The Association of Communications Technology Management presents:
Okay. This is weird and rather unfortunate. Something went wrong with the admin's connection so the whole RMT comp. Lab is unable to have access to the internet. Oooh. I was planning to do some nasty things pa naman. Kidding.
I was surprised to see one of my 'hottest' batch mates here. I was supposed to stay in the terminal somewhere there to get a good view but then due to this inconvenience, the good view has turned into a picturesque scene of the back of his head. Hahaha. So much for that. I want to blog really bad that I'm typing this entry in MS Word and I'm going to save it in my flash disk. I am quite wondering who else have arrived since I left the caf some minutes ago. I could always use the walk but no one's willing to walk with me. (Someone's dozing off while waiting for the net to connect) Sheesh. I need to do some research right now!!!
The usual. I am in my school career mode because I don't have any other choice but to keep myself busy. Yeah it sucks when the last song that plays in your head is Out of Reach by Gabrielle. It's like admitting to yourself that you're such a fool for letting all of him get into you and take everything, that in the end, you feel so hurt and empty. Okay. Ito na naman tayo sa walang katapusang drama. I'm sorry. No one can blame me. I'm hurting so back off! No amount of Caramel Macchiato, vanilla ice cream or Coffee Crunch can take the pain away. Not even a rocking party, a sleepover, an extreme sport or some guy. – I guess it's just him.
Speaking of a rocking party, last Saturday was the twins' debut – Jean and Jermaine. I was up in the morning to go shopping with my parents so that I could buy stuff and gifts. I decided to really (Oooopssss. Jiggy and Ana just walked in…) have myself predisposed (Oooooppsss Dani just walked in. – Idol debater) to start my life anew and just move on. So what I did was to shop for a lot of stuff for myself. Food, cosmetics, food, food and a lot more food. Coolness. Anyway, I arrived at the party looking all glammed up but the 18 roses was already starting. Ayus lang. At least the eating part was yet to happen so I content myself in chatting with my HS friends (I sooooo missed them) and as usual, taking pictures with weird poses. (Pics at my multiply, soon.) Then the party ended at like 12 and a lot happened in between. It was fun and tiring because I wore my killer heels – yeah, same ones I wore at his prom. The dancing part was kinda lame because most of the guys stood there and some people attempted to partner us with everybody else but then not a lot was interested to even stand up. Plus the music was freakishly weird so we (Mita and I) were the only ones who got the groove on.
And then yesterday. How could I even start describing the grand finale of my wretched love life? – Started as early as May 2005. Oh well. I was at Greenhills in the early part of the morning because I was supposed to get a new fone. There were a few negotiations with my parents and I thought that I didn’t really want to let go of my old one so I agreed to wait until they can get me a new one without trading my old one in. (Still no connection!!!) and then he texted me in the afternoon and stuff.
We talked as I wanted it to happen. I was waiting for him to get his stuff because I really really wanted to see him personally before I finally convinced myself to let go. So we did. I missed everything about him. It's as if we haven’t seen each other for a long time. Then I asked him to just stay away from me so that it could be perhaps easier to move on. But no! I just couldn’t do it! Or so I thought. I had to find out some other stuff which proved my instincts right. There are other girls lurking around and celebrating his momentous freedom. Ewan basta. Karma – what goes around comes around. What goes up must come down. Yihee. Bitterness.
Whatever. I don't really care about them. For all I know I did my best and I gave him everything – the tad bit where I went wrong. I just had to be the most loving girl that I didn't leave anything for myself. Basta for now, life's definitely not going to end here. Ano ako loser? No. dati kasi ako pa yung matapang. But I knew better and he didn't. sorry nalang.
I even saw a falling star while we were parting ways. Ang sad because he made me wish for something. All I can say was, "Ayoko. I don’t believe that my wish will come true. Nagwish na ko dati diba? If wishing upon falling stars come true then why are you leaving me now?" – Awww.
Okay. So for the last part, I won't really vent out remorse or contempt for what happened. Tama nga si Bhi. If we're meant, then love will find a way. Maybe not now but in the near future. If not, then I guess he's not the one for me. I just have to be thankful that he was once a part of my life. Besides, we agreed to be friends. And oh, I'll be holding on to the promise of watching the fireworks display on the 20th of December. – Pinky swear? Yeah. He did commit to that.
I love him. I guess it'll never die. But moving on and letting go mean acceptance at the very least. Easier said than done. But I'll be fine. Basta hindi kami bitter. Who knows right? We always always find ways to make things better.:) Pray nalang siguro I guess.
So, honey, I’m sorry and thanks for everything. The past year has been wonderful because I got to share it with you. I’ll always be here. You know that. Be strong. Kaya natin ‘to. Goodbye.
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