After everything this year, this is the way to end it. My 223rd post and the last for 2006.

Embrace life with me.

(Past week adventures to follow)

It's been one hell of a year, I must say. Honestly, it doesn't really feel like the year's about to take its last flight tonight. I don't know. Maybe it's just become another part of me with all the letting go that I have been doing. So I guess for me, it's not a big deal anymore.

So let me see, as far as I can remember, I was having so much fun ever since I entered and finished Senior year. And then what?

This year had taken almost all the most important hallmarks in my 17 years of living.

2006 was when I...

~ full blasted the last months of my Senior year.
~ got brought to the CSA Juniors' Prom. - the first and last prom of my life.
~ was with someone on Valentine's and my 17th birthday.
~ hosted a post graduation and birthday house party with school friends and barakda
~ passed Ateneo, UST and La Salle
~ chose Ateneo for my college
~ graduated with flying colors
~ felt happy because of how my family patched things up
~ had one of the most memorable activities with the Youth
~ was very active in parish duties
~ had one of the most fun summer getaways
~ had my hosting, writing, debating and everything career taken to another level

~ took risks and became daring in life's challenges

~ handled responsibilities more maturely

~ HAD THE BEST SUMMER EVER.
~ lost one of my important gifts.
~ entered college in The Ateneo.
~ imbued the whole sense of being an Atenista
~ found my new set of friends
~ experienced more than heartbreaking and life-changing circumstances
~ LIVED LIFE AT ITS BEST. - as always.:)

Furthermore, I felt everything in my life grow as the year came to its end. I can't believe I'm turning 18 in 2007! OMG!

So tonight, as 2007 unravels to give me a whole new life to look forward to, I want to take the chance to have a last glance at everything that has happened and be thankful for what has been given. Truly, everything was just worth it, regardless of the joy and the pain that it caused.

Like I said in my past entry, nothing is not what it seemed to be. But that's not a bad thing. We just have to learn to live with everything and make the best out of it. Right? So, I now face
another chapter with a huge grin on my face; no regrets about my past, no bitter and hurt feelings. I may have to take time on all the letting go because of the heartache thing, but I can do it. After all, I believe that someone and something great is out there waiting for me.

Now, I can finally say that you guys can come and celebrate life with me.:)

Yuletide spirits still soaring high.

Fuckah. I wrote a long entry and it failed to publish. Next time.

Before I forget.

The night at Laine's party was a total blast. Turned out that there were only three of us from the block who made it.

Overview:

Highlight was the "I've never" game with Laine's HS barkada. - Yes. They were both there.
Made friends with a lot - including Elise V. who happens to be his friend and batchmate.
Partied and ate the night away.- Got drunk again! Thanks to vodka cocktail, vodka sprite, vanilla vodka and tequilaaaa.:)

Merry Christmas indeed.<3

A tribute to my past.

I consider myself as one of the luckiest people in the whole wide world even though I pretty much don't get everything that I want. I rant about the most trivial and the most selfish stuff that anyone on the planet can ever complain about. But hey, in my defense, I'm a girl so back off. ;D

My thoughts and recollections lead me to one sole thing: I have come to realize how fastpaced this world is. I usually take that statement for granted knowing that what's important is the moment that I am living now, the past has occurred and no one knows what will happen in the future. But once in a while, a person does get the sense that everything happens only for a fleeting moment. Once it does, it vanishes and becomes part of the so-called past. Bitter instances are better left behind as some choose to remain stuck in them and wallow on their own misery. The best ones are for keeps that some would give anything for them to happen again. However, that's the thing with life and the mere act of being allowed to own something isn't it? Once the moment is yours, savor it and make everything out of it. Thus the cliche: you never know what you have until it's gone. Reality that continues to bite.

Now that I look back and for everything that was for the past year, nothing is what it seemed to be. Things have constantly changed and have gradually taken steps forward for the sake of moving on with the circle of life.

This is proven by the fact that I no longer hear the boisterous laughter that my friends and I make when we randomly get together just to have nonsensical conversations. I no longer see us walking around, pigging out and sharing our life-long dreams and aspirations. We get a few of those times now. Nothing seems spontaneous for we are now bound with responsibilities. Things which we dreaded and didn't have to worry about when we were years younger. I also miss the time when loving was such an easy thing do especially when it's given in front of you. It's the moment when you decide for a person to walk in and be a part of your life and just changes it in an instant. Then something unfortunate happens and suddenly, that person is taken away. You get devastated because you have gotten used to the things that you have started to share together and the life that you were living with that person. Nothing but heartache and sadness to keep you company while he is gone. Then the hard truth hits you: he's never coming back. Oh well, unless if you're meant to be then it's bound to happen, in one way or another. It's sad to let go but sometimes, you have no option left but to do so. You are a part of this journey and if you don't want to get left behind, you better keep your feet moving.

Then again sometimes, the journey just becomes tedious and wearisome for a few of us. In those times, we begin to question if the pain that we're experiencing is worth it just so we could reach our destination. And it's as if everyday we are given the chance to answer this, the truth is, only we can tell. No one else.

On moving on and letting go, they're phases that every one of us inevitably goes through. It's not a choice that we have to make because we will unconsciously and eventually do. The thing is, we just have to be reminded that everything we have now is temporary, every person that we know and every material thing that we own. Nonetheless, we take the options whether we make the best and the most out of everything: every single second of our borrowed time and every memory in our lives. What's great about it is that we take a better outlook in life once we learn to accept that things do happen for a reason and not everything stays with us. We have to struggle to accept in any way that we can for in acceptance comes the feeling of liberation. When we free ourselves from the chains that lock us up in the past, only then can we be happy. We will never run out of things to encounter in our God-given lives. Therefore, we have to be grateful that we are given the chance and the will to seize every opportunity that passes by. We have to be thankful for everything: the pain, the joy, the true friends, the bitches and sore losers, the jerks, the frienemies, the sisters and brothers, to the heartbreakers and to the promise-breakers who never kept their word. Without them, life would just be too easy.

