Retrospect. I knew it was too good to be true.

God made the shooting stars for the hopeful.

I have no idea why the previous entry went wrong like that but my desire to change this blog's lay-out grew stronger. As in. I just have to find the time to do it and I know that, as Hermie has said it, it won't be in the near future. Hahaha=D

Wow. I missed this. I don't know why I kept putting it off. I pushed myself to blog in the past couple of days but I kinda lost it whenever I started writing an entry. Maybe I just felt that I lacked the emotion and inspiration to do it.

Now, I'm finally ready. So here goes...

Okay. So Friday went by really fast. I really had fun at Jackie's party. (All pics at my multiply) My brother and I went to Mcdo Taft as early as 4 pm and I had to wait for Maann pa because she came from a drinking session with her blockmates. Gaga talaga yun. She was pretty tipsy at the early part of the evening. Rox and the others really poked fun at her because she was getting all drummed up by the alcohol. So yun. When we arrived at Burgundy, the band and Maann and I rehearsed a bit. Michael was the first guy to arrive. And then followed by the other people who came in after we dressed up. We saw them as the elevator casually opened and broke the barriers which have long stood between us after we graduated from HS.

So moving on. Okay naman yung party. It was moved from the roofdeck to the restuarant because there were slight glimpses of massive gray clouds and droplets of rain. But then, the party went on. Maann, Kara and I were all back together. We were included in the 18 shots of tequila. Hmmm. I won't give it a blow by blow account. Just an observation and evaluation of what happened. We hosted the party and as usual, I had so much fun because I loved doing it. Sobra. It was super fun because I got to pig out, eat a lot, take pictures with friends, be in the limelight for the whole duration of the program, be with friends, meet new ones, dance wildly, be a good girl and then, finally call it a wonderful night.

Some things didn't change. Kung ano yung groups before ganun pa rin. Bogs, K9 and friends and of course, D3. Neutral nga sila Addie and Gladys because the Ponspons weren't there. Lyn of course was with us because she wasn't with the... uh. Ano ulit yung group nila? Yeah.

Kinda disappointing because then, we weren't really able to full blast our kwento modes. We just hung out with the usual people like we did way back in HS. I thought we had a lot of catching up to do, but then, sitting in a table full of familiar faces didn't really do the trick. Pero okay lang. I'm sure there'll be lots more to come. Partiesssss!!! --> The stress reliever and safeguard avenue for a college student.

So there. I went home really tired. I mean, after being hyped up in the party and dancing with someone (a guy) I barely know, who wouldn't be? But I still had to stay up for hon because he was leaving for Hongkong on that day.

The things I do for my asawa. True enough, I wanted to rant and bicker about how he didn't really have time for me all through out the remainder of the week in spite of the fact that he was to be gone for the rest of his break. Yeah. It meant scratching all our plans for halloween (just like last year) and us having to miss out on each other due to conflicts in schedules. When he comes back on the 1st, I'll be over at Kara's for the sleepover. So there. Going back... I stayed up until 2 a.m., forcing myself to be wide awake just to be alive when he departs. But I unfortunately gave in. I just left messages in his phone and I asked him to call me so as to wake me up, the first thing when he opens his eyes.

And so he did. He said that he was already packing and arranging his stuff. Then, text text nalang. I fell asleep because it took him so long to reply to my messages I guess because he had to do a whole lot of things pa. You know, carrying stuff and shit like that. So his last message to me was that he was already in the plane and about to take off na. =c So sad. But now, it's only two days before he comes back. Yeeey.ü

Then, the weekend zoomed by. I had the chance to hear mass last Saturday, we watched Step Up here at home (ang bagong tambayan) and my friends and I just chilled.

Sunday, nothing much. I was pretty much a couch potato. I even cried because of One Tree Hill. Oh God. I wish he were anything like Lucas. I mean, how he believed that Brooke was the one for him and that he was convinced that they were destined to be together. Not only that, he refused to make out with a girl who has already stripped naked in front of him. (That bitch, Rachel)

Monday, mundane. I went out today to scout for a gift for Laine and for my costume tomorrow night. Kasi naman, I was planning on being a fairy, good thing I talked to Laine and she told me that I can't because apparently, she's gonna be a fairy princess. So, I just had to adjust and be the Greek goddess instead. Tanong pa ni Cort, kumot lang daw ba yung suot ko. Pwede rin. Why not?=D

Okay. A lot of these seem like fun but they're hell not. Niko picked me up today and we had to go over to Laine's for the 'surprise'. The surprise ended as a 15-minute snooping in Laine's room and her wardrobe for tomorrow plus the tarpauline that she had made for tomorrow night's festivities. Oh yeah.

I even had to take a shower after I got back because I had really bad allergies. Maybe I got it from Niko's car.

So what I can say is, why do people try to ruin your life when you're trying so damn hard to live it?

That on the next reflective post. ♥

I soooo miss him.

