It's time to get serious.
People rise together, when they believe in tomorrow. Change today for forever. 'Cause life keeps moving. - Samantha James, Rise
Speaking of this song, it's one of the fewest house hits that I like. As in really really like. I have it in my itunes, I have it in my phone and I can't stop listening to it whenever I have the chance to. But anyway, that's not the point of this entry. This is a short contemplation of my regression as a person. Here goes, ladies and gentlemen.
I was informed to have my Aisis online account activated before traffic starts and every student in Ateneo attempts to activate his account in vain. Well you know how online registrations work. At some point, the eliminated hassle of having to fall in lines and waiting for x hours becomes the lesser evil when you're dealing with internet traffic and overloading in the system. Duh. You wouldn't want to wait for a page to load for 20 minutes right?
Anyway. Not my point again. Okay Daryll. Nice style. Okay. So I was browsing my Aisis account and just for the heck of it leafed (parang magazine) through my sched and my freshman grades. Not bad. Although you have to admit, it was mediocrity at its best. Okay, you had to cut me some slack because last year was supposedly my period for adjusting to the college vibe. It was the start of another phase, a major foray. A couple of C's and C+'s were still acceptable. D's were still tolerable too. F's were (and will forever be) a no-no. However you put it, there was this excuse which allowed the 'faring on the average' to a certain extent.
My cumulative qpi was not bad for the average person. But I know I could have raised my expectations and standards a notch higher. I wasn't really disappointed though the thought of doing better was really my goal for the succeeding year.
Sophomore year - majors year, hell year. First sem - hell sem. Many a students survived the claws of this evil torture. However dear fellows, I am one among the people on the brink.
Thing is, I haven't really felt disappointed in my life as much as I do now. I haven't performed so poorly in my academics since I could remember. And to top it all off, I just had to do it this semester. I don't know why. Was it because of my attachment to sleep? To my bed? Or was I not good enough? Perhaps I wasn't as smart and as hard working that I thought I was. Did I run short of intellect? What? Am I tired? I can't be tired.
*Sigh* I see people acing tests and getting grades that are like so high and I see the same people complain about how their grades aren't high enough. Hello? Ano pa kaya yung standing ko ngayon? Gaaaah. I feel so bad. It's like things suddenly fell out of my control. I tried to seize the opportunities in any way that I could but to no avail.:(
I never used to worry about grades because I was getting the ones I deserved anyway. This decline in my improvement has just contributed to my lack of motivation to work. So I take it the other way and work my ass off because I refuse to let this struggle let me down. Because this is not me. Work and stress are like my kind of thing. Workaholic maniac was a title I pretty much earned for myself even when I was in grade school. I didn't have a problem in meeting people's expectations of me, because if there's anything that I did, I always tried to surpass them - and eventually succeeded in doing so. I was the responsible one. I was able to prove a lot of things about my principles and capabilities as a person.
Now, I feel dumb, mediocre, average, stupid, lazy, irresponsible. And I freaking don't know why. Maybe because it's the saturation of all the smart people in Ateneo. Or maybe I'm just not good enough to meet the demands of the university. Oh asa pa.
To cancel out this misery, I had a fairer share of fun this sem than I did last year. I guess my solitary studying in the library at that time paid off more. And I just had to do that because I didn't have my barkada then. But did I have too much fun? Like way too much fun that I forgot to fulfill my duties as a student?
Moving on. I know it really is too late to make up for this screwed semester. I don't really know what happened to me. I've been living such a good life - and yeah, not arguing that it really is better than last year's, yet I seem to be having more of these impertinent issues plaguing my well-being. My exhaustion has made me incapable of channeling my frustrations towards something productive. What's tough about it is that I let it get to me that's why I barely had the time to stop and think about how I have been doing with regard to my work.
My drive for leadership hasn't wavered. Thank God. I'm still proud to have launched a couple of successful projects and activities this past semester. But it would be really nice to feel good about the course card that I'm going to get this November.
Why? Don't worry. I'm an advocate of the 'grades aren't everything' belief. I'm not mourning because the lack of A's and B's is an eyesore in the course card. I'm disappointed because this is a reflection of my discipline as a person - of my ability to be consistent, of my drive to reach my goals. These are the things which I have been doing for the past 18 years of my life. Sure, all of us will experience failure at one point. But I could've stood up sooner. I could've done something.
Pointless? I think not. I know that I have woken up from this nightmare. I mean, c'mon. I've always been good not because I find satisfaction in bragging about it to other people, but because I've always (as much as possible) exerted my best when it comes to doing my craft. And this is so because I don't know. I was raised this way. I've always believed that I was destined for greatness; and because this is what makes me happy, what makes my heart healthy, my soul restful and my aura glowing. (Wtf.)
