After everything this year, this is the way to end it. My 223rd post and the last for 2006.

Embrace life with me.

(Past week adventures to follow)

It's been one hell of a year, I must say. Honestly, it doesn't really feel like the year's about to take its last flight tonight. I don't know. Maybe it's just become another part of me with all the letting go that I have been doing. So I guess for me, it's not a big deal anymore.

So let me see, as far as I can remember, I was having so much fun ever since I entered and finished Senior year. And then what?

This year had taken almost all the most important hallmarks in my 17 years of living.

2006 was when I...

~ full blasted the last months of my Senior year.
~ got brought to the CSA Juniors' Prom. - the first and last prom of my life.
~ was with someone on Valentine's and my 17th birthday.
~ hosted a post graduation and birthday house party with school friends and barakda
~ passed Ateneo, UST and La Salle
~ chose Ateneo for my college
~ graduated with flying colors
~ felt happy because of how my family patched things up
~ had one of the most memorable activities with the Youth
~ was very active in parish duties
~ had one of the most fun summer getaways
~ had my hosting, writing, debating and everything career taken to another level

~ took risks and became daring in life's challenges

~ handled responsibilities more maturely

~ HAD THE BEST SUMMER EVER.
~ lost one of my important gifts.
~ entered college in The Ateneo.
~ imbued the whole sense of being an Atenista
~ found my new set of friends
~ experienced more than heartbreaking and life-changing circumstances
~ LIVED LIFE AT ITS BEST. - as always.:)

Furthermore, I felt everything in my life grow as the year came to its end. I can't believe I'm turning 18 in 2007! OMG!

So tonight, as 2007 unravels to give me a whole new life to look forward to, I want to take the chance to have a last glance at everything that has happened and be thankful for what has been given. Truly, everything was just worth it, regardless of the joy and the pain that it caused.

Like I said in my past entry, nothing is not what it seemed to be. But that's not a bad thing. We just have to learn to live with everything and make the best out of it. Right? So, I now face
another chapter with a huge grin on my face; no regrets about my past, no bitter and hurt feelings. I may have to take time on all the letting go because of the heartache thing, but I can do it. After all, I believe that someone and something great is out there waiting for me.

Now, I can finally say that you guys can come and celebrate life with me.:)

Yuletide spirits still soaring high.

Fuckah. I wrote a long entry and it failed to publish. Next time.

Before I forget.

The night at Laine's party was a total blast. Turned out that there were only three of us from the block who made it.

Overview:

Highlight was the "I've never" game with Laine's HS barkada. - Yes. They were both there.
Made friends with a lot - including Elise V. who happens to be his friend and batchmate.
Partied and ate the night away.- Got drunk again! Thanks to vodka cocktail, vodka sprite, vanilla vodka and tequilaaaa.:)

Merry Christmas indeed.<3

A tribute to my past.

I consider myself as one of the luckiest people in the whole wide world even though I pretty much don't get everything that I want. I rant about the most trivial and the most selfish stuff that anyone on the planet can ever complain about. But hey, in my defense, I'm a girl so back off. ;D

My thoughts and recollections lead me to one sole thing: I have come to realize how fastpaced this world is. I usually take that statement for granted knowing that what's important is the moment that I am living now, the past has occurred and no one knows what will happen in the future. But once in a while, a person does get the sense that everything happens only for a fleeting moment. Once it does, it vanishes and becomes part of the so-called past. Bitter instances are better left behind as some choose to remain stuck in them and wallow on their own misery. The best ones are for keeps that some would give anything for them to happen again. However, that's the thing with life and the mere act of being allowed to own something isn't it? Once the moment is yours, savor it and make everything out of it. Thus the cliche: you never know what you have until it's gone. Reality that continues to bite.

Now that I look back and for everything that was for the past year, nothing is what it seemed to be. Things have constantly changed and have gradually taken steps forward for the sake of moving on with the circle of life.