Looking forward to...

Me, Jackie (the birthday girl this Friday) and Kara

I'm so freakin' busy right now. I have to do a lot of stuff to help for the preparations for tomorrow. Uuuyy. Haha. Hindi naman. Kasi Jennette and I agreed to do the compilation of songs and I still have to make the introduction and the spiel for tomorrow evening. Oooh. I still have to fix myself because I doubt that I'm still going to find time tomorrow.

Yesterday, I went to La Salle to meet up with Jackie and Maann (supposedly but she didn't show up) but I didn't really go inside. We just met up at Mcdo. I wasn't supposed to be meeting Jennette too but she saw me there standing outside Mcdo and we were both surprised and just laughed it off anyway.

When Jackie came (after some minutes of waiting) we accompanied her to Burgundy. We checked the place out and it was cool. There was a pool, a closed area and an open one. The only thing that needs to be addressed now is the rain. If it rains tomorrow night (and we really need to pray that it wouldn't) then the whole program has to be moved in the closed area, which is bad because it's a bit small and all the food's gonna be there. Besides, the lat part of the program's gonna be a lot of dancing to house music and we wouldn't be able to do that if all of us are in tinsy amount of space.

Then I went home with Crunch and Chelly (ulit). Pinagtulungan pa ko kasi I'm a blue blood in the land of green. Yeah right. Hahahah=p

Okay. I'm still having problems with regard to the transpo tomorrow. Ugh.

What else?

Oh yeah.

A message to the effin' gossip folks everywhere.

You guys just have to back off from our personal lives. We're not doing anything to you so leave us alone. One more bad comment and chismis about me, my family or my friends and you're gonna get it. You're so unfair. What? You expect us to understand that it's become part of your lifestyle that you have nothing else to do but spread foul gossips about people whom you don't even know and who haven't done anything against you? Makonsensya naman kayo. I know you're not blind and you're not manhid to feel the consequences of your actions. People get hurt and a lot of relationships are destroyed because of what you do. So bug off okay??? Stop it! Oh wait, you can't undertsand English pala. And you have no means of accessing this message because you guys have no background of the internet. Oh ano? Bastusan na ba? Kayo naman yung nagsimula eh. Papatulan ko na talaga kayo.

It's one thing to actually bear you guys and just always keep into consideration your plain existence whenever something comes up here in the village. Kasi baka may mangchismis blahblahblah. It's bad enough that we always have that to keep in mind. But you know what? Why don't you just do something worthwhile and helpful to the society like spreading the damn love? Huh? Kundi nga dahil sa mga families namin na pinagtatrabahuan niyo as tingin nyo pano kayo makakahanap ng means of living? Respect naman darlings. Yun lang yung hinihingi namin. Oh, and yung sa mga hindi naman katulong pero parang katulong kung mangchismis, you guys are better off building this chismis congregation and we can like press charges against your group. Konti pa talaga ha. Sumosobra na kayo.

So what if there are a lot of things that we do? At least we're minding our own businesses, patching up our own mistakes and we're not meddling with things that aren't ours.

And you guys go to Church? Haha. Grabe. Shame on you.

Now, if I hear anything bad about me, my boyfriend, my family, my friends and their own families (I don't care if you have a basis or if you heard it somewhere) I'm not going to hesitate to confront you guys. Wag kayong magalala. Magtatagalog ako pag kinausap ko kayo.

We can't stand it any longer. Now, you're gonna have a taste of your own medicine.

What am I supposed to be happy for?

Inseparable.

I suddenly forgot why I was really happy this afternoon. Well maybe because...

Today is hon's birthday. It may have started a little bit weird because he had to go here early in the morning to get my gift for him and because I was left alone for five throbbing hours. But he left after an hour because he had to help with the preparations for the guests and all that although I'm not really sure who went to his so-called party because none of us had the guts to go to his house tonight. Well at least, I take the credit for that. It was too much to swallow every ounce of pride and even step one foot inside his house and show my face to his family. So now, my heart is breaking because I didn't really get to spend time with him because today is supposedly a special day for him. At one point, I'm getting really depressed but then he didn't really reply to our texts and calls so I guess he didn't really mind if we weren't able to come; me and his best friends and all of our common friends. Wow. So much for love and friendship. Oh well. It's his call naman eh.

Then I somehow enjoyed the afternoon naman. I went shopping with my parents. Blame it on Friday's big affair. Nyahaha. (which reminds me, I still have to do our spiel because it's Maann's midterms so she's rather busy) I had to buy a white dress (upon the debutante's request) and of course I had to buy a gift for her. Thank God for the sale inf Nafnaf. I even bought e top for my own. Wahahaha=p

*Screw the dial-up connection. Has to reconnect every ten minutes.*

And then after that we had to buy a lot of other stuff and I had to tag along with my parents. We came home a little before 8, at the same time that my friends came over here to fetch me because we were planning to go to hon's place. But unfortunately, he wasn't picking up nor was he replying to our texts so we decided not to go instead. We just made tambay. What's cool about it was that almost all of the tropa was there. (well, yeah, us girls) Everyone was there and only one was missing. It was so sad because we weren't able to find a way to like see her or even sneak in to visit her. (hmmmm) Pam, Toneth, Lanz, Eka, Rhen (it's her 19th birthday today btw), Kates and I were all there. Good thing Lanz thought of bringing her camera out so we kinda took pictures at Kuya Tuchie's place. Hmmm...

