In God's Own Time

For the past two years, Oct. 20 meant shitloads for me. I was celebrating the birthday of a then-important person fussing about surprise party preparations and keeping all our friends happy. 

Today, as I moved forward from the distant meaning of several calendar dates of a past life, I never expected it would significantly mean something different. Until today. 

12:40 PM. I was about to exit my office pantry after another awkward lunch with my new teammate and 'bosses' when I got the text. Mom told me that my lolo was gone and that they were on their way to the hospital. 

A sudden flurry of emotions rushed past me. I held on to my phone and I didn't know how to react at first. Eventually, after what seemed like a long pause, the tears came. I had to let something out in front of my teammate or else I would have gone berserk. 

She advised me to just give myself a good cry since it was the natural thing to do. Instinctively, I did. Then she suggested that I go to the hospital so that I could assist in whatever my family needed at the time. After breaking down in my cube and staring blankly at my laptop, not knowing what to do with my pendings, I gave up and asked my boss's consent to take the afternoon off. Then I headed to Makati to meet the family. 

Multiple organ failure. Roughly at 1030 in the morning after his bath and breakfast (which he was surprisingly amenable with since he usually refuses to make it easy for the help), my lolo's color had changed which alarmed my lola's household. After a surge of panic he was brought to the hospital where he was declared dead on arrival. Later on in the afternoon, we all agreed that he somehow knew that it was his time since he was a bit pale for the past two days and just gave in to the helper's request. Contrary to how people nearing their time would lose the ability to eat or move, he was the exact opposite before finally giving in. 

It was also a good thing that he was given prayer and blessing for a couple of times already care of my lola. Something that was done just in case but none of us expected, at least not anytime soon. 

After a brief discussion of what happened, we had to disseminate tasks in order to prepare for the wake and interment of our lolo. Since it was the highest form of all unexpected events that caught everyone off guard, nothing - literally nothing was prepared to anticipate the situation. My lolo's clothes, the chapel for his wake, even his casket had to be taken care of. So we all had to set off the whole afternoon while waiting for him to get settled in his final bed. 

I was one of the few who was able to spare time and help the family make the necessary arrangements. Three years ago, when he got paralyzed, I was also there when he was rushed to the hospital after an attack. It was the turning point of his life since after being confined for about a month, he was rendered bed rest because of inability to move, walk and even talk. 

I  wrote about it. It was painful to see him grappling on with life at that time. I could even remember giving him my pillow as he held on. But I knew he was a fighter. Even though he spent the succeeding years in a wheel chair, feeding off powdered food and liquid through a tube, I knew he was going to get better. On his birthdays we'd take him out, gather around and give him a cake and he'd cry because we were all there. Every now and then his old friends took the time to visit him it made him extremely happy. Compared to the nights that we spent in PGH and after sending him to Laguna where he and my lola could rest, he looked healthier and more peaceful when I saw him tonight. 

Words could not express how heartbroken I am for losing my lolo - who, for the past 22 years of my life, was full of humor and life, beer in hand always running to greet us asking us to sit down, getting mad if we didn't whenever we'd have family gatherings. It was always comforting to have both of my grandparents while growing up. My dad's side of the family is a pretty big one and my lolo and lola always made it whole and bonded. 

The Santillan side has actually had a pretty rough year. We have witnessed three of our immediate members pass on and it was not easy to let them go. I was excited for November because it only meant the start of the family festivities commencing on my dad's birthday and culminating in my lolo's birthday after New Year. The -ber months were always a jam packed season for all of us. 

For the first time, it would be a pretty lighter celebration knowing that we missed three of our dearest ones. Three holes worth keeping but in the back of our minds, always there above guiding us. I guess I'm still in denial because I find it hard to accept due to the abruptness of what happened. But I know my lolo lived a full life and growing up as one of his grand daughters true Santillan blood and features from him, makes me proud, full and inspired. 

I will be forever praying for him knowing that he served his best in God's given life and that he was able to fight for the family until God's own time. 

I love you Lolo :) 

For the better.

In the spirit of new beginnings and in trying to keep my promises (and priorities alive), I decided to make a major overhaul for this blog. Spruced it up a bit with additional must-reads (especially with my upcoming business blog's link and our designers' links) and added a more personal touch to the overall look and feel. Will shower this will more content since I have a lot of ideas for initial posts already! :) 

Until then, here's a rather fitting quote for a fresh new start! This time, I mean it! Change is always better! ♥ 

Keep the ball rollin' :)

Now that we're finally done with our presentation (will create an entire RANT post about it after), I'm going to finish this 50 questions first. We're still in the conference hall watching the CBP presentations and as a full pledged multitasker with a rather short attention span, I have to finish my long to-do list to keep myself from dozing off. Hihihihihi :) 

6. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? 

