast (which he was surprisingly amenable with since he usually refuses to make it easy for the help), my lolo's color had changed which alarmed my lola's household. After a surge of panic he was brought to the hospital where he was declared dead on arrival. Later on in the afternoon, we all agreed that he somehow knew that it was his time since he was a bit pale for the past two days and just gave in to the helper's request. Contrary to how people nearing their time would lose the ability to eat or move, he was the exact opposite before finally giving in. 

It was also a good thing that he was given prayer and blessing for a couple of times already care of my lola. Something that was done just in case but none of us expected, at least not anytime soon. 

After a brief discussion of what happened, we had to disseminate tasks in order to prepare for the wake and interment of our lolo. Since it was the highest form of all unexpected events that caught everyone off guard, nothing - literally nothing was prepared to anticipate the situation. My lolo's clothes, the chapel for his wake, even his casket had to be taken care of. So we all had to set off the whole afternoon while waiting for him to get settled in his final bed. 

I was one of the few who was able to spare time and help the family make the necessary arrangements. Three years ago, when he got paralyzed, I was also there when he was rushed to the hospital after an attack. It was the turning point of his life since after being confined for about a month, he was rendered bed rest because of inability to move, walk and even talk. 

I  wrote about it. It was painful to see him grappling on with life at that time. I could even remember giving him my pillow as he held on. But I knew he was a fighter. Even though he spent the succeeding years in a wheel chair, feeding off powdered food and liquid through a tube, I knew he was going to get better. On his birthdays we'd take him out, gather around and give him a cake and he'd cry because we were all there. Every now and then his old friends took the time to visit him it made him extremely happy. Compared to the nights that we spent in PGH and after sending him to Laguna where he and my lola could rest, he looked healthier and more peaceful when I saw him tonight. 

Words could not express how heartbroken I am for losing my lolo - who, for the past 22 years of my life, was full of humor and life, beer in hand always running to greet us asking us to sit down, getting mad if we didn't whenever we'd have family gatherings. It was always comforting to have both of my grandparents while growing up. My dad's side of the family is a pretty big one and my lolo and lola always made it whole and bonded. 

The Santillan side has actually had a pretty rough year. We have witnessed three of our immediate members pass on and it was not easy to let them go. I was excited for November because it only meant the start of the family festivities commencing on my dad's birthday and culminating in my lolo's birthday after New Year. The -ber months were always a jam packed season for all of us. 

For the first time, it would be a pretty lighter celebration knowing that we missed three of our dearest ones. Three holes worth keeping but in the back of our minds, always there above guiding us. I guess I'm still in denial because I find it hard to accept due to the abruptness of what happened. But I know my lolo lived a full life and growing up as one of his grand daughters true Santillan blood and features from him, makes me proud, full and inspired. 

I will be forever praying for him knowing that he served his best in God's given life and that he was able to fight for the family until God's own time. 

I love you Lolo :) 

For the better.

In the spirit of new beginnings and in trying to keep my promises (and priorities alive), I decided to make a major overhaul for this blog. Spruced it up a bit with additional must-reads (especially with my upcoming business blog's link and our designers' links) and added a more personal touch to the overall look and feel. Will shower this will more content since I have a lot of ideas for initial posts already! :) 

Until then, here's a rather fitting quote for a fresh new start! This time, I mean it! Change is always better! ♥ 

Keep the ball rollin' :)

Now that we're finally done with our presentation (will create an entire RANT post about it after), I'm going to finish this 50 questions first. We're still in the conference hall watching the CBP presentations and as a full pledged multitasker with a rather short attention span, I have to finish my long to-do list to keep myself from dozing off. Hihihihihi :) 

6. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? 

    I WISH? Hahaha! Well I highly doubt that I'll be put in a situation with him where I can get THAT drunk in the first place. Hihihihi. 

    But if and in the event that it happens, I hope he would. PATAY NA. 

7. Do you think you'll be in a relationship 2 months from now? 

    I have no idea but I'm pretty sure I won't. Mainly because of the drought and I don't have the time too. After Demo Challenge, a pile of work is waiting for me back home and I have a lot of other things to commit to like teaching, Toastmasters, yoga class and my business. 

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? 

    HMMM. I guess this guy presenting from Maldives. BAHAHA. Kidding. No one actually. I'd like to say it's someone associated with work but I don't really want to go there so. Yeah no one :) No guy is worth my precious brain cells right now.

9. Does talking about sex make you feel uncomfortable? 

    Not really. It depends on who I'm talking to and why we're talking about it. It has to be in the right place with an open-minded person. 

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? 

