For the past two years, Oct. 20 meant shitloads for me. I was celebrating the birthday of a then-important person fussing about surprise party preparations and keeping all our friends happy.
Today, as I moved forward from the distant meaning of several calendar dates of a past life, I never expected it would significantly mean something different. Until today.
12:40 PM. I was about to exit my office pantry after another awkward lunch with my new teammate and 'bosses' when I got the text. Mom told me that my lolo was gone and that they were on their way to the hospital.
A sudden flurry of emotions rushed past me. I held on to my phone and I didn't know how to react at first. Eventually, after what seemed like a long pause, the tears came. I had to let something out in front of my teammate or else I would have gone berserk.
She advised me to just give myself a good cry since it was the natural thing to do. Instinctively, I did. Then she suggested that I go to the hospital so that I could assist in whatever my family needed at the time. After breaking down in my cube and staring blankly at my laptop, not knowing what to do with my pendings, I gave up and asked my boss's consent to take the afternoon off. Then I headed to Makati to meet the family.
Multiple organ failure. Roughly at 1030 in the morning after his bath and breakfast (which he was surprisingly amenable with since he usually refuses to make it easy for the help), my lolo's color had changed which alarmed my lola's household. After a surge of panic he was brought to the hospital where he was declared dead on arrival. Later on in the afternoon, we all agreed that he somehow knew that it was his time since he was a bit pale for the past two days and just gave in to the helper's request. Contrary to how people nearing their time would lose the ability to eat or move, he was the exact opposite before finally giving in.
It was also a good thing that he was given prayer and blessing for a couple of times already care of my lola. Something that was done just in case but none of us expected, at least not anytime soon.
After a brief discussion of what happened, we had to disseminate tasks in order to prepare for the wake and interment of our lolo. Since it was the highest form of all unexpected events that caught everyone off guard, nothing - literally nothing was prepared to anticipate the situation. My lolo's clothes, the chapel for his wake, even his casket had to be taken care of. So we all had to set off the whole afternoon while waiting for him to get settled in his final bed.
I was one of the few who was able to spare time and help the family make the necessary arrangements. Three years ago, when he got paralyzed, I was also there when he was rushed to the hospital after an attack. It was the turning point of his life since after being confined for about a month, he was rendered bed rest because of inability to move, walk and even talk.
I wrote about it. It was painful to see him grappling on with life at that time. I could even remember giving him my pillow as he held on. But I knew he was a fighter. Even though he spent the succeeding years in a wheel chair, feeding off powdered food and liquid through a tube, I knew he was going to get better. On his birthdays we'd take him out, gather around and give him a cake and he'd cry because we were all there. Every now and then his old friends took the time to visit him it made him extremely happy. Compared to the nights that we spent in PGH and after sending him to Laguna where he and my lola could rest, he looked healthier and more peaceful when I saw him tonight.
Words could not express how heartbroken I am for losing my lolo - who, for the past 22 years of my life, was full of humor and life, beer in hand always running to greet us asking us to sit down, getting mad if we didn't whenever we'd have family gatherings. It was always comforting to have both of my grandparents while growing up. My dad's side of the family is a pretty big one and my lolo and lola always made it whole and bonded.
The Santillan side has actually had a pretty rough year. We have witnessed three of our immediate members pass on and it was not easy to let them go. I was excited for November because it only meant the start of the family festivities commencing on my dad's birthday and culminating in my lolo's birthday after New Year. The -ber months were always a jam packed season for all of us.
For the first time, it would be a pretty lighter celebration knowing that we missed three of our dearest ones. Three holes worth keeping but in the back of our minds, always there above guiding us. I guess I'm still in denial because I find it hard to accept due to the abruptness of what happened. But I know my lolo lived a full life and growing up as one of his grand daughters true Santillan blood and features from him, makes me proud, full and inspired.
I will be forever praying for him knowing that he served his best in God's given life and that he was able to fight for the family until God's own time.
I love you Lolo :)