On the contrary, some people will stay on with us. It's part of God's complex design. The tricky part is, the same people will gradually take on a different role in our lives. :)

I think it is only fitting to say that after everything that has taken place over the year and for the past 17 years of my life, I know that I am living at my best. I may have my ups and downs and some emotionally-constrained times, but rest assured that I can grapple on with much fun times.

Now that I look back, I see a big picture of what has made me who I am today. When I look ahead and what's in front of me, I see a wide horizon waiting to be lived.

I love everything I am and everything I am going to be. :) --- see how lucky I am?

I don't wanna wait for our lives to be over.:)

I missed the last time when I had a nice and sensible chat with my friends. Aside from my own little world here at home which pretty much includes net surfing, reading, couch potato-ing, sleeping and a tad bit of work, I'm glad I can still slip in some time to hang-out with my friends. Think windowshopping, coffee, a long commute and breakfast after simbang gabi. Shallow moments which give me priceless memories, unfathomable satisfaction and the right amount of conditioning to keep myself sane.

The last day of school for me was pretty unusual. I woke up late (entailed another absence in sibmang gabi) and refused to be dropped off at school by my dad because Mita and I had this spur of the moment thing the previous night and we sort of agreed that I would take her on a tour in school after which we will head to a mall or something to have coffee. So we went to AdMU and she was an Atenista for a day. I had her watch my thing in Math 19 (The Calculus Carol project) and then after the last goodbyes and seasons' greetings to my blockmates, we started our way to Makati.

When we were along Katip, we decided to buy some Cello's because Mita had taken a liking on it since people began bringing her some of its donuts. So we bought a bag of C's and then agrred to eat it while having coffee.

G4 was full at that time. Okay. A lot of Agustinians were there. I even saw some of his batchmates and friends. Since Starbucks had a hell lot of people, we then wen to Bo's Coffee to have our small talk. Yeeeh.

After that, chitchat and stuff we went home tired and really happy.

This morning on other hand, my friends and I had breakfast at Crunchee's place after the simbang gabi. I was slightly pissed off because of my mom but then got a grip while we were at her house. Then, I just slept through the whole day.

Tomorrow's gonna be a party day I think? Haha. Can't get too excited. Might ruin what's bound to happen.:)

Everyday is just a life with hues of pink.

I always knew that sooner or later, the littlest of what's left of our so-called relationship will be put to the uhhh... black holes of oblivion. I was also aware of the fact that the happy cheer face? Doesn't really work all the time. Sometimes I just can't help but feel the pang of the pain that's been welling up inside; enough to strike me with excruciating pain, something unbearable that just blacks me out and numbs me up. Okay. Gibberish.

Past few days? Not really happy. Had a few share of exciting moments as well as bumming ones.

Well I guess what I really want to say is that I have nothing to spill after a long time of not making a blog entry. I mean, that's a reason why this has been a little outdated and behind.

I will try to come up with something with perfect sense. Something that will attempt to explain the solitary feeling of emptiness that has kept me crashed and burnt.

Spare me.:( I'm tired and weary. I'm not taking this road again, not especially if it brings me back to you. You hurt me and I don't know why I can't let it go.

A wishlist.

A list of things to do. Cross each one out after it is accomplished.

1. Finish Veronika Decides to Die.
2. Study in Math and other long tests.
3. Finish paperworks.
4. Christmas shop for myself, family and friends. No to side orders. - as quoted from someone.:)
5. Dream about 'his smile.'
6. Bond with my cousins and titas.
7. Have a merry merry Christmas. - no austerity measures and no strict diets.
8. Prep for gimmicks.
9. Just be happy. - start with a new list for New Year.
10. Let go, let live and let love.:) --- mission accomplished on this one.<3

Success is the sweetest revenge.

Rockin' party at the ACTM's The Spot @ Absinth GB3

What a weekend. Since I kinda did a hell lot of things, I'm gonna do this per event, starting with the crazy things that I did last Wednesday when I got tipsy at around 4 in the afternoon.

An afternoon with Gui @ Cantina

Okay. First time to meet this guy. He's one of Laine's friends and was there at school to get an app form because he is to transfer next year under a soccer scholarship (from what I know). So we were there at the zen garden just hanging out when he suddenly had this bizaare idea of wanting to drink at Cantina. We all went there (Bon, Laine (who just passed something and followed later), Niko, Gui and I) and settled for a spot outside. Gui ordered 3 bottles of San Mig Light and San Mig Strong Ice and soon, we were chatting, drinking and them smoking the afternoon away. Nothing much. I sat there, really quiet with a bottle of beer and a glass in hand. Then, something about the 'ex dude' came up. Gui happened to know him because of soccer and he actually described him pa. Since I didn't want to talk about him or remember him anymore, so change subject please. Hahaha:) When Laine's ride arrived, we went on our way home. She dropped me off at SM because she was late for her appointment with the derma and I was also hoping to buy some stuff for Friday's event. But due to the headache that the beer gave me, I went home instead.

