It's 12:08 pm. I'm here at the CTC Comp room. Wow. What a way to spend the remaining one hour and thirty minutes before my Fil 11 class. (Yeah!!! I'm in regular Fil!!!)
I just came from UP. I visited nie and Nikki a while ago and it feels good to see them. We just talked and ate together.ü
Hmmm. So what else? I feel better now. Well, at least much better than how I was feeling for the past few days. Right after i discovered the 3rd party thing, I haven't been myself lately.
Well you know how it is. It's my first time that I caught him in the act of 'flirting' with other girls. It didn't even occur to me that it was something he was capable of.=c (well, not really. I mean, considering his past... but I thought he was over that) At first, I couldn't do anything because it was his choice. All I could ask him was like if there was something missing in our relationship or if he wasn't contented. Last night, I gave him a 15 minute homily. He wasn't able to claim defense on most of the things I said because his mom got home at the exact time that I finished. I was about to add something when she entered the room.
Basically, I told him that even if the incident happened like days ago, I'm still bothered because I don't know the exact reason why he did it. Perhaps it would've helped if he just gave a blunt reason or if he came up with a lame excuse. Saying that he did it out of nothing made me feel even worse. I mean, you wouldn't ask for someone's number if you don't have anything to do with that person right?
I was also struck with the "We didn't get deep into stuff when we talked" thing. How about this, it's the mere fact that you did talk. ARGH.
Apparently, I'm so bothered and paranoid that I'm making a big deal out of what happened. I juts don't get it. Maybe it's due to the fact that it was his move to make. This happened a lot of times to me... Guys would insist on talking to me and it would just be easy for him to get mad and threaten them. Then, he'll get over it. How come? Because I make it a point to assure him that I don't want anything to do with other guys. I give him the sense of security that I don't care about other men; that i love him too much to even attempt to be an infidel. Yes, I'm not an infidel. One of the best things which kept this relationship last long and one of the things why he loves me is because I'm loyal.
So whoever that girl is, screw her. Nah, just kidding. I don't even know her. Nevertheless, I hope she realizes that the guy she's texting is already committed to someone and if she were in my place, she'd also feel this way.
Upon ending this, I still don't know the resolution to this problem. Maybe I should give it some time. (You know, be busy... Friday: Cheer rally, Blue Eagle gym.) True enough, I admitted that I lost trust in him. (Who wouldn't?) and that it would take a lot of time before I can recover from this.
Just these things:
* Karma will always put things in the right place and order.
* He gave his word to make up for what he's done.
* I do want this relationship to last.
* Guy instincts have certain limitations.
* If he's tempted to do bad things, then I should take it as a challenge to help him avoid them.
* If a relationship is devoid of problems, then it's nonsense.
* I just have to remain strong and hold on. It's God will that we go through this.
* One year has passed... I'm not letting go.
I live and love.
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