The Quarter Quell

A seemingly plateauing career with several mountains and avalanches of workload. 

Always the first to come in and the last to leave. 

Heightened caffeine intake. 

Increased weight and body fat. Delinquency in health. 

Clothes that don't fit. 

Negligence of personal care. 

Unfinished passion projects. 

Long overdue to-do lists. 

Speech slur. 

Overwhelming responsibilities and accountabilities. 

Never ending and unjust deadlines. 

Dissatisfied friends finally taking the huge leap of faith to leave. Something you have been planning to do for the longest time. 

An empty bank account and wallet. 

Autopilot social sessions. 

Not seeing great friends for too long. 

Long time couple friends getting engaged. 

Long time couple friends getting married (at 23).

Nagging parental authorities.  

The call that never comes. 

The plans that have not materialized. 

What is this? 

SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK!

It's been a long time since I've procrastinated out of anything and for a week now I've only subscribed myself to one motto: I eat stress for breakfast, lunch and dinner. In between, I just simply eat. I desperately cling to the fact that me being burnt out is simultaneously burning all my calorie intake too. HAHA.

DEMO CHALLENGE. I plan to conquer you! We're one written proposal and 5 dozens of slides away from finishing but it's all good. 

I watched the dvd copy of last year's competition so I was able to benchmark my expectations already. It really echoes the Brandstorm vibe in so many different levels. I guess the Asian feel (yes including the panel of judges as opposed to Frenchies) and the nature of the pitch are what set them apart. 

ARGH. But I have to go back to work now. Otherwise it'll be another sleepless night. I'm gearing myself up for a mishmash of occasions for this long weekend. Work-party-work-relax-work juggling kind of thing. 

I still have to work on a lot of things for this blog (side bar, header, description, linksssss) But I hope I get the time. I'm launching my project timelines shortly after my SG trip. PRAY FOR US. TOODLES.

Impulse-aholic.

Today, I went into astral projection and saw myself impulsively shop like there's no tomorrow. I'm truly scared at myself and my spending habits.  

I cannot even begin to describe how disappointed I am at myself. I thought I were better, that I could put my endurance to the test, show my newfound self-discipline to greater heights but I who was I kidding? The sole reason why I can't give up carbs? Why I can't really go on a diet? Why it takes me forever to do/give up some things? Why I have an obsession on adrenaline rush? Why it took me so long to write on this blog again? Why I always put myself at the odds of rejection?

Because I can't handle it. For me, a taste of what's good for a fleeting moment is always better than most of its consequences in any given day. That's where the damsel in distress in me comes. This is how I  dig my own grave. It's because I'm so much of a feeler and a sucker for my own emotions that I forget how to think. 

But forget the deeper nonsense. Let's talk financial responsibility. 

I have been telling myself, and for quite a time already, that I really really direly need to be financially wise and responsible. Gone are the days of mindlessly spending on things that I end up using temporarily. Or of doling out cash on other people (and making them charity cases when the total amount can exaggeratedly and unfortunately send someone to HS already, I know) or of not even choosing the better options when 'giving' away my hard-earned cash. I know I'm making up for lost time and a lot of lost opportunities in splurging because of my previous setup but I never planned on making this a monthly habit. I even developed a penchant for buying things I don't need or can live without but just for the sake of, and end up clicking the purchase button or whipping out cash in a flash from my wallet. 

Today, I sorely outdid myself. Before payday, I always have this routine of mapping out and mentally budgeting the things I need (to spend for). Of course the debit/credit, accounts payable and accounts receivable almost cancel themselves out (and in one case even declared AR negative) but the figures don't matter. Just as long as I have the money, I have to make that extra time for a trip to the mall and relieve myself of stress by doing retail therapy. Most of the time it's a lame invention of some kind of self-reward for a difficult and stressed out month. But just how much of a reward is it if it leaves me broke until the next payday? 

