OHJEEZ.

As Pau would put it, I am the perennial deliverer of things - but perhaps not a truckload of POS100 papers.

But don't get me wrong. I love my teacher to bits (and him repeatedly calling my name in class points out to a certain mutuality of feelings) and I love the subject a HELL lot. But not 9 friggin' papers that I have to finish by Thursday. I have other subjects for heaven's sake - plus, may I remind myself that my Philo paper should also be underway after Sir Garcia gives back our first quiz tomorrow.

The reflection papers may be at some point a bit easy, since they're simple critiques about newspaper commentaries - NOT! Not if the topics sound astoundingly biased and shallow. CRAP. Now I know how hard it is to be a journalist.

And of course this wouldn't actually take place if I hadn't bummed all weekend. I owe it to Ally and Noah, my friends from The Notebook, Lizzy and David from Just Like Heaven and the other movies which I managed to watch instead of actually starting my papers for this week. OHYEAH.

RA RA RA RA! Fight!!! @_@

Some people are just stupid.

Because we are such fans, oh let us oh so make this work. - HUH? Sabaw. ;p

I have now proven that some people are just plain stupid. How and why? Well let me tell you how and why.

You were together for a year and a half - with everything supposedly having started from a 'test fling thing'. (Wow. See how I've almost mastered the art of getting used to saying that word.) And then it works, for quite some time, everything just seem to have found its way to actually be magically blissful. Forever was the only option that the two of you were willing to accept, nothing beyond that. But of course like every first 'real' relationship is designed to function, things just suddenly go berserk that they end getting screwed up. Well for the most part he was the goon in what you thought was the perfect match. He wanted something else that you, yourself wasn't ready to give. He wanted out, while you wanted to hold on and fix it. He wanted his freedom to go on and explore the possibility of new things (err, girls) and to pursue his self-vested interests (err, drugs and vices) that were slowly starting to crystallize a bit after the onset of the relationship - the same things which you fought so hard to happen precisely because you cared for nothing but his happiness and well-being.

And so you end up crying those lonely months of trying to get over your first real love. All those self-help books, the excuses to party and getting stranded in a crowded room of unfamiliar people, the times you ranted with your girlfriends and all the energy you put in trying to forget the pain away. Eventually after what seemed eternity, you finally reach the point when you realize that getting stuck in the rut just won't do you any good. And then you decide to stand up and live life again.

Yet unfortunate still, you become burnt out because of what happened. The excruciating pain was not that easy to escape from that you were unable to blur the lines between of what was supposed to be allocated to the past and the sense of what you should be doing in the future. You thought you were ready to be in another relationship (aside from getting bored and lonely - you totally had the single thing WRONG). Then you do. However it dawns on you that you weren't really looking for another commitment after all. Maybe you missed the thought of having it, but not really being prepared to give it another shot. So then, major stepback. You go back to zero.

A year has passed and it seemed so vivid how much you wanted to risk for a relationship which genuinely made you happy. But you also know that given the chance, you wouldn't have chosen anything than what you have and what you are now - single and free without having to pour so much time and effort in something you can pass on not doing. Sure there may be guys who pass by (and eventually make you feel bad about wanting them so much - but that's another story) but you just keep and owe it to yourself that you've gone this far why turn back for the sake of having such nonsense? And so you feel so great.

But then he texts you after such a long time - with the obligation to secure the future of his family and all - just to tell you how much he regrets all the things that have happened when you two were falling apart. GAWD. He says I love you and tries to make up for it by offering a negotiation from a far-flung planet. He says that you're not like any girl he's ever met. You were 'the' one. OH PLEASE.

It took him that long to comprehend that? How original. The price you definitely have to pay for thinking that you can do whatever you want with a girl's heart. This is what happens when you don't think, when you don't feel. AH EWAN. So sorry. I'm sorry that you're that stupid and it took you so long to process the what ifs and what could have beens. And now it's ultimately late. ASA BOY. Pentium 1 ka pa rin, Dual Core Centrino na ko. (Or whatever, just read that off from my lappy.) HAHAHA.