There. But I really feel bummed and sad because I didn't get to see him.=''''c I mean, for the most part, he's leaving on Saturday for Hongkong and he's not gonna be back for five days. *sigh* Yeah well, I will have a considerable amount of partying when he's gone but... I don't know. I just have to keep my promise of being a good girl, as I always do.

Sabi ko:

Hon, party ako next week while you're gone. Debut ni Laine then sleepover at Kara's.

Sabi niya:

Okay. Be a good girl ha?

Sabi ko:

Opo. Lagi naman good girl si mimay ah.

Sabi niya:

Beyi good. Love you!

Sabi ko:

I love you too.*

Onga pala. We're back together. Kanina lang. Gulo noh? He slept up on me pa last night. Left the phone hanging and we both woke up at 3 a.m.

Hmmm. Maybe I should rest na rin. Too much excitement in one day. Gotta rest for the coming days because I bet they're gonna be worse. ☺♥

Second - the tribute to our long-lasting friendship.

I cannot imagine where I will be if it weren't for my friends here. True, we may have our own different social cliques in our respective schools, but come summer and breaks, we remain pretty intact.

I met them far back... what? Less than 10 years ago when we still roamed the streets playing Chinese garter, collecting fragrant stationeries and living in our small tree house. We were young, we were happy and we were carefree. That was all that mattered.

We grew up differently, had to say goodbye to some of our old friends and said hello to new ones. Cried, fought and had revenge over boys and had our own share of heartaches. We ruled, we rocked and shared our talents and dreams. Slumber parties, mall trips, food trips and anything with cooking plus music and heaps of neverending kwentos defined our most precious times. Needless to say, we got into the littlest bits of trouble, even the most huge ones and we got out of them together.

We fought, had our own misunderstandings but we eventually came over them and emerged as strong individuals bonded with the friendship.

Nothing highlights our friendship because every event which happened to us was considered as precious and priceless. Our promise, though always left unsaid but never forgotten, is to be friends until the end of time.

And I'm glad we still are, until this very moment. Some things have changed and we have our own principles. But growing up as we are now made us more mature in every aspect. We know it is wise that we come to each other for every problem and aspiration.

Yet and still, some things will never be the same. Perhaps, we can feel even the slightest of change past us.

Friends forever. Haha♥

Against depression.

Nothing in this world can stop us tonight.

I've been trying to whip up a lot of comfort foods today. Contrary to what I thought about having to party this sembreak, I thought really wrong. I don't think I will be able to party this sembreak. Not even once, that is if I pursue any suicidal attempts. Haha.

Okay. First things first. Today is my official first party for the break. It's Innah's debut tonight at Dusit and I'm afraid that the whole block's gonna be there. (well, not really, I'm sure there are a few who won't make it and now that includes me.) Why am I not there having fun? Well, for no apparent reason, (just because my parents think that my life's a tad be going to hell...) my parents decided not to let me go to any party this break. I mean, come on. Give me an effin' break. I'm gonna drive myself nuts if that happens. Hmmm. Well, yeah because for the most part, I'm gonna be the host of Jackie's debut next Friday.

So anyway, I've been a very good bum around today just watching soaps and teen flicks. I'm so tired of this freakin' boredom when there's so much to do!!! Well, for one I have yet to finalize my plans for hon's birthday because considering that I don't have money, (as in, zero except for coins and receipts in my wallet) I have made my mind that I'm gonna improvise. Well yeah, because I pretty much am left with no other choice. Unless I figure something out which is so impossible because it's only like three days away. Stress. Stress. Stress. More stress.

Then I have been planning to change this blog's layout because I've grown tired of it. But then, because I'm no expert when it comes to html and other codes, I think it's gonna take some days to be able to pull this off. So far, I have downloaded a lot of skins from the net and they remain to be where they are.

Hmmm. What else? Hon and I are so-so. We went out yesterday, made up last Wednesday but things aren't exactly back to normal between the two of us. I don't know. For some reason, I just refuse for us to have the same mechanism that we had before. I mean, come on. After all he's done? I'm no martyr. I get tired and I should cut myself some slack. (Sorry hon) But I think he's not the person whom I used to know. He's been this former player/loko-loko turned good boy for some time (at least, while he was with me then) and now he's turned into something wors...t Not worse. Okay. I mean, the guy does a lot of nasty things which he hasn't done before (and up to now, I don't really understand the point in having to do those stuff) and he just doens't care if he hurts people or even his own self. His friends. Sorry you guys, but you have to admit that you sometimes cross the lines. There are some things which you shouldn't influence other people to do especially when you know that they are incapable of controlling themselves. It's unfair becuase people do get hurt in the process.

