I was there and you were my baybeh=p

Wow. The weekends were... indescribable. Well not really. Last Saturday was... I don't know. Kinda off for hon and I considering how many times we fought within the day. We weren't in good terms for most of the day and we had to patch things up over at Ian's place. It was kinda funny how we fought.

It was the second time that we had this petty fight over the thing with the microphone during Mass. Ang kulit talaga niya eh. Kasi the other mic's for Ian and Ann and the other's for Hon and I. So couple duets.ü He was making this weird voice which I was really afraid of being heard over the sound system. Kung nagkataon yari pa kami kay Father.

So there. He got mad claiming that he wasn't doing anything 'daw'. And then after that, he was just cold towards me. So the vulnerable me was crying a little after that. You know how our mechanism works. We were quarreling in the middle of the street when I decided that I was gonna go after him. I said sorry but it didn't seem enough. He simply walked away and mentioned that he was gonna head to Ian's place. It was my prerogative to follow him,which I actually did. Then he said that if I was gonna go to Ian's place then he'd rather go home. So we had to drag each other and he was like ordering me to go home. I was refusing at the condition that he will not be mad at me anymore. Apparently, he wasn't amenable with that so he 'went home' instead.

So I went inside Ian's room to basically rant and release my tantrums=p After everything I said there was a knock at the door and yeah, it was him; eavesdropping. Obviously, he heard everything I said. At that, we went outside to errr, uhm.. fight? Hahahaha=p Well not really. I was reprimanding him and he was like laughing. It was quite funny. Basta we just laughed it off.

So there. We talked until midnight planning on what we'd do for yesterday. It was quite a success because...

We pushed through with our plans to watch the UAAP game of AdMU vs. UE. We reached the game a tad bit before the 2nd half ended. Mita, one of my closest hs friends, was there with us and the three of us cheered for THE ateneo. Hahahaha=p Kidding. I don't want to be that ass. As usual hon was pissing me off with his 'Lasallista' at heart side comments. Hahaha=p It was really fun. The game was super hyped up. I just realized that I didn't know much of our cheers yet.

We left right before the game ended to make sure we'd get out of the Phil. Sports Complex alive (there were a lot of people in the UE bench---> quite overpowering the Ateneo crowd). Hon and I went to Mcdo taft. Our SANCTUARY. The most significant place in our lives well aside from my room, his room, Ian's room, hahahahaha=p JOke.

We ate, took pictures and went home.

Then something happened which I don't really want to talk about. ='c

Today was just fun.c= It's an Ateneo holiday because of the feast of St. Ignatius. So we had no class but I had to make an excuse for me to go out because Hon and I brought our butts to the gym. Gold's gym baybeh=p

It was fun but I'm not really a gym babe so I was sort of you know.. sluggish at the prospect of having to work out. Well, unfortunately, my prediction of having an encounter with my in-laws turned out to be true. The place wasn't devoid of their existence which was quite okay but it caused me to panic so I accidentally locked my locker with the key inside it. So the lock had to be destroyed in order for me to claim the rest of my things.=p

After that, we went to SM to eat such a hearty merienda.c=

Then we went home.c=

It was really fun♥♥♥

It's raining yet i don't feel so bad.

Well, yesterday was a series of petty fights between hon and i. It was really crappy. --->TBC. Have to get prepared for this afternoon's gameü

What a bad day.

I do not know how to start descrbing how crappy my day was yesterday.

First of all, we had our freakin' long test in Math 11. Far from what I was expecting, the test was pretty easy... Well I was anticipating something much harder. Given that test, I won't be able to forgive myself if I still flunked it. And then...

I was really in a bad mood because hon was treating me like trash. My girl blockmates were actually laughing at me while I was shouting at him over the phone. Well, it did seem really loser-ish that he had to play dota with his friends first before actually settling plans for picking me up. I had to wait blahblahblah. You know... and then I got really mad because he said it was okay for me to go home at 6 p.m. even if I had to commute all the way from ateneo. That, which according to Laine was so 'gago' of him to do, really pissed me off and so I had to attend training with a really really bad mood.

To worsen things, I had to endure training with the sense of being a novice, a newbie and an amateur debater all at the same time. During our GD with our faci Faith, almost all of my groupmates were like already close...not like. They were. They already knew each other from previous debate competitions or seminars and that gave some of us less authority to talk. Well, at least me... I didn't quite like the idea of having to shut up for them. So that took my low spirits a notch lower.