So I had a list of things I thought I needed for this month's cash in. A caramel sweatshirt from F21, a backless tee from Terranova and a bag from CMG. This is just the physical retail that I planned to cross out in a day, on top of my online purchase of 3 corporate sheer/layered/fringed/sleeved blouses (the ones I've been trying to peg my styles on lately) from this cute online store. And the list doesn't end there. I also planned on buying 5 sessions of IPL laser for underarm hair removal from Metrodeal since I was getting tired of always going to LayBare lately. 

Feeling primadonna right? Hahaha. This is not exactly what my parents have tried to ingrain in me: spend within your means. It's like, whatever I feel like is of benefit to me, I just end up getting. And paying for it. SIGH. 

So anyway. I went with a good friend with my list in mind. First stop was CMG where I was lured (or myself lured myself) into buying 2 bags! Never mind that I had stuff to buy, I wanted to get a bag for my mom (which as out of my budget) and so I got them! Just like that. I left with two big paper bags in hand. 

The culprit. Photo credits Google. 

And did I mention how bad it felt after a couple of minutes? I didn't last the entire night before going home, without feeling any sorry than I already was for my insanely impulsive self. I thought how else could I have a family without any cash to spare? Or how else could I enroll in financial investment programs? Buy stocks? Park money for insurance like my colleagues and I used to rave about? Even rotate cash on hand for my potential businesses? 

SIGH. 

It's not even shopaholism. I've always been a self-confessed prude on shopping even when I was a kid because I'd always let my parents spend shopping bags for me. But when I started working, it became harder to say no to being a materialistic brat who just has to have everything. 

I am far from knowing how to remedy the situation. But I do know that I have to begin with small steps, set a deadline or establish an achievable short-term goal. Those will be my simple measures of trying to break the habit. From there, only God knows. 

Did I mention that I still have pending purchases online? A phone bill to pay and parents to repay? 

AND end of season sales + shoe in love next weekend? 

PLEASE HELP ME. :( 

And when I do get some answers for this, maybe I would be able to solve my dilemma of always having to impulsively put myself out there to someone I really like and ruin the chances, right? 


RIGHT??? 

Just one more.

Why hello there. <3
(My POS 100 readings for my midterms - yes, all three. Just one subject. Just one test.)

Okay so the worstS may be over. I cannot begin to describe how much of a hell this week has been. I've been running around school (even reached Taguig at one point last Wednesday) in order to complete the madness. I may not know the grades I have garnered throughout the entire adventure but it's sure as hell relieving that the week is coming to an end.

This weekend has its own complications due to the lack of definite plans but I don't care. I JUST WANT THIS OVER WITH. I may not have tickets to any single event but I do have money to pay the scalper. Hahaha. :))

So I'm currently taking a break from my tedious oral reviewing spree. My right hand is trembling after 7 index cards and a thick height of binder pages I've managed to flipped through. OHTHELIFE.

Checklist:
a. Philo Orals - not so bad.
b. CS defense - nailed it.
c. CS midterm - GROAN.
d. POS midterm - haha. All that reading for nothing.
e. Theo Orals and quiz on Canon Law - one last. :)

Please please please. I'd be more than glad to call on the weekend: update my online accounts, do more stuff, party, buy clothes, shoes and NEW MOON! :D *tears of joy*

And then the most romantic part of my day was over, just like that.

Dear Santa,

This will probably be weird for you, receiving a letter from a frustrated girl 2 months earlier than the universal time agreement on gift requesting. But since you're the closest thing I can imagine next to a friendly unjdugmental papa figure who's been literally around the world, can I please ask you to be one of my confidantes just this one time? Okay, here goes. Belt out.