Mundane Thursday - Tara's surprise 18th birthday party @ Matteo steps

Thursday was not really exciting. Had our ES class as usual (*toot* was there!!!) and had lab canceled because of the mass at Jesu in celebration of the Immaculate Conception the following day. We just stayed at Pancake House during the long break, bummed around and just talked about stuff. When we went back, we had our math class which was usually long and tiring. After that, we all went to the Matteo steps for the little surprise thing for Tara. We had cake and Juzi Juz (her favorite) and then Cort and I were lazy to attend PE 101 so I just went straight to the cov courts to hang out. Surprisingly, I found out that he (*toot*) was under the PE class of my coach. I was shocked to see him there while talking to Coach Rodelle about the plans for that afternoon. Well, at least it made the afternoon more fun and exciting because he was there, playing basketball and looking soooooooo hot. Ohhhweee! Hahahaha!:) Me and my fantasies.:D

Friday blast. I'm speechless.

Flag Football Clinic

I woke up rather late at Friday morning because I had to stay up to talk to someone on the phone. (Yea. Guessed it right) I was running late for the Flag Football Clinic and I became really behind time because he wanted to drop me off at Astra. Althought I'm completely oblivious as to why he did it or the motive behind it, I found the gesture rather sweet and soooo paasa. Yes. Really. Well anyway, I arrived at Katipunan a little before 2 o'clock and the clinic has started an hour earlier. I went to Ria's dorm who was still having her lunch and who didn't really want to go flag football-ing. It took me a couple of minutes to convince her and even had to switch shorts with her because she was wearing board shorts --- no one does athletic stuff with those on. So after that, we finally went to the Bell field and found everbody else doing drills and passes. One of the coaches made us warm up and stretch and then we were off to the basics.
Here's a couple of the new stuff that I learned:

1. Cut - the thing that you do when you run towards someone and you want to deceive your opponent to get pass him or for him not to deflag you if ever you're carrying the ball.
2. QB - means quarterback. Hahaha:)
3. Routes - basically in, out, post and flag. Hard to explain in words.
4. Some of the players' positions/roles and a hell lot of complicated mechanics of the game.

So there. After a short and fun game (with Laine selling us out and making us lose. Kidding sis:)), we were off to freshen ourselves up and hit Absinth.

ACTM's The Spot at Absinth, GB3

The highlight of the day was yet to happen. The five of us (Ria, Laine, Niko, Mico and I) went on our way to Greenbelt. I was making them hurry up because I didn't want to be late for the contest which I was in. They swore to kill me if we came as the early birds. Unfortunately, we did arrive there as the first ones. They didn't really kill me because we then had ample time to have dinner because we were all starving. Niko had just gone to the gym and us girls were worn out due to flag football. We dined at Krocodile Grille. The food was really yummy and since I was with health buffs, they were also nutritious. After that, we prepped up and went to Absinth. The program was a little sucky at first. We were expecting a lot of people but since it was still early, the place was kind bare and empty. We were there hanging out until the free drinks came --- the night's sponsor was Bacardi. Yeah.:) Then up until I was interviewed and paired up with a certain someone --- all hail me, a jerk magnet --- we just stayed put and waited for the contest. The contest turned out to be lame, well, far less exciting than what we were expecting. *I was asked to market myself as a birth control pill to JV and I ended up doing well. Except that I seduced a gay guy. Hahaha:)* At least I thought that I got in for free because of that game. Hahaha:D Then, the auction started. No one really wanted to bid on the most expensive stuff like the Macbook and the Sony whatever. The Seniors even went all out because Sir Ally Yap, the Comtech Program Director was there, and he put on a one week delay in their thesis deadline to auction. I think the highest was 7k. Then, the bartender performed some of his moves. He even broke a lot of bottles but he couldn't care less. Of course, the night was sizzled up by our beloved Migs Escueta! But then again, I hate him for playing Yellow as his first song. It made me cry on the spot. Arrrgh! Hmmm. But I'll let it pass because he's really hooot and I just fall head over heels with the way he sings. Wooohoo! He even played Mr. Brightside. After that, everyone just loved that song. So the night when on, I got a little too overboard with the bacardi so I was tipsy. I kinda 'flirted' with a guy (or was it the other way around?) and I hate myself for doing it. Erase erase ease. Just a bad memory. I'll deal with it if I bump into him at school or something. The DJ sucked big time but nonetheless, my friends and I partied the night away. I missed the sleepover because my parents didn't allow me to go. Haaay. So I went home at around 1 am. Immersion was yet to happen the next day.

Tahanang Walang Hagdan: First Immersion

So much for the hangover the next day. Everyone was teasing me about the Denis dude and I got really pissed. But that aside, we all boarded our jeepney and everyone was really sabaw at the start of the immersion. (Ooooh. I even saw *toot* - the other guy there)Hahaha. When we got there, the kids gathered around. We got the privilege to pick one. Luckily, we were able to pick an older kid who didn't give us a hard time with the activity. She was an honor student, was good at singing, played badminton, liked Math and English and pretty much a role model: like the three of us. Hahaha:) Laine, Ria and I just clapped our hands while she made her work of art which was a Christmas card with Winnie the Pooh as the Santa. Hahaha:) Fun! On our way back to Ateneo, the kasabawan vanished and we sang songs: from the 80's to the most recent hits. It was really fun. Jamming super.

Something happened when we arrived at Fruit Magic to eat lunch. It was enough to ruin the helluvah weekend that I was having. But then, I don't know. For the first time in so many months, I just didn't want to care.

'How do you heal the pain that just doesn't stop hurting?' -OTH

Wait for me. I'll be the greatest thing you could've had.

Excited to death for the coming days.:)

Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you... Today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten.

And off I go.

I have realized that being single and carefree isn't really bad at all. Well, yeah. It's not as bad as it seems and it has its own benefits.

Take for example my hectic sched in school. I just braved my first failing long test in Calculus this morning and I have gone my way through the first volleyball game in ACTM.