When I was having my training, hon was texting me that he'd pick me up which I thereby refused at the peak of my really pissed mood. So, I told him to go home because I didn't want to see him. When I got to taft, I got stranded for almost an hour so I had to go back to Ayala so that I could ride a van via Skyway...argh.

I appeared at our doorstep a little before 10, dripping wet. I was so tired and I was on the verge of tears. (wahahaha. SO emo.)

And then I called him up to check whether he was home or something only to find out that he was mad. THE NERVE. He was mad at me for what? For feeling offended at what he did???
On what grounds does he have any right to be mad at me? Haaaay.

So I slept.

Then I'm here at home with nothing to do. I'll try to see if I can hook my friends up so I can go out and have some fun.

I wish I could partey even if there's rain.=c

Waaaah!!!

Math long test tomorrow!!! Panic!!!

Let me hold you♥

I've been quite counter productive today. Hahaha=p Well, I just had to attend to that pricing activity for our church org's garage sale in the coming weeks.

Hmm. Well, we are yet to know if there are classes tomorrow. But chances are, there will be unless you know, the rain's gonna pour like cats and dogs before 12 am.

But for all it's worth, I'm pretty much okay with the idea of having class tomorrow. After all, I'm halfway done with my papers and I just have to study for our review in Math.=p

I'm relaxed and all...I have no idea why. I was so hyped up while working this morning. I stayed up until two am. Hon and I didn't get much time to talk today. I sure hope he can still call later. Oh well.

I miss him.

Ciao♥

Sometimes you just have to understand...

Yeah. There comes a time when you have to have an extra ounce of patience to be able to deal with the utter complexion of the human mind.

You may never seem to understand it at first, but then waiting for the right time and seeking for answers is always a given. You just got to have the right temperament to be able to deal with it; calmly and cooly.

At the end of the day, you end up having thoughts, puffy eyes and new stories for laughs from some of your old friends... And then, you can just be thankful that in some way, you see the other light of having to undergo such difficulties.

God loves you and your better half and so that's why He's making you surpass all those trials. You emerge as a stronger couple...you learn to accept things which are out of everyobody else's league. Probably difficult, but you're the ones who benefit more in the end. Nevertheless, you may never seem to stop questioning yourself why such things had to happen.

Answers aren't always there; ardent faith just has to be relied on.

After all, things do happen even for the insanest reasons.

And when they do, little faith is of no option.

Holding on to each other 's hand might just do the trick♥♥♥

Sometimes, even if you're about to give up, your last ounce of gut and energy may be worth the damn shot.

I'm really on the mood to contemplate on things right now. Well, as you can see, I'm having a downright crisis on how to live my freakin' life. Yeah well, sometimes I may have a 'perfect hit' in life but then you just can't stop feeling spastic and devastated once it gets really crappy.

Yeah, you can never feel too much stress and too much emotion or else you'll explode. More often than not, I'm that. Or I just find it easy to breakdown and find walls closing in on me. I just come to think that I've no more option but to accept some things or that I just have to let them stay that way. Because it's much easier to accept than try to change what's bound to remain its being forever?!

When have I been that type of person? I don't know. I don't usually give up on things. Battling for what's right and what should be has been my thing since time immemorial. But then again, who says I can't give up?=c I don't know. It's only now that I feel my life's less perky, full of shit, worthless, blahblahblah. Whatever. I'm always depressed these days. Sabi nga nila Niko, emo daw ako. Which is so true. But, I can't solely blame myself. There's family, love... I miss my friends, you know, the real people whom I can crash and burn with. Not that I don't have any true friends at school. It's just that, they don't know me that well to empathize on how I feel. Most of the time, I'm just wearing this facade; making people believe that I'm happy, busy and giddy. But deep inside, I'm really not. Maybe that's why I'm working real hard on making my relationship with hon work. It's only him that I get to talk with all this time. I rant when I want to, I can just share whatever woes that I have with him; no limits, no reservations.

So in turn, when it's him that becomes my problem, I have a really hard time dealing with it. As in. Against all odds and ends, I'm ready to go suicidal. But that's not it. I mean, we have to at least accept the fact that at this point in our relationship, doing stuff illegally should be accepted, even the most stupid fault should be forgiven and the tinsiest flaw should be understood. Having fights is almost natural as it is inevitable. However, there's also a downfall to an overly repeated frequency in doing those things. Trust can be broken and emotional damage can be done; which I guess, for the most part is happening to me now.