    I WISH? Hahaha! Well I highly doubt that I'll be put in a situation with him where I can get THAT drunk in the first place. Hihihihi. 

    But if and in the event that it happens, I hope he would. PATAY NA. 

7. Do you think you'll be in a relationship 2 months from now? 

    I have no idea but I'm pretty sure I won't. Mainly because of the drought and I don't have the time too. After Demo Challenge, a pile of work is waiting for me back home and I have a lot of other things to commit to like teaching, Toastmasters, yoga class and my business. 

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? 

    HMMM. I guess this guy presenting from Maldives. BAHAHA. Kidding. No one actually. I'd like to say it's someone associated with work but I don't really want to go there so. Yeah no one :) No guy is worth my precious brain cells right now.

9. Does talking about sex make you feel uncomfortable? 

    Not really. It depends on who I'm talking to and why we're talking about it. It has to be in the right place with an open-minded person. 

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? 

      My best friend Tep of course :) Our sleep overs don't really constitute a lot of sleeping. In fact we have extended heart to hearts until the wee hours of the morning and wake up just in time for brunch. This deep conversation of course, is about our only pain in life: LOVE. 

11. What does your most recent text say? 

      My most recent text was 2 days ago before I left for SG since I don't have network connection here. It says: Papunta na ko diyan to Mommy Shei. Haha :) 

12. How do you feel about abortion? 

      I feel that it is the most cruel thing any person can do and it actually surpasses the level of murder. I don't understand how anyone can take the life of someone and that someone is inside you, with your genes and potentially a bit of everything in you. However, sometimes it almost seems inevitable for a lot of people. I wish that somehow, women are aware of the consequences tt entails for them, and for the babies as well. 

13. Do you like big crowds of people? 

      It usually depends. I like big happy crowds in parties but for everything else I like to keep myself surrounded by a small circle so  it's more intimate. I also like spending time alone when I have the chance esp. when I work in a coffee shop or when I go window shopping. I've never watched a movie alone though. Hihihi

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? 

      Hmm. I would like to keep myself neutral about that. In as much as I would like to believe in them, I still think that a huge part of the things that happen to us is shaped by our decisions and how we react to situations. It's possible to make our own luck and our own miracles. We always get to decide what and how things should tranpire. But someone said that circumstances are 90% choice and 10% luck so I might have to leave some allowance for luck and miracle to happen. I want to get rid off my cynicism about that since my bias towards the saying 'If there's a will there's a way' is much stronger :)

15. What good thing happened this summer? 

      Good thing? I don't know about good but a lot of things definitely happened. HAHAHA. But I guess I got to travel a lot with my friends. There was a month when I spent consecutive weekends outside Manila. I spent them exploring beaches and food so it was really a good break for me. Other than that, it was work and well, I turned 22 :) PLUS stuff I'd rather not remember. 

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? 

      Surely! I kissed my parents goodbye before I got dropped off at Mommy Shei's for this trip :) 

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? 

      Haha. I used to. Until recently, I grew up. HAHAHA. I think that man has enough resources to discover that. Otherwise we would still be clueless by now.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? 

      I don't even remember who that is. Haha :) Probably not? 

19. Do you like bubble baths? 

      YES PLEASE. In fact, I just had one in our hotel last Wednesday. It relieved me of all the stress, just dipping in a warm ocean of bath suds and bubbles. I hope I could do it again before I leave so I can come home very happy and refreshed. 

20. Do you like your neighbors?

       Of course I do. I actually have a set of village friends who I grew up with. So yeah I love them to bits! I haven't seen them in a while though. 

I will continue answering the other questions next time so I can tick off more stuff in my list! I enjoyed this! Toodles! :) 

Hello there :) This week officially marks THE week of all my hell weeks. Supposedly an upping scale of sorts, a milestone in my career and hopefully the paying off of all sleepless nights, long days, working weekends and just nonstop WORK. 

But before I take the plunge, I would like to procrastinate first by answering a 50-question list (which I got from Tumblr). I used to enjoy this back when surveys were still answered in Friendster and Multiply so this actually says a lot. First few questions for this post. Don't really want to let it eat up all my time. Here goes! 

1.  The last person I held hands with was... my mom I think. We went shopping for my compet clothes this evening. It was crunch time so we kind of ran around the mall looking for the perfect corporate outfit. Hahaha :) 

2. I am every bit of an extrovert as I am so yes, I'm outgoing :) I have a jologs sense of humor but I'm not afraid to make other people laugh by being myself because I know that I can make a lot of sense when I need to. 

