WOOHOOO.

I'll stop the world and melt with you.

YES YOU. <3

POOOF.

It's been two months since I actually lay hands on a cigarette.

Well not actually. There were occasional lapses but I was consistent enough to dodge any temptation that would come my way. It's not so much of breaking a bad habit. It never was anyway. I just wasn't that stressed enough to break the urges of going back to the smocket.

UNTIL TODAY.

Because I'm so damn frustrated by you. :'(

Sometimes people write the things that they can't say.

It's 1 o'clock on a Sunday morning and I've just finished the last two episodes of One Tree Hill S05. (I know, the biggest loser right.)I know the season ended last summer and it's only now that I got to finally wallow over the season finale. And omg, I can't wait for September.

So as usual, watching this kind of TV series in the middle of the night makes me go about and think of... I don't know. STUFF. Haha. But before I crack myself up and lose every bit of intellectual sense that I could possibly make, I think I may as well concede to this emo post.

This week was, as surprising as it is, not the usual feeling of all sorts. Especially if sleeping and eating patterns are involved, more than eyebags and squirming insides, there's an anxious heart, a semi-insane brain and frustrated hormones, I guess well, this must be quite serious.

Sometimes, doing great doesn't seem to fill the void anymore. What's worse is that, no matter how I try to keep myself busy and peaceful, attending to work and just ducking away from every potential source of distraction, it just always finds me. :| Or I may, out of no apparent reason, bump into it out of nowhere.

It's hard enough to let things pass when everything around just seems to constantly demand for something. But I can't get to all of them at once, not right now when I feel like I'm about to tip off the edge of my left foot toe - the only one thing that's keeping me balanced all this while. I have my own pace and my own time but how come? ...

PARANOID. I don't think I could handle this at my best so I apologize in advance. :(

Okay this is all mumbo-jumbo. All I know is that I was doing okay and then here's another big wave about to devour me. OHWELL.

I'll put this poetic rendezvous to rest, or rather lack thereof.

So what's a damsel in distress got to do if there isn't any option left? I say, SLEEP! Haha.

To all those lost souls who have forgotten to believe in the immensity of love.

- Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill

Something's brewing.

In the words of my good friend Bixie after she found out about a... :D All I can say is happy happy joy joy. A bit scared though. Won't jinx it so I might as well forget about it for now and let things fall into place.

Bizarre.

I had such a great weekend. BOW.

After 2 tormenting days of all-coffee and no-sleep because of this thing called Marketing (and all the factors that count in) - the first pass. The moment we realized that one week is not enough to finish the three chapters with extremely limited resources (internet and school databases), we knew we were in for a rough week.

Imagine the worst combinations ever: loooong hoooours sitting on my poor ass, eyes, ears and hands on my lappy and spending 80% of my time in Matteo toiling away like an elf.

On the brighter side, we were able to finish it and even beat Matteo's closing time - like we did last Friday. HAHAHA. GRABE.

It's a good thing my groupmates and I happen to have a pretty quick reboot time so we were able to suck it up and hold ourselves together up to the last minute. Friday was concluded with a food binge session in Teriyaki Boy and ooooh I'm beginning to <3 Japanese Fridays.

Day 1. :)

Tboy Madness. <3>

I slept over at Laine's just to make sure we'd finish the project in time for Saturday. We wanted to go out Saturday night so we adjusted our ETA (estimated time to accomplish) in the afternoon. After that, it's sleeeeeeep and night out. But since my friends and I sorely wanted to go to Sensual Saturdays in Alchemy, oh what the heck. My week was that stressful to push me into spending the night out with a maximum of 3 hours of sleep.

The dj's got me feelin' like I did when I first met you. :)

The next day was a movie [Dark Knight - KEWLNESS] with Nie and SHOPPING in ATC. WOOOHOOO. I love it. :)

This was never necessary.

I hate to admit it. But the simple things you do can make me laugh. And worse, make the best part of my day. I barely even see you now. I don't know why it just makes me feel good to spend time with you again.

For the weight obsessed.

Nicked this off Y! News [Time.com]. :)

Are Fat Calories More Fattening Than Carbs?

