Remember when I said that I love my life? Well, forget about that because now I don't. I'm slowly beginning to crumble into little pieces that in no time at all, I don't what will be left of me.
Suddenly I realize that our fate is in our hands. Together we shall surpass this, hold onto the chance that God has given us, in the hope that our love will rise above all.
I used to say that 'take anything away from me except the people whom I love and this one person.' Now, I'm still in the process of thinking on how to recover, moreover, maintain the already on the brink love that we have for each other. Because against odd and ends, I am ready to fight for what we have, knowing that in the end, nothing else will matter but our good intention of being together the rest of our lives. No one can decide our fate for us.
I slaughtered myself last night by crying for two full hours. [Imagine how mosntrous I look now]
I don't know what else there is to write about because giving an account of what happened wouldn't in any way help. Besides, I'll save that for my friends.
The stages of depression:
1. Denial
- It is hard for us to give up on what we have. For a person of 17 years of age and who has gone through half of her life looking for that some-thing or rather, some-one to fulfill her given that she had everything she wanted was much of an achievement. Pursuing who she found and staying with that person for 2% of her life was worth every dream she had managed to attain. Living her life excelling in everything in the arms of that person was more than she had asked for and she has been grateful for that. Happiness was an understatement of how she lived her life with him. Now, taking that love away is enough for her to consider risking everything even at the expense of her life just to fight for what they have. For they have planned and visualized their future together...
- Life is just not worth living if you're living it alone. And one cannot simply live her life if it has been taken away from her.
2. Anger
- What completely amazes me is the fact that all the years of being together were to be shattered all in one night. It went by so fast that when I woke up this morning, it took my 2 seconds to realize what had happened; wishing and praying that it were a dream. But then, I couldn't do anything about it; I felt helpless. I could only promise myself to go on while we haven't made plans yet, with the disposition to prove those people wrong. And because by chance, I don't really have any choice, I wouldn't really know how to fill the longing of being with him.=c
- I do not, by any means, have a grudge against anyone. Maybe against the people who just wouldn't understand how he means to me. Coercing me to let all things be is a thing that I could least do, next to trying to stop my overrated tears. They can say whatever they want, they can say that I'm too young to understand things, that I will still meet a lot of people who will work out for me. But you don't say that to a person whose heart has just got broken, whose dreams have just been shattered, whose life has just been lost and whose hope has just been gone because she will never ever understand. You will never understand how I feel. Give us a chance to realize what we did and if it is worth stopping our love with. The reason why we just don't mind everything else is that we really love one another.
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
- I just have to finish this soon.
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