Just do it do it.

Things that dawned on me. (An excuse to delay stat.)

1. I've been on pms mode for more than two weeks now. Raaar.

2. To get rid of the world's worst feelings, do all of the ff:

a. Clean your room. (Including your closet and your stuff. Note: Don't be afraid to throw things away.)
b. SHOP. (For clothes and school supplies.)
c. Read a book.
d. Revamp your laptop.
e. Clean up your inbox. (HAHAHAHA.)
f. Take on extra work.
g. Keep busy.
h. Avoid all possible distractions.

3. I haven't watched my Breakfast at Tiffany's and Wizard of Oz. I haven't read my new books either.

4. Oh God. I can't screw up stat.

5. I'm quite excited for the coming weeks.

6. My camera's been dead for the past week.

7. I wanna go back to the beach and redo my tan lines! My skin's a bit lighter now!

8. You are driving me nuts.

9. Operation lose weight it so not working.

10. Okay. Back to work now. Haha. <3

Maybe yu just need to take a closer look.

Here goes.

I loathe you. You gave me every reason to. As far as I was concerned, I was halfway through getting over my let's see, delusional feelings for you. But hey, thanks for making things halt to a stop. I didn't need an extra mile to finish the recovery stage.

Of course, with the same abrupt manner, I was also left to ask why the hell I even liked you. You are so goddamn insensitive and so full of yourself. You think that you get your way by telling people to be happy when in fact, you make it a point that you rub it in their faces that they're not.

And I'm going to say this piece again. I DON'T NEED YOU, nor every bit of space inched closer to you. I don't need to share the air that you breathe. I don't need the foul stench of arrogance that you emit. I hate you. You are just so freakin' sick.

It doesn't matter what you said. I'll just play it at your level. Clearly, there wasn't any trace of concern at your end. Same with me. I know these words aren't enough to inflict the same amount of pain. But I guess, it's worth a try albeit that it's the only thing I can actually do.

Take a closer look at yourself. Watch your words.

You are my shooting star.

And so this is when things fall into place.
Please let them unfold as they are destined to.

I wanted to get rid of this feeling a shorter while ago.

I'm not even sure if it's still there.
Maybe you could help me bring it back?

Ignite my heart. Set in on fire.
Just look at me the way you do and only you knows how deep it penetrates my soul.

Tonight's shooting star made all the difference. Cause I know the moment I saw it, it was you. So please don't fail me.<3

GUYS aren't that complicated.

Icebergs = <3

So my wish, as indicated in the previous entry, was granted today when I went out with one of my bestest buddies: Kara. She's been one of my precious lovers since freshman year, when we walked around campus with un-plucked eyebrows, knew nothing of green jokes and believed that the world consisted of innocent people. We've been friends for years now and she has seen every inch of me (literally, because of our 3-year swimming course in HS) and has been unfortunately forced to keep all my deepest, darkest secrets. So yeah, she's one hell of a best friend.

Therefore today, we just went out because we haven't seen each other for quite some time. Bulok kasi eh. Di sumama sa Bora. Haha. Kidding.;p It was quite a relaxing day - the SOP - whenever we'd hang out. For us, our best means of relaxation is to talk nonstop since we never ever run out of things to talk about. A reasonable amount of time was spent on discussing trivial stuff about let's say, backstabbing other friends, school, her hilarious exposure trips, my misadventures, clothes and fashion and of course, our common limiting factor: BOYS. Because you see, Kara and I belong to the rare breed of girlfriend material, eerrrr, type of girls. We consider ourselves a premium, a luxury item in the world of promiscuity and endless flirtatious escapades that are abound today. Ha ha. :D

And I have to say, I really learned a lot from her. Quite a surprise really, because she hasn't actually experienced the torment of having to be in a relationship where bliss is definitely and sourly lacking, unlike me. The way she talked about her 'realization' of things and the tips coming from her other girl friends made me also understand how to further device a strategy that can help me maturely handle my current predicament.

According to her (and of course we share this painful familiarity of having to deal with jerks and well, more jerks), she's been told that guys aren't really that complicated. They don't exist just to mess up the feminine psyche, moreover, play their game. Perhaps at a certain level of being an ass, only a select few of the guy species do find a sense of satisfaction in playing around and in fact just stick to that kind of lifestyle.

But the point is, in general, if a guy doesn't like you he won't likely pursue ways to show you any motives - he won't text, he won't call, he won't message you. In short, he won't exert effort when there is no physical presence.

That's why it's so deadly to assume. False signs are a totally different thing but learn to read the basics - if he doesn't do any of the above and just happens to flirt with you whenever you're in a group, then sorry to burst your bubble, but nothing's there. There has to be consistency, sincerity and utmost clarity of hints. Otherwise, then it's just plain nothing. They are not that twisted. They have a hard time telling a girl who they like of their feelings, but it sure is easy for them to show no intentions to someone they are not attracted to. Or maybe. Exceptional cases point to too much niceness - that they tend to blurt out mixed signals. So there. Whatever.

For whatever matter, we have to stop making reasons for them just because...

We think that there's something, somewhere out there. I mean, c'mon, he decides what moves to use in order to charm you. If he wants a girl that bad, he won't have to make her think of all sorts of bizarre reasons because he keeps her impatient and waiting. We have to stop using the phrases: maybe he's busy or he has no load or he has a lot to deal with. They should be willing to share those things no matter how small. They have to make time in order to establish consistency. Because really now, they'd explain it if they want to wipe their slate clean. If not, it just goes to show that they don't care about how you feel or if it's minus the pogi points. Ergo, they don't like you, or they don't like you that much.

They'll tell you what they want. What they really, really really want. I mean, the phenomenon of torpe-ness aside.

...