This is proven by the fact that I no longer hear the boisterous laughter that my friends and I make when we randomly get together just to have nonsensical conversations. I no longer see us walking around, pigging out and sharing our life-long dreams and aspirations. We get a few of those times now. Nothing seems spontaneous for we are now bound with responsibilities. Things which we dreaded and didn't have to worry about when we were years younger. I also miss the time when loving was such an easy thing do especially when it's given in front of you. It's the moment when you decide for a person to walk in and be a part of your life and just changes it in an instant. Then something unfortunate happens and suddenly, that person is taken away. You get devastated because you have gotten used to the things that you have started to share together and the life that you were living with that person. Nothing but heartache and sadness to keep you company while he is gone. Then the hard truth hits you: he's never coming back. Oh well, unless if you're meant to be then it's bound to happen, in one way or another. It's sad to let go but sometimes, you have no option left but to do so. You are a part of this journey and if you don't want to get left behind, you better keep your feet moving.

Then again sometimes, the journey just becomes tedious and wearisome for a few of us. In those times, we begin to question if the pain that we're experiencing is worth it just so we could reach our destination. And it's as if everyday we are given the chance to answer this, the truth is, only we can tell. No one else.

On moving on and letting go, they're phases that every one of us inevitably goes through. It's not a choice that we have to make because we will unconsciously and eventually do. The thing is, we just have to be reminded that everything we have now is temporary, every person that we know and every material thing that we own. Nonetheless, we take the options whether we make the best and the most out of everything: every single second of our borrowed time and every memory in our lives. What's great about it is that we take a better outlook in life once we learn to accept that things do happen for a reason and not everything stays with us. We have to struggle to accept in any way that we can for in acceptance comes the feeling of liberation. When we free ourselves from the chains that lock us up in the past, only then can we be happy. We will never run out of things to encounter in our God-given lives. Therefore, we have to be grateful that we are given the chance and the will to seize every opportunity that passes by. We have to be thankful for everything: the pain, the joy, the true friends, the bitches and sore losers, the jerks, the frienemies, the sisters and brothers, to the heartbreakers and to the promise-breakers who never kept their word. Without them, life would just be too easy.

On the contrary, some people will stay on with us. It's part of God's complex design. The tricky part is, the same people will gradually take on a different role in our lives. :)

I think it is only fitting to say that after everything that has taken place over the year and for the past 17 years of my life, I know that I am living at my best. I may have my ups and downs and some emotionally-constrained times, but rest assured that I can grapple on with much fun times.

Now that I look back, I see a big picture of what has made me who I am today. When I look ahead and what's in front of me, I see a wide horizon waiting to be lived.

I love everything I am and everything I am going to be. :) --- see how lucky I am?

I don't wanna wait for our lives to be over.:)

I missed the last time when I had a nice and sensible chat with my friends. Aside from my own little world here at home which pretty much includes net surfing, reading, couch potato-ing, sleeping and a tad bit of work, I'm glad I can still slip in some time to hang-out with my friends. Think windowshopping, coffee, a long commute and breakfast after simbang gabi. Shallow moments which give me priceless memories, unfathomable satisfaction and the right amount of conditioning to keep myself sane.

The last day of school for me was pretty unusual. I woke up late (entailed another absence in sibmang gabi) and refused to be dropped off at school by my dad because Mita and I had this spur of the moment thing the previous night and we sort of agreed that I would take her on a tour in school after which we will head to a mall or something to have coffee. So we went to AdMU and she was an Atenista for a day. I had her watch my thing in Math 19 (The Calculus Carol project) and then after the last goodbyes and seasons' greetings to my blockmates, we started our way to Makati.

When we were along Katip, we decided to buy some Cello's because Mita had taken a liking on it since people began bringing her some of its donuts. So we bought a bag of C's and then agrred to eat it while having coffee.

G4 was full at that time. Okay. A lot of Agustinians were there. I even saw some of his batchmates and friends. Since Starbucks had a hell lot of people, we then wen to Bo's Coffee to have our small talk. Yeeeh.

After that, chitchat and stuff we went home tired and really happy.

This morning on other hand, my friends and I had breakfast at Crunchee's place after the simbang gabi. I was slightly pissed off because of my mom but then got a grip while we were at her house. Then, I just slept through the whole day.

Tomorrow's gonna be a party day I think? Haha. Can't get too excited. Might ruin what's bound to happen.:)

Everyday is just a life with hues of pink.

I always knew that sooner or later, the littlest of what's left of our so-called relationship will be put to the uhhh... black holes of oblivion. I was also aware of the fact that the happy cheer face? Doesn't really work all the time. Sometimes I just can't help but feel the pang of the pain that's been welling up inside; enough to strike me with excruciating pain, something unbearable that just blacks me out and numbs me up. Okay. Gibberish.