3. I'm looking forward to seeing no one actually. I've been busy with a lot of work lately because of Demo Challenge that I can barely fit everything into an exaggeratedly impossible schedule. After this, I'm definitely taking a breather. I'd like to see my best friend, village friends and the usuals, settle down, get a few drinks and celebrate. 

4. I would like to believe that I am. I'm not really the snobbish type (though a lot of people mistake me for one). But I guess once someone breaks the ice I'm super easy to get a long with. I'm not the greatest conversationalist out there but I do make an effort to connect with a person who tries to reach out.

5. HAHAHAHA UHM. PASS? Well yes. Loads of times. I'm known for my messiahnic complex. I just never know when to give up or it takes me a little too long to realize when to drop everything and walk away. Sometimes, just when I think I finally decide to, I come running straight back. Which is sort of a trademark already. I used to believe that for as long as I can hold on to something, it spells all the difference. I can change him, I can save him. But circumstances have taught me otherwise. Sadly, yet at the same time, fortunately, I'm learning it only now :) 

Next questions on another day! Have to get back to my presentation and my red alert post-it! Toodles! ♥ 

SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK!

It's been a long time since I've procrastinated out of anything and for a week now I've only subscribed myself to one motto: I eat stress for breakfast, lunch and dinner. In between, I just simply eat. I desperately cling to the fact that me being burnt out is simultaneously burning all my calorie intake too. HAHA.

DEMO CHALLENGE. I plan to conquer you! We're one written proposal and 5 dozens of slides away from finishing but it's all good. 

I watched the dvd copy of last year's competition so I was able to benchmark my expectations already. It really echoes the Brandstorm vibe in so many different levels. I guess the Asian feel (yes including the panel of judges as opposed to Frenchies) and the nature of the pitch are what set them apart. 

ARGH. But I have to go back to work now. Otherwise it'll be another sleepless night. I'm gearing myself up for a mishmash of occasions for this long weekend. Work-party-work-relax-work juggling kind of thing. 

I still have to work on a lot of things for this blog (side bar, header, description, linksssss) But I hope I get the time. I'm launching my project timelines shortly after my SG trip. PRAY FOR US. TOODLES.

Q2-Q3 Review

Seriously, I should be penalized for always promising to update this blog yet failing at every inch to do so. Pardon my schedule and my penchant for overbooking. It's one of the perks of being single - I get to say yes to every opportunity that comes knocking on my door. I have to be anywhere and everywhere all the time and the last thing I want is to be stuck without nothing to do, even though my life is a huge pile of work as it is.

I've gone a whole month without any substantial updates. My last post was about splurging (wait for the part that uncovers if that's still an issue or not) and I have not posted a single word on my exaggeratedly busy weeks. (For blow by blows, refer to my FB and twitter) So here goes nothing.

(Grabs planner to check dates) 

July swooped in with a lot of gifts and surprises. (It is to the extent that I can't help but cuss under my breath when I look back and dissect everything that's happened) It can even probably win the most eventful month of the year award. But then again, who's to say that the coming months can't get any spicier and more exciting than all of my 22 years combined?

1. Major major work paradigm shift 



Can I just say that working in the major and global accounts has been every bit of demanding, challenging, grueling, tiring, etc.? Negotiations are on opposite sides of the poles. I have been pressuring myself to increase my coverage so that I can already give a comprehensive report on my list come the end of Q3. However, I have to face the fact that I have  a whole other list of commitments that need focus and attention. Plus, some clients tend to be demanding (and I mean a whole new level to that word) so I have to take the extra mile to actually create, revise and overhaul presentations, schedule repeated meetings and do consistent follow-ups. 

What weekends look like for me :) 

2. Demo Challenge 2011


I could still remember my first day at work over a year ago. I sat in the mock presentation of the DC2010 delegates to our president and CEO, head of division and managers. I mused over the fact that I can still get to do what I love doing in HS and college - being the seasoned presenter on marketing competitions, theses, defenses and speeches alike. So, I vowed from that day on, that I was going to be the next representative of the Philippines to the hosting country of the Asian regional finals. 


Nearly a year, cried over drafts, crammed spiels, recycled slides, nagged teammates and supportive other friends later, I was standing on the 15F in front of a panel of judges hoping to become the next DC2011 champion to Singapore. 