For now, I'm happy with the way things are between us. I mean, I still haven't recovered with happened, or better yet, I still haven't forgiven him for what he's done but it's all up to him to prove that he has the best intentions to change. I know it's hard to actually force people to renew their lifestyle if it's against their will but I guess, that's why some people need to learn lessons the hard way. It knocks you off with one blow, without even being given a chance because then can you only learn and decide to do better and to think hard the next time: especially when you take things and people for granted. You'll never know what they're worth until they're gone So guys, I advise that you ponder on these things. Because me? I have fought so damn hard for everything that I have accomplished and for everything in our relationship to not know how much it will hurt if either of us decides to walk out in each other's lives. I'm actually indeterminate with my feelings for now. Honestly, they've been slowly sucked up due to all the pain and regrets. They haven't really vanished but I guess, I just have to be smarter this time around. Oh crap. Why does it have to be sooo hard for us? =c Sometimes I just want to leave it all behind but everytime I start to, he just sort of, comes back. How can I refuse that? Arrrrgggghhhhh.

So my quest for happiness doesn't end there. I miss my friends. Tolly. Our grand reunion's supposed to be on Jackie's 18th and we have plans for sleepovers but I guess I just have to scratch that now. Naaaah. It's to early to say that. Maybe things will get better. Oh, but then again, I guess I won't be able to sing in that surprise number.=c Sigh.

I have gotten numerous invitations to a lot of affairs. Treats to Ponti, Jaip, Citrus, Emba... Lahat na yata. How I wish I would be able to go. There's a slim chance that I would be allowed by him especially if he found out that guys are the ones who're asking me out. Haaay.

My eyes are pretty sore and I have consumed my glass of Four Season's frost. (my number one comfort drink) Another post I guess?

I so love Cort's blog, btw.♥

First - The night sky drowning in a sea of stars...♥

...a song playing in the distant background, the loved one shedding tears, the warmth of an embrace and the sound of two hearts beating as one.

'Mahal na mahal talaga tayo ng Coldplay noh?' ~ him.

The Scientist by Coldplay

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you i set you apart

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy, Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

Ohhhhhh ouuuuu
Ahhhhhh ouuuuu
Ohhhhhh ouuuuu
Ohhhhhh ouuuuu

He was like: "I want you to listen to this song!!! I really dedicate this to you! Listen to the lyrics carefully ha? It's from the bottom of my heart.♥"

After that you just realize that the person who had hurt you and whom you refuse to take back in your life after all the pain and lies was there, crying because he lost you.

Crying because he wanted you back.

Crying because he was hurt.

Crying because he loved you too much to let go.

Crying because he was sorry for what he did.

And then you just realize that at that precise moment, your own tears were falling...

because you realize that you love him more than you did before.

♥There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer; no disease that enough love will not heal; no door that enough love will not open; no gulf that enough love will not bridge; no wall that enough love will not throw down; no sin that enough love will not redeem...It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble; how hopeless the outlook; how muddled the tangle; how great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all.If only you could love enough you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the world...

~Emmet Fox~♥

If only he knew how much I'd give for us to be back to the way we used to be...

If he only knew how much I was hurting because I had to go through every damn day not being with him.

If he only knew how much he had hurt me with the lies.

I don't know what to say. Would it make any difference if he knew?

Love is then our chance to take. The night sky was there to bear witness to it all. It was all Yellow.

Yellow by Coldplay

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And everything you do
yeah, they were all yellow

I came along
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called Yellow
So then I took my turn
Oh what a thing to've done
And it was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
And you know
You know I love you so
You know I love you so

I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh what a thing to do
Cuz you were all yellow

I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow

You're skin
Oh yeah you're skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
And you know

For you I'd bleed myself dry
For you I'd bleed myself dry

Its true

Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for...
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And all the things that you do

♥♥♥

Things aren't gonna be the same anymore.

I sooo want the next two days to be over naaa.

Shiyet. I still have papers to cram!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Mwahahaha=p

Blogging to save my life.

It's... what? 11:56 p.m.? I'm still not done. All I've accomplished is download ym in this laptop and research on what my possible sickness is.

The good news: nothing.

The bad news: it can be colon cancer or just plain amoeabiasis. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen. Problems in bowel movements can drive a person nuts and can pressure him to think that he can possibly have cancer. Aray ko po. I don't want to die yet. ='c I haven't even turned 18 yet.

Speaking of celebrating debuts, I have parties lined up right after my finals and for the remainder of October. Innah's, Jackie's and Laine's. Innah will be having hers at Dusit and it's gonna be a formal one, Jackie's at Burgundy and it's smart casual and Laine's at Skyline, World Trade Center and it'll be a costume party in celebration of Halloween.

