As I walk into this trance, I picture myself leaving these hallowed halls of my already ailing heart. Blood refuses to flow through my veins, my nerves cannot tolerate the pain and little by little, I am gasping for air. I choke, I stumble, I hallucinate. I then feel my body succumb to Its calls and then my vision becomes hazy. Everything becomes a blur and I know that I only have few of the time left.
Everything goes black and I know that my back is lying against the floor. It takes me long, a little too long, to wake up form my peaceful slumber.
All because I am in denial that I have submitted myself to death at its best.
When I do wake up, I will find myself free from the chains that have long captivated me...
Okay. Let's get this straight. I may be too much of a sourgraper and I complain about a lot of things most of the time but I can never be oblivious to the fact that my life is now at the peak of its crappiness. Name a problem and I know that in some way, I am going through it. It seems like I woke up one day, praying to God, unconsciously asking him for these problems to pour like rain.
And so they did.
I have a penchant for assuming things and logically figuring a problem out for myself. Even if the problem resists and remains to be non-existent, it becomes a pretty huge deal for me. In short, I create my own problems.
So maybe that's why I'm feeling this way right now.
I can't blame anyone for what happened because humans do make foolish things. It's an accepted universal fact that guys can be the most insensitive warts or rather creatures on earth. It's also good to rub in that sometimes (some pretty unfortunate times) they tend not to care about the girls that they attract and who, in turn, want to attract them just so long that they can satisfy whatever pathetic urges that they have. Or for that matter, stupidity has brought about the world's perfect match of idiotic, flirty and bastardic people.
Sorry for the term. I can't help but bitch out on what great effort I have managed to pull off to be able to put myself together for the past month. The perfect leeway was to be with my friends, just enjoying life and everything else. I was about to leave everything behind up until the last second...
That he just had to ruin. I know it doesn't really matter if he met 'her' in like a really, dismal and wretched way but well, they're together now. And no matter how hard my friends try to rub in that I'm definitely more than what or who she is, I still can't get over it. I know that I'm not in the position to pass judgment on someone who I barely even know. However, I apologize because I haven't heard anything positive about you.
I can't be fine about this. Maybe not now. The same goes for how the both of them don't really deserve each other and that karma is bound to hit them sooner or later.
What pains me is that my friends aren't able to help through because of certain barriers which hinder me to actually live life after escaping hell. My room, my own house has been my cage and I'm currently locked up in it.
So I chose to be rebellious. For the reason that I have lost any enthusiasm and motivation for moving on and carrying the bits and pieces of my life to a new chapter ahead. Tae. It's really hard.
I vowed to be bigger than this. Of course I am and I always will be.
Pretty, smart, all-around Atenista. I didn't achieve those things to be treated just like trash. Those who are blind to see it deserve a middle finger and a pair of supah fly glasses.
I'm psyching myself up because I am slowly leaving everything behind.
Goodbye loser. Goodbye bitch. Wish for your happiness.
Hello planner, hello school, hello life.:)
I told Mico about how I try to face my problems thinking that there are people who have bigger problems and heavier burdens than me. We both agreed on the fact that somehow, it is wrong to think that way. Because no matter how you look at it, it never makes your situation any easier to handle.
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