Santa, I'm sad and broke and I don't know what to do in the coming week - how the hell I am going to juggle all the things that I'm supposed to accomplish (with utmost excellence) without losing my sanity in the process. All I could think of now is to grab a book, flop down on my bed and READ. And because it's timely I guess, Santa, why does every bookstore have to practically scream Twilight Saga on its window display? Wrong timing for Breaking Dawn to be released this month I guess. Or wrong timing for my hell week to barge in my peaceful string of obsessions. If I may first add to my basket of goodies, I would like to have the complete series of the book please. You can give it to me as a reward since I've been very good at suppressing any urges to forego studying and just read read read. :)

Another thing. So I was sitting on one of the school benches this Friday. This guy whom I haven't talked to for the longest 3 weeks of my life suddenly wanted the attention and decided to call out my name. To... bring up a topic he'd ever so predictably choose in order to save himself the small talk. Why do guys like those Santa? What happened to the witty, smart, awfully good-looking, humble and gentle guys that your factory used to make? Would it be much to ask for one decent guy who'll sweep me off my feet? It's not really pressing Santa, nothing really serious. It would be good to come across a guy like that for a change.

I would also like to have good grades by the end of the semester so everything will finally pay off. Please Santa. It would help me so much to know that all my efforts don't go to waste. My friends and I agreed how much of a challenge Junior year seems to be proving itself. The stress, the cigarettes, the Matteo campouts, the food binging, the lashing out - there can never be enough proofs for this. It would be comforting to know that everything's well-deserved and worth it. I'd like more coffee to go with that, and more will power to resist the smocket as much as I can.

Lastly, my list doesn't really end here Santa. But I hope I can write you again sometime. Because I have more requests. I know I'm sounding like a spoiled inconsiderate brat. But I really think I deserve to have these. LALALALALA.


<3,
Daryll


HAHAHAHA. :)) Okay study away now.

Bizarre.

I had such a great weekend. BOW.

After 2 tormenting days of all-coffee and no-sleep because of this thing called Marketing (and all the factors that count in) - the first pass. The moment we realized that one week is not enough to finish the three chapters with extremely limited resources (internet and school databases), we knew we were in for a rough week.

Imagine the worst combinations ever: loooong hoooours sitting on my poor ass, eyes, ears and hands on my lappy and spending 80% of my time in Matteo toiling away like an elf.

On the brighter side, we were able to finish it and even beat Matteo's closing time - like we did last Friday. HAHAHA. GRABE.

It's a good thing my groupmates and I happen to have a pretty quick reboot time so we were able to suck it up and hold ourselves together up to the last minute. Friday was concluded with a food binge session in Teriyaki Boy and ooooh I'm beginning to <3 Japanese Fridays.

Day 1. :)

Tboy Madness. <3>

I slept over at Laine's just to make sure we'd finish the project in time for Saturday. We wanted to go out Saturday night so we adjusted our ETA (estimated time to accomplish) in the afternoon. After that, it's sleeeeeeep and night out. But since my friends and I sorely wanted to go to Sensual Saturdays in Alchemy, oh what the heck. My week was that stressful to push me into spending the night out with a maximum of 3 hours of sleep.

The dj's got me feelin' like I did when I first met you. :)

The next day was a movie [Dark Knight - KEWLNESS] with Nie and SHOPPING in ATC. WOOOHOOO. I love it. :)

Stress ball. Woaahoaah.

Stress sometimes makes me want to curl up into a big big big ball and have an excuse to go on a hiatus.

Speaking of stress and a ball, yesterday while I was in need of a new umbrella, I found myself wandering around the LS Bookstore and perusing its many non-bookstore related merchandise. Although, I have to say they're brilliant and essential to a student's everyday life - you know each person has to have a device that will help him/her cope with the stress. Hence me, the amazing splurger on nonsensical things like... TADA! My very own STRESS BALL.

Yes. It was so white and squishy and shaped after a volleyball that it just called my name, immediately ridding me off of my stress. HAHAHAHA.

I'm planning to paint it tri-colored blue, yellow and white like a Mikasa, complete with my own personal touch. Hahaha. :)

So there you go. I have my own ball to squeeze whenever my creative and intellectual juices suddenly decide to stop flowing. It's right here on my study desk ready to be tortured. Oooh I love it. :) My 5 best friends now are my planner [plus Staedtler felt pens], meeting notebook, cellphone, lappytoppy and STRESS ball. [Maybe I should start naming my stuff too? Haha.]