Past few days? Not really happy. Had a few share of exciting moments as well as bumming ones.

Well I guess what I really want to say is that I have nothing to spill after a long time of not making a blog entry. I mean, that's a reason why this has been a little outdated and behind.

I will try to come up with something with perfect sense. Something that will attempt to explain the solitary feeling of emptiness that has kept me crashed and burnt.

Spare me.:( I'm tired and weary. I'm not taking this road again, not especially if it brings me back to you. You hurt me and I don't know why I can't let it go.

A wishlist.

A list of things to do. Cross each one out after it is accomplished.

1. Finish Veronika Decides to Die.
2. Study in Math and other long tests.
3. Finish paperworks.
4. Christmas shop for myself, family and friends. No to side orders. - as quoted from someone.:)
5. Dream about 'his smile.'
6. Bond with my cousins and titas.
7. Have a merry merry Christmas. - no austerity measures and no strict diets.
8. Prep for gimmicks.
9. Just be happy. - start with a new list for New Year.
10. Let go, let live and let love.:) --- mission accomplished on this one.<3

Success is the sweetest revenge.

Rockin' party at the ACTM's The Spot @ Absinth GB3

What a weekend. Since I kinda did a hell lot of things, I'm gonna do this per event, starting with the crazy things that I did last Wednesday when I got tipsy at around 4 in the afternoon.

An afternoon with Gui @ Cantina

Okay. First time to meet this guy. He's one of Laine's friends and was there at school to get an app form because he is to transfer next year under a soccer scholarship (from what I know). So we were there at the zen garden just hanging out when he suddenly had this bizaare idea of wanting to drink at Cantina. We all went there (Bon, Laine (who just passed something and followed later), Niko, Gui and I) and settled for a spot outside. Gui ordered 3 bottles of San Mig Light and San Mig Strong Ice and soon, we were chatting, drinking and them smoking the afternoon away. Nothing much. I sat there, really quiet with a bottle of beer and a glass in hand. Then, something about the 'ex dude' came up. Gui happened to know him because of soccer and he actually described him pa. Since I didn't want to talk about him or remember him anymore, so change subject please. Hahaha:) When Laine's ride arrived, we went on our way home. She dropped me off at SM because she was late for her appointment with the derma and I was also hoping to buy some stuff for Friday's event. But due to the headache that the beer gave me, I went home instead.

Mundane Thursday - Tara's surprise 18th birthday party @ Matteo steps

Thursday was not really exciting. Had our ES class as usual (*toot* was there!!!) and had lab canceled because of the mass at Jesu in celebration of the Immaculate Conception the following day. We just stayed at Pancake House during the long break, bummed around and just talked about stuff. When we went back, we had our math class which was usually long and tiring. After that, we all went to the Matteo steps for the little surprise thing for Tara. We had cake and Juzi Juz (her favorite) and then Cort and I were lazy to attend PE 101 so I just went straight to the cov courts to hang out. Surprisingly, I found out that he (*toot*) was under the PE class of my coach. I was shocked to see him there while talking to Coach Rodelle about the plans for that afternoon. Well, at least it made the afternoon more fun and exciting because he was there, playing basketball and looking soooooooo hot. Ohhhweee! Hahahaha!:) Me and my fantasies.:D

Friday blast. I'm speechless.

Flag Football Clinic

I woke up rather late at Friday morning because I had to stay up to talk to someone on the phone. (Yea. Guessed it right) I was running late for the Flag Football Clinic and I became really behind time because he wanted to drop me off at Astra. Althought I'm completely oblivious as to why he did it or the motive behind it, I found the gesture rather sweet and soooo paasa. Yes. Really. Well anyway, I arrived at Katipunan a little before 2 o'clock and the clinic has started an hour earlier. I went to Ria's dorm who was still having her lunch and who didn't really want to go flag football-ing. It took me a couple of minutes to convince her and even had to switch shorts with her because she was wearing board shorts --- no one does athletic stuff with those on. So after that, we finally went to the Bell field and found everbody else doing drills and passes. One of the coaches made us warm up and stretch and then we were off to the basics.
Here's a couple of the new stuff that I learned:

1. Cut - the thing that you do when you run towards someone and you want to deceive your opponent to get pass him or for him not to deflag you if ever you're carrying the ball.
2. QB - means quarterback. Hahaha:)
3. Routes - basically in, out, post and flag. Hard to explain in words.
4. Some of the players' positions/roles and a hell lot of complicated mechanics of the game.