Now here comes a lot of problems. Inasmuch as there's a lot of room for excitement and the prospect of fun because I will get to party a lot this sembreak, there will be problems inevitably. See I still have to figure out what outfit to sport in every event and the gifts that I have to buy for the debutante. Arrrgh.

Then here's mom. When she found out about the upcoming events that I'm gonna be attending, she started lecturing me about my own debut. She said that I have to scratch any idea of having fancy parties and formal events because she thinks it's a waste of money. Okay. I won't argue with that but a girl turns 18 only once and it has to be special. I can go for a car. A Mazda 3 perhaps? Hahahaha=p Naaah. I'd rather spend it with special people. I'm actually planning (as early as now) that I'm gonna have a simple house party (or anywhere big and spacious to accommodate lots of people) and it's gonna be a no big event. Then, I'll invite my closest friends to a summer escapade at Caliraya resort because I really loved it there. I knew that it was meant to be a part of my 18th birthday. Okkay na yun siguro.=)

Basta.

Anyway. I still have to study. I'm losing hope of getting A's and B's for majority of my subjects considering how I'm cramming now. Oh what the heck. This is college dude.=p

'Cause I'm dying inside with my pride and a smile on my face.

It's such a beautiful Sunday morning and I'm already in front of the computer trying to finish some stuff. Oh well. Three more days plus two more for labor on my Lit paper. I'm trying to think how I'm gonna finish it sooner because I don't really want to go to school on Friday just to submit my paper. Ewan. Pwede rin siguro.

I haven't been myself for the past week. The start of the finals was blessed with me having to sleep over at Laine's to study for our Lab and 'make our Power consumption paper' but we didn't get to. We just studied. So there. We took the test yesterday and it was okay. Just time pressured and all that. And then... We ate at Shakey's and tried to finalize all our evil schemes for the sembreak.

Oh gawd. I'm soooo hungry. I haven't eaten anything since last night. Plus, I just slept at 10 p.m. I have to work and study today. Wahaha.

Eh kasi I visited bro and bhi yesterday afternoon and we kinda watched Snakes on a Plane and we ate at Kuya Tuchie's pa. Hahaha=p Fun.

Hmmm. Okay. Weekend work!!!=p

[EDIT] A case of bad karma. Oh well. Today is just whatta... I don't even know how to start explaining what happened. Haaay. The monitor of our pc broke down before I even had the chance to finish all of my stuff. I regret having to take the 'power nap' at noon today and having to do unnecessary stuff. Yan tuloy. I had to go to bhi's house to download the sample test. Waaaah='c My math book got lost too. Haaay. Grabe. I was super stressed that I cried pa.

When I went to bhi's house, we had this little get together and talked about things. I missed having to boind with the girls. Haha=p Well at least. But I was worrying big time because I still have my finals for tomorrow. So I went ahead and told them that I'd study na. I went home thinking that the pc would be fine, but NO!!! To my disappointment it wasn't so now, I'm being punished.=c I have to use this laptop to finish my stuff. What's bad about it is that there are a lot of things that I need to access by Wednesday at the other pc's hard disk. Stuff that I need for my paper or else I'm super doomed.

Before I went home nga pala, we sorta talked. Medyo magulo and mahaba... But to put things in simple terms, we're back to the courting stage once again. Maghirap nga siya for what he did. Hahaha=p Which reminds me, Crunch told me that she'll make mean things for Raffy. Pahirap to the max daw. I'm glad that my friends are all on my side and that they're pleased to know that he's willing to take responsible and sincere actions to win me back.

This is soooo cool. Oh well. No sleep for me then. Bye.<3

Lakas pa ng loob ko magblog using the laptop. Hahahaha=p

I'm so sick.

I have been sleeping for the past 5 hours and I really feel terrible right now. ='c


I nearly threw up sa may mrt station. I even went home with Chelly. And now, I still feel terrible.

I just went to school to take the freakin' Physics long test and after that, I went home.

Now, I have tons of stuff to do for tomorrow. Hahaha.

Anyway. Here's a very important message sent by Hon this morning:

Hon...to tell you honestly, I really feel very incomplete these days. I miss my mimay. Nunoy is sorry with everything that he did. I find what we do right now very stupid. You know and I know that we will still end up being us again but maybe just not now. I don't know. Maybe because you're not yet ready to accept me back. But I hope before this coming sembreak we could finish this stupidity and be back to normal. I miss you a lot asawa. Don't worry about any girls because I don't have any. Lovely? Binura ko na yung number niya. Just reply at my sun ha. Still love you, still want you, my heart looks not for other girls but you. Ingat.

Needless to say, I wanted to melt when I read the message. Well maybe because I knew it all along, that he'd eventually come back. I was just waiting for him to realize what he did and be sincerely sorry for it.