I wouldn't write specifically what happened because I myself am taken aback. Retelling what happened gives it more authority to be admitted and I wouldn't want to do that.

I just hope that even if I didn't throw the ring, this day was worth it. The fun that we had in MoA and all that.

I also wouldn't want to beg for his love and for his conscience to mind me. After all, if he says he won't do it again, I should bank on that. Maybe it would be enough.

If at the event that I overuse my naive sense and I give up... as in drawing my last breath, I think it would be at God's will and command. And I know, that if it's bound to happen, then I'd be able to overcome the excruciating pain and eventually, move on.

But for now, I'd have to remain strong. Because for as much as possible, I'd want him to be with me forever; whatever crisis I may have, whatever shit happens in my life.
No one can say how long we'd endure the test of love...

no one, except him and me. ♥♥♥

Only when I'm with you can I forget that the world's falling apart - my ym status.

What happens when guys make girls jealous... (bulletin post from Friendster)

A boy and a girl, the best of friends. From elementary to high school from beginning to end.Through all those years their friendship grew.They both felt the same, but neither knew.Each waking moment since the day they met. They both loved each other sunrise to sunset.He was all she had in her terrible life. He was the one who kept her from her knife. Shewas his angel, she made him smile.Though life threw him curves, she made it all worthwhile.Then one day things went terribly wrong.The next few weeks were like a very sad song.He made her jealous on purpose he tried.When the girl asked, "Do you love her?" on purpose he lied. He played with jealousy like it was a game.Little did he know things would never be the same. His plan was working but he had no clue.How wrong things would go, the damage he would do.One night she broke down, feeling very alone. Just her and the blade, no one else home.She dialed his number, he answered, "Hello"She told him she loved him and hung up the phone.He raced to her house just a minute too late. Found her lying in blood, her heart had no rate.Beside her was anote, in it her confession.Her love for this boy, her only obsession.As he read the note, he knelt down and cried.Grabbed her knife, that night they both died. She was found in his arms, both of them dead.Under her note his handwriting said: "I loved her so, she never knew.All this time I loved her too."

Awwww. Emo to the highest level. Hmmm. What's happening ba? Ewan. I'm leading such a dfficult life right now. But it's okay. I'm up for the challenge. ♥♥♥

I just have to be strong.

Another perky day♥♥♥

My mood today is quite the opposite of how I was yesterday. Well obviously I'm bubbly and vibrant once again. Last night, Hon and I were able to patch things up so now I'm really really happy. That's not the sole thing which lifted my spirits up. Before I went to the caf yesterday morning, I remembered that the roster for the ADS would be released before Friday so I decided to check the ADS board. Hmmm. I skimmed through the long list of names in the first column. I wasn't there. But...on the second column, my name appeared I think third from the top. I felt really ecstatic. As in. Whooo. I am now a bonafide member of the ADS. Yehes.=p Pagkatapos ng paghihirap. Finally. I thought there was a slim chance of getting in, but now...I'm juts happy and proud.♥

But one thing about accepting my slot in the ADS was comprising STRAINS. I sort of had a talk with the HRD Head due to my conflicting schedule but then I wasn't able to make adjustments. In short, I wouldn't be able to join STRAINS anymore. Besides, ADS would be taking up much of my time anyway. so there.

It's okay. Basta. Even if things are quite crappy at home, I'm here. Just here♥ Happy as not really always. I have a lot to do this weekend. Although I have to scratch Mist (haaay, there goes my first party at a bar) because of my ADS seminar this Sunday. Hon and I have plans for tomorrow in celebration of our 13th monthsary. Haaay. may this be forever.♥♥♥

I love my life.♥♥♥

Fucked up. Emo.

What Hurts the Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

Back on track. ♥♥♥

One comment. I'm so abnormal. I'm moody, restless and senseless... in any way that Ashlee Simpson can try to describe it in her song. I was so sleepy last night because I stayed up trying to get a grip. I talked to Niko and Kelly... Who gave me a balanced level of advices: Niko being him...kalokohan as always; Kelly being the serious, mellow dramatic and empathetic one. We actually have plasn on gatecrashing in the NAsHDC. Well, if I actually pass ADS, then I'd have the license to be there. So I\ll have to keep my fingers crossed.♥

After that, I updated the scrapbook so now it looks like...whatever. Hon and I talked briefly last night and we're going to meet up today. So there. Now that I've got things in order again, I have to finish this because I'll type my paper pa.♥

I'm lovin' it.♥♥♥ Toodles=p

Selfish.