ANYWAY. I was such a great friend today and I feel so good for having time to make other people happy.

I love you Nie. :) Thank you for spending time with me in Starbucks, on a lazy daisy afternoon, talking about the most random stuff and complaining about not being able to go out and party tonight. (Sayang Embassy. Buti na lang sinarado. HAHAHA) I could sure use the sleep and study time. We shall make up for this soon. For now, woooork and fun are all we have. KILIG ako sa stories mo, perhaps you should give the guy a chance. Ang sweet niya swear.

I love you Tep and Flip. True to what I said, I'd do anything to save your relationship because I know how much you love each other. And believe me, (and out of sheer wit and sophistication. HAHAHA) I understand where you're both coming from. Breaking up is never a solution to a fight unless you guys are amenable to the fact that you both aren't growing up in the commitment. Or something like that. I'm just here you guys.

Today is rather uneventful and tiring, but pleasing as much. Tomorrow, I promise to start those POS100 papers and read the readings as well as STUDY and shop for my Garfield cds.

Plus make time for a salon appointment and possibly shop and then WORK. WHEW. Parang ang dami yata. OH well.

Love it.<3

I AM SO STRESSED.

AYOKO NA. AYOKO NA.

There's no secret ingredient.

It feels so warm and cozy to be in my room right now. - I just can't stop, I just can't stop. WOOHOO.

There's just something about the rainy season that warms me up on the insides... well that, and literally. It gives me time to make up for my sleep deprivation, take in more liquid (an excuse to daaahaaayyeeet), bum and watch movies and soaps and READ BOOOOOOOKS! [of course all while getting my work done.] Oh it is love. It's a time for me to get in touch with my other self on the flipside. HAHAHA. :)

Happiness in the raaain - well minus the torrential rains, uprooted trees, power disruption and sinking ships. :|

Yesterday, Sis and I decided to make the most out of our Saturday after-class-time-we're-not-going-out-tonight-anyway vow by watching a movie in Rockwell after a brief HR meeting for CoSA (haha. Just helping out. My heart belongs to PR.) Plus I wanted to buy my stash of CDs (I wanted the Garfield printed ones) but I only found ordinary CDs in Office Warehouse. We didn't have time to look anymore since the movie was about to start.

Well what can we say? KUNG FU PANDA IS LOOOVE. :D

It's been sooo long since I watched an animated movie since... errr. Shrek? Well I really can't remember. I've been hearing a lot of feedbacks from my friends and I've seen the trailer a few times already so I decided that I wanted to see it for myself. Thus, one random space out moment during Marketing class I asked Laine, "Sis, are you doing anything later? You wanna watch Kung Fu Panda?" HAHAHA. And then off we went.

At first we were supposed to see Sex and the City - poor soul hasn't seen the movie yet. But it was a bit traffic on the way to Makati so we weren't able to make the 4:40 screening. After a quick round of shopping, sandwiches from Oliver's, a BTB big bucket and an upsized drink of orange juice, it was a quality girls evening date and I looooove it. :D

The movie was extremely hilarious - or that may be an understatement. Laine and I spent 80% of the time laughing and rocking so hard in our seats. It wasn't your typical animated movie with a super kid-friendly plot and a delicate storyline. It was designed to fit a general audience's taste (well, we were mostly with families in the moviehouse) regardless of whether you're a fan of cartoons or not. The well-blended punchlines, facial expressions and signature Po moves contributed to the humor of the movie. The setting had a really inspiring touch to it - quotable quotes were said from time to time and at some point in the story, we thought the animals were so emo because of all the sentimentality their relationships with one another had. The animation seemed so real that it stressed its difference with the cartoons of yesteryears. And to top it all off, a huge amount of the success can be attributed to the very talented pool of voices behind the amazing characters: Po - Jack Black, Master Shifu - Dustin Hoffman, Tai Lung - Ian McShane, Tigress - Angelina Jolie, Monkey - Jackie Chan, Mantis - Seth Rogen, Crane - David Cross, Viper - Lucy Liu and Master Oogway - Randall Duk Kim.