Arrrgh. I need to have this edited by tomorrow because I'm losing all my precious time for sleeping. I'm sorry.

I had to stay in school yesterday for the opening of the SOM Sportfest. Laine and Gen were the pride of Block R as they bravely represnted ACTM in the Cheering Competition. And oh, something really good happened nga pala. Whooopeee!:) We didn't win the competition but like what Jiggy said, "At least di tayo last." Yeah.:D

Well, so much for that.

[EDIT] December 6, 2006
8:53 p.m.


If, in the next two days, my cough and colds continue to drastically worsen, I'm dead meat on Friday. But before that, a few thoughts to recollect.

Yesterday was an unusually happy day. I went to class as usual, got sleepy in ES, was sad because *toot* cut it and was giddy by the time that the bell rang and gave me ample time to have a last look at the blackboard. I won't be seeing Ipis Man for another two days. And so, we immediately went to the SOM Mall to have our early lunch. We were trying to buy time as much as possible because our long test in Calculus was after the long break. Crap, was I nervous.

Then, we headed onto Matteo to put our nerd mode one and had our last minute reviews and stuff. It was Tara's 18th birthday so she had Yellow Cab pizza delivered in school. Lucky us, for in between the study session, we were able to munch on slices of heavenly pizza. Well, all of us, except Laine.:) Poor thing.

After the bloody Math test which I really wanted to forget about, we went to the Manila Observatory to pass our long overdue Eco Footprint shit in ES. Then, we went to the zen garden to sit down and talk about the usual trivial stuff until Niko, Mico and I had to go to the cov courts for our P.E.

Within an hour of absentmindedly sitting in PE 101, I was soooo excited for training and the first SOM Sportsfest volleyball game. So there, after it, I hit the cov courts and played with Laine and Ria. Volleyball/basketball with the funny girl antics galore. Niko promised to play volleyball with us but chose to play with the 'guys' instead. We didn't really want to get smashed by Renchie's killer spikes so we decided not join them.

Whe I started my not-so-formal training, Laine and Ria left. We just had spiking and stuff. Didn't really have the court exercises. However, Ceejay didn't spare us from the bench drills. I was soooo tired. So, Erin and I waited for our game and watched the basketball game of MAC and MEA. Pretty cool game because Charles Tiu was there. I guess, he's giving it a shot and trying to show what the Tiu family has to offer in that sport. Kinda explains why there were a lot of people on that side of the court.

We had our game and it lasted for two sets only. I have the coolest teammates ever! Even if we lost, I'm soooo looking foward to our next game on Tuesday.:) I believe that I somehow took my skills a level higher than my usual play because I wasn't really sucky at all. Plus, all the cheering and fun really helped us play against the good players of ME. She Tan was there too so Erin and I kind anticipated the loss. She was sooo good.

Next on, no lab class tomorrow. Whoopee (I hope that gay dude won't ruin the day by making us have class.) Then on Friday, a really fun and hectic sched.

I hope to last-minute shop for my outfit on the Absinth event in the morning. After which, we'll head onto school to join this Flag Football Clinic that Kuya Euric's team is gonna hold. I have always wanted to learn that sport. Well, yeah, next to soccer. THis is the time finally! We invited a lot of people and I hope everyone's gonna be there on Friday. Then, Absinth in the evening. The night's treat: free baccardi and a party:) We don't have much of a license to party all night because we have an immersion the next day. Another thing to look forward to. Yeeey. One activity outside school with the whole block. Plus, it will be a one hour worth of bonding moments as we take the jeepney ride all the way to Cainta, Rizal.

Who says I'm depressed? Who says I need that shit? Well, not anymore.:) Life's tough so bitch up! - that's from my sis Laine.:)

Shabooya, sha sha shabooya roll call!

My name is Daryll!...

Oops. Gotta think of a good cheer for that.

Hell to the yeah! Hahahaha. This is the caffeine speaking.

What a way to end this nonsense.

If I ask God why He's punishing me this way, I'm sure this would be His reply:

Because child, you're a workaholic who loves to stay up late reading books and doodling in your journal, you love watching soaps and comedy flicks, you listen to the saddest songs on the radio and curse the radio stations for playing them, you manage to pick a pen and jot down your to-do list in your organizer, you text your friends and heartily laugh with them, you hate your ex for what he's done; silently wish that he come back to you and at the end of the day, you pile your work and get your hands on them but still you procrastinate and cram.

Really now. The only thing that can make this worth it is to blog my last entry here and hopefully get my work done as soon as the roosters may their first cock-a-doodle-doos in the morning.

The vacation was nothing. I was passive yet productive. I researched for my papers and postponed this freakin' Ecological Footprint Calculator which is giving me a bigtime headache right now. Errr.

Saturday morning. Lola called and announced that the angakan was having dinner somewhere in the favorite Chinese restaurant. We ate and had fun, watched a fireworks display by chance, went to Polycarpio to walk and bump into ewwwy people, and vowed that the ladies will soon have a night out --- as my tita said: without the oldies.

And then what? Yeah. Had the chance to talk to him almost the whole day today. Ugh. I really hate it. Now, I'm finally feeling the urge to slap him in the face and just walk away; the same way I did when I thought that it was rude of him to 'pretend to be in a hurry' just to have an escape from talking to me. Well, I did casually turn my back, walk away and slam the door in his face. And oh, Ian's for that matter.

For now, it's school and events. Hopefully, I won't get screwed for staying up this late. Hahahaha:)

Cheerios.:)

Deck the halls with boughs of holly falalala. --- ugh. I'm becoming the Scrooooooge.

Christmas used to be one of my favorite times in a year.