I don't know. There are just too many things that continue to bother me.

This day was marked with all moods imaginable. I got anxious, ecstatic, spastic... So, do you think I may be diagnosed with some psychological malfuncts? Haaay. I really don't know. I had my ADS pub speaking tests this morning. I think I did well... or I just think that. Basta I did my best. God will have to do the rest. As usual, I attended my classes. Had a four hour break... and then after pe Ria and I just stayed at the caf until my dad came to fetch me.

And then... I don't know. I'm at a loss for words='c

Work...

Today's nothing out of the ordinary. I'm just here at home blankly staring at the pile of work that I have to do. Okay, not so much of being coerced to do it, but I'd also want this day to be productive. And it's not like I'm not used to really working hard. I've been doing this for like, forever.

So there. I'm not really giddy yet not really spastic. Not that I have anything to be mad about. Hahaha=p

So there, better finish this so I can relax and chill. Chillax. Whatever.=p

Toodles♥♥♥


[EDIT] Ahaha. I just had my first driving lessons with my dad kanina. Hahahahaha=p Wala lang. I feel so good with myself. Anyway, have lots to finish pa. Till here. Babooo=p

♥Oh happy day♥

What a day. A really happy day.

Well it didn't really start off well in the morning. My mom was barking at me with her hand waving the phone. Apparently, she had talked to my YB moderator and there was something about responsbility blahblahblah. So I had to go to St. Paul to drop some stuff off and then I went home to go back to sleep and do some other important things.

I was rather sleepy and my eyes were puffy because I cried a great deal last night. I was really affected with how Dumbledore died in HP 6 (yeah, I only finished it last night) and how the story ended. True enough, it provided much suspense as to how the sequel will be continued. I thought a lot about how Tara said that J.K. Rowling was obviously pressured and in a hurry in finishing the story. I thought it was quite oaky. There were just a lot of added information which weren't really established in the past books.

So there. I woke up and then Hon came here to help me with stuff. We ate pansit (courtesy of my parents), chocolates, he let me practice my impromptu speech for two rounds, we watched the Portugal vs. Germany football game, some other stuff in Animal Planet and a lot more. So basically, I was with him for half of the day.

We then attended Mass, had a leisure walk after. He's going to leave for Batangas tomorrow to attend his relative's wedding.

I'm going to be left behind, missing him...=c but also doing a lot of productive work until he comes back. Remind me to update our scrapbookc=

Toodles♥♥♥

Additional stuff to do♥♥♥

Here are some added things on my stuff to do:

1. Rescheduled public speaking tests - Tuesday (10:00 a.m. and 11:00 a.m.)

2. Freshmen party - Mugen Bar @ Metrowalk, Ortigas (not sure if I got the place right)
- this party's arranged by JV and his friends (I heard)
- July 22

3. STRAINS Jumpstart - July 15, Saturday

4. Make-up class in Ma 11 - July 17 - 4:30 p.m. - 6 p.m.

5. No Classes - July 31
- Feast day of St. Ignatius of Loyola

That's pretty much it♥♥♥

Wahahaha. No classes today, but classes resume tomorrow=c

Anyway, that pretty much explains it. I have to finish my essay in ADS. So far, I have just finished reading the first few chapters of HP.♥♥♥

"Rained in"

Haaaay. I want to go back in high school. Classes were easier to suspend then. =c

Now, we just have to envy those in the lower levels because they get to enjoy this freedom while we don't.

Hurrah to college life.

BOooooh.=c

I wish there are no classes tomorrow. No public speaking tests too.

Ahoy!!!! All aboard.=p Nyaknyaknyak.

I'm really tired.=c Last night I went home at 9 o'clock because my ninong (who just arrived from Ireland), my dad and I had dinner at Galle. We also went to my ninong's condo before we went home.

Well, anyway, it's nearly time for my next class so I'll make this short and quick.

I just want to have something to remind me of the things that I have to do for the coming days. Come to think aabout it, as I was enumerating these stuff to hon last night he thought I was pressuring myself too much. Not really. It's just safe to keep track on things especially now in college when I have to do things on my own.

