Tonight, I bury all the feelings that I have for you.
The thoughts I have whenever I get lost in your smile while you animatedly talk to me.
The stupid remarks that slip out of my mouth while trying to come up with a sly move to smoothen the conversation.
I'm gonna forget about wanting you from afar - the only closest distance I ever got to pleading that you even notice me.
I'm gonna let go of all the frustrations that come from the mixed signals that you gave (and you forced me to take) to the simple gestures I desperately wanted to cling to, in hopes of taking things further. A deepening that I longed to have with you the moment you came up to me and decided to
ruin my life
forever.
It just hurts that I have this familiar feeling once again. Of deliberately coercing myself to let go,
because
I'm wanting someone I can never have. I couldn't admit for the longest time that I even liked you
that much.
It's been a long and tedious 4 months and I never thought this game would even last that long.
Thanks for making me feel that something within reach could be impossibly beyond someone's grasp.
I know it's stupid to hear myself sob at the thought of you when you don't deserve any of this.
I don't know why I feel like this, but it's so much worse than I expected.
So tonight, as I cry all these out, I hope that I would (as I always have) allow time to heal these scars again
to take the pain away.
Of gathering sparse hope for my scathed being.
I know this is too much for someone I don't love.
But trust me, I really wanted to.
You just never gave me the chance. With that, you even hurt me by showing me how cruel this world can be.
Not having what you wanted.
Not even a part of it. Not even for a short time for you to believe that there is still such a feeling.
The thoughts I have whenever I get lost in your smile while you animatedly talk to me.
The stupid remarks that slip out of my mouth while trying to come up with a sly move to smoothen the conversation.
I'm gonna forget about wanting you from afar - the only closest distance I ever got to pleading that you even notice me.
I'm gonna let go of all the frustrations that come from the mixed signals that you gave (and you forced me to take) to the simple gestures I desperately wanted to cling to, in hopes of taking things further. A deepening that I longed to have with you the moment you came up to me and decided to
ruin my life
forever.
It just hurts that I have this familiar feeling once again. Of deliberately coercing myself to let go,
because
I'm wanting someone I can never have. I couldn't admit for the longest time that I even liked you
that much.
It's been a long and tedious 4 months and I never thought this game would even last that long.
Thanks for making me feel that something within reach could be impossibly beyond someone's grasp.
I know it's stupid to hear myself sob at the thought of you when you don't deserve any of this.
I don't know why I feel like this, but it's so much worse than I expected.
So tonight, as I cry all these out, I hope that I would (as I always have) allow time to heal these scars again
to take the pain away.
Of gathering sparse hope for my scathed being.
I know this is too much for someone I don't love.
But trust me, I really wanted to.
You just never gave me the chance. With that, you even hurt me by showing me how cruel this world can be.
Not having what you wanted.
Not even a part of it. Not even for a short time for you to believe that there is still such a feeling.
2 comments:
=(
"..so close to reaching that famous happy end..." Hahaha Enchanted LSS. Whatever. Love is a constructed reality designed to make people high for a while before they come crashing down. And it's done over and over again. It's a self-defeating cycle. Who needs it?
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