So there. After a short and fun game (with Laine selling us out and making us lose. Kidding sis:)), we were off to freshen ourselves up and hit Absinth.

ACTM's The Spot at Absinth, GB3

The highlight of the day was yet to happen. The five of us (Ria, Laine, Niko, Mico and I) went on our way to Greenbelt. I was making them hurry up because I didn't want to be late for the contest which I was in. They swore to kill me if we came as the early birds. Unfortunately, we did arrive there as the first ones. They didn't really kill me because we then had ample time to have dinner because we were all starving. Niko had just gone to the gym and us girls were worn out due to flag football. We dined at Krocodile Grille. The food was really yummy and since I was with health buffs, they were also nutritious. After that, we prepped up and went to Absinth. The program was a little sucky at first. We were expecting a lot of people but since it was still early, the place was kind bare and empty. We were there hanging out until the free drinks came --- the night's sponsor was Bacardi. Yeah.:) Then up until I was interviewed and paired up with a certain someone --- all hail me, a jerk magnet --- we just stayed put and waited for the contest. The contest turned out to be lame, well, far less exciting than what we were expecting. *I was asked to market myself as a birth control pill to JV and I ended up doing well. Except that I seduced a gay guy. Hahaha:)* At least I thought that I got in for free because of that game. Hahaha:D Then, the auction started. No one really wanted to bid on the most expensive stuff like the Macbook and the Sony whatever. The Seniors even went all out because Sir Ally Yap, the Comtech Program Director was there, and he put on a one week delay in their thesis deadline to auction. I think the highest was 7k. Then, the bartender performed some of his moves. He even broke a lot of bottles but he couldn't care less. Of course, the night was sizzled up by our beloved Migs Escueta! But then again, I hate him for playing Yellow as his first song. It made me cry on the spot. Arrrgh! Hmmm. But I'll let it pass because he's really hooot and I just fall head over heels with the way he sings. Wooohoo! He even played Mr. Brightside. After that, everyone just loved that song. So the night when on, I got a little too overboard with the bacardi so I was tipsy. I kinda 'flirted' with a guy (or was it the other way around?) and I hate myself for doing it. Erase erase ease. Just a bad memory. I'll deal with it if I bump into him at school or something. The DJ sucked big time but nonetheless, my friends and I partied the night away. I missed the sleepover because my parents didn't allow me to go. Haaay. So I went home at around 1 am. Immersion was yet to happen the next day.

Tahanang Walang Hagdan: First Immersion

So much for the hangover the next day. Everyone was teasing me about the Denis dude and I got really pissed. But that aside, we all boarded our jeepney and everyone was really sabaw at the start of the immersion. (Ooooh. I even saw *toot* - the other guy there)Hahaha. When we got there, the kids gathered around. We got the privilege to pick one. Luckily, we were able to pick an older kid who didn't give us a hard time with the activity. She was an honor student, was good at singing, played badminton, liked Math and English and pretty much a role model: like the three of us. Hahaha:) Laine, Ria and I just clapped our hands while she made her work of art which was a Christmas card with Winnie the Pooh as the Santa. Hahaha:) Fun! On our way back to Ateneo, the kasabawan vanished and we sang songs: from the 80's to the most recent hits. It was really fun. Jamming super.

Something happened when we arrived at Fruit Magic to eat lunch. It was enough to ruin the helluvah weekend that I was having. But then, I don't know. For the first time in so many months, I just didn't want to care.

'How do you heal the pain that just doesn't stop hurting?' -OTH

Wait for me. I'll be the greatest thing you could've had.

Excited to death for the coming days.:)

Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you... Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten.

And off I go.

I have realized that being single and carefree isn't really bad at all. Well, yeah. It's not as bad as it seems and it has its own benefits.

Take for example my hectic sched in school. I just braved my first failing long test in Calculus this morning and I have gone my way through the first volleyball game in ACTM.

Arrrgh. I need to have this edited by tomorrow because I'm losing all my precious time for sleeping. I'm sorry.

