It makes you wonder how it's easy for you to make decisions without really understanding what made you choose to do them in the first place.
It was a good 8 months. After everything that's happened, I feel that I don't need to explain myself to anyone or be passed any judgment just because it was seemingly quick and painless. In fact, if there's anyone who's hanging and still mystified, it should be me.
Sometimes all of us need to take a break from all the exhaustion that life brings. It doesn't mean that we're ready to give up the fight. It's just that, we need to regain the strength that led us to the battle in the beginning. If everything starts going wrong, you wouldn't opt to continue without fixing things beforehand would you?
So I'm going to say this again. A heart can only pump so much blood and can only ache for so long - it gets tired too. Love can be tedious. It's not enough to make every tad bit of pain and headache disappear overtime.
Caught up in between, when you hear yourself utter those harsh breakup words, you find yourself wishing you hadn't. The echo is so implausible. You urge yourself to take them back and for everything to just pause and rewind. But then, at some point of being shaken after what you think was a simple reverie, you snap back to reality - it's done. It's over. There's no turning back.
It's called the point of no return.
He told me that he realized how it hurts more because we called everything off in good terms. You know, everything was mutual and casual - no shouting, no cussing. He said he'd rather have the latter. Because then, you get to wallow a bit (like for weeks) thinking of all the ruthless reasons why you wanted to end it in the first place. Unlike now, you're really coerced to put everything in perspective and wholeheartedly understand the whole picture - the very abstract-ness of it, the roots of the complications, the jaggedness of the puzzle. So you see, it really is a hard thing to do.
But I guess at the end of the day, we all find ourselves thanking this particular event no matter how it placed us into so much pain and emptiness in such a quick span of time. It was because we wanted something better for ourselves and for our partners, regardless of how simple and icky it was - time off and alone, space and room to grow so that in the future and stricken by the hands of fate, you'd be able to take the chance more boldly and more maturely.
Or I don't know. It's too early to tell. Gaaah.
On the brighter side. This weekend was just super. I had the most stressful academic week since the year started and I just couldn't thank God enough for this break. My friends and I were supposed to watch Sweeney Todd last Friday but Eastwood was too quick to change the movies.:( We ended up eating dinner and shopping for dvds!:D Breakfast at Tiffany's and some classics (Marilyn Monroe, The Wizard of Oz and another Audrey Hepburn movie) here I come!:D
Plus we had a blast last night. - We went to the I Love Manila Cosa's 2nd GA but not a lot was going on so we ended up partying in Cuisine and Embassy. (Thanks Mike!<3)
Core (minus Bea) @ Cuisine.<3
We're both doing okay for now and I couldn't wait for things to get even better.:)
Sometimes all of us need to take a break from all the exhaustion that life brings. It doesn't mean that we're ready to give up the fight. It's just that, we need to regain the strength that led us to the battle in the beginning. If everything starts going wrong, you wouldn't opt to continue without fixing things beforehand would you?
So I'm going to say this again. A heart can only pump so much blood and can only ache for so long - it gets tired too. Love can be tedious. It's not enough to make every tad bit of pain and headache disappear overtime.
Caught up in between, when you hear yourself utter those harsh breakup words, you find yourself wishing you hadn't. The echo is so implausible. You urge yourself to take them back and for everything to just pause and rewind. But then, at some point of being shaken after what you think was a simple reverie, you snap back to reality - it's done. It's over. There's no turning back.
It's called the point of no return.
He told me that he realized how it hurts more because we called everything off in good terms. You know, everything was mutual and casual - no shouting, no cussing. He said he'd rather have the latter. Because then, you get to wallow a bit (like for weeks) thinking of all the ruthless reasons why you wanted to end it in the first place. Unlike now, you're really coerced to put everything in perspective and wholeheartedly understand the whole picture - the very abstract-ness of it, the roots of the complications, the jaggedness of the puzzle. So you see, it really is a hard thing to do.
But I guess at the end of the day, we all find ourselves thanking this particular event no matter how it placed us into so much pain and emptiness in such a quick span of time. It was because we wanted something better for ourselves and for our partners, regardless of how simple and icky it was - time off and alone, space and room to grow so that in the future and stricken by the hands of fate, you'd be able to take the chance more boldly and more maturely.
Or I don't know. It's too early to tell. Gaaah.
On the brighter side. This weekend was just super. I had the most stressful academic week since the year started and I just couldn't thank God enough for this break. My friends and I were supposed to watch Sweeney Todd last Friday but Eastwood was too quick to change the movies.:( We ended up eating dinner and shopping for dvds!:D Breakfast at Tiffany's and some classics (Marilyn Monroe, The Wizard of Oz and another Audrey Hepburn movie) here I come!:D
Plus we had a blast last night. - We went to the I Love Manila Cosa's 2nd GA but not a lot was going on so we ended up partying in Cuisine and Embassy. (Thanks Mike!<3)
Core (minus Bea) @ Cuisine.<3
We're both doing okay for now and I couldn't wait for things to get even better.:)
2 comments:
so you broke up?
yes we did.
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