Poignancy is a valid reason to have a poetic license.

I am crushed by this flower.

Have you ever had this feeling that slowly started to consume every little inch of you?

Imagine having to go through a vast sea of people; not knowing who they are or how they think, where they come from. You realize that you're alone - a mere entity, an unattached being.

I had that feeling today. I walked past each one of those faces and I tried to remember the last time when I was looking forward to walk with someone, or if I actually was with someone through that little adventure.

My mind was buzzing with thoughts, my chest was brimming with fear and anticipation, moreover determination in pulling myself together most especially in this situation. I must not be deterred. I must keep the faith.

People do make the most absurd mistakes. I have come to realize that they can commit mistakes even with their feelings toward other people. Or, at some point, it just dawns them that they never seem to find what they're looking for - insatiable desires that can never pass for contentment, a lingering craving for the unattainable.

I am guilty as charged. I never saw it coming, I didn't take a second to think about what was going to hit me. I didn't make any attempts to handle it - until now. See, while I was walking home this afternoon I realized a lot of things. The Scientist was playing in my ears, bringing back this rather familiar feeling. My eyes glared at the familiar face reflected in the glass window of the MRT and I was trying to fight back the tears.

Nobody said it was easy.

I never ever know what I want. I guess you can't solely blame me for being this emotionally unstable right? I've been a wandering maniac - a freakish hormonal workaholic manhating psychobabble who's just after the fun in Summer.

Wallowing. I hear my voice get repressed inside me. I tell myself that I don't have to shove all my emotions into something that I am not ready to commit with. Clearly, I am so not prepared to do this all over again. Or perhaps, something may be wrong with the way I handled it? Did I take the plunge thereon? Is it close to being a possibility that I may have chosen the wrong person? I don't know. I remain clueless about this matter.

I apologize. For being who I am. Fragmented, inconsistent, fragile and too fickle-minded - these are the weapons used to hammer your heart into a million pieces. I am truly sorry. ;(

Perhaps, I just want to be left alone; to savor the goodness of life and to live, love and laugh until every inch of me burns out. I just want to be free, free of all the pain, insecurities and the hurt that a non-existent semi-pseudo relationship is giving me. I do not want to be restricted. True, it is an overwhelming feeling to have someone by your side, to protect you and you heart, to love you selflessly. But, this is all there is to me now. I have nothing to give. Here are these words which cannot even begin to explain how I truly feel. They are gibberish, yet I choose to find solace in them.

Call me selfish because of this. However, I cannot bring myself to live in a memory where I was coerced to feel something for a person when in reality, it is the contrary. I cannot stand the thought of having to hurt other people just because I cannot give them the treatment that is due to them. I don't have what you want and neither do you in my case.

I guess this is where it all ends for now. I hope that I will find a way to get us through this.