I had to stay in school yesterday for the opening of the SOM Sportfest. Laine and Gen were the pride of Block R as they bravely represnted ACTM in the Cheering Competition. And oh, something really good happened nga pala. Whooopeee!:) We didn't win the competition but like what Jiggy said, "At least di tayo last." Yeah.:D

Well, so much for that.

[EDIT] December 6, 2006
8:53 p.m.


If, in the next two days, my cough and colds continue to drastically worsen, I'm dead meat on Friday. But before that, a few thoughts to recollect.

Yesterday was an unusually happy day. I went to class as usual, got sleepy in ES, was sad because *toot* cut it and was giddy by the time that the bell rang and gave me ample time to have a last look at the blackboard. I won't be seeing Ipis Man for another two days. And so, we immediately went to the SOM Mall to have our early lunch. We were trying to buy time as much as possible because our long test in Calculus was after the long break. Crap, was I nervous.

Then, we headed onto Matteo to put our nerd mode one and had our last minute reviews and stuff. It was Tara's 18th birthday so she had Yellow Cab pizza delivered in school. Lucky us, for in between the study session, we were able to munch on slices of heavenly pizza. Well, all of us, except Laine.:) Poor thing.

After the bloody Math test which I really wanted to forget about, we went to the Manila Observatory to pass our long overdue Eco Footprint shit in ES. Then, we went to the zen garden to sit down and talk about the usual trivial stuff until Niko, Mico and I had to go to the cov courts for our P.E.

Within an hour of absentmindedly sitting in PE 101, I was soooo excited for training and the first SOM Sportsfest volleyball game. So there, after it, I hit the cov courts and played with Laine and Ria. Volleyball/basketball with the funny girl antics galore. Niko promised to play volleyball with us but chose to play with the 'guys' instead. We didn't really want to get smashed by Renchie's killer spikes so we decided not join them.

Whe I started my not-so-formal training, Laine and Ria left. We just had spiking and stuff. Didn't really have the court exercises. However, Ceejay didn't spare us from the bench drills. I was soooo tired. So, Erin and I waited for our game and watched the basketball game of MAC and MEA. Pretty cool game because Charles Tiu was there. I guess, he's giving it a shot and trying to show what the Tiu family has to offer in that sport. Kinda explains why there were a lot of people on that side of the court.

We had our game and it lasted for two sets only. I have the coolest teammates ever! Even if we lost, I'm soooo looking foward to our next game on Tuesday.:) I believe that I somehow took my skills a level higher than my usual play because I wasn't really sucky at all. Plus, all the cheering and fun really helped us play against the good players of ME. She Tan was there too so Erin and I kind anticipated the loss. She was sooo good.

Next on, no lab class tomorrow. Whoopee (I hope that gay dude won't ruin the day by making us have class.) Then on Friday, a really fun and hectic sched.

I hope to last-minute shop for my outfit on the Absinth event in the morning. After which, we'll head onto school to join this Flag Football Clinic that Kuya Euric's team is gonna hold. I have always wanted to learn that sport. Well, yeah, next to soccer. THis is the time finally! We invited a lot of people and I hope everyone's gonna be there on Friday. Then, Absinth in the evening. The night's treat: free baccardi and a party:) We don't have much of a license to party all night because we have an immersion the next day. Another thing to look forward to. Yeeey. One activity outside school with the whole block. Plus, it will be a one hour worth of bonding moments as we take the jeepney ride all the way to Cainta, Rizal.

Who says I'm depressed? Who says I need that shit? Well, not anymore.:) Life's tough so bitch up! - that's from my sis Laine.:)

Shabooya, sha sha shabooya roll call!

My name is Daryll!...

Oops. Gotta think of a good cheer for that.

Hell to the yeah! Hahahaha. This is the caffeine speaking.

What a way to end this nonsense.

If I ask God why He's punishing me this way, I'm sure this would be His reply:

Because child, you're a workaholic who loves to stay up late reading books and doodling in your journal, you love watching soaps and comedy flicks, you listen to the saddest songs on the radio and curse the radio stations for playing them, you manage to pick a pen and jot down your to-do list in your organizer, you text your friends and heartily laugh with them, you hate your ex for what he's done; silently wish that he come back to you and at the end of the day, you pile your work and get your hands on them but still you procrastinate and cram.

Really now. The only thing that can make this worth it is to blog my last entry here and hopefully get my work done as soon as the roosters may their first cock-a-doodle-doos in the morning.