Tue Jul 15, 10:10 AM ET

Grilled Skirt Steak Sandwich with
California Avocado and Blue Cheese
(Photo: Business Wire)

If you're one of millions of Americans trying to lose weight, you probably wish you had a more effective diet than the one you're on now. And if you're wondering whether Dean Ornish's low-fat diet will help you shed pounds better than Dr. Atkins' low-carb menu, the answer is simple: it doesn't matter. Scientists know that on a molecular level, different types of starch and different types of fat have varying effects when they hit the body. But in terms of weight loss, low-fat diets and low-carb diets overall are equally effective (and, most of the time, neither will help you keep the weight off long-term), says Walter Willett, chair of the department of nutrition at Harvard School of Public Health. Here's why.

Q:Will eating a calorie of fat make you fatter than eating a calorie of carbohydrate?

A: From many kinds of studies conducted over years, we are quite confident now that a calorie from fat will cause a similar amount of weight gain as a calorie from carbohydrate. There are some interesting questions about whether eating carbohydrate calories versus fat calories will make you eat more calories, but based on what you put into your mouth, it's pretty clear that the source of the calories is really not important.

[Whether fats or carbohydrates are more filling] is one issue that's been raised - but it's been raised on both sides. The best way to get to the bottom line is to look at long-term studies where we randomize people to a high-fat/low-carb diet or to a low-fat/high-carb diet and follow them for at least a year or more. That kind of study takes into account the possibility that one kind of diet provides more satiety; so, over the long run you would see more weight loss on that diet. But those studies - half a dozen or more such studies have been done - show quite clearly that the percentage of calories from fat has very little effect on long-term weight loss.

One possible footnote to this issue relates to some recent evidence on trans fats. We have seen in our studies that people who eat more trans fats seem to gain more weight, even when the total calories are the same. I was a little skeptical about that, in part because we're not quite sure we can measure calorie [intake] precisely enough. [It's hard for people to track their portion sizes to the gram, or even be sure of exactly what they're eating, especially if they ever eat out.] But in recent five-year feeding study in monkeys - they're animals so you can control their diets - the monkeys on the high-trans-fat diet gained more weight. They gained about 7% of their body weight over a five-year period, compared to the monkeys on a low-trans-fat diet, who gained about 1.5% of their body weight over five years.

So there may be something more complicated going on there. But there's not any good data [to explain why a calorie of trans fat should cause more weight gain than a calorie of something else]. It may be that on the high-trans-fat diet you're more likely to push those calories into your fat cells rather than your muscle cells - and muscles burn calories 24 hours a day. In the long run, that could make a difference in weight gain. But that's speculation. We're really not sure.

We've now looked at over 250,000 men and women for up to 30 years, and we [also] haven't seen that the percentage of calories from fat or from carbohydrates in your diet makes any difference in relation to heart attacks, various cancers, or stroke. Having said that, the type of fat is very important, and so is the type of carbohydrate. So we find that trans fats, again, are particularly harmful with regard to type 2 diabetes and heart disease. On the other hand, unsaturated fats are actually beneficial in terms of reducing the risk of heart disease and type 2 diabetes. It's the same with carbohydrates. The total amount is not important. But high intake of refined starch and sugar is related to a higher risk of heart disease and diabetes, whereas high-fiber whole-grain carbohydrates are related to a lower risk. That's not too surprising, as we know that high intakes of sugar and refined starch have an adverse effect on blood glucose levels.

So the quality of the diet is really important, but just looking at fat versus carbohydrate misses where all the action is. View this article on Time.com

Stress ball. Woaahoaah.

Stress sometimes makes me want to curl up into a big big big ball and have an excuse to go on a hiatus.

Speaking of stress and a ball, yesterday while I was in need of a new umbrella, I found myself wandering around the LS Bookstore and perusing its many non-bookstore related merchandise. Although, I have to say they're brilliant and essential to a student's everyday life - you know each person has to have a device that will help him/her cope with the stress. Hence me, the amazing splurger on nonsensical things like... TADA! My very own STRESS BALL.