I guess having said that and putting the 'used to be' phrase operatively, you can surmise that now it doesn't belong to my to-look-forward-to-seasons-the-whole-year-round-list. Not even summer, school year or whatnot occasions.

See? The chills have turned me into a complete pessimist. As a kid, I always loved Christmas because of my usual big heap of presents, the food, the money, the celebration with friends and family and just the happy times. But all that has changed. I guess it is true what they say, it is a rough time growing up.

Being a kid has gratefully deprived me of all the unnecesaary feelings and emotions that a person could feel in one's life. You don't have to deal with the people changing around you, of problems left and right, of having to wake up every morning and realizing that things will never be the same again -- those are the jobs of the teens and adults. An innocent child means that you're just carefree and stupid to make mistakes that are not tantamount to what old people do. Ironic yes, but I'd give anything to go back to that.

[tbc]

Hopeful.

LSS: Baby Come Back by Vanessa Hudgens ^^,

I swear I wanted to blog last night so badly that I couldn't wait to get my hands on the computer. Well, nothing much. Some news update on the latest progress that's happened in the last wee bit of my relationship with him.

Okay. I'm going to put this here otherwise even if there's a slight threat that the fact that I'm in contact and becoming friends with his friends might possibly reach him and drive him nuts.

For the past two days, I have been talking to one of his closest friends on the phone about trivial stuff and an added benefit of making fun of him -- the next best thing that I can do to make up for the rage and anger that I can physically lash out. Yun lang. Nothing really grande except for the fact that we are going to catch a movie together --- the three of us I think --- some time next week before my thing at Absinth. Besides that, I'm still flying solo because not a lot of my friends have arranged plans for gimmiks or visits, yet.

Okay. The highlight of last night was this:

Me --- lying on the couch and watching Bring It On 3 for the nth time. The phone rings during the Beverly Hills song. (I missed him a call some minutes ago, even called him but then the maid said he was asleep)

So I walked towards the phone, surprised to see his number.

Me: Hello?
Him: Hello?
Me: Ui!
Him: Nagtext or tumawag ka ba?
Me: No. Wala akong load.
(Blahblahblah)
Him: I called kasi I just wanted to tell you na miss na kita.
Me: Uh yea. Ako din. I wanted to tell you the same thing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aryt. Hold your horses and calm down. Today, I found out that he even told his bestfriend (my closest guy friend) about how he was feeling bad about what happened and that he's finding it really hard to face it right now. Hahaha. Didn't even occur to me that it would take this long for the pain to sink in. Oh well. At least.

Last night, I indulged in something I haven't really done for quite a long time. Read. I even had the chance to peek through some of the letters that I have received and have managed to keep when I was still in HS. It feels so sad to have lost out of touch with those particular people. Funny though, because I didn't imagine myself to feel something towards some people. Now, I could just laugh it off and treat it as just another used to be. Come to think of it, will this thing with my honey be just a memory? Like in the next couple of months or years, I'd just look back at it like some vivid experience in which I have felt true happiness? Or is it enough to carry on as a part of my life forever? Just a note, its existence will never cease to exist. And only God knows what will happen in the future. For now, lay back and relax muna. He's there, so near yet so far trying his best to make his way back to me. I'm here waiting and preparing for the best and expecting the worst. -- That is what's important.

Because we are supah fly.

Smile and pout for everyone to see.

Thanks for exposing how under dressed I am.

I'm currently hanging out here in school. Wala lang. Later na. Have to do homework. Bye2.

[EDIT] November 30, 2006

Hello there. I'm curently hanging out here at home because school is out. Apparently, a super typhoon has entered the country and is due to hit Manila at around 8 am tomorrow (if my memory serves me right).

Yeah. I haven't really done so much lately. Aside from the fact that school life is still mundane, the December chills are giving me allergies and that I talk to some of his friends now, nothing's to be happy about so far. Maybe, some things are to look forward to. But then again... I have no idea.

I asked my dad to buy me the book: Veronika Decides to Die by Paolo Coelho and I'm really excited to cuddle up and read it, with a steaming cup of coffee or noodle soup and a bag of nachos and salsa dip beside me. Oohh lala.

And oh, I got something I really wanted for so long yesterday. John and I had our henna tattooes courtesy of the ACTM henna booth at Sec B. Coolness. The image? Number 23 lang naman. Something to remember him by for the next two weeks. So far, my usual rants concern the same things. Perhaps, things have been downright easier now that I have been able to revamp almost everything in my life (an obvious sign that I am moving on) and just you know, going with the flow.

I'm loving it, for what everything's worth.:) Basta. Just keep doing this and I'll eventually come through. At least I'm somewhat happy.

Love is not love which alters when in alteration finds, when life gets hard and things change, true love remains the same.

The Association of Communications Technology Management presents:

Okay. This is weird and rather unfortunate. Something went wrong with the admin's connection so the whole RMT comp. Lab is unable to have access to the internet. Oooh. I was planning to do some nasty things pa naman. Kidding.

I was surprised to see one of my 'hottest' batch mates here. I was supposed to stay in the terminal somewhere there to get a good view but then due to this inconvenience, the good view has turned into a picturesque scene of the back of his head. Hahaha. So much for that. I want to blog really bad that I'm typing this entry in MS Word and I'm going to save it in my flash disk. I am quite wondering who else have arrived since I left the caf some minutes ago. I could always use the walk but no one's willing to walk with me. (Someone's dozing off while waiting for the net to connect) Sheesh. I need to do some research right now!!!

