You know the feeling when everything just crashes and the littlest things get you upset in just a snap?
Well it happened to me today. Everything just felt so wrong - I lost the drive to correct my wrongdoings, to work and meet my expectations halfway, to make meets end even. I know it's rather tedious for other people to keep up with the drama but trust me, if you go through this (and I place my best bets on it that you will - esp. if you're a girl in her teens and tweens), you'll know what I'm talking about.
It's the kind of feeling that spurs out of nowhere and then suddenly it's just there brimming inside you waiting for its release. And then you try to examine yourself in attempt to identify the possible root of this hysteria, only to find out that there is no cause - NADA, NOTHING, ZERO.
The lack of company? Maybe. Stress from work? Maybe. Expectations from... almost anyone and anything? Could be. The routine? Perhaps. Life in general? WOAH.
I can't even make a checklist anymore because I know that I can attribute this to more than one factor. Maybe they just piled up and were squeezed to a half inch of my temper that I just snapped and succumbed to waterworks and actually managing to utter phrases such as, "I'm never gonna be good enough," and "I don't know why I can't keep myself happy, what keeps me happy anymore," in between sobs and hiccups.
Yeah. I was in Dela Costa Garden with two of my good friends trying to assess the matter of this so-called happiness. And I don't know how I'm going to take this - after finding out that this one person took her two years to get over such madness - as a challenge or as a burden. Or whatnot. I'm not sure if it was comforting to know that I have three months to spare myself any bit of sanity and get the good go.
Gee, thanks. Haha.
Well you know what they say, there can never be perpetual bliss and happiness in life if you don't choose to call them. Now don't get me wrong, I am happy. Generally. But the hormonal imbalance, the stress and the loneliness can sometimes well up and actually result to a spillover. But other than that, I know that at the end of the day after all these rants and rambles, I'm the only person who can cheer myself up. It never does fail. <3
It's just one of these times when I come hard-end faced with the realities of life (other than my oh-so boring Philo class) in this metaphysical unease: the knowing that we do not know.
It's the kind of feeling that spurs out of nowhere and then suddenly it's just there brimming inside you waiting for its release. And then you try to examine yourself in attempt to identify the possible root of this hysteria, only to find out that there is no cause - NADA, NOTHING, ZERO.
The lack of company? Maybe. Stress from work? Maybe. Expectations from... almost anyone and anything? Could be. The routine? Perhaps. Life in general? WOAH.
I can't even make a checklist anymore because I know that I can attribute this to more than one factor. Maybe they just piled up and were squeezed to a half inch of my temper that I just snapped and succumbed to waterworks and actually managing to utter phrases such as, "I'm never gonna be good enough," and "I don't know why I can't keep myself happy, what keeps me happy anymore," in between sobs and hiccups.
Yeah. I was in Dela Costa Garden with two of my good friends trying to assess the matter of this so-called happiness. And I don't know how I'm going to take this - after finding out that this one person took her two years to get over such madness - as a challenge or as a burden. Or whatnot. I'm not sure if it was comforting to know that I have three months to spare myself any bit of sanity and get the good go.
Gee, thanks. Haha.
Well you know what they say, there can never be perpetual bliss and happiness in life if you don't choose to call them. Now don't get me wrong, I am happy. Generally. But the hormonal imbalance, the stress and the loneliness can sometimes well up and actually result to a spillover. But other than that, I know that at the end of the day after all these rants and rambles, I'm the only person who can cheer myself up. It never does fail. <3
It's just one of these times when I come hard-end faced with the realities of life (other than my oh-so boring Philo class) in this metaphysical unease: the knowing that we do not know.
Because in truth, all of us are looking for
that something. We don't know what it is.
We just know that we haven't found it yet.
that something. We don't know what it is.
We just know that we haven't found it yet.
CIAO. <3
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