Lo, and behold! After crashing down to make up for all late nights' loss of sleep, I got the text saying that not only was I going to SG, I also topped the contest for the division. For a moment right there I was feeling a bit jubilant. It was a milestone in my career and a goal that I set for myself. Once again, I was on the road to making my dreams come true. No one can ever come in the way of that. :) 

Demo Challenge 2011

Needless to say, it's eating a huge chunk of my time right now. The whole stretch of preparations is up until the first week of September. That's already an unwarranted pass to run over my (once in a blue moon) long weekend but hey, I'd be having a mini-vacation when I get there anyway. I promised myself not to entertain side booking for the rest of the coming two weeks so that I could focus on work and Demo Challenge. I'm excited as hell to go to SG and be exposed to other cultures and practices of Canon in the whole region. It's time to actually savor the good memories that I will get from that place when I come back. :) Please wish me luck!

3. Business as usual 

Well my partners and I have had quite a successful test run on our first batch. Although a big struggle for us is finding the right fit for our calendars, we've taken a few baby steps to advance the progress of our business and making it materialize. And I have to say that part of the bottleneck is charged to my account since it's me and my ambitious multitasking that gets in the way of beating deadlines aptly. I swore to help expedite the process once Demo Challenge is over so that we can move on to the next phases of our implementation. 

Please watch out for us in the coming months as we launch our next batch of designed accessories made especially for the requests of our buyers! We're also going to launch our first line of clothes and hopefully bags and shoes! :) Will keep you updated on that. 

4. Toastmasters

Back in college, I had this sort of inexplicable inkling to join this org and help myself enhance my public speaking skills. I never had the chance to, especially with my then-obligations to the bf and other seemingly more important things (of course I was wrong). Even my partners and I at some point tried to venture into joining one chapter to pilot a team that will teach high school students (this offer is still up but later on in the business CSR). Imagine my reaction when the chance to be a guest came, thanks to my Demo Challenge partner Mommy Shie, who I love so dearly just because we have tons of things in common. Toastmasters for one :) 

The experience was everything I pictured it to be, and more. I sat in a room full of yuppies, entrepreneurs and executives  - basically a hodgepodge of people that I don't get to ascribe to as my audience on a daily basis (well long before, but since I'm in the corporate world now, pretty much). What really got to me was the passion and warmth of the people. Never mind that they have to critique the way you organize your speech, the number of times you said aahh, uuhms, or any other verbal crutch, the errors that you made in grammar or how much you went above the given time limit. It was like practicing in a band with long time friends or sitting in a room full of colleagues that don't judge your output but cheer you on to give the best that you have, give constructive criticisms the nicest way they could and still give you  a pat on the back for a job well done. 

That, over and above the fact that it's the nearest chapter that allows us an hour travel time to beat after work rush hour, is the winning reason to actually join that particular chapter (Achievers Toastmasters Club in Makati Stock Exchange). After my first session as a guest with the theme "Style or Fashion", Mommy Shie and I are finally doing our ice breaker speeches a week before we leave for SG. I AM STOKED :) 

5. Fitness First! 

Some good news to top off everything, Fitness First finally gave us our corporate rates for our monthly workouts! I'm really looking forward to this when I come back to SG since I've been gaining a lot of weight (hello frequent drinking and binge eating) and I haven't really spared some time to get my butt out for a short workout. I'd rather spend time refining my solution design in front of a laptop than attend a free session of Barre3 or jog around McKinley. 


This time, no excuses - I'm saying hello to my yoga , hiphop and combat classes again. Not to mention my prolonged hours in the sauna and steamroom and my pretentious cardio minutes in CineFit. Hahahahaha :p 


6. Financial Disability 


With regard to being financially challenged (please refer to last post), I still am in the works of solving this dilemma. My bills just skyrocketed in the last few weeks and I just turned negative with all my pending expenses. I had to get myself a new pair of prescription glasses and book myself a flight to BCD for the Masskara festival on top of a supposed trip to Samar. That and my membership with Fitness plus Toastmasters - all this coming September. Please shoot me now. 


To somehow remedy the situation, my bestfriend Teptep and I are going to hold a small fundraising so that we can pay for our bills and cover up our debts (first to our parents, next to other benefactors). All unnecessary clothes, bags and fairly profitable items will be open for a mini-online garage sale to the public in the coming weeks or so. I pray to have the time for this soon. 


Aside from this, I still need to get a credit card of course and pay my utang to Globe. (BREATHE) I know that funds will easily run out because of all pending travels, bills, night outs and whatever demands of being single are. I promised myself to start learning how to play the stocks soon since that will also give me extra income. BUT JEEZ DO I HAVE ALL THE TIME FOR THIS??? Hahaha. I'm mentally laughing and panicking as I type. 


7. Fling-a-majig 


Given this long list of life-defining pre-occupations, do I still have the time to entertain MEN? Well, here's a pretty straightforward answer: I TRIED TO. But you know where that got me. I never expected to actually like anyone in the course of my career-first disposition, well at least not seriously. I'd have eye candies, crushes and occasional admired guys but not to the lengths of... going out. 