I haven't replied to him. I'm not really planning to talk to him for the next days. I'll give it some time muna so I can make sure that he really meant what he said. I know he did. Haha. Besides, I don't have time now. Studies first.

♥♥♥

Manic depression.

This is just so great. I'm just taking a break from the insanely hectic schedule that I have.

So far, it's one long test down, two more and finals to go!!! Hahaha. But I'm not happy about it. Lahat yata kami bagsak sa Math. Kakaiba yung test.

Arrrrgh. Bahala na. Next time nalang. Babooo.

Midday stress.

This is what you call stress.

I know I shouldn't have gone to class right now. The pile of work has been stacked once more with another 3-foot high worth of paper works. One day... Papasalvage ko na talaga si Hermie. Arrrgh.

Niko was actually threatening him (while on his seat siyempre) not to walk outside or he might just run his car over him. Hahahaha.=D

Akala ko madami na kong ginagawa ngayon palang. I was so wrong. I was so apalled when Hermie broke the news that we still had to pass four freakin' requirements to him. Yes. Four freakin' papers to be submitted next Wednesday; the submission day for my Lit and English paper. Amputa. Grabe noh? I can understand One paper in less than a week but four papers in less than a week? Maaan. Load of crap.

Grrr. Wala lang. I fell asleep during his lecture because I couldn't understand what he was saying about electricity and magnetism. I guess I just have to rely on my high school notes at that. Evaluation nga kanina eh. Hahaha. Ganda ng remark ni Mark sa back page.

The thing you liked the least about the course: Boring lectures.

Suggestions to improve the class: Go and teach somewhere else. Not here in the Ateneo.

Patawa.

Then my Eng groupmates didn't show up at 9:30 sa doghouse. Talk about cramming. Rarr.

So we stayed here at Matteo Ricci. While everybody else was fretting with the Fil orals, Ria and I who had no more Fil class, fell asleep. Sarap kasi eh. So now, I have the rest of the afternoon to do all of my stuff including having to study for the Math LT tomorrow. Yeeey. Pero I don't really feel good about all the stuff that I have to do. Well it's not my fault that I can't do them all because they were just given this week. Haaay. Sana quality work yung maproduce ko. Oo yan. I work best under pressure. Hahaha.ü

This is a break that I somehow deserve to keep my mind off the things that pretty much defy my reality. Basta. NO more net surfing and nonsense chatting for me tonight. It's just finals, finals, work, work!!!=p

Haaay. Miss him so much='c I'm not used to this.

[EDIT] I happened to have read the tabs for Powermatch '06. Hahaha. Never mind our rank in the whole tournament. Isang malaking joke yun. I looked at the speaker tabs. Although it's not really bad, I'm beginning to think that I really suck at debate. Or I just feel really inferior considering that I'm working with the best people whom Asia and the whole world has produced in the art of debate. Tsk tsk tsk. Bahala na.

So there. I'm still here at the lib typing my paper away and doing stuff to alleviate the 'lugmok' status. Hardiharhar.

I wanna sleep mehn. -.-

Trying hard.

Day 1 - Facade, portico, fascia.
*Wallowing in misery. Denial stage.*

Is this supposed to document my depression and angst for life right now? I know I'm pretty much screwed. Life, as usual, has been helluvah ride. But you know, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

Okay. Today started unsually. Well, it's become a routine that I just stay at the caf every morning and just chat the time away with my blockmates if I have no homework or major requirement to be passed which needs to be done at the RMT. Bea asked me if I could go with her to Starbucks because she was meeting JV for their thing in Fil. Upon mentioning that I was so depressed, Bea immediately came to my rescue be offering me the grand experience of having to spend the morning at Starbucks, lo and behold I was there, sitting on the couch and enjoying a cup of Caramel Macchiato. Thank God for my blockmates.

The rest of the day went by. But it was pretty sucky considering that a lot of people failed in the 1st paper in lit. Yep. That includes me. I did get to enjoy the A grade for like two days and after that (after knowing that the A turned into an instant B) it has been officialy taken away from me, assuming that I'd not perform well in the coming finals and 2nd paper. Gawd. I still have no idea on what to do with the second papaer. Aaaack!!!

So there. I felt like throwing up as the day continued and I wasn't feeling quite well.=c I stayed behind and just did all the stuff that I could do after Math class and the rest of the afternoon. Then I went home with Laine, bonded with his driver because he had to bring me home, Laine had to go to the derma. Ayun.

Pretty much, that's it.

Gotta go. Hell week mode remember?

Oh wait. I'm seriously regretting how I threw my phone last night. Defense mechanism. Sabi ko reflex lang. Ngayon, it's an added misery to my life. Sometimes I can get too impulsive. But then... It's not my fault that my temper's triggered to do irrational stuff.

Waaaaah. I wish to lash out my pent up energy towards something that's worth it.