The usual. I am in my school career mode because I don't have any other choice but to keep myself busy. Yeah it sucks when the last song that plays in your head is Out of Reach by Gabrielle. It's like admitting to yourself that you're such a fool for letting all of him get into you and take everything, that in the end, you feel so hurt and empty. Okay. Ito na naman tayo sa walang katapusang drama. I'm sorry. No one can blame me. I'm hurting so back off! No amount of Caramel Macchiato, vanilla ice cream or Coffee Crunch can take the pain away. Not even a rocking party, a sleepover, an extreme sport or some guy. – I guess it's just him.

Speaking of a rocking party, last Saturday was the twins' debut – Jean and Jermaine. I was up in the morning to go shopping with my parents so that I could buy stuff and gifts. I decided to really (Oooopssss. Jiggy and Ana just walked in…) have myself predisposed (Oooooppsss Dani just walked in. – Idol debater) to start my life anew and just move on. So what I did was to shop for a lot of stuff for myself. Food, cosmetics, food, food and a lot more food. Coolness. Anyway, I arrived at the party looking all glammed up but the 18 roses was already starting. Ayus lang. At least the eating part was yet to happen so I content myself in chatting with my HS friends (I sooooo missed them) and as usual, taking pictures with weird poses. (Pics at my multiply, soon.) Then the party ended at like 12 and a lot happened in between. It was fun and tiring because I wore my killer heels – yeah, same ones I wore at his prom. The dancing part was kinda lame because most of the guys stood there and some people attempted to partner us with everybody else but then not a lot was interested to even stand up. Plus the music was freakishly weird so we (Mita and I) were the only ones who got the groove on.

And then yesterday. How could I even start describing the grand finale of my wretched love life? – Started as early as May 2005. Oh well. I was at Greenhills in the early part of the morning because I was supposed to get a new fone. There were a few negotiations with my parents and I thought that I didn’t really want to let go of my old one so I agreed to wait until they can get me a new one without trading my old one in. (Still no connection!!!) and then he texted me in the afternoon and stuff.

We talked as I wanted it to happen. I was waiting for him to get his stuff because I really really wanted to see him personally before I finally convinced myself to let go. So we did. I missed everything about him. It's as if we haven’t seen each other for a long time. Then I asked him to just stay away from me so that it could be perhaps easier to move on. But no! I just couldn’t do it! Or so I thought. I had to find out some other stuff which proved my instincts right. There are other girls lurking around and celebrating his momentous freedom. Ewan basta. Karma – what goes around comes around. What goes up must come down. Yihee. Bitterness.

Whatever. I don't really care about them. For all I know I did my best and I gave him everything – the tad bit where I went wrong. I just had to be the most loving girl that I didn't leave anything for myself. Basta for now, life's definitely not going to end here. Ano ako loser? No. dati kasi ako pa yung matapang. But I knew better and he didn't. sorry nalang.

I even saw a falling star while we were parting ways. Ang sad because he made me wish for something. All I can say was, "Ayoko. I don’t believe that my wish will come true. Nagwish na ko dati diba? If wishing upon falling stars come true then why are you leaving me now?" – Awww.

Okay. So for the last part, I won't really vent out remorse or contempt for what happened. Tama nga si Bhi. If we're meant, then love will find a way. Maybe not now but in the near future. If not, then I guess he's not the one for me. I just have to be thankful that he was once a part of my life. Besides, we agreed to be friends. And oh, I'll be holding on to the promise of watching the fireworks display on the 20th of December. – Pinky swear? Yeah. He did commit to that.

I love him. I guess it'll never die. But moving on and letting go mean acceptance at the very least. Easier said than done. But I'll be fine. Basta hindi kami bitter. Who knows right? We always always find ways to make things better.:) Pray nalang siguro I guess.

So, honey, I’m sorry and thanks for everything. The past year has been wonderful because I got to share it with you. I’ll always be here. You know that. Be strong. Kaya natin ‘to. Goodbye.

I'm doing just fine. - Very pretentious.

Well, what can I say? This week had its own share of ups and downs - mostly ups because I had to run away from facing a pitfall.

As I was trying to accept the fact that I really have to let go, I have started taking school very seriously (Wahaha:)) and I believe that I'm doing pretty well right now. Hmmm. Things to take note of:

1. Bazaars - I just heart them. ~ Much of my anxieties were kinda forgotten because there were bazaars in school and the girls and I (include the boys) spent most of our break times scouting for things to shop for (with Laine being the sole soooper impulsive buyer) and eating stuff available at the stalls. The Sec field bazaar was the one which we got to hang out longer in because we only went to the Eagles of Hope Bazaar this morning. Although the latter offered more variety in terms of commodities and food, I say thumbs up to both bazaars. You just make life good for people who have money and for those who are in search of good bargains. Hahaha:)

2. School rocks. ~ I loved Lit this morning. In fact, I'm loving Lit everyday. Hahaha:) Poetry or anything related to love and whatnot just adds spice to my flavorless errr... Lovelife? Hahaha. Basta. It's giving me a grasp on how to lessen the burden that I'm feeling right now. I also had my first ADS training for this sem awhile ago. Vernice was my partner and we seemed to have agreed on one thing as we prepped for the debate: we are becoming frustrated debaters. I mean, we can never become as good as those internationally acclaimed debaters and we have no capacity to improve our skills a notch higher. But like she said, we just have to train, train, train, train... We were up against: Jamina Jugo, Claude Gomez and Paolo Salapantan. It was fairly good considering that we lacked matter on what the WTO really does and how it functions on the modern-day context. Glenn was ever so kind in giving his comments about me and I was kinda relieved when he said that from the last time that he has seen me debate, I have greatly improved. But come to think of it, I was sucky kanina. So does that mean that I was that bad before???:( Hahahaha. Oh well. Math 19 is just really great. We were given our first passport test (a.k.a. quiz) this afternoon and there is no way that Cort and I would not get an A in it. It was easy and fun considering that we were just battling against time while we solved simple derivative equations and connected the dots to form the Playboy logo. Come now. Some of us didn't solve it entirely when they realized that the picture was to be a rabbit wearing a bowtie.:D

3. Shopping and party time again. ~ I cannot wait to see my friends again. Tomorrow's the twins' debut at the Club Pavilion somewhere in multi. I just have to firgure out what to wear, buy a gift and make myself pretty then I'm all set. I also can't wait to get a new fone. The one I'm using now is like trash! Arrrgh. If things will remain as they are (given more or less a week) I have decided to switch to Globe and keep my Sun line open if in case you know.