The vacation was nothing. I was passive yet productive. I researched for my papers and postponed this freakin' Ecological Footprint Calculator which is giving me a bigtime headache right now. Errr.

Saturday morning. Lola called and announced that the angakan was having dinner somewhere in the favorite Chinese restaurant. We ate and had fun, watched a fireworks display by chance, went to Polycarpio to walk and bump into ewwwy people, and vowed that the ladies will soon have a night out --- as my tita said: without the oldies.

And then what? Yeah. Had the chance to talk to him almost the whole day today. Ugh. I really hate it. Now, I'm finally feeling the urge to slap him in the face and just walk away; the same way I did when I thought that it was rude of him to 'pretend to be in a hurry' just to have an escape from talking to me. Well, I did casually turn my back, walk away and slam the door in his face. And oh, Ian's for that matter.

For now, it's school and events. Hopefully, I won't get screwed for staying up this late. Hahahaha:)

Cheerios.:)

Deck the halls with boughs of holly falalala. --- ugh. I'm becoming the Scrooooooge.

Christmas used to be one of my favorite times in a year.

I guess having said that and putting the 'used to be' phrase operatively, you can surmise that now it doesn't belong to my to-look-forward-to-seasons-the-whole-year-round-list. Not even summer, school year or whatnot occasions.

See? The chills have turned me into a complete pessimist. As a kid, I always loved Christmas because of my usual big heap of presents, the food, the money, the celebration with friends and family and just the happy times. But all that has changed. I guess it is true what they say, it is a rough time growing up.

Being a kid has gratefully deprived me of all the unnecesaary feelings and emotions that a person could feel in one's life. You don't have to deal with the people changing around you, of problems left and right, of having to wake up every morning and realizing that things will never be the same again -- those are the jobs of the teens and adults. An innocent child means that you're just carefree and stupid to make mistakes that are not tantamount to what old people do. Ironic yes, but I'd give anything to go back to that.

[tbc]

Hopeful.

LSS: Baby Come Back by Vanessa Hudgens ^^,

I swear I wanted to blog last night so badly that I couldn't wait to get my hands on the computer. Well, nothing much. Some news update on the latest progress that's happened in the last wee bit of my relationship with him.

Okay. I'm going to put this here otherwise even if there's a slight threat that the fact that I'm in contact and becoming friends with his friends might possibly reach him and drive him nuts.

For the past two days, I have been talking to one of his closest friends on the phone about trivial stuff and an added benefit of making fun of him -- the next best thing that I can do to make up for the rage and anger that I can physically lash out. Yun lang. Nothing really grande except for the fact that we are going to catch a movie together --- the three of us I think --- some time next week before my thing at Absinth. Besides that, I'm still flying solo because not a lot of my friends have arranged plans for gimmiks or visits, yet.

Okay. The highlight of last night was this:

Me --- lying on the couch and watching Bring It On 3 for the nth time. The phone rings during the Beverly Hills song. (I missed him a call some minutes ago, even called him but then the maid said he was asleep)

So I walked towards the phone, surprised to see his number.

Me: Hello?
Him: Hello?
Me: Ui!
Him: Nagtext or tumawag ka ba?
Me: No. Wala akong load.
(Blahblahblah)
Him: I called kasi I just wanted to tell you na miss na kita.
Me: Uh yea. Ako din. I wanted to tell you the same thing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aryt. Hold your horses and calm down. Today, I found out that he even told his bestfriend (my closest guy friend) about how he was feeling bad about what happened and that he's finding it really hard to face it right now. Hahaha. Didn't even occur to me that it would take this long for the pain to sink in. Oh well. At least.

Last night, I indulged in something I haven't really done for quite a long time. Read. I even had the chance to peek through some of the letters that I have received and have managed to keep when I was still in HS. It feels so sad to have lost out of touch with those particular people. Funny though, because I didn't imagine myself to feel something towards some people. Now, I could just laugh it off and treat it as just another used to be. Come to think of it, will this thing with my honey be just a memory? Like in the next couple of months or years, I'd just look back at it like some vivid experience in which I have felt true happiness? Or is it enough to carry on as a part of my life forever? Just a note, its existence will never cease to exist. And only God knows what will happen in the future. For now, lay back and relax muna. He's there, so near yet so far trying his best to make his way back to me. I'm here waiting and preparing for the best and expecting the worst. -- That is what's important.