Once again, I write.

Haaay. These past few days have been sooooo, crazy. Just crazy.

I have a lot of stuff going on; schoolwork, homework, lovelife, family life, etc.

I'm balancing everything and I'm doing pretty well. I don't really have much to do tonight so i guess I don't have to wake up and be all jittery tomorrow morning (as i have done for the past mornings).

I'm really happy with the way things are. Remind me to write something longer and more sensible.

:: PGMA's administration is going downhill. The opposition continues to take advantage of this controversy. What the hell is happening with the Philippines?

At long last, he's mine.

Don't be surprised if my status in friendster is "in a relationship" because I am in a relationship.

After all the hassles and pain, the wait was really worth it.

Asked when and where?

The least romantic setting in the history of proposals.

Well, last night, we were supposed to watch the concert of Hale in st. scho... But then the tickets were sold out and we could no longer be accommodated in the venue. So then, we just ate and hung-out at mcdo taFt.

And then it happened there. haaay. Although is happened "just" there, I consider it as one of my happiest times in life. Parang mas mganda nga un xe spontaneuos eh. Diba?

What the heck. He's mine already.:)

I'm gonna make this last for always and forever. (ahaha. sappy)

Alert.

Senior life has never been this. . . err. I kinda lost the word.

*UP/Ateneo adventure
*Club promo
*School acts

Give me a reason why I should stay.

Is your love for me a reason to keep on fighting?

No reaction.

I thought so.

My senior life is really hectic. Nie told me that I have been a little distracted lately. True enough, but I know very well how ambitious I am, so for that matter, i may as well not worry because I can keep my life intact with these extra burdens coming on.


I can already visualize the time when I go towards your house ( but not really there) just towards the store beside your house and buy something with my girls, C2 for that event. Then I see you and you walk up to me, then I flip my hair and smile at you and turn my back still with my aura radiating so bright that your conscience can't stand it and the voice at the back of your head will just say, "You're so stupid for letting that girl go. You could've been perfect for each other".

I could've been happy. You could've chosen me. Yet destiny has as an eerie way of bringing up two people. "Til we meet again, Raffy. Ciao!:)

Melancholy.

Indecisive. That's my current state right now. I have tried focusing on the things that I need to do in school, yet I find myself putting much effort into seeing this person again and again.

He'll be leaving for Iloilo today. I gave my word to a friend that when he comes back (after 4 days), I'll try to get over him by then.

I don't know. I'm going to take a re-route. I've been here and back and I want to go home.:'(

My first week as a Senior.

Iba talaga ang first week.

Okay, I haven't officially imbibed within me that I have started school. The schedule of the seniors is pretty heavy and here I am, enjoying the rest of my free time while I can.

The first day started with a blast, with me being late for the flag cem and the fear that the student body will impeach me from the council if they found out my absence during that time. And then smooth stuff followed.

To my relief, my spec is Psych, my first choice and the thing that I was really looking forward to.

Argh. I'll put my sched next time.

This weekend, I had a movie marathon with my friends. Shutter in Makati and Mr. and Mrs. Smith in SM B.

Errr. I still have disoriented thoughts.

Ima write soon.

'Til they take my heart away.

My heart, I surrender to thee.

I can no longer mend its broken pieces.

Maybe it's time to do things for me.

Oh well, what's new? I've always done things for myself and I guess this is how things are meant to be.

First day funk.

Here it is, at long last.

My first day as a senior.

Bid me goodluck before I get killed.

And oh, I'm happy now. Things have never been better with my hon.

I told him I realized that whatever happens, I'd fight for him. And for as long as I could, I'll be with him and I won't let go. Maybe I just got used to being the one being sacrificed for. But I guess I do have to do things for this to work. :)

I don't know. At least I'm happy and I can now smile.

The rain continues to pour and I'm buried underwater.

Major fallback. Cowardice. Fear. Risk. I'm on the brink.

When I rant, I stay put, hug a pillow and watch tv or some cheezy movie.
When I feel all crappy, I eat or go out with my friends or start some project.
When I'm hurt, I write.

I have been here before yet I keep coming back. I guess there's pleasure in one's pain, pain in one's pleasure. Love, a labyrinth of mysteries I continue to venture and a bittersweet combination of agony and joy.

