[So in the mood to write an EMO article -- something reflective]
To those who happen to read this, just read okay?
Once in a while I actually spulrge in a huge amount of professionalism in my everyday life. Way back in high school I would always assume a pile of responsibilities and tasks apt for a student leader; someone out of everyone's league. C'mon let's face it, I may be a plain Jane when it comes to fashion and social status (well, not at the least) but I'm no average chick or better yet, a MEDIOCRE. So why do I feel so insecure? I have no idea. Well maybe because I haven't felt so bad about myself inasmuch as I do now.
People would always say I'm basically brains and beauty and that my charm works with the mechanism of smart talking and the radiance of a beautiful mind. My opinionated and witty conversationalist tactics always captivate the people whom I converse with. My passion profusely ignites the senses of who I am bringing out the sincere personality I would want to harbor to my audience. Thus my life.
But all these have perished in an instant now that I'm in the tertiary level of schooling. Although for all it's been worth, I have never failed to uphold my standards. My forte remains to be as it is, my capabilities undermined yet challenged at the most and my social life underway. Perhaps all these are a part of what I choose to live in my life and my struggle just spruces up my being. This is just the beginning of fun and living.
Nevertheless, all these don't matter if the one person who I want to be proud of me demands for anything that I wouldn't opt to do. I thought we have long passed the stage of superficial interest. I THOUGHT WRONG. Well yeah, apparently my efforts into making him see that I'm actually battling for a reputable name in college are all in vain. I do understand his concern somehow but doesn't he think that I'm just to stressed out to even think of those 'petty stuff'? I mean, think about it, it's bad enough that I have my pms right now when I have papers due next week and long tests too! Then he just makes this remark saying...blahblahblah. Yeah! I'm aware of that and I'm actually trying to do something about it! Just not now!!! Can you like support me instead anad take care of me to somehow relieve the stress and pressure???
Okay. Let's cut this guy some slack. I know it's been rough with his problems and all that but I won't deny the dubious fact that I have my OWN heap of problems to attend to. It just tampers on my well-being having to deal with this unnecessary feeling of low self-esteem coming from him. It's really ironic that he's the source of all this.
Label me a hypocrite if, at least once, I haven't actually considered looking at CUTE and HOT guys. Yeah. I do. I just don't make a huge banner that I do it.
Raaaarrr. This blows me off and makes me off guard. I can't say I don't regret having to compromise school work with comforting him. Well, yeah. I don't not because I felt oligated to do so but because I love him.
So why does it matter anyway? Because I thought that if one person loves you, he has long accepted your flaws and imperfections. That no matter how wrong you are in just about anything, he'll stand by your side to give you strength and help you with your aspirations. Better yet, he'll be proud of you no matter what you do even at your failures and shortcomings Moreover, he'll gloat about the littlest of what you've achieved, even by just conquering your fears. He'll accept you for what you can be and help you improve yourslef, not for mere display of beauty but for the world to see that it's him that makes you smile while exuding sincere love. And then he'll look at other girls to naturally appreciate beauty but in the end, it's still you who's the most beautiful person in his eyes.
Then all this boils down to what's left of what we understand about love. People change and stop putting their best foot forward. Some things indicated above may be stated based on what I experienced from him before, therefore implying my inability to adjust with his sudden change.
But then, who says I won't overcome this? After all, we make both ends meet. Whatever he lacks in brains, I make up for it. And whatever I lack in appearance (which I technically doubt), he comprises.
In the plethora of all the hot people in 'his' society, why wouldn't he be blinded by microminis and slim figures? Let's just hope that after all, he's got the best the world can offer and that is more than just a pretty face; a loving heart, skillful leader and a smart ass. ♥♥♥
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