Some things to be stressed right about now:
a. MARKETING first pass - 0 group output. [CRYYY]
b. Projects here and there - CoSA, Sanggu Junior batch and SOM Week deliverables
c. PolSci papers and readings - AGAIN
d. Events - RAAWR
e. CS - ohmaygad. Not another groupwork.

Meanwhile, some things to look forward to:
a. CoSA PR VP and AVP quickfix photoshoot for GA and PR purposes. HAHA
b. Family get-together and Engaz night out on Saturday
c. Business group discussion and sit down lunch on Sunday :)
d. WOOOOOOHHHH

Get ready ball! You are in for a lot of squeezing! <3

Just a little bit more.

I've taken a break for one day and work is already catching up on me. I'm beginning to think that it was a bad idea to take Thursday off. Raaar.

Okay. So it's Good Friday (oh my, not anymore it's already 1 a.m. of Black Saturday) and I have done anything but rest. Yes, this is my supposed penitential rite for Lenten Season. I haven't even parted with my laptop since this morning except when I had to go to church and eat dinner with my family! Ahahaha. Omg. We are talking serious last stretch here guys.

This is the first Holy Week when I was actually coerced to stay at home and work. Usually it's Batangas or some out of town with my family and Visita Iglesia galore plus pasyal after or even just home with church work. But this year, it's home and work. Two of the most incompatible elements to begin with.

One more week and this will be all out and worth it. :)

Update:

1.) Sanggu elections
2.) Theo 121 orals - = b+
3.) Acc 15 Lt # 3 - haha.
4.) Sci 10 Lt #3 - a
5.) LS reflection paper
6.) Theo 121 reflection paper -a
7.) Filipino 14 reflection paper on Tanikalang Guinto - b+
8.) Psych project of the self - a
9.) LS Industry Analysis and DEFENSE - b+
10.) Psych 101 LT 3 - b
11.) Comm 12 group report - b
12.) Fil group paper and report - c+ (ugh)
13.) Comm LT # 2 paper
14.) Sci 10 individual paper and report - a
15.) Theo thesis defense - not graded.
16.) Accounting LT # 4 - hahaha.
17.) FINALS
a. Fil 14 (comprehensive) - b
b. Sci 10 (comprehensive) - exempted (a)
c. Theo 121 (comprehensive)
18.) Com final paper (15 pages, group)
19.) LS bonus paper on Globalization and the Phil. Business Environment

Love it.<3 -

Feeback.

Here's to the month of March. :)

1.) Sanggu elections
2.) Theo 121 orals
3.) Acc 15 Lt # 3
4.) Sci 10 Lt #3
5.) LS reflection paper
6.) Theo 121 reflection paper
7.) Filipino 14 reflection paper on Tanikalang Guinto
8.) Psych project of the self
9.) LS Industry Analysis and DEFENSE
10.) Psych 101 LT 3
11.) Comm 12 group report
12.) Fil group paper and report
13.) Comm LT # 2 paper
14.) Sci 10 individual paper and report
15.) Theo thesis defense
16.) Accounting LT # 4
17.) FINALS
a. Fil 14 (comprehensive)
b. Sci 10 (comprehensive)
c. Theo 121 (comprehensive)
18.) Com final paper (15 pages, group)


Hollah. Love it. <3

You burst my bubble.

It's that damn smile. I haaate that smile. :(

God I need to seriously do a lot of stuff in order to regain my sanity. This week was a feeling of all sorts. You know, the usual academic landslide - orals, long tests and whatnot. Next week will be the heavier continuation with 6 effin' deadlines. How come other schools don't have the notion of hell week? Unfair.:|

Oh well. Today was the day that I felt like I totally lost control over myself. I went to the bookstore, roamed around the mall and shopped all the stress out. Thank God I didn't succumb to eating. I was far too broke to even afford a meal. Funny, though because I feel that my life hasn't felt this good since I could remember. I mean, I've been able to work at my own pace (even went to the gym with Bixie and Nik yesterday and I vow to continue that for the rest of the month until Bora) and I think I'm handling my responsibilities well. Or so I think.