What else? I'm kinda tired now. I have to rest. Tata!:)

Not an emo girl. - you made me stronger by breaking my heart.

It's been quite long since I have updated this. (3 days is a long time) For the past few weeks, I have been quite religious in jotting down my thoughts and feelings but now, I have yet to fill this in with a tragic and life-changing experience.

Maybe it is indeed time that I move on. It's a bit surprising that I'm not the usual on-the-verge-of-a-breakdown chick now that we have finally broken up. I stressed finally because we have done this a couple, no not really a couple but a lot of times already (but we still held on). When we do, I just can't help but feel like everything's falling apart and I become sluggish, grumpy and cranky towards almost everyone. However, I have broken that tradition of mine for the past few days. Simply ironic considering that I should be really crushed for it's the very last time that we gave our relationship a chance. I walk around campus with my friends in my usual kulit and perky mood, nearly like everything's normal and nothing has happened.

His love has made me stronger and it doesn't necessarily mean that I have turned cold and numb towards the pain that this 'parting of ways' has brought me. Of course I'm hurt and even if I wear my happy cheer face most of the time, it doesn't imply that I'm not hurting or that I'm walking away that easy. I am hurting, just not on the outside. Plus, I know no amount of tears can never bring him back unless he decides that on his own. But after how we have discussed matters before we finally decided to stop, I found it hard to press any urges of doing drastic means to keep him. He has expressed his utter desire to be free and so I gave him that. I could have handled things differently but then I didn't, because I know that I would only be fooling and hurting myself if he stays but then remains to be unhappy. Whatever. I'm not really sure why we have flaked out like this. I didn't have the guts to grasp all the unexplainable reasons.

Today is the 23rd and supposedly our 17th month of love. (He texted me this morning and I have no plans of replying or of reminding him of my existence.) But it had to end so soon.

I'm not sorry for myself and for everything that had happened. Maybe not now. Wait until next week. Hahaha=p Basta. I just know that there's a lot to do to continue any rubbish attempts of flushing all of the pain, anger and loneliness out.

This week has just been crazy. School is cool. I miss lib-ing and matteo-ing. There isn't much work to do so I guess I don't really have to stay and hibernate there.

It's also my mom's birthday today so we have our family dinner later. Yeah. I told myself that I will do everything in my power to be busy, lo and behold, my schedule just agreed with me.

I heart myself from now on.

I'm no turning emo - the girl who cries emo tears until she falls asleep, takes out memorabilias and admires all the things that used to be, refuses to let go and face the harsh reality and just starts malfunctioning in every aspect of her life. But I do cry, as justified by the fact that when I walked towards the block table in the caf this morning, Niko asked:

Niko: Ilang hours kang umiyak last night?
Da: Seriously, do I look that bad?

Hahahaha=D

Sige na. Math test tomorrow. Bye.:)

So don't you ever get to thinkin' you're irreplaceable.

People suddenly run away and disappear without saying goodbye and leaving any reason. No matter how hard you look, no matter how far you are willing to run after them, you never seem to catch up. Until one day, you get tired and you give up. People run away and have their own reasons for doing so, and when they do, they don't want to be found unless they think they are ready to come back and stick to their promise of not hurting you, again.

If you open my accounts (my ym stat, multiply and friendster), you will get to see the statement which I chose to be the title for this post. I don't know. I just happen to like the song because of its beat and meaning. But I don't really intend to make it as a banner for how I am feeling right now in order to come after people who I want to feel the pang of guilt upon hearing this. I think I never will. Well, basically because I'm not that type of girl and I right now, this therapeutic thing called blogging is one of the few things keeping me insane.

(One Tree Hill Soundtrack in the Background)

I was like a human bee last night. I cried really hard like I have never cried before. I was hurt like I was never hurt before and for some reason, I liked it. Not that I would treat it as the sole thing in gauging the status of our relationship right now. Messed up is kind of an understatement. After two weeks of being treated like a princess, I sort of forgot the feeling of having to go through this tragic moment. I may need some time to regain my sense of strength.

And it's as if I can already tell that perhaps, I never will be free of this love that has long captivated my existence. Even if I try to break free from it, I will never ever have the guts to walk away. I have no idea why and it's making me scared. I'm not scared of being alone. I just fear life without him.

:(

Love is the guiding force in our lives. - Lucas

I have decided to make this a second entry instead of making a third part edit in my first one. Wala lang. I wanted to put the title because I really feeeeeeel its intensity.

So it turns out that he just slept through the day and I do trust the fact that he may be sick like me. Although I have acknowledged that, I still don't like how he hasn't texted or called or how he even told me to "Pwede mamaya ka na tumawag?" and just casually hung up the phone. Ohh man. As much as I don't want to deny the fact that there is an innate goodness in the heart of even the most evil of man, he just proves it otherwise.

Sitting around and watching One Tree Hill does make one think. Maybe things are bound to be crappy after all and no matter how much you make things better, when the stars refuse to conspire and help you get the life that you need, then it's not gonna work. Sooner or later, you have to give up on that notion of happy ending. On the other hand, it's your mind that can you screw you up. When you think to much and disregard your heart in the process, then feelings get agitated and everything else becomes tedious.