Until this one person actually came along. And that will be spared for a separate and rather lengthy blog entry on questioning what it means to make a move and not follow through, of false hopes and pretenses, of leaving someone hanging, of falling in like and chickening out and of being an asshole. And of course me, being the hopeless romantic who always always foolishly believe too much of the good in people with a side of stupid, overthinking, overreacting and easily FALLING. :) 


But hey no sweat. If I were smart at everything then it'll be the end of the world. So no big. HAHAHA :D 


So there folks. That's all I can throw for my month-long cavorting with life. It's highly ambitious of me to hit the bull's eye and perfect everything but hey, that's MAGIS for me. I just hope I don't drive my crazy along the process. PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE to use this blog as a break and fasten myself to updates! :) My life's been a whole cosmic product of interesting whatnots lately, it's real good not to share. 


Off to work now! :) Toodles! 

Impulse-aholic.

Today, I went into astral projection and saw myself impulsively shop like there's no tomorrow. I'm truly scared at myself and my spending habits.  

I cannot even begin to describe how disappointed I am at myself. I thought I were better, that I could put my endurance to the test, show my newfound self-discipline to greater heights but I who was I kidding? The sole reason why I can't give up carbs? Why I can't really go on a diet? Why it takes me forever to do/give up some things? Why I have an obsession on adrenaline rush? Why it took me so long to write on this blog again? Why I always put myself at the odds of rejection?

Because I can't handle it. For me, a taste of what's good for a fleeting moment is always better than most of its consequences in any given day. That's where the damsel in distress in me comes. This is how I  dig my own grave. It's because I'm so much of a feeler and a sucker for my own emotions that I forget how to think. 

But forget the deeper nonsense. Let's talk financial responsibility. 

I have been telling myself, and for quite a time already, that I really really direly need to be financially wise and responsible. Gone are the days of mindlessly spending on things that I end up using temporarily. Or of doling out cash on other people (and making them charity cases when the total amount can exaggeratedly and unfortunately send someone to HS already, I know) or of not even choosing the better options when 'giving' away my hard-earned cash. I know I'm making up for lost time and a lot of lost opportunities in splurging because of my previous setup but I never planned on making this a monthly habit. I even developed a penchant for buying things I don't need or can live without but just for the sake of, and end up clicking the purchase button or whipping out cash in a flash from my wallet. 

Today, I sorely outdid myself. Before payday, I always have this routine of mapping out and mentally budgeting the things I need (to spend for). Of course the debit/credit, accounts payable and accounts receivable almost cancel themselves out (and in one case even declared AR negative) but the figures don't matter. Just as long as I have the money, I have to make that extra time for a trip to the mall and relieve myself of stress by doing retail therapy. Most of the time it's a lame invention of some kind of self-reward for a difficult and stressed out month. But just how much of a reward is it if it leaves me broke until the next payday? 

So I had a list of things I thought I needed for this month's cash in. A caramel sweatshirt from F21, a backless tee from Terranova and a bag from CMG. This is just the physical retail that I planned to cross out in a day, on top of my online purchase of 3 corporate sheer/layered/fringed/sleeved blouses (the ones I've been trying to peg my styles on lately) from this cute online store. And the list doesn't end there. I also planned on buying 5 sessions of IPL laser for underarm hair removal from Metrodeal since I was getting tired of always going to LayBare lately. 

Feeling primadonna right? Hahaha. This is not exactly what my parents have tried to ingrain in me: spend within your means. It's like, whatever I feel like is of benefit to me, I just end up getting. And paying for it. SIGH. 

So anyway. I went with a good friend with my list in mind. First stop was CMG where I was lured (or myself lured myself) into buying 2 bags! Never mind that I had stuff to buy, I wanted to get a bag for my mom (which as out of my budget) and so I got them! Just like that. I left with two big paper bags in hand. 

The culprit. Photo credits Google. 

And did I mention how bad it felt after a couple of minutes? I didn't last the entire night before going home, without feeling any sorry than I already was for my insanely impulsive self. I thought how else could I have a family without any cash to spare? Or how else could I enroll in financial investment programs? Buy stocks? Park money for insurance like my colleagues and I used to rave about? Even rotate cash on hand for my potential businesses? 

SIGH. 

It's not even shopaholism. I've always been a self-confessed prude on shopping even when I was a kid because I'd always let my parents spend shopping bags for me. But when I started working, it became harder to say no to being a materialistic brat who just has to have everything. 

I am far from knowing how to remedy the situation. But I do know that I have to begin with small steps, set a deadline or establish an achievable short-term goal. Those will be my simple measures of trying to break the habit. From there, only God knows. 