      My best friend Tep of course :) Our sleep overs don't really constitute a lot of sleeping. In fact we have extended heart to hearts until the wee hours of the morning and wake up just in time for brunch. This deep conversation of course, is about our only pain in life: LOVE. 

11. What does your most recent text say? 

      My most recent text was 2 days ago before I left for SG since I don't have network connection here. It says: Papunta na ko diyan to Mommy Shei. Haha :) 

12. How do you feel about abortion? 

      I feel that it is the most cruel thing any person can do and it actually surpasses the level of murder. I don't understand how anyone can take the life of someone and that someone is inside you, with your genes and potentially a bit of everything in you. However, sometimes it almost seems inevitable for a lot of people. I wish that somehow, women are aware of the consequences tt entails for them, and for the babies as well. 

13. Do you like big crowds of people? 

      It usually depends. I like big happy crowds in parties but for everything else I like to keep myself surrounded by a small circle so  it's more intimate. I also like spending time alone when I have the chance esp. when I work in a coffee shop or when I go window shopping. I've never watched a movie alone though. Hihihi

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? 

      Hmm. I would like to keep myself neutral about that. In as much as I would like to believe in them, I still think that a huge part of the things that happen to us is shaped by our decisions and how we react to situations. It's possible to make our own luck and our own miracles. We always get to decide what and how things should tranpire. But someone said that circumstances are 90% choice and 10% luck so I might have to leave some allowance for luck and miracle to happen. I want to get rid off my cynicism about that since my bias towards the saying 'If there's a will there's a way' is much stronger :)

15. What good thing happened this summer? 

      Good thing? I don't know about good but a lot of things definitely happened. HAHAHA. But I guess I got to travel a lot with my friends. There was a month when I spent consecutive weekends outside Manila. I spent them exploring beaches and food so it was really a good break for me. Other than that, it was work and well, I turned 22 :) PLUS stuff I'd rather not remember. 

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? 

      Surely! I kissed my parents goodbye before I got dropped off at Mommy Shei's for this trip :) 

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? 

      Haha. I used to. Until recently, I grew up. HAHAHA. I think that man has enough resources to discover that. Otherwise we would still be clueless by now.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? 

      I don't even remember who that is. Haha :) Probably not? 

19. Do you like bubble baths? 

      YES PLEASE. In fact, I just had one in our hotel last Wednesday. It relieved me of all the stress, just dipping in a warm ocean of bath suds and bubbles. I hope I could do it again before I leave so I can come home very happy and refreshed. 

20. Do you like your neighbors?

       Of course I do. I actually have a set of village friends who I grew up with. So yeah I love them to bits! I haven't seen them in a while though. 

I will continue answering the other questions next time so I can tick off more stuff in my list! I enjoyed this! Toodles! :) 

Hello there :) This week officially marks THE week of all my hell weeks. Supposedly an upping scale of sorts, a milestone in my career and hopefully the paying off of all sleepless nights, long days, working weekends and just nonstop WORK. 

But before I take the plunge, I would like to procrastinate first by answering a 50-question list (which I got from Tumblr). I used to enjoy this back when surveys were still answered in Friendster and Multiply so this actually says a lot. First few questions for this post. Don't really want to let it eat up all my time. Here goes! 

1.  The last person I held hands with was... my mom I think. We went shopping for my compet clothes this evening. It was crunch time so we kind of ran around the mall looking for the perfect corporate outfit. Hahaha :) 

2. I am every bit of an extrovert as I am so yes, I'm outgoing :) I have a jologs sense of humor but I'm not afraid to make other people laugh by being myself because I know that I can make a lot of sense when I need to. 

3. I'm looking forward to seeing no one actually. I've been busy with a lot of work lately because of Demo Challenge that I can barely fit everything into an exaggeratedly impossible schedule. After this, I'm definitely taking a breather. I'd like to see my best friend, village friends and the usuals, settle down, get a few drinks and celebrate. 

4. I would like to believe that I am. I'm not really the snobbish type (though a lot of people mistake me for one). But I guess once someone breaks the ice I'm super easy to get a long with. I'm not the greatest conversationalist out there but I do make an effort to connect with a person who tries to reach out.

5. HAHAHAHA UHM. PASS? Well yes. Loads of times. I'm known for my messiahnic complex. I just never know when to give up or it takes me a little too long to realize when to drop everything and walk away. Sometimes, just when I think I finally decide to, I come running straight back. Which is sort of a trademark already. I used to believe that for as long as I can hold on to something, it spells all the difference. I can change him, I can save him. But circumstances have taught me otherwise. Sadly, yet at the same time, fortunately, I'm learning it only now :) 

Next questions on another day! Have to get back to my presentation and my red alert post-it! Toodles! ♥