Major fallback. Cowardice. Fear. Risk. I'm on the brink.
When I rant, I stay put, hug a pillow and watch tv or some cheezy movie.
When I feel all crappy, I eat or go out with my friends or start some project.
When I'm hurt, I write.
I have been here before yet I keep coming back. I guess there's pleasure in one's pain, pain in one's pleasure. Love, a labyrinth of mysteries I continue to venture and a bittersweet combination of agony and joy.
Today, the rain started to pour this morning and hasn't stopped ever since. I guess the sky is sharing its sympathy with me. The pain that I'm feeling has become totally unbearable.
Tell me why I'm too afraid to fight for my feelings.
No, I'm not afraid to fight.
I just can't struggle in a battle that's already been won. When somebody declared her victory even before I set foot on the battlefield.
I thought I had it, but then I didn't. I didn't have a single thing to hold on to so perhaps there's no letting go. It's just a formal term used for people who just can't stand the pain anymore. Herewith comes the facade of happiness, of false pretenses of better tomorrows even if they know deep inside that they're hurt and the have lost every reason to smile.
These people are just me, seeking for redemption and for someone to catch them when they fall. However, I have been buried underwater so I can't fall anymore. I have reached the bottom, I have reached the end.
Smile. :)
Sometimes I sit at home and wonder how it'd be
If he had loved me
Truly loved me yes
I learned a while ago that kind of thing
Never happens for me
And so I go around
And just pretend
Love is not for me
I play the circus clown around my friends
Make them laugh and they won't see
That you never let them see ya this way
Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me
So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face
Singing lalalala
Sometimes I sit at home
By the phone hoping he might call me
But he don't call me
But then I realize
Dreams come true aren't for girls like me
Not like me
And so I go around with my head up
Like it ain't no thing
And when the boys around with all my friends
I’m into other things
Cause you never let them see you this way
Don’t want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me
And,so I put my make up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
But I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face
It’s not as easy (thing)
Sometimes it’s hard to (face the truth)
It’s not the life that I would choose (that I would choose)
But what else can I do?
If he don’t love me
If he don’t want me
I’m not about to sit around
Let myself go
So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I’m laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I’m dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face
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