If you're a fun of dumplings, Jack Black's shcadooshh, hot voices, pigs, rabbits and all sorts of animals, then IT'S A MUST SEE. :) It's a happy ending like no other.

The past is history and the future is a mystery. That's why there's only now which is a gift, that's why it's called the present. Kung Fu Panda - where dumplings and noodles mean more than Chinese favorites. HAHAHAHA. :)

It feels so great to reward oneself after a week's hard work. And before I obsess myself with thoughts about shopping and guy-missing (*cough*cough*) I think I'll go out of my room for a while.

I'm off to bury myself in my books or find something interesting on TV to watch. No classes for us tomorrow because the rest of the world is a water work out there.

Tata.<3

Ready, set, GO!

OH NO THE LAKERS LOST.:(

We love our Kobe. Game 4 - player of the game uber great shot. :)

But the irony of it is that I made a bet with my friend Bea on who's to win the game. An ice cream treat was at stake and we called the bets for a game 6 - Celtics (me) and a game 7 (Celtics, still for Bea). TADA - I won. But I feel bad because I've always been rooting for the Lakers all along. It's just that the stakes were too high and the Celtics were too damn good to even give up on their 3-2 lead. I was just a bit disappointed with the players this season because the Lakers always had a 13-20 point lead in the first quarters of the game and they just seem to choke and lose it on the second half. RAAAWR. Gasol should have stepped up and so did the other players.

The last game was like a sort of giveaway but a shocker which brought dismay to Lakers' fans. Although many were expecting that it'd be a sure win because of the home court advantage, the score 131 - 92 was waaay to far to even conclude that the Lakers gave it a shot. SAYANG. :( But oh well. There's still next season.

Okay stop it, I sound such a guy right now.

On too better and brighter things.

Can I just say that I'm loving the library and studying and school and work? As a matter of fact, I'm here in the library on a no-class Faculty Day Friday to finish off a marketing reading and getting ready to fix up things for Australs, meet with the Org Comm at around lunch, continue with my work after and meet with Dean Ang and the SOM Week OrgComm at 4:30 to 6:00 p.m. - WHEW.

Is that good? HAHA. :)) I just have to figure out a strategy on how to remedy my sleepiness in my Philo class and I'm good. Sabi ko nga, ganito talaga pag walang guys. Laging busy at nag-aaral. LOL.

[TBC]

Oh well. Off to work now. <3

iDebate.

Yesterday was Friday the 13th yet it was really totally awesome. Today was just as exhilarating. Talk about spending time with my loves from work both present and former: Sanggu and Paulinian Debate. WEEE. <3>

But let's talk about the latter since I have been out of St. Paul's hallowed halls for more than two years already! Just going back there to see young and fresh faces (though not that eager) to teach the rudiments of debate to was really ass-kicking. I mean, whenever we'd have seminars and talks in HS, I already imagined myself being one of the alumni speakers - you know with the credentials, the sophisticated kolehiyala fashion, the radiance of a true Paulinian and all. And now that it just happened, I just can't seem to get over it. HAHAHA.

I even had a boo-boo when I mistook my topic for my presentation. HOWELL. Good thing I brought my laptop with me - I made the powerpoint presentation about Town Hall and Oregon Oxford right then and there. Woooah. I feel guilty for not being able to come up with sufficient input since everything came from the top of my head. But anyway.

I realized that my passion for debate has never wavered. It's like I'm still stuck in a tournament and I haven't even winced. RAAAWR. I miss it so much that I actually feel bad for not having the chance of doing it anymore - unlike Mina. Solid as ever. She's been one of the debaters who I admire so much (aside from Glenn, Leloy, Chars, Sharms, Danni, Jojo, Alvin and Luigi of course. HAHAHA.;p) and I'm proud of her - being the pioneer Senior team who really got us exposed to everything that's debate.

Check these out, they even had jackets made for us. We've always always wanted one - and never got on with it after... 3 years? Haha.