School work maybe?

Naaah.

Sigh.

On letting go.

Never in my wildest did I dream of losing my whole life over a one week romance. I thought it was more real than that. Apparently, it isn't. Now I'm on the brink of a breakdown.

I haven't been able to say how I have been feeling for the past few days. I tried to hold on for the hope that things will get better but then I'm finally giving up to that notion. Things are bound to be like this... As I have seen it for the past weeks, months...

I have no idea why I'm being punished this way.

I'm at a loss for words.

Words can't immortalize emotions.

Get into it.

The past few days have just been miserable. It was like pre-hell week not because of the work load for school but because of the other stuff in my life which completely gives me a headache.

We just had electricity last Thursday at 1 a.m. in the morning. Laine and I had to panic because of our Physics movie critique which had to be submitted on that day. We had to cut our morning classes just to finish it. Luckily,we did and we just had the guys sign us up for the finals and all. Then I had Fil class which was the usual and I was happy with my grade. Yeah... Considering that I got a relatively low grade in the first paper because I crammed it. B isn't bad at all plus I received a good mark in the first long test. Bawi nalang ako sa second paper and sa finals. Besides, A na ko sa second long test. Whooo.ü

So the afternoon of Thursday was concluded with the event of Coach, Penny and I having to drop by at Medical City to visit Cj at the hospital because she was about to undergo an operation. It was fortunate that we arrived five minutes before she was about to be brought to the OR.

Ayun. Friday. Nothing much. Twas Jiggy's birthday. Saya. We did something tapos I had to leave for Makati because Hon and I agreed to go out on a date. He missed it na daw. Aynako. Forget about the issues. I'm to tired to bitch out on it again.

So we had fun. We watched Pulse. It was a boring movie althought it starred uh, basta. Veronica Mars and Christina Millian. Haha. It wasn't my fault. Hon was the one who suggested that movie. After that,we ate then hung out some more. Then we went home. I couldn't have wished for anything else more than how last night had ended. Grabe. I least expected it. I just have to see if he stays true to what he said.

Basically, he didn't want to let me go.

Yun na yun.♥

Coffee please. -.-

I'm so sleepy. It's not really me to be staying up late on a Friday night just to do school stuff but hey, I am currently at it.

Whew. I am so not up for this. I badly need my best friend - coffee.

Continue this tomorrow. Goodnight.

You made it clear.

I love you, once again. Just because you showed up on my doorstep with our scrapbook (inside are the words: 'Will you still accept me? I want you back. I can't take it anymore. I miss you so much' scribbled) and then you make my heart melt then and there. Why do you always have this tendency to get carried away by the wind? Pero at least, I'm still the one you come back to in the end. Or is it still me this time?

I'm sorry for the words I've said. No matter how I try to understand why you do those things deliberately and unconscientiously, (I think) I still don't get it.
Maybe that's your case too. No matter how we try to talk things over, we just fight over a nonsensical period of time and end up making up because I can get too bad mouthy with words. Something you would never understand.

Can we make both ends meet?

Hell week: it's just a state of mind.

I love you darling.

But I hate you for doing this to me. It doesn't matter what you did because it really is loser-ish. Pati na yung girl na yun. Loser.

Anyway, hell week it is. A lot of people are like frustrated because there are a lot of papers to be passed on finals week. Ngayon na ang simula ng lagim. We actually crammed for our physics lab movie critique. Kumuta naman yun? I didn't get to see my final grade but I do hope it's till a B+.

I hate you.

But I know better than to let you go. I'm gonna give you reasons why you should feel stupid for what you did and put your heart where it really belongs.

You gave me a reason for my being...

Oh crap. My body is really aching right now. We still don't have electricity! Therefore, I lack sleep, I lack time to study, I lack the resources to finish all of my school work. I'm short of everything!!!=c

Last night was really bad. My finals for pe unexpectedly lasted for more than 5 hours. I had to play four games! Grabe. Our team was so tired during the last game that we wanted to give in. Naawa lang samin si coach so he told us that we'd be given the title as champion, our opponent as well and we'd both be given tropihes because we were really exhausted to carry on with the 3rd set of the last game. Besides, it was already 9:30 in the evening. Waaah.

Okay lang. Not bad. Champions parin.

So I went home and tried to study but then I fell asleep after reading our story for Lit. Damn. I really need to head on to a computer shop later if we still don't have electricity.

Haaaaaay. I don't know what will happen to me right now=c
Please Lord. I have loads of stuff to do. So little time.

Back in business.

Okay. First few minutes here at the CTC comp lab spent on cleaning my mailbox. The next few minutes will be allotted for devotion to school work. School work. I worship school work.

Mantra before anything else: Studying is fun... Studying is fun... Studying is fun...

Fudge! I'm becoming super frustrated. Waaahh!!!

Okay. Here are some of the few things which are on the list right now.

