Emo. I loathe the word. I depsise its meaning. I believe that I can never put myself in that downright pitiful situation when you feel that you've hit rock bottom. It's when all else fails, you refuse to budge and just remain on that depressed and hardcore frozen state.
And for a fact I know that I am not emo. Although I'm pouring my thoughts on this long forgotten journal (which, by the way, is supposed to be my time capsule for the memories of my relationship with this one person) in plain RED INK, listening to really depressing songs and crying my heart out, I'm still not emo. It's just one of these days, these few moments when I landed on the floor with a loud thud and felt myself crumble into little pieces.
All because I am unhappy. Ever had the feeling when certain people enter your life and attempt to convince you that they're the one? Later to find out in the process that everything was a hoax - a big fat manipulative lie that's just going to leave you empty afterwards. Sure, they take you for a ride, but it's like asking for your soul in repayment. You retaliate, you fight hard. But since you've let your guard down and have trusted the person enough, you gladly allow yourself to be consumed.
Left to wallow, to contemplate. When will you ever find that something that's not going to keave you drowning in self-inflicted pain and bitterness? An overly deflated ego? A severely damaged system? A shattered heart? The one that's not going to give you a thousand questions - the what ifs and what could have beens, the regrets...
That certain thing that's not going to give you the eternal feeling that you're bound to suffer this miserable fate.
The one which will make you more expectant; brimming with hope and longing.
When will you ever find that? When will it find you?
Waiting, letting this pass is as easy as letting this all go.
I am worth the fight.
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