How come I feel like it's so... incomplete? I barely have the chance to gloat about things now. I don't even share my feelings with close friends - my troubles, my kilig moments, my rants and raves and other girl stuff. Suddenly, family and friends don't seem enough anymore.

Oh well. I don't wanna hear it. I know it's "I told you so." At the back of my mind, I know that this was something that I would inevitably feel as the aftermath of an ended relationship. But come to think of it, I don't want a commitment. I don't want any of it. Maybe I just crave for the feeling of being inspired - of looking forward to going to school because I know that it would make my day to see him walking along sec walk in the usual tamad porma attire, carrying bags with all his books and basketball stuff and flashing that oh so mesmerizing smile. And those eyes. Oh those tranquilizing eyes.

Now I feel that those eyes don't even see me the way I want them to.

Okay. Just hang on. I just have to get by and Boraaaaaaa here I come. Formsem with Sanggu here I come. Debate seminars here I come. Volleyball here I come.

All these in a two-week break. This is just the best life ever. :))

Alas.

It's that empty feeling when you wake up in the morning. Your stomach lurches at the thought of having nothing, elaborately nothing, to fill that emptiness.

You know what? You're so cute. But how come you don't see right through me? Gaaaah. I hate this.

Spastic.

Clearly, I don't know what I got myself into.

Campaign period officially over.
Hell months officially started.
Inumans officially pending.
Studying officially hating. - oops. Okay. Self-fulfillment. I love studying.
Debate officially missing.
Time and sleep officially lacking.
Love officially heartbreaking.
Family and friends officially understanding.

Hahaha.

And by that I don't mean work.
Would I have chosen this if I'd known that it couldn't have gone amiss?
I need someone else to channel my frustrations to.
And by that I mean YOU.

Almost flipping out.

Oh so sabaw due to Theo LT just came home head throbbing eyes feel sore had late dinner daymn I ate the nachos again bad breath from salsa dip too much onions i feel so tired must finish my theo speech questions for analog soul theo consultation interview for ASBR year end report for COSA on Wednesday Entrepreneurship Talk for Sanggu must be there before acc class on Wednesday omg omg panic comm paper LT due on friday acc LT next week LS industry report two chapters next week don't know if my sagala proposal made sense and got us in the festival stupid mtv didn't tell us the airing of campus crashers missed it a few times already still no running mate for the elections Gio declined must talk to Raymond and Yuzon must wear something cool tomorrow i'm scared of natividad must proofread speech for hidden heresy i think i did well in the tests been working nonstop since the weekend felt sick last saturday acc class is bullcrap extended on wednesday i hate my teachers but i have to love them everyone wants to go to JTA deadline of slate is on wednesday please gab extension i don't have a running mate yet omg omg accounting until 9 pm i hate it i want to read my new shopaholic book sissypoo gave me new havaianas spent my money on a quiksilver wallet for hun and lotion for mommy hahahaha omg omg i want a new dress i want new shoes stupid dress code can't use my new slippers omg omg drove sissypoo's car must get license must talk to tita for bora must inquire for minoring must do stuff for partido ignacio omg need to talk to flip omg i wanna cut fil but i don't want to miss a thing omg my stupid laptop is not responding to lib wifi and anywhere for that matter i hate it i have to keep track of my expenses must buy my stapler i have a big zit on my nose i'm breaking out i think it's pms omfg i drank a grande macchiato and a cinnamon roll during theo review last starbucks for this school year omg i wanna prove people wrong i wanna watch i am legend and the snow white movie i wanna rest and read the wall street journal wowoweeeeee Neyo is coming to Manila i'm watching i'm so there. update planner. regrouping starts. 5, 4, 3...

The perks of being a Management student. Hooray. :D