I kinda have a hangover from the game yesterday. Yes, I know we lost so stop bitching about it. We're not sore losers.

We still don't have electricity at home that's why I'm forced to do my stuff here at school. This makes me less productive because I have a lot of stuff saved in the pc at home which I badly need plus the atmosphere outside the hosue is the least conducive to accomplish all of them.

Hell weeks. Finals, papers and all the deadlines. Fuck!!!

Okay. Start things off.

I still have more or less twenty minutes to waste in making this entry.

The past few days have been whatever. Last week was like a rollercoaster ride. Wednesday was its hallmark because John celebrated his birthday. There was a small inuman session at Cantina. I was forced to walk under the rain (yep, brave it with no umbrella, jacket whatsoever) so that I could get my ass off school and head there. We were discussing a lot of things. I was really depressed then because of the thing --- you know what. And then on the latter part of the evening, when Laine and I were left (from the group which started at five: Mico, Niko, John, Laine and I) we were eating quesadillas when the people inside Cantina were rejoicing because of the suspension of classes on the next day. I knew that it had to be a bad thing because then there was a chance that game two would be postponed. A lot of people thought it would push through but then it didn't so I had to sleep most of the day away. I woke up at midday to find that there was no electricity and the strom was pretty bad so I went back to sleep.

The next day, Friday, the typhoon eventually calmed down and I was stuck at home with nothing much to do because all of my paperworks and stuff need the PC. I was such a bummer because I sat around, trying to read books and review but to no avail. I was praying for a miracle and for somebody to save me from my boredom. Thankfully, my friends came over and asked me to come out, which I gladly did. We just hung out and played volleyball.

The next day, nothing. Laine came over at my hosue so early in the morning to wask me if I was gonna watch the game that afternoon. Apparently, I wasn't aware that the game was moved on that day because other areas of Metro Manila had electricity (unlike us) na. I told her that I'd meet her at Glorietta after lunch. I then had to call on my friends to ask them if they will wacth the game so ang aga-aga we were like nangangapitbahay. Something came up in the afternoon and I didn't get to watch the game. I just found out that we lost,m too bad. But then I thought that it was supposed to be good because I still had the chance to watch the third game.

So ayun. Yesterday, we were at Araneta to exhibit full school spirit. Contrary to what a lot of people thought, we weren't bragging about how we'd win the game. As in sure na. Of course, you go there hoping that you'd bag the title as this season's champ Sino bang may ayaw nun? No one refuses to concede with that.

The atmosphere there was full of excitement and anxiety. School spirit still prevailed after we lost. After all, as an Atenean, I know how to be a good sport. Plus, I love my friends from UST. I'm happy for them. However, it's still a heartbreaking loss because we fought all the way for this season. So people who continue to bitch out there regardless of what school you're from, tama na. Tsaka sa mga nakikisawsaw na hindi naman talaga basketball fans even if you're in it for the 'school spirit' pwede pakitigil? You don't know who you're hurting in the process. Plus I doubt you even feel the way us athletes do. Do you even have a sport??? I thought so. Sorry ah. Di ko na kasi matake eh.

Be careful of what you say. Asserting your opinion is one thing and being considerate of others' feelings is another. So kung tao ka, matamaan ka. Kung Atenista ka, mas lalo kang matamaan. Joke.

Okay lang yun. Everyone knows we fought the good fight. Besides, it's not everyday that you get to beat THE Ateneo.

People know how I really get bitchy when it comes to the things I love. I actually don't put my bitch mode unless it is necessary. Hmmm, I think people may be surprised that I'm talking about this now. Wala lang.

See you next season. Sige na. Aral na ko.

[EDIT] Shout out from my dearest blockmates who are diehard Ateneans:

Ang kapal ng mukha mo. Yun lang.
Makarma ka sana. Hahahahaha=p Oh yeah, what goes around comes around. Whoever trash talks picks up her own trash.

And oh, for the record, each school has its own tinge of bad c rowds whether it be in a UAAP game, school event or whatnot. It's inevitable to have that because of the large population in these respective universities. There are people who, unfortunately, will give a bad reputation to their schools due to the way they act. I do feel sorry for those people, but hey, they're not the only lot that Ateneo can produce. I know you won't contend with that. Like you, they're just expressing how they feel. Walang pakielamanan. You can't make them like the team that you want and vice versa. So, at the end of the day, it all arrives to the fact that all of us are deemed to have our own say with regard to different issues.

Ateneans have hearts. I hope you have one too.

Back from the dark ages.

Grabe is the feeling of relief from being sooooooo kept in the dark ages for the past days.

Biglang nawala yung excitement kong magblog. I dunno. I just don't feel like it. Paano kasi, my phone's still dead. I have to go to the caf to charge it pa. Okay. Let's just keep our fingers crossed that we'll have our electricity back tonight or else I'll go completely crazy. Damnit.

I have loads of stuff to retell. As in. From Wednesday up to today.