I had my ACTM and STRAINS interview this morning. They both went well and I hope that I'll get in. I'm going to have my public speaking tests this Thursday because I had them rescheduled.

So there, anyway.

Here's a follow-up to my previous list of things to do:

1. IAC games next week

2. Apply for my driver's license - target date: July 25

3. Apply for my ATM - I have no idea when
- John told me to prepare a copy of my birth certificate and blahblahs

4. DO my portfolio in Physics (which I"m currently working on)

5. STUDY.

6. Driving lessons with dad

7. Accomplish essay by the end of the week

8. SLE on July 21 (STRAINS event)

Rarrrrrrr. Remember people's birthdaysü

So there, I have to finish my physics to lessen the burden. Toodles=p

***The adjs for the public speaking tests are from the ADS Team B so no ****y for now=p

Assessing my time management skills.

Whew. A lot of stuff have been happening lately (as I have always said) and I still have tons of stuff to do for this week. As in tonsssssssssssssss. Anyway, here's a list of what I'm up to so as to keep things in order. You know, time management and making priorities straight.

I'm so in the mood to be very busy right now after spending the earlier half of my weekend with my asawa. The past week was pretty much an achievement because not only have I been promoted to regular math (hurrrah!!!), I have also signed up for my orgs this year; the ones I'm gonna do some serious work with for my whole freshman year and for all of the coming yearsc=

Now, on the things I have to do:

1. Finish my papers due for next week.
- Write-ups for the yearbook: History of St. Paul, descriptions, message from the editors, blah2
- Autobiograhpy in EN 11
- paper on the nature of prejudice (EN11 again)
- home experiment in PS 1 (although it hasn't been emailed yet)
- homework in Fil 11
- post lab report in PS 2

2. Accomplish my prepared speech, essay and prepare for my impromptu speech for my ADS application. - I never thought that joining it would have a lot of pre-requisites.=c I'm beginning to feel that I'm going to have slimmer chances of getting in. I don't know. I just have to pray.
- Which reminds me: I have to prepare stuff to help with the training of our Paulinian debaters for the NAsHDC.
- Roqui also invited me to adj on the Debate sa Filipino come August.

3. Have my org interviews on Tuesday.

- ACTM: 9:45 a.m.
- ADS: 10:50, 11:00 a.m.
- STRAINS: 11:30 a.m.

* Doesn't look like I've overloaded, have I?

4. Trainings on volleyball during Mondays and Thursdays, 4-5 p.m. - Whaaaa. This reminds me that hon's soccer trainings have been moved on the same days. Hahahaha=p Coincidence or meant to be?=p

5. Update my blog: put pictures on my OrSem Week and some other stuffü

6. Upload the Windows Service Pack 1 to make my datacable compatible with the PC. I haven't been able to tranfer my pics from my fone yet=c

7. Chill. Relax. After this tiring list of activities, I just got to have time for myself. I should shop, hang-out with my friends, have fun with my family and of course, spend time with my asawa... because at the end of every tiring day, all makes sense when it's him that I come home toc= Everything's just worth it.

8. I almost forgot, I still have duties for my church org and the YOC.

9. And then, when all's done...

I have to thank God for giving me such a wonderful lifec= It may have its rough times, but I'm still thankful all the same.c=


[EDIT] Putngna. You have an effin' cellphone but you can't be contacted. He knows just how I hate this. I really really really do hate this.

He went to the gym with his mom at like 3 p.m. and I have no idea where he is now.

Things which are too hot to handle.

I haven't slept normally for the past few days and I don't care.

Hmmm. College is a bit tiring. Or maybe 'a bit' is an understatement. I don't know. I haven't quite adjusted to the way life works in college.

So there.

Wait, continue this next time. Emergency...

Depressed.

I actually lack sleep. I've lots of stuff to do... I'm getting super depressed... I'm having mood swings. Haaay.

It's one of these times that I'm about to have my .

Rainy days are a bummer.

Raaarrr.
Thanks to the rain, our physics class was a free cut. It's 8 a.m. and my next class doesn't start until 1:30. Nampuch.

So there. I'm here at the lib looking for something to do. Gaguhan with my guy blockmates i guess. =p

Hahahaha. The past few days have been really cool: my InTACT Orientation, Miguel's Birthday party, Hon's first adventure here in AdMU.ü

I'll make this long next time. We're gonna go the caf eh=p Baboo.