Flaunting off the iDebate jacket, courtesy of the SPCP Debate Society '08-'09. :)

I also had a blast touring my old HS - OH THE NOSTALGIA of it. It looks pretty much the same but there were a lot of renovations done so it looks slightly different. But it still looks like home to me. :) I even saw the old manongs and ates I used to see as part of the staff of the IMC, the canteen, even kuya driver! I MISS HIGH SCHOOL! Gawd I'm old. Haha.

Home is where the heart is. <3

I just wish that this batch of debaters will be enthusiastic and dedicated enough for them to experience what we had in HS. I'm considering applying as their coach (think: MOOLAAAH - oooh la la) and maybe train with them once a month (like HEAVY) or a few small after class meetings. So long as I have a ride and I don't have to compromise any other activity. YEAAAHHMEEEN.

But before that, it's back to reality once again (I have to stop watching chick flicks now - I've already watched two - and crying my ass to sore). HELLO WORK. I'm super psyched! First week was already a tad bit stressful. Nonetheless, it it game face on. :D

Expect more politically-related posts and more essays in the blog. ;p
And oh, I hope the L A K E R S win tomorrow. YIPEE. <3

Happy Father's day Dad. :)

Colourful palette.

The Arts.
To the new school year ahead. :)

Today was my first day of class as a Junior. Yaay. Hello, upper class man life.

But if there's one thing that I've understood about being part of the 'upper' class, it's not about the prestige or the bullying advantage. In fact it's not even a privilege - especially when you get to enjoy the suckiest class schedules there are on earth. Hello, 6-hour breaks and one-class days. HELLO.

Well, it's partly my fault for wanting to become part of a hell of things.

After my pretty stress-free morning, I had class for 3 hours. By this time I was feeling a bit woozy due to the lack of sleep last night. So even if I was so psyched to get to my first class, I barely understood what my British CS teacher (Dr. Truscott) was candidly saying or the students that my Philo teacher (Doc. Garcia) was poking fun at. Hoooray. Good job.

Anyway.
I've been wanting to get myself involved in some form of artistic expression for quite sometime now. Simply put, I want to go back to some tidbits of my former lifestyle - when creative writing, public speaking, singing and dancing were all just a breeze.

Now, instead of those I have a shitload of Marketing and IT related stuff to study. Thank God for my core subjects - they fairly compensate. Even Trix and I agreed that we'll never get to dance again now that we're in college. (This was randomly remarked while watching a dance intermission by CADs during OrSem.) Unless of course, we wake up one day and decide to try out and eventually get accepted. But you know, chances are fat and greasy.

Apart from that, I've been wanting to pore on my usual overdose of books already. It's that time of the year when I've done all shopping for clothes and stuff (when you can't actually shop for enough) and you just want to spend an month's worth of allowance on those really really really great books. The classics - Persuasion and Emma by Jane Austen, fiction and drama like Twilight, Gossip Girl, The Kite Runner, more PAOLO COELHO books and gaaaah! I can make a shopping list in my mind already. I was even up all night last Sunday finishing my last copy of the Shopaholic series and it was super refreshing to just bury my nose in a book again.

I even want to start reading Gossip Girl even if I've finished watching the first season already. I'm just curious about how exaggerated the alterations are and if the series was still consistent with the plot.

[Well whatever happens, Chuck Bass is such as ASS.] HAHA.

GOODNESS. Unfortunately, I have to give up on my reading and writing time to make way for some serious career-related stress.

I guess those books just better hang on to their racks and wait for me the next time I hit the my bookstore haven.

Tata! <3

Just like everyone else.

My Junior Sched - 1st Semester :) [click to enlarge]

This is my 'tentative' sched for my Junior Year 1st Sem. Well, I was stupid enough to have scheduled

a 4:30 - 7:30 class on a Thursday. So unless I want to say goodbye to UAAP, then well. I really have to load rev it. :)

So far I have CS 30 [Intro to Computer Science], Mkt 101 [Basic Principles of Marketing], Th 131 [Family, Sex and Marriage], Ph 101 [Philosophy of the Human Person], POS 100 [Politics and Governance] - which I have to load rev and WORK! :D Blocked out the lower portion and put 'stuff' so to speak but truth is, it's really flexible. It's MORE HECTIC THAN THAT. :|

Enjoy. <3

It's gonna be free, it's gonna be real, it's gonna change everything I feel.

