Sometimes I consider most of my problems as petty ones and that they are all bound to be solved in one way or another. Everytime my problems are done with, I know I have better yet to face the most tragic of all of them. Until now. Because this is the most tragic, most devastating, most excruciating event that could happen in my life with him.
Last night was a pleasant party at Kates' house. I went home right after one round of cardss with Bea, Jecky and Karly. I was so tired and sleepy but I had to finish all the stuff that I needed to so that the hassle of having to stay up will be avoided.
It was pretty much okay. Dane even talked to me for the first time.There were a lot of people and most of my friends were there. Only Rhen and Tonnete were the ones absent. We ate and chatted a lot and I had to go over a blow by blow account of the tragedy that had happened with hon and I.
Surprisingly, he met up with me. I also asked him to do so because I had to give him something important: a letter, his pucca shells and my USB. I wanted him to save the rest of our pictures together for something to remember us by*sniff* and I gave him the pucca shells as a replacement of what he lost with me last summer.
I don't really know where the two of us are heading. It seems as if we're completely lost and are on the verge of giving up.But not me. I give you my word in that. I told him that I would try to be strong for the both of us and that I will wait for him, whatever his decision may be as regards to our relationship. I'm trying to make things smooth, going one step at a time as much as possible because whenever I'm reminded of him I would always want to cry. Laine was even singing songs to me during our lab class. Si Ria naman hanep sa reaction when I told her. All she could say was, 'What? Potah?!' And then I tried to hold back my tears.
I can not help but think of what I would be losing if he gives up on us. There is this part of me which is trying to let go because I would not want to get my heart a thousand times more broken that is already is. But a huge chunk of me just can't help hoping that he'd say that he will fight and after that I know everything will be alright. Perhaps hard and there's practically no easy way out but that is okay as long as we redeem ourselves and fight for our love.
Losing him is like losing everything I have lived for for the past year. Life without him is just nothing.
Losing him is like losing:
*a brother* - People who see us together in person or even in pictures often mistake us as brother and sister. It's always like that because 'we awfully look alike' daw. That's a good thing. A couple who looks alike is destined to be together forever.
*my bestfriend* - time and time again I keep on telling him that if we haven't endde up as lovers, we might be very very good friends because we share lot of things in common: likes for music, food, recreational stuff, sports and all that. But then we have agreed on the fact that even if we are just friends in the beginning or in the latter part of our relationship, we are still bound to fall in love again. I don't know. God just made us meet to fall in love with each other. And thus spend the rest of our lives together.
*my partner in crime* - inasmuch as I have done every little misdeed in my life with the help of my friends, iba pa rin talaga pag siya yung kasama kong gumawa ng kalokohan. May it be just fooling around, overeating things, making takas and all that... I would definitely miss the fun, excitement the times I have spent being in trouble with this guy. =c
*my life mentor* - before there was Raffy in Daryll's life, there was an overfatigued and overstressed girl who always had to rub her nose raw with all the hard work she had to do. She knew and had the least time to have fun and this is what he had taught this workaholic: Life is too fun to miss out on and you can still excel in your chosen field without wearing yourself out. Just know when to lay back and relax and when you feel that you have rested enough, you can go back to work. Nothing can relieve stress than being in the company of your friends and family. Don't worry on a lof of things and always wear your best smile.
He had also taught me how to talk things out whenever there is a problem between us, to let my feelings out and not to be afraid of expressing them.
*my inspiration* - no matter how hard life came to be especially with the different phases I constantly go through, he was always there for me. He would always give me a hug or a peck on the cheek whenever I felt sad, moody or stressed. He would always encourage me to follow what my heart tells me when it comes to my career. He would always advise me to forego whatever I think is best for me. He would always support me in every decision that I make and he would always be there to remind me of how he really loves me no matter what happens. Needless to say, he has helped me grow and he has brought out the best in me.Thank you hon=c
*my life and my love* - before I met him, I was just a girl, not-so-typical yet not so special. There always seemed to be something missing. He filled that emptiness by showing how he cares, how special I am and how he has loved me all this time. Before, I would only live for myself. But upon realizing how much impact I have made in his life inasmuch as he had made on mine, I found my partner whom I wanted to share my life with. The person whom I will forever give my heart to. He is the reason behind my tears and my smile, the reason for my breathing. It is because of him that I have drawn myself closer to God and have learned to thank Him for all the wonderful things and people that he has blessed me with.
Yes, it may be hard to move on and on the other hand pursue our relationship. Both have no easy way out. Yet either way, I am willing to accept what God wants me to have. I am ready to fight because I know God wants me to have him.♥♥♥
- Rizal Library
Matteo Ricci Study Hall
AdMU
1:15 p.m.
September 14, 2006
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