Yes. It was so white and squishy and shaped after a volleyball that it just called my name, immediately ridding me off of my stress. HAHAHAHA.

I'm planning to paint it tri-colored blue, yellow and white like a Mikasa, complete with my own personal touch. Hahaha. :)

So there you go. I have my own ball to squeeze whenever my creative and intellectual juices suddenly decide to stop flowing. It's right here on my study desk ready to be tortured. Oooh I love it. :) My 5 best friends now are my planner [plus Staedtler felt pens], meeting notebook, cellphone, lappytoppy and STRESS ball. [Maybe I should start naming my stuff too? Haha.]

Some things to be stressed right about now:
a. MARKETING first pass - 0 group output. [CRYYY]
b. Projects here and there - CoSA, Sanggu Junior batch and SOM Week deliverables
c. PolSci papers and readings - AGAIN
d. Events - RAAWR
e. CS - ohmaygad. Not another groupwork.

Meanwhile, some things to look forward to:
a. CoSA PR VP and AVP quickfix photoshoot for GA and PR purposes. HAHA
b. Family get-together and Engaz night out on Saturday
c. Business group discussion and sit down lunch on Sunday :)
d. WOOOOOOHHHH

Get ready ball! You are in for a lot of squeezing! <3

The perks of cramming. Must be U.B.E.

It's 1 on a Monday morning and I should be most likely sleeping but well, I'm not.

I'm currently making a ygroup for my Program Committee for SOM Week. A task I have delayed long enough for the past week. GAAAH. I hate this. I really do. But well, I've done many a thing not really related to school work and stress over the weekend so it serves me right. I should finish everything within this morning. HAHA. :D

On the brighter side, nothing beats relaxing and patching broken relationships within a span of two days. It all began last Wednesday when I ran across my good friend Rica and she introduced the meaning of U.B.E. to me.

For those who don't know (and a loser like me, who found out only now) UBE means the Ultimate Bonding Experience. I know right. It's a kind of jargon used for orgs, org activities and most commonly by friends. It's been around for like forever and I'm one of the last to find out! Hahaha. Let's say for example, I'm going out with my friends this weekend because we haven't had an opportunity to have an UBE for the longest time. YAAAY. Alchemy here we come. <3

Friday - I was having a really bad Thursday evening until Teptep asked me if I could sleepover in her place for an ultimate UBE time and a girls-only-night-out on Friday. I wasn't able to ask my parents though seeing that we had this huge rift caused by their temporary insanity/paranoia with me apparently being pregnant and cranky (yikes, long story) at home and not being open to them yadayada. LALALALA. But anyway. I told Tep I'd make it up to her by asking her to dinner which she glady agreed to. So off we went. Oh it was love. Japanese food galore in Kamirori, ice cream, Centerstage and margaritas! :)

Some lesbo action in Cantina. :D

My parents and I also had a huge heart to heart talk on the way home. So that was eventually settled. *WHEW*. I guess I'm looking forward to a new and improved loving relationship with my parents. (Not that I need one. It was okay until their end got messed up. HAHAHA)

Saturday - I had the usual Saturday routine only that I had to stay longer in school because I had to attend a seminar on Advertising and Promotions. It was quite good actually. I just wished that my groupmates in the GD was more enthusiastic about selling a Durian-based toothpaste. HAHAHA. Go Dur-YUUUM. Good job Vernes. :)

With my wii buddies. :)

Then Reg texted me asking if I was game for an inuman session at Jo's house. Something random that I was actually excited about. I had to go out really late because I fell asleep until like 9 in the evening. After that, it was liempo, pizza, BAILEY's (which I now know how to make using a simple mix of stuff) and chips.

And of course, the highlight of the night: Wii Sports. HAHAHAHA :) I could just stay at Jo's house playing games forever!!!

Sunday - Because I stayed up really late the previous night (I lurked around and watched tv with my bro), I woke up really late the next morning upon finding out that we were going to have a Santillan clan lunch at the newly-renovated house that my Tito used to own (which we bought and technically belongs to us now). I had to make salad and break my supposedly underway diet. HONOES. I'm really gaining some serious weight. :|

My titas making chismis and my lola... err.