Today, the rain started to pour this morning and hasn't stopped ever since. I guess the sky is sharing its sympathy with me. The pain that I'm feeling has become totally unbearable.

Tell me why I'm too afraid to fight for my feelings.

No, I'm not afraid to fight.

I just can't struggle in a battle that's already been won. When somebody declared her victory even before I set foot on the battlefield.

I thought I had it, but then I didn't. I didn't have a single thing to hold on to so perhaps there's no letting go. It's just a formal term used for people who just can't stand the pain anymore. Herewith comes the facade of happiness, of false pretenses of better tomorrows even if they know deep inside that they're hurt and the have lost every reason to smile.

These people are just me, seeking for redemption and for someone to catch them when they fall. However, I have been buried underwater so I can't fall anymore. I have reached the bottom, I have reached the end.

Smile. :)

Sometimes I sit at home and wonder how it'd be
If he had loved me
Truly loved me yes
I learned a while ago that kind of thing
Never happens for me
And so I go around
And just pretend
Love is not for me
I play the circus clown around my friends
Make them laugh and they won't see
That you never let them see ya this way
Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me
So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face
Singing lalalala
Sometimes I sit at home
By the phone hoping he might call me
But he don't call me
But then I realize
Dreams come true aren't for girls like me
Not like me
And so I go around with my head up
Like it ain't no thing
And when the boys around with all my friends
I’m into other things
Cause you never let them see you this way
Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me
And,so I put my make up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
But I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face
It’s not as easy (thing)
Sometimes it’s hard to (face the truth)
It’s not the life that I would choose (that I would choose)
But what else can I do?
If he don’t love me
If he don’t want me
I’m not about to sit around
Let myself go
So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face

Haay. A bulletin post from friendster which really moved me.

wEn a grL cRies it dOeSnt
mEaN sHe's
wEak.. i
If a girl cries in front of u..
it means that she couldnt take it anymore.

If u take her hand, she would stay with u
for the
rest of ur life; If u let her go, she couldnt
go
back to being
herself anymore.

A girl wont cry easily,
except in front of the person whom she
loves the
most,
she becomes weak.

A girl wont cry easily, only when she love
u the
most,
she put down her ego.

Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of u, please hold
her
hands firmly, coz she's the one who is
willing to
stay
with u 4 for the rest of ur life.

Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of u,
please dont give her up,
maybe bcoz of ur decision,
u ruin her life.

When she cries rite in front of u,
When she cries bcoz of u,
Look into her eyes,
Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's
feeling?

Think.
Which other girl have cried with pure
sincerity,
In front of u,
And bcoz of u?

She cries not because she is weak,
She cries not bcoz she wants sympathy or
pity,
She cries,
Because crying silently is no longer
possible, the pain, hurt n agony have
bcome too
big a burden to be kept inside.

Guys,
Think about it,
If a girl cries her heart out to u,
And all because of u,
Its time to look back on wat u have done,
Only u will know the answer to it.

Do consider it,
Coz one day,
It may b too late for regrets,
It may b too late to say "im sorry"... ***

To my friends...
please repost this bulletin
Ponder this message seriously.
Dont do this to a girl

You may regret it for the rest of ur life.
Maybe in ur life,
she's the only one who loves u the most.
Remember this lesson before its too late...

Paalam Summer.

Err. Summer seemed to have passed by my calendar real quick. It's barely three days before i go back to school, bury myself in my senior life, focus on my career and oh no: detach myself from someone.

There could be no other worse finale than to suffer from a very wretched lovelife. Grrr.

Oh well. I'm really not in the mood to write the details of that account. But I'm sure of one thing.

That person, in one way or another, changed my life. He taught me how to believe in love again. He built up my hopes that there is, perhaps, the right guy for every girl. Although in this case, he wasn't for me. I still don't know what will happen because we sort of "parted ways" just last night.

You. I thank you for showing me that a person like me deserves to be loved and cared for. I don't really know what went wrong, maybe the timing's just not right. I'll see you then, when I see you. Our world's too close for us not to meet each other again. Maybe by then, we can repair the damage that was done and start anew. I will forever treasure what you have taught and given me especially the name:"lollipop".

I would've fought for my feelings until the last minute, but I realized that I was fighting for nothing.