Did I mention that I still have pending purchases online? A phone bill to pay and parents to repay? 

AND end of season sales + shoe in love next weekend? 

PLEASE HELP ME. :( 

And when I do get some answers for this, maybe I would be able to solve my dilemma of always having to impulsively put myself out there to someone I really like and ruin the chances, right? 


RIGHT??? 

Overhaul.

If I had tried to apply for being a columnist, I would have easily found ways on how to not nail the job. Like turning in an article past the deadline for one, and the lack of creativity (or writing skills for that matter) to keep an interest piece actually interesting for another. 

Which is all so funny because I used to write a lot when I was little. I used to draft sample novels and short stories, dreamed that I would be the next Louisa May Alcott of my then-favorite book, The Little Women or Charles Dickens who would create an amazing set of classics as David Copperfield and Great Expectations. Those were the legends, the non-negotiables when a bookworm is to be initiated. After the long stretch of must reads, my choices then matured to contemporary ones with more depth, mystery and insight. 

ANYWAY. As I was saying, I couldn't finish writing to save my life the moment I entered tweendom. Before, my only outlet was this blog. I would bombard it with a lot of trivialities, of senseless thoughts and rants mainly because I was too alone for a time that I didn't bother keeping my life an open book to strangers. Now and then I would update it (to the dismay of the decreasing number of readers) and would leave it hanging for most of the time. 

Now, the sense of blogging in the (and for my) blog world has been redefined. From how I saw it as no more than an online journal, back in the sections of MySpace or Multiply, it has been transformed into a powerful reading tool and a means of self-expression to proliferate and enhance culture, to shape the minds of the modern readers. 

And of course, microblogging has emerged. After my breakup (yes details below), I got myself attached to my one and only BlackBerry. Thanks to easier social access, BB SOCIAL ON, Twitter and Tumblr have been both my bffs next to Facebook in any given day. Of course, I would rather type in a 140 character update of where I am, what I ate or what I did than compose a lengthy entry for everyone and anyone to ogle at and read. 

But now I do not have any excuses. I have fully resolved it in myself that I would, somehow find a way to spruce this blog up, see how the times have rolled and keep it a pretty interesting reflection of how my life has set its course. It definitely isn't the immature, juvenile and naive write ups that I used to post circa 2005 here. However, it wouldn't try to sound as preppy or as choreographed as most blogs do as if writing a column for a fashion magazine. It will be the avenue of my open mind, my adventures, my opinions and my feelings. 

So before I move further, I decided to give myself some rules of engagement. Since this will be an official upping scale of all sorts, I'm establishing a set of seemingly hard and fast rules (which can be broken most of the time depends on my mood, HAHA useless) for the entries that I put here. The content will solely be on things like: 

1. My eternal love for food. 

And no, I won't even try to sound like I'm a foodie. Everything I eat is practically considered delicious already so I don't have to go ala Giada de Laurentiis or Nigella Lawson on anyone. I don't have to dissect the taste, piece the flavors and make up some crap about how the dish is a harmony of whatnots. I know food is worth remembering when it passes one major criteria: It's so good I have to have other people try it by cooking it. So alongside my bouts for the food I try for the first time are the experiments that I make on my journey towards my long awaited stature of life: a stay at home/trophy wife who cooks wickedly delicious meals. 

KIDDING. 

I love to cook and I decided that I make it a weekly habit by cooking fancy lunches for the family. It's a good way to polish my Iron Chef skills in the making without having to attend ridiculously expensive culinary schools which won't get me any closer to earning Michelin stars anyway. (No offense hahaha) 

2. Adventures 

Though the mundane is inevitable, I think I have proven that a lot of firsts and things to be crossed off my bucket list have had the chance to happen at this time and age. This time, I have earned the right to inject some poetic license and to sensationalize these events by highlighting my feelings. Mind you, these will be the only real feelings that will be revealed in the coming months or so, as I have finally coerced myself to shut out all possibilities of unwarranted frustrations and anxiety related to the male species. And yes, that was a bit bitter and shallow. But screw you. 

So, may be it an an afterwork session of beer and Rockeoke, a hike to Sagada or a trip to Shoe In Love (yes, for the most part these are what make up my July's first week), every little adventure is worth documenting. 

There is some kind of liberation when I look back and compare all these to nonsensical entries of how I got stuck in class or the readings I did or the tests I aced and the subjects I unwillingly failed back in my years in the academe. I have so much time that I can invest on doing so many other things that I cannot deprive myself of living just because I have to beat deadlines and live up to the expectations of other people (in this case, my teammates and bosses). 

The time to live is now. I have responsibilities at work and I do them great, but I also have a responsibility to myself. To live. 