So. After the whole talk over Peach and Berries Sundae and Mango con Hielo, I could attest to the fact that I learn so much from my friends. And now that I personally have a new outlook on this matter, I have to continue playing it cool as I have for the past few days. If things happen, then let them.

Love.<3

Friends who kick ass.

I was with my good friend Bea today and we were both sort of nostalgic about our old (well not really old) friends back in high school. We started talking about how great we felt whenever they're around - just because they don't seem to get on your nerves by rubbing in your face how much weight you gained over the last couple of months or how hooker-like your hair has grown to be since the last time you hung out.

Add to that list is their seemingly detached lifestyles from the current wave of weight obsession and pretentious ordeals. They just get down to the gory details of the bad breakup or the flunking grade or the shameless breakdown that you've kept welling deep inside you for so long. What's good about it is that they listen - no interruptions, no interjections, no side comments, no awful remarks, no homilies, no "I told you so", no judgments - but all ears and good company with hugs and tears along the way. After everything, it seems as if you haven't been apart and then you just party and laugh everything away.

Because if you really think about it, it's the little good things that our true friends manage to say that surely help us feel better. Yes at some point you do value a bit of honesty and confrontations, but you do that when days don't really harp on the negative vibes, when you can just say and do what you want without having to worry about what other people will say.

A friend is a friend who hides behind false pretenses when she always always succeeds in picking out the bad things. Because then, it shows that she doesn't get to appreciate the minute things that make you and your friendship special. She just wants you there as a point of comparison so that she'd feel less insecure about herself or more superior as a person. If she constantly thrives to be the center of attention, or the queenbee of all sorts of things that she wants to own up to whenever you spend time together, not only do you have a pseudo-friend but also a narcissistic mixed tape who just can't seem to shut the hell up. Tactless yes, annoying even.

And the truth is, a friend's psyche shouldn't be designed as such. Because a friend is supposed to be someone who is your source of strength and consolation, someone who understands and looks past your shortcomings. She doesn't crucify you before you even commit a sin and doesn't try to change your values and your principles. A friend listens to your troubles, no matter how trivial they may be and gives you her sincere and honest opinion only when you ask her to. She doesn't turn things around to fit into her perspective but tries to put herself in your shoes in order to comprehend what really happened.

A real friend doesn't constantly nag you to do things or gloat about things that you are in no way capable of doing but suggests things that may interest you or fit your personality. This essential creature which every man can't live without sees you eye to eye and helps you love yourself for who you are - no matter what you did in the past, boosts you to do good in the present and chooses to stay with you in the future.

It is that vital chunk in you that a friend makes up for. You love yourself when you feel loved and appreciated. You admit your faults when you know that another soul is ready to share that pain with you. You strip yourself naked of all the lies you want to get rid of, only if you can share an oath with someone who can keep them better. You do your best and feel that you are the best when someone is there to constantly remind you of what you can do and what you can offer.

And these are the things that we miss about out old friends. Let's all sit down and have coffee, shall we? :)

To kill now or let it die a natural death.

How come others just have it easy?

Summer Funscpades

Okay. Since I came back to Manila, there isn't a single good thing that's happened. The moment I arrived at the Iloilo airport on the day of my departure, I was already having problems with school stuff, luurrrvveee and other nonsensical crises of all sorts. GROWL. I swear I wasn't up for this! Bora, Iloilo and Guimaras were just perfect and full of bliss. Every single day spent out was a tad bit busy that I nearly deprived myself of sleep because we wanted to visit as many places as possible, but it was all worth it I swear. I've never seen such pretty things in my entire life: the sunset beach of Boracay, the vintage houses in Iloilo, the cherry blossoms in Guimaras - oh how wonderful. I was really beginning to appreciate the diversity of our culture when I visited those places. And even if I couldn't understand a word (because I'm Ilocana and I'm not even fluent in our dialect), I was able to grapple on the basics - even the proper malumanay and malambing intonation those Ilonggos have.

Everything was great: the people, the food (oh sooooo much I gained tons of weight!) and the scenic spots. Although I do have to say that there were some people who acted like maniacs in my last night out in MO2 Aquarium (screw you!!!), well whatever. I guess there will always be a bad crowd no matter what region you go to. But it's all good.

Summer and School

Schedule-wise, I'm not really looking forward to it. I think it's in dire need of fixing. Everything's everywhere: Sanggu seminars, Australs, COSA (please no summer things please) and 9 freaking units of summer class (Stat, Histo and Polsci) everyday. Don't forget the social life of course: my volleyball leagues which I managed to cut down to one because I just promised to be a committed audience in my barkada's other games as I saw no place for them in my sched. :(

Errands. I have to clean my room and put things in order. Seriously. I have so much stuff lying around: books, papers, new things, clothes MY LAPTOP FILES and other memorabilia which deserve some special attention since I am now moving forward to a new phase in my life. OMG. I can't believe I'm already a Junior. I am about to take the plunge.

Lurrrvvvee

On the stormier side of things, well... It's a pretty huge blur. Get this: How can you kill something you're not even sure of? How do you end things when you feel something different every time you spend time with him? How do you let things be when it bothers you every single day - you want to see him more, you want to spend time with him more, you want that goofy smile plastered on your face whenever he cracks a corny joke or make a sabaw hirit? How do you rid your mind of thoughts about him when everyday, even if you have gazillions of things to do, it's the precious moment of having to be with him that you look forward to? :( Okay. Once I find all the answers to these questions, then maybe I can take a break.

Whew. Must get some sleep. I only have two days before suffering starts once again.

SUMMER Bummer.

Having a blast. Hope you are too.

I miss you so much. (See you summer class?) - Cut it out. You don't think I like you that much do you? Hahaha.<3
Will be training when I get back. :D