It was an afternoon of revelations and happy chitchats: plus inihaw, salad, the usuals and ice cream. There's gonna be another one when the whole family will confront my lolo about his drinking problem and a send-off for my tito and his family who're now migrating to the States. :)

See? Nothing here says anything about school work and whatnot. And I have to panic at this point because first pass for Marketing is in a few days and I still have papers and a loooot more to do.

Real estate stresscapade.

I'm illegally typing this entry when I'm supposed to be searching for potential hardware options that we can offer to realtors (hypothetical) who are setting up a home-based real estate business somewhere in a far far far away land.

By 10:30 tomorrow morning, we should have come up with a great variety of hardware and software combinations that these realtors can choose from. Ideally we don't have to worry about the budget so Jecky and I are just shoving in products ranging from the Dell Vostro, Lenovo Thinkpad, the Sony Vaio notebook and the HP Compack Business notebook with a tablet PC feature suitable for signing contracts - one of the essential transactions in real estate.

I'm also suggesting that we add a PDA selection along with the hardware since it's also helpful for realtors to carry around such a flexible gadget. Toss in a Blackberry or a PalmOne to complete the list.

Voila. My stress just heightened and I think I may have to crawl to my bed (it's barely 10 inches beside me).

I still have so much stuff to do, so much to read and so much to attend to tomorrow. PLEASE.
LEMME freakin' sleep. @_@

Feeling funkaaay.

Cats have feelings too. <3

There's just something about this day that got me into thinking.

I think I'm beginning to understand the true meaning of a paradox - you know, two very opposite things that happen at the same time. [And I'm not talking Theological terms here. More on the lighter, shallower and trivial stuff.]

For the past few days I could never be more thankful with the way my life is setup even if the atmosphere can be quite demanding. Aside from constantly trying to keep up with the jobs on routine and stuff to attend to here and there, I also have to squeeze all the patience, optimism and strength that I have in every inch of my body just so I can put a closure to every day that passes. Life is gonna be more than rock hard if I don't suck it up.

Which now brings me to the point which I want to underscore. In spite of how everything is seemingly given and laid out in front of me, is there anything in this world that I could possibly want?

Answer: Our current topic in our Theo class is none other than L.O.V.E.
According to Sir Asis' lecture, we all undergo three stages of what we think may be love, when in fact it's not.
1. Falling in love
2. Disillusionment
3. Falling out of love

And then, that's when true love begins - because real love is when you have fallen out of love but still chooses to love in the end. See, love is not a feeling it is a choice. For if it were a feeling, then we won't be able to love those who are difficult to love.

Oh such words of wisdom coming from a Theology class.

Funny though because I've never felt so completely alone in my entire life without having any qualms about it. I'm practically surrounded with everyone I love yet I don't exactly have the person I want to love right beside me (he's busy cavorting with other girls and uhhh). And I'm not actually bitter or spiteful upon seeing love birds diffused almost everywhere; they're actually nice to look at. But as much as possible I try to veer away from tensions I can easily sense from friends: you know, two people about to develop that stage of liking one another and couples who just want to spend their quality time together. In short, no more 3rd wheeling for me. HAHA.

And then I sat beside the window late this afternoon while the rain was pouring and the perfect view of the football field was beginning to be clouded by the mist forming outside. It was a bit damp and cold, nothing but a cup of coffee and a pile of books under a warm bed to complete my reverie. But anyway, I sure could have wallowed at the fact that nobody was there to hug me then and there yet I didn't. I was just breathing the air and appreciating the perfect ambiance to study. Having the leisure to work on my own time and pace has given me this certain kind of comfort, the kind that leaves me positively longing for something worth looking forward to.

Perhaps I've been busy getting so emotionally attached and being disillusioned to different kinds of people for the last decade that I've never been able to enjoy this feeling of liberation, of actually being me and of being mature enough to handle the situation.

After all,

The best love is the kind
that awakens the soul;
that makes us reach for more,
that plants the fire in our hearts
and brings peace to our minds.

- Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Bye bye love.

[from yesterday's draft - July 7, 2008]

Today I bid adieu to one of my true loves, debate in the form of Australs. It's the last day of elims and practically the end of my formal contribution to the team. Although I don't get to celebrate the last string of rounds in tonight's Socials in Alchemy, I'll be celebrating with them in spirit since the wonderful thought of being the 'runner' in this tournament has imparted me with such blissful memories. NOT!

Haha. Okay well maybe the thought of being a part of the tournament itself can console me at that. Running around fetching ice and eating pizza instead of doing secretariat work wasn't what I signed up for anyway. :)

The excitement ends today as the finalists move up to semis and then octos and then to the grand championship round in Meralco Theatre this coming Thursday. Then the debaters from Asia and Australia will have their last chance to tour Philippines and then off they go to their home sweet home. Awww. I am so stalking Faith (who's leaving for Singapore on Thursday) in the coming two days for my loot bag [includes: Shu Uemura sample products (sponsor of Women's Night), an Australs shirt, manual and other freebies]. YAAAY.

The hype of the tournament was just so ecstatic: seeing Aussies, Indians and people of different nationalities sharing one common passion and coming together to discuss politically relevant issues in the society. I hope Ateneo brings home the bacon this year and will luckily end up in the honor roll of the Australs - a proof that Australs 2008 was not just about us convening the tournament, but also a time to show that besides what the Philippines has to offer, it also takes pride in its people in this case, the best debaters. :)

So as the tournament caps off with just a few more days left, I'm quite thankful that I have shared the stress (though not as much as Bobby, David, Kate and Faith I guess) with all the other people in the Organizing Committee. This doesn't take place every so often and the next Australs in the Philippines may not be after a few more years but this was just a total blast. I would have wished to do so much more in order to really feel the Australs vibe (you know like sleeping in Astoria and attending social events or debating itself - HAHA) but it was enough that I was part of the behind the scene fretting and admin-dealing for the event to be successful. I was able to bond with people along the way and though I miss the debating scene for quite so long, I know I may never be able to do it as often again. Nonetheless, this experience has helped me grow into not only the debater that I once was, or still am but hopefully the lawyer/career woman that I will be in the future.

NAAAKS.<3

Making love to bootay music.

The past few days working like a maniac had finally paid off. I managed to book a quick fix relax weekend for myself with just me and me alone (well not entirely, with a few TV shows and a winning basketball game - HA HA HA to keep me company).

A Trying Hard New Do for My Writing Space

Okay. When I read the recent update of Blogspot about its customized features for blog layouts, I immediately had the urge to experiment with mine and ended up rendering it injustice by putting too much vanity on my site. And worse - the photos were edited using paint. HAHAHA. Bulok. Sorry I don't have Photoshop installed in my laptop yet. (Seeing that it's gonna say bye bye anytime soon, yes it's almost crashing.) It's just so... pink and unglamorous compared to the last one. I actually tried resorting to my ever reliable Blogskins but something about the skin I chose didn't allow me to publish it because of a defunct code in the html. :s So I'm quite stuck with this for the rest of the week unless I find the time to work on it. But with Marketing and Pol. Sci. lurking around, I think I'm gonna sport this lame, unhappy and un- me blog for a while.

School work + Australs + WORK = LALALALove

Okay this should be nice of me considering how slaughtering the past week was (with the legendary 9 papers [SHOOTS I have to make 6 this week] and the CS Microsoft counterbid presentation) and everything else that's been going on (SOM Week meeting, SB Plenary, ASCC training, etc.), can I just say WHEW?! I'm lucky enough to have come out alive. I was under a lot of stress until late Friday - when I actually had the chance to watch a play and attend the earlier part of Mon's birthday inuman. :D

Australs turned out to be SO COOL. Kate and I are in charge of the 'dirty work' but working behind the scenes is actually kind of fun. We get to eat the buffet food (although can I just say I'm never eating pasta with anchovies ever again) and drink fancy lemonade and tag along with the contestants. I even saw Luigi (former coach and adj) there and he still remembered me! I also saw Alvin (former coach) and Dino (former Claret friend from NAsH) who were both competing for UP D and DLSU, respectively. There were lots of Aussies (the most who caught my attention coming from invincible Monash and Bond) from Monash, Melbourne and Sydney plus people from Korea, China, Singapore, Kenya and India... Watching the round about problem gamblers having their welfare payments suspended was waaaaay cool and engrossing.

