Can I just say that I hate this feeling? Everytime you feel like everything's just falling in its right place something just holds you back and keeps you away from feeling perpetual happiness. More often than not, the situation is out of your control and you just have to hang on for dear life to be able to conquer it and hopefully let it pass.
It's always partially my fault when it comes to these things. I choose to submit myself to the cicumstance even if I am fully aware of the complications that it entails. I know that once I allow that thing to happen, everything just goes back in time and forces itself to go back to how it was, even if it's impossible to do so.
I give myself the credit that I was already doing good at the first part. After the sweet talk, the fireworks and the short time together, I was down to my knees once again. It's such a bad thing. I gave it another night and a day to get myself to decide that none of this matters anymore. It's just a temporary high, I just missed doing it and showing my caged feelings. I don't have to feel this way right? It's been long over with. We're just making the same mistake again. Waaaah!!!:'(
I don't have to be attached to the past. I have to be strong to overcome this. Everything's gonna go wrong if I give in to this.
- I am so speaking in vague terms.
Anyway. Lanna's 18th birthday at Rockwell Club was a total blast. Pictures at my multiply soon. We had so much fun mainly because the whole barkada was almost there. I love it:)
So much for storytelling. I have to work now. Later:)
[EDIT] I can never feel too much. I can never be that girl.
I don't know what's happening to me. I feel so moody, stressed and suddenly unhappy. This is perhaps one of the most uncanny moments in my life. It's one of these times that my mood just fluctuates between the extremes that I end up having a horribly painful headache.
I sat around all day and I swear. Sitting around this much not talking to anyone and just doing things alone sucks. It sucks big time and can even suck one's sanity out. Woooooaaaah. It's a pretty lame Sunday evening. It's such a temptation to slack off but I know that once I give in, I would be feeling so much worse tomorrow. Much worse than I should feel.=(
Why must I feel this way? Why can't I ever run away from it? Why must I struggke so hard in order to be happy?
Why can't I make the right choice?
[EDIT] Still can't pull myself together.
An open letter to you.
I don't exactly know what to say and whatever it is, how to say it. I've lost words within the duration that I have allowed myself to be consumed with the pain that was inflicted. I allowed it-the most part that I went wrong.
But the thing is, that's the power that love can force and thrust upon a person's well-being. No matter how hard I seemed to try to resist everything that was happening, the more that it succeeded on its way through. Again, a mistake which I allowed.
Or was it? Is there anyone to blame after all that's happened? Is it really anyone's fault? Or were we just victims of a circumstance that we couldn't possibly devoid of? Honey I thought that by not talking to you, everything would go perfectly well. I was right. Everything seemed perfectly and genuinely well. The only thing that contested it was the last-minute chance of you having to go back to me.
And it happened. I wasn't expecting anything like it. I was rid of you for some time and I was really happy. But being with you, back in your arms and just forgetting everything else that's happened made all the difference. I was cold at the beginning maybe because I already forgot how it was to love and to be loved. However, your every kiss and embrace reminded me and brought back that feeling once more. Now my heart aches at the prospect that even if we take this chance, things will never be the same anymore.
My heart is weak. I look outside thinking that you are only a short distance away. The smell of the wind is a signal that summer is about to take place. We are once again entrapped in the moment of deep love and longing. I want to be with you so badly, so bad that it hurts. I want to forget everything; the hurt and the pain of not being with you. But why is having you now suddenly the end of my world? Why is it an immediate destruction of everything that I'm trying to live for for the past months?='( I sitll love you all the while.
In as much as I would like to put the past behind and take this second chance to be able to start anew, the scars of the past will continue to find a way to haunt me. If we are willing to take this, we have to be stronger.
For now, it's us against the world and we have everything to prove.='( Stay with me.
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