Never mind. For now, it's finals and then a little break that will hopefully wash away the negative vibes. And then after a month, I'm off to excellence once again. :)
Outback here I come.
Shopping. Sleepovers. More outings.
Gilmore Girls.
Friends. Family.
Sem break.
I was informed to have my Aisis online account activated before traffic starts and every student in Ateneo attempts to activate his account in vain. Well you know how online registrations work. At some point, the eliminated hassle of having to fall in lines and waiting for x hours becomes the lesser evil when you're dealing with internet traffic and overloading in the system. Duh. You wouldn't want to wait for a page to load for 20 minutes right?
Anyway. Not my point again. Okay Daryll. Nice style. Okay. So I was browsing my Aisis account and just for the heck of it leafed (parang magazine) through my sched and my freshman grades. Not bad. Although you have to admit, it was mediocrity at its best. Okay, you had to cut me some slack because last year was supposedly my period for adjusting to the college vibe. It was the start of another phase, a major foray. A couple of C's and C+'s were still acceptable. D's were still tolerable too. F's were (and will forever be) a no-no. However you put it, there was this excuse which allowed the 'faring on the average' to a certain extent.
My cumulative qpi was not bad for the average person. But I know I could have raised my expectations and standards a notch higher. I wasn't really disappointed though the thought of doing better was really my goal for the succeeding year.
Sophomore year - majors year, hell year. First sem - hell sem. Many a students survived the claws of this evil torture. However dear fellows, I am one among the people on the brink.
Thing is, I haven't really felt disappointed in my life as much as I do now. I haven't performed so poorly in my academics since I could remember. And to top it all off, I just had to do it this semester. I don't know why. Was it because of my attachment to sleep? To my bed? Or was I not good enough? Perhaps I wasn't as smart and as hard working that I thought I was. Did I run short of intellect? What? Am I tired? I can't be tired.
*Sigh* I see people acing tests and getting grades that are like so high and I see the same people complain about how their grades aren't high enough. Hello? Ano pa kaya yung standing ko ngayon? Gaaaah. I feel so bad. It's like things suddenly fell out of my control. I tried to seize the opportunities in any way that I could but to no avail.:(
I never used to worry about grades because I was getting the ones I deserved anyway. This decline in my improvement has just contributed to my lack of motivation to work. So I take it the other way and work my ass off because I refuse to let this struggle let me down. Because this is not me. Work and stress are like my kind of thing. Workaholic maniac was a title I pretty much earned for myself even when I was in grade school. I didn't have a problem in meeting people's expectations of me, because if there's anything that I did, I always tried to surpass them - and eventually succeeded in doing so. I was the responsible one. I was able to prove a lot of things about my principles and capabilities as a person.
Now, I feel dumb, mediocre, average, stupid, lazy, irresponsible. And I freaking don't know why. Maybe because it's the saturation of all the smart people in Ateneo. Or maybe I'm just not good enough to meet the demands of the university. Oh asa pa.
To cancel out this misery, I had a fairer share of fun this sem than I did last year. I guess my solitary studying in the library at that time paid off more. And I just had to do that because I didn't have my barkada then. But did I have too much fun? Like way too much fun that I forgot to fulfill my duties as a student?
Moving on. I know it really is too late to make up for this screwed semester. I don't really know what happened to me. I've been living such a good life - and yeah, not arguing that it really is better than last year's, yet I seem to be having more of these impertinent issues plaguing my well-being. My exhaustion has made me incapable of channeling my frustrations towards something productive. What's tough about it is that I let it get to me that's why I barely had the time to stop and think about how I have been doing with regard to my work.
My drive for leadership hasn't wavered. Thank God. I'm still proud to have launched a couple of successful projects and activities this past semester. But it would be really nice to feel good about the course card that I'm going to get this November.
Why? Don't worry. I'm an advocate of the 'grades aren't everything' belief. I'm not mourning because the lack of A's and B's is an eyesore in the course card. I'm disappointed because this is a reflection of my discipline as a person - of my ability to be consistent, of my drive to reach my goals. These are the things which I have been doing for the past 18 years of my life. Sure, all of us will experience failure at one point. But I could've stood up sooner. I could've done something.
Pointless? I think not. I know that I have woken up from this nightmare. I mean, c'mon. I've always been good not because I find satisfaction in bragging about it to other people, but because I've always (as much as possible) exerted my best when it comes to doing my craft. And this is so because I don't know. I was raised this way. I've always believed that I was destined for greatness; and because this is what makes me happy, what makes my heart healthy, my soul restful and my aura glowing. (Wtf.)
Never mind. For now, it's finals and then a little break that will hopefully wash away the negative vibes. And then after a month, I'm off to excellence once again. :)
Outback here I come.
Shopping. Sleepovers. More outings.
Gilmore Girls.
Friends. Family.
Sem break.
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