My Australs ID. :)

Work is now piling up - my JTA accomplice for the manual is still having her finals so I really can't make her do anything yet. Plus meetings for SOM Week, the primer as well as JEEP and other APO concerns. HONOES. Sanggu duty avalanche! I'm planning to either join IAC or enroll in the gym to ideally burn the remaining untouched calories during my free time. But free time? What's that? I barely even see my friends! Hahahaha.

Friends and Events! <3

Speaking of friends, Cort mentioned something about a Core movie since he wanted to watch Wanted (and yes, Ria I'll remind him) but instead of that, I told everyone that we'll go to the Blue Babble event in Ocean Park this Saturday. Am I the only one excited about this? I haven't been there and I've been wanting to go there for sooooo long (despite all the nasty stuff I've heard) and befriend the fish! Plus there will be booths, concerts and potentially fun stuff. Hahaha. I can't wait! :D

Staying put at home today meant I wasn't able to watch the big game... live. I wasn't supposed to watch even, since I had to go to Australs and help out. But since Katie was absent, I immediately took a leave of my own to just rest and destress for the coming week. Man, I had tickets at the palm of my hands the other day, had I known that I'd be able to watch the much awaited Ateneo - La Salle game. I kept an eye on every offesive rebound, every foul, every shot and every jeer and cheer from the crowd even if I was watching on tv. AND HELL YEAH it was victory on the Eagles' side! WOOOHOOO. I LOVE CHRIS TIU!

My hero. :D

Unwind

I now introduce a new item in my blog (will mount this on the side bar once I've finished the layout) called my lust list. It's basically a list of items I've been eyeing on and wanting to buy or some random feelings about certain people, things and events that I'm currently feeling and can't let go of.

Once ticked off, it means: I've bought them (orange), realized they're not worth it and found something better (purple), I've said them out loud (red) and I've forgotten about it (blue).

YAAAY. Here goes:

LUST LIST as of 07.05.08 (disclaimer: hindi to kagaya ng kababawan na pinopost niya)
Rule: Can be anything random as long as not school and stress-related!

1. A MAC cheek shimmer (in rosy pink)

2. My forever wanted D&G Blue perfume / Moschino Funny scent

3. Pink cuddly earphones (from Sony/Apple) - from Otis Yahoo! (cheapipay from CD-R King. HAHAHA.)

4. My current addiction: STAEDTLER FELT PENS OF DIFFERENT COLORS!

5. The Dorothy Perkins pink and gray tank collection

6. Silver flat slip ons from VNC

7. Top, hoodie and vest - from any store

8. Colored leggings! :) - from Babo (saw some in Rockwell!)

9. Fuzzy wires for my cork board

10. PINK and white toy watch - HAHAHA

11. Accessories

12. Jane Austen classics

13. Seventeen magazine (and maybe I should invest in something more mature like Preview [thanks Katie] maybe? Or Marie Claire? Or Philippine Tatler? [ASA. I hate that stupid mag])

14. Dresses! :)
15. CINDERELLA The Musical (starring Lea Salonga) - we're getting Lower Box seats! :)

16. OCEAN PARK!

17. Our very own business venture (with HS friends) - Watch out soon! *Wink*

18. Downloadables - HIP HOP funk tunes!

19. Pink CD cases

And honestly, some of the things here I can afford once in a blue moon. So it's either I go bargain-hunting or not eat for like a whole week. Hahaha. But I guess these are just simple rewards for myself for a job well done in a span of one week. ;p My parents (don't spoil me) and) barely have time to take me shopping with the house renovation and all.

Plus some things I'm keeping on the tab - for future plans and just in case. ;p

Till here, ciao. :) I'm off to bed. <3