3. Projects

Basically anything that falls within ambitions, aspirations, hopes and dreams. Like my upcoming business, my new involvements and things I try to initiate that are a bit of life-changing. Whether it's aspiring to become financially responsible, whether it's a mental debate on getting a credit card, or even the most impossible dream of taking over the world at 22, then I should be able to write about it. 

HONESTLY. I don't know why I have to categorize these things or impose them as if no other subject is allowed. This is, after all, my virtual space that cannot be just left hanging or filled up with junk or creepy blog walkers who advertise or whatever. Just don't expect my blog to trend, go viral or be a part of BlogLovin'. I do not intend to make another space in Wordpress, my loyalty is with Blogspot ♥ 


Therefore, expect to be doused with these couple of things, with much better tags, labels and bookmarked sites on the side scroll. I need to keep up with the times and have a few good reads myself so I can set a benchmark for good writing. (HAHA) But most importantly, it's where I get to share with you the things that interest me the most and get the inspirations for most of the (literary) work that will be coming in. Safe to say that these are all still in the works until further notice. I still have a daytime job too you know. Heehee. 

So here's to more entries, substance or no substance alike, as I finally cheer myself to living life. Moving forward as we say. En route to happiness. (Next entry title) 

'Cause we are all hanging by a thread and it takes no time for us to think, whether to take that leap of faith or not. ♥ 

And so it is, like you said it would be.

I only have a few words to say because up to now I'm still dumbfounded with what happened.

As to why it has, only time can explain.

As to what will, only time can tell.

As to what now, I can only but admit that in the deepest of all pains, I have finally found it in myself to try and understand things as they are. I am not the same girl crying all over the place whenever something threatens to separate us. I have become stronger with the love that you have given me. I have no reason to cry because I was truly happy.

I really don't know what to think yet or how to feel. For now I am just waiting for it pass.

Birthday wish.

In an hour, I will be turning 22. What to make of this day, I'm not exactly sure. Turns out that my month-long celebration has transitioned from steady-ready phase to a big nightmare overnight. But I know this is just how God surprises me in different ways so I have to toughen up and take this as my first challenge as a 22-year old. 

I only want three things for this year (well aside from my material 'needs'):

1. Clarity and steadfastness. 

Have I mentioned how difficult it is when you're surrounded by people who a) constantly complain about their work, b) are very backward, traditional and mediocre with their approach to work and c) who brand you as idealistic just because you lay out insights about giving the company an extra big push? Well it can crack you up at some point just because finding the motivation to keep doing what you do everyday is hard enough, what more when you get stuck in this kind of system. Don't get me wrong, I love my work (or some big chunks of it) but I don't get how these external factors can help me decide if my work is something that keeps me fulfilled or not. If it's something that will eventually lead me to my end goal or not. If it's something that I should settle for or not. If this is a stepping stone to a bigger adventure or not. 

I need to put my foot down. I need to speak to an unbiased professional mentor who can provide me with noteworthy and valuable insights. I tried speaking to my colleagues and not only did I put myself on autopilot mode midway through their senseless, idiotic, self-proclaimed mediocrity of a lecture, I also can't get over how they treated me as 'young, inexperienced, idealistic.' That's just plain wrong. 

I don't need to be your age, experienced and up the ranks, to know what I really want and what I'm not settling for. Please take note of that. 

Because really. I'm tired of seeing people leave just because they're dissatisfied with something which they can remedy with their personal habits in the first place. You don't complain about your basic salary just because you don't have enough money 2 weeks after payday and blame the lack of compensation. Maybe you should stop going to the casino or doing odds so you have money to spare for work or for your basic luhos? Or maybe you can't complain about having to go to work early just because you get so used to being homebased? 

Is it in the nature of work or is it the fact that people can't discipline themselves? 

Anyway. I'll spare this for another entry. 

The deeper reality is this. For the coming months, we are going to be affected by the tragedy in Japan. The external factors, I can resist. But if the management level fails to have me as a regular employee in the coming months, then I have to reevaluate my stay. It's going to be difficult to close sales if we can't issue stocks or have installations because there will be no available units. And no, we are not closing down. We have been asked not to share the details or to stay neutral if any media entity approaches us. But I assure you that the management will do everything that it can to keep the business running. 

As for my personal decisions, I still have to think. Because it's been 6 months and I haven't achieved my first short-term goal. Yet, I don't want to leave the company without accomplishing something. 

2. A birthday cake.

Mango Bravo from Conti's seems such a good treat right now ♡ 

A warm cup of coffee to go with this also sounds good :)

3. A rejuvenated drive to work. 

I hope I finish addressing all of my post-sales problems and focus on developing new accounts. Because really. I was quite appalled at myself for shutting down and just washing my hands off of them after getting tired. I now bear the consequences of letting them prolong, so I have to end them quickly as soon as possible. I was really not the type to let things go out of control in the first place. 

