The week was okay. Maybe if I went to the AIESEC Maffia Party tonight then I wouldn't be locked up in this hollow space left to contemplate on my misery. Too bad I'm not in a bar with a lot of amenities right now: sizzling hot guys, free alcohol and cigarettes. Imagine the picture. It's every lonely girl's dream of a narrow escape from the world of solitary loneliness.
Valentine's Day wasn't as bad as I thought would happen. My friends and I agreed to wear black as a sign of non-conformity with everybody else's mushy red heaven. Couples were all over the place, as well as people holding bouquets of flowers, cakes and fancy gifts. I greeted each one of them with a disapproving frown on my face.
We had the long-awaited and well-prepared for Mathapalooza for Calc class. (I really love Sir Joey's class. It's the only thing which keeps me going in Math 19) It was really fun.
After that, we went to Seattle's Best to have our dateless group study-date. - yes it's weird to actually make a name for the thing that we did by putting those three words together. But it's true! It was a group assembled together to study in a food establishment (specifically in a coffee place) with no dates. Just with friends. I love my fab girlfriends.:)
When I got home, our dinner was pasta. It's as if Valentine's was a special occasion. I pretended that it was getting all romantic and stuff so I just had to bear the remaining hours of that day with the right amount of reviewing and sleeping. The next day was hell.
Thursday was the dreaded LT in Math. I was quite confident with the lesson because I found it a bit easier than the previous ones. But something happened with The Core because of the putting to compromise classes issue and then that...
Sabaw pa rin ako during and after the test. I have no idea what I got because I forgot to get it last Friday. Friday was okay. Kinda ordinary. Nothing new. The only perk was that we went to Cantina to have a brief reflection on our emo lives with a bottle of beer in hand and a big serving of quesadillas and nachos each to satisfy ourselves. Whopee.
Then today. My friends and I scouted for gifts for our darling Lanna. It's one week before her party and everyone's making the last minute preparations for it. I spent the whole day with one of my bestestfriends. Gawd I really missed her. We just shopped, walked and ate the afternoon away. Even if I got a major headache during the trip back home and I got bankrupt for spending a lot on unnecessary stuff, it was really worth it and fun to have spent time with her again. I love you Bhi.:)
So when I came back here, I had a minor party discussion with my parents and some appointments for next week's events: my party for Lanna's debut and my brother's Senior prom.
We watched the last episode of OTH's Season 3 at Bhi's house and practiced a little for our song number.
Back in here. I feel a little of the pain gone as I was typing the recollection of what happened this week. But I really can't help feeling astonished at myself for crying because of what I saw in Bhi's phone. Okay. I know I'm supposed to spare her a little privacy with her messages but I looked around and read some of their conversations. (Bhi and Bro) While I was having a run through of the messages, I suddenly went back in time. I remember when I was hearing and saying most of the words because of our fights and misunderstandings - the verbal retaliation and the talk shits, our sweet nothings where we would always assure each other that we'd fight for our love no matter what, our random talks about the most trivial stuff and the things that happened to us while we were apart. And at that moment, tears came flowing.
I know that I have convinced almost everybody that I am happy now. Don't get me wrong, I really am. This is one out of the 20% chance when I am bound to have breakdowns because of this. Shit. I miss him. Once in a while I feel it. Unlike before, it kept haunting me like crazy.
This proves that I have improved throughout the months. It's been a short while after all, but I guess I have somehow learned how to deal with it. I'm glad I am working my way towards attaining self peace.
And one more thing. I found out that he viewed my friendster profile. Before I illogically figure out what it means, I stopped myself from wanting to know why he did it. Maybe he has the same reasons as mine and I can't condemn him for that. I still miss him. I still love him. But the thought of our situation dispells any possible of wanting to go back together with him. That's just too bad.
Okay. I better keep working for my stuff to do.
Kung Hei Huat Choi.:)
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