Have you ever searched for words to get you to the heart but you don't know what to say and you don't know where to start?
While writing this entry, you have to understand that what I am about to express is nothing but intense pain and sorrow due to the recent events that have transpired. And that to no avail, I still am trying to figure out - wondering, dissecting every minute detail - how they happened, why they had to and what could I have possibly done to allow them to? If I knew that it would hurt this much, then I shouldn't have taken the plunge in the first place. :(
Why did you have to kiss me in the middle of the night? Why did I have to kiss you back? Why did you have to hold me in your arms that long? Why did we have to sleep while holding each other? Why did you have to tell me that you felt the same way and that this is actually something right here? Why did you have to make me feel all those things when you knew that I was feeling too much of it, that only leading me on will prevent me from taking these things back? :( WHY?
I've tried so hard to forget about you - everything about you. It wasn't easy seeing you every once in a while and having to work with you but I really wanted to stick to my disposition. Thing is, it never really felt like I had to let go of something because I never even had you in the first place. All that casual flirting? Well how much of an evil person are you to not even consider the feelings of other people? How can I even be sure of everything that you attempted to explain to me?
I never even cared if you didn't want me back. I just never thought you'd hurt me this way. I HATE YOU and I HATE MYSELF for letting you do this to me.
It started with that simple kiss - and the assurance that everything's going to be alright. But I'm pretty much aware how you could turn such a lie into a major slap in the face. Whatever desires you have, just keep them to yourself. Whatever evil agenda you plan to pursue, maybe it's about time that you find another victim. Not me. I never even intended to go this far so stop holding me back because I really need to move on. :(
I could barely shield myself from the abruptness of your actions. It's as if you know every possible angle to attack me. And of course naive me, I let down my guard too easily. Now nothing's left of me but a broken heart and an empty promise. Yes, you never made it clear. Because I thought that the kiss was the perfect way to show it. I was so wrong.
I told you I was scared of this. I was scared of waking up one day, having to regret what happened in that stubby room, that fateful day. I was afraid of having to want to forget what happen, just because they were only meant to happen at that time and place, with no repeat performances in the future. I was apprehensive of giving in because I couldn't read your mind - I wasn't really sure of what you were thinking and how you were feeling. What you wanted to happen, what you didn't want to happen.
Was this part of the plan? And why are you not talking to me? :( Is this the end of everything?
You know very well that I don't deserve this. Now watch me do what I claim to be best at.
While writing this entry, you have to understand that what I am about to express is nothing but intense pain and sorrow due to the recent events that have transpired. And that to no avail, I still am trying to figure out - wondering, dissecting every minute detail - how they happened, why they had to and what could I have possibly done to allow them to? If I knew that it would hurt this much, then I shouldn't have taken the plunge in the first place. :(
Why did you have to kiss me in the middle of the night? Why did I have to kiss you back? Why did you have to hold me in your arms that long? Why did we have to sleep while holding each other? Why did you have to tell me that you felt the same way and that this is actually something right here? Why did you have to make me feel all those things when you knew that I was feeling too much of it, that only leading me on will prevent me from taking these things back? :( WHY?
I've tried so hard to forget about you - everything about you. It wasn't easy seeing you every once in a while and having to work with you but I really wanted to stick to my disposition. Thing is, it never really felt like I had to let go of something because I never even had you in the first place. All that casual flirting? Well how much of an evil person are you to not even consider the feelings of other people? How can I even be sure of everything that you attempted to explain to me?
I never even cared if you didn't want me back. I just never thought you'd hurt me this way. I HATE YOU and I HATE MYSELF for letting you do this to me.
It started with that simple kiss - and the assurance that everything's going to be alright. But I'm pretty much aware how you could turn such a lie into a major slap in the face. Whatever desires you have, just keep them to yourself. Whatever evil agenda you plan to pursue, maybe it's about time that you find another victim. Not me. I never even intended to go this far so stop holding me back because I really need to move on. :(
I could barely shield myself from the abruptness of your actions. It's as if you know every possible angle to attack me. And of course naive me, I let down my guard too easily. Now nothing's left of me but a broken heart and an empty promise. Yes, you never made it clear. Because I thought that the kiss was the perfect way to show it. I was so wrong.
I told you I was scared of this. I was scared of waking up one day, having to regret what happened in that stubby room, that fateful day. I was afraid of having to want to forget what happen, just because they were only meant to happen at that time and place, with no repeat performances in the future. I was apprehensive of giving in because I couldn't read your mind - I wasn't really sure of what you were thinking and how you were feeling. What you wanted to happen, what you didn't want to happen.
Was this part of the plan? And why are you not talking to me? :( Is this the end of everything?
You know very well that I don't deserve this. Now watch me do what I claim to be best at.
Walk away.
I want you but I'm not giving in this time.
'Cos I'm tired of crying, if you don't want to stick around then baby forget about me.
I want you but I'm not giving in this time.
'Cos I'm tired of crying, if you don't want to stick around then baby forget about me.
2 comments:
It's good to walk away and leave shit behind, because really, no one needs a boatload of crap. Love ya Da!
Hey Da! I'm still in this wretched hangover for my past love.. so yeah, I'm kinda digging for stuff that would complement with what I feel right now.. And then I thought of reading your blog.. I really admire you're resilience and fighting spirit gurl! haay, wish I would be as strong as you.. and I wish I could just walk away from everything that's breaking my heart into pieces.. love ya gurl! mishu!
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