4. PAHABOL:

I also want to have a better sense of financial responsibility now that I am a year older. I have to save up for my new business' capital (soon to come *wink*) and for trips and eventually for my Master's degree. I won't be able to do that if I incessantly succumb to impulsive buying and if I can't pay for simple bills and debts. *SIGH*

Nonetheless, I hope tomorrow turns out well. 

Hello there,

On Letting Go, Losing Weight, Etc.

Long delayed post. I had this idea running in time for an Ash Wednesday post but hello me. I'm still trying to adjust in religiously updating this blog. *Pat on the back* for managing to keep it consistent (for the meantime). Haha :) 

March means one thing. No, scratch that. It means a ton of things. For people in general it means: summer, end of school, spring break, a whole new month to target (awww life in sales) and the chunk of the Lenten season. 

For me it means I get a year older. Yipee ♥ ♡ ♥ This year as I hit the big 2-2 (I feel so freakin' old demmit) I have a bunch of things in my mind and a dozen couple of lists to make. Mostly out of inspiration since it's a fresh new year and things have been on track by far so why not take them a notch higher, make things more interesting and fun? And well some, I have to admit, I should've done ages ago but keep finding reasons not to, thus they are already non-negotiables in the list. 

This month, in attempt to help myself shed the weight I have drastically gained over my pill-popping addiction (no, seriously it was for my hormonal imbalance thing), I added meaning to my 'diet plan' by giving up my one and only love as my Lenten sacrifice...

Rice. 

Garlic rice to be exact. Well actually, the variations of rice don't really matter to me. As long as it's rice, I can gobble it up even without ulam. Hahaha :) I don't need to give up pork or beef since I unconsciously select chicken in most meals and entrees that I eat anyway. Plus I can't live without veggies and fruits. If I'm going to rate myself on the RDA nutrition and diet plan I can score an 8 (since bf gets me eating fastfood things) but I just really overdose on the carbs. I'm also cutting down on the junk (ever since I learned how to eat them again thanks to my unhealthy conscious officemates) and the sweets but I'm failing miserably at the latter. I tried not downing coffee in my morning routine but it wouldn't get me through half the day. So instead, I'm trading an extra half cup on the safe caffeine intake for a bottle of energy drink (i.e. Cobra Smart/Sting Strawberry) since it gave me hyperacidity for 3 consecutive days. 

I couldn't think of what else to give up since it's already difficult as it is. I've been trying this for the past couple of years but nothing seems to do the trick. I was thankful enough to have the trusty Diet Dojo in SOM Mall when I was a junior in Ateneo. I was able to eat salad for lunch for a couple of months (I miss their steak and potatoes combo and chicken with citrus vinaigrette :|) so despite my ex bringing me Starbucks and banoffee pie (our sweet craving back then) on a regular basis, I was comparatively skinnier way back then. 

I super miss those days. 

I've set my goal and have laid a strong foundation to achieve it. Jogging on weekends, no rice and... get this: a gym membership for my birthday. I was strolling through Megamall today (after field work of course, HAHA) and I saw the Slimmers World booth. I was lured into an enticing sales pitch right away. At first I thought it was hard sell because the consultant was showing me pictures of 'satisfied customers' and their before and after poses. But when he got to the package part, I was just stunned with a this-is-too-good-to-be-true mocking expression on my face. 

Their current promo entitles an applicant to an all inclusive fee of a buy 1 take 1 gym spree. So 1 month plus 1 month, 3 months take 3 and so on. The 6 month-offer was the best choice since it extends to a year's worth of membership for only... Php 9,600 (0% interest if credit card) and Php 8400 for cash (well I know where they recovered the cost anyway). This already includes unlimited gym time - use of equipment, training program with instructors on the 1st 2 days, locker use, AEROBICS classes - power yoga, yogalites and all those cool workout stuff which I'm really after - plus the consultant even threw in a Php 4500 GC worth of treatment if I bring a friend along (that's diamond peel and a Swedish massage hellyeah) and a free gym bag. I don't know if this is just me but Slimmers World is a very reputable fitness center so I say it's worth the deal. Hahaha. The only problem is where to source my funds for this seeing that I have been splurging on summer items, accessories, weekend beach trips and I have pending expenses like: gadgets, a Cebu trip, corporate clothes, hair re-perming and field shoes in my list. 

*SIGH* 

But anyway. I'm already sleepy and I need to rest for another packed day tomorrow. Will continue this when I have time. Up next: birthday stuff, business plans and long lists! Ciao!