And just like fireworks in the sky, I see how this light is going to bring me back to life. :)

It's officially goodbye, SUMMER '08. You sucked, but I still had fun all the same. <3

And as I bid adieu to this painful crest of memories, I still am stuck in disbelief that I've managed to come this far. Even I wasn't expecting that I'd be able to hang on to dear life due to this sequence of drama and laughter in the duration of this excessively thrilling summer break (okay, off with the break. I barely felt it).

Just a few essentials on my list. (The usual. Since I don't have time to kill like everyone else, I really don't have time to blog about random things anyway. HAHAHA. Laaaame. Grabe. I promise to update this more often SOON!)

1. I can't help but think that everything this summer was temporary. Talk about a fling, a probe grade and work that lasted for only less than 3 months. It's like everything was running on a tight schedule, ticking by the hour and just plain short-lived. The more I wanted to immerse myself in these 3 different aspects of my life - a.k.a. commitment (hell again), my permanent course and my work term for the rest of the school year, the more they seemed to have slipped away and drifted into distant oblivion. Perhaps, this is what they call the "some things are just way beyond our control" phase in one's life. That at some point they give as a 'taste test' of the ostensibly good things just to get us stoked and then in a snap they vanish, making us realize that we'd be better off without them - for now. Because we can't forever be alone and single, or jobless or not feeling burnt out. We need the break. I need the break. So unless this rationalizing is helping me get somewhere and upping the rest of my defense mechanisms, then I'm doing quite well on the recovery thing.

2. Speaking of recovery. Let me now put a more formidable definition of depression in my own vocabulary. Depression is a phase that one has to inevitably undergo due to external factors and deal with at any cost, for piece of mind and order in life. I never knew the word depression despite the number of times we tackled it in my Psychology 101 class, or how often I heard of it from my friends and the friends of my friends who have 'experienced' it. Because really, how come other people don't come across it? How come only a few unfortunately have to battle with it? Well, of course we'll never know.

Depression is something that gets to you in times when talking to friends or partying just don't seem enough - when the hype of everything else that lets you be the extreme escapist from your world of problems can't keep you running out of the shutdown. It's the feeling of wanting to be alone, of hearing your mind think out loud and regretting everything that you've done in the recent airing of your soap life. It's the feeling of wanting to undo things and possibly trying to control the rest of those crappy anti-climatic moments, half-wishing that if you only had that power then everything would be alright.

And well you know, it eats you for the longest time. It isn't just a one-time big-time thing that in a moment you can switch back to your genuine happy cheer face. You may feel relief and happiness at some line in between, but at the back of your mind you are unable to dismiss the thought of being beaten and broken deep down inside. Just like me.

I don't know where it went wrong but it's like everything just had to. The things I'm banking on for a promising future just fell on a lapse that led them crumbling and slowly falling apart. Before I knew it, I got my hands full trying to save every tiny piece. I had huge hopes. But I, however, wasn't a 100% successful. Soon, I had to bring everyone down. :(

3. Moving on. I did what I could possibly do to keep me fixated on relaxation on this break-less summer break. I went out to see old friends, savored the trust and freedom from my parents, gulped the fresh air that the last day of summer came offering to me, partied, coffee-d, shopped, revamped and gave everyone a huge bang.

4. Gloss check. How I'm currently feeling? After the rush I got this afternoon, my brain was congested with bright ideas within a few seconds. I know that even if it means living my life the hard way, I have no choice but to take this upon me and try by best to turn things around.

All I need is backup.

My friends are the only thing that's keeping me going all this while. I have love and happiness all around but I have to wait before I totally embrace the entirety of each.

So now, let me welcome June with open arms, new stuff, a clean room and a worked-hard-for event.
Cheeeeriooos! <3