Ultimately pissed off.

So here I am today, a balmy and slightly chilly afternoon spending quality time with myself all alone in the house. I have no idea what's happening right now. Or better yet, what happened to me last night after our funscapade at Eastwood.

Well, for what everything was worth, yesterday was really fun. Right after our Fil class, we headed to Eastwood to have our late lunch. We had to ride in John's car beause I had to tell some bits of gossip to Laine and John had to give an account of his overrated breakdown due to heartache. John even said that he now knows how Niko feels to be one of the girls - he never had that much noise in his car before we rode in it. Hahaha=D

When we reached the place and were already enumerating the list of things that we wanted to shop, Laine was appalled when she realized that she left her wallet. Of course, it meant trouble because everything from her credit cards to her driver's license were there and if she did lose it, she'll be dead. Good thing she asked her maids and her driver and it was found in their van so she just borrowed money from Niko. So everything was okay then.

We ate a hell lot at Superbowl of China. (We joked about having to leave after two servings of Kropek) And then after walking around, windowshopping and seeing fellow Ateneans like Sari, Pao, the gang of Justin Manzano and Ria's and my blockmates, we went to the moviehouse to watch Casino Royale.

Honestly, I was purely reluctant before watching the movie because it isn't really my kind of thing. But I thought, what the heck. I don't pretty much have a choice anyway. So then after the movie, (which was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long) I thought it was okay.ü Well, actually it was good. It had comedy, romance (it was soo sad) and a lot of action. Good job.

After that, we just went home because we were running pretty late then. John was the only one who was having a night out and the rest of us had to go home.

Today is just an idle day. For some reason last night, I had an unexpected fever so I crashed onto my bed because I felt really bad. (My parents panicked and offered to bring me to the hospital) The last thing I remember was talking to hon but I was feeling dizzy at that time and I'm not really sure if we had a decent conversation or not. Hmmm. And now, everything's just messed up. Wish me luck.

[EDIT] I'm not ready to sign out yet. I still have tons to write about. Well... Yeah partly because I was snooping at other people's blogs and it was kinda fun. Hahaha=p I read *toot*'s blog and her blog blahblahblah. I was even reading my 'kiddo' blog at My Space yesterday morning.

Oo nga pala. I wanted to die of happiness because of a remarkable thing that happened yesterday. Ooooh gawd. I think it would have been better if I found out that I got a 96 in my last paper in Lit 13 before the sem break started. I could have used the added motivation to face Poetry and Drama class. But then again, waaaaah!!! I feel soooooo encouraged and sooooo confident with myself right now! This sem's career mode biatch!=p

Speaking of career mode, I was bugging Laine and Ria to join me in executing my plans for the ACTM yearend party. I'm included in the not-so-active members cards last sem and I wouldn't want to continue it for the remainder of the year. I really am not used to being the 'member'-member in my org so I decided that I'd do stuff to end it. Sher asked me if I could join this contest - dance contest in ACTM (after which if I win I get to auction off the hottest bachelors in Ateneo. Included in the list are Jai Reyes, Chris Tiu and JC Intal). Though the plan's not sure yet, (my options are a dance contest or a stand-up comedy showdown -- I pleaded that they pull me out if it's the latter) I said yes. So the event's at Absinthe at Greenbelt on December 8. Wooohoooo.:)

Doing just fine.

After a day's hard work and a one mile run around Ateneo (start: covered courts; end: gate 3 post) I feel pretty tired and all. Woohoo. I am so back to school right now. My hang-over from the break has finally shaken off. I'm so looking forward to the next break even if I was crushed when I found out that it's gonna be for two short weeks only. Oh well, I'm looking forward to a lot of things right now aside from school work and stuff. There are birthday celebrations everywhere especially in my family and of course, our 17th month.

So, I still have a lot of readings for Fil tomorrow and some other stuff to do. The gang and I (except Laine I think) are going to hang out in Eastwood because our classes are suspended in the afternoon (Yeeey! No Calc class) and that technically means that my last class ends at 12:30. Plus, we are going to perform some drastic measures for our dear John, who unfortunately yet figuratively lost his life just this morning. I think the guy's severely damaged but hey, tomorrow's gonna be fun with us, I hope.

So study mode on once again. I think my dad's here already. Adios.:)

[EDIT] So I'm actually immoblized right now and the pile of readings that I have to digest within tonight and tomorrow morning is right beside me. It was a bad timing for him to visit me. Arrrgh. Oh what the heck. I have to go na nga. Bye bye:)

Dirty politics and the absence of the spirit of Christmas make life less fun.

For starters, here's an update of what's happening here in the Philippines.

Gringo Honasan has already been captured and is now staying in the Asian Hospital. He was being tracked down because of his alleged involvement in the year 2000 Oakwood mutiny. He is currently facing a lot of charges because his flee disproved his innocence. I kinda feel sad for him most especially the way he had to escape and run for his life just so he could get away from the claws of the police. Apparently, his efforst were to no avail because he's gonna end up in jail all the same.

Meanwhile, Atong Ang has also been sent to the QC jail. He's a known ally of the people in Erap's administration and is now facing charges concerning plunder if he remains to be against the government. The truth is, he's been receiving threats against his life and his family if he does not side with the government and turn his back from his allies.

Sigh. I kinda have to agree with my mom that this is one of the reasons why people haven't really started putting up Christmas lights yet. I mean, with a governement like this? Well, the spirit's getting all crappy.

I am really looking forward to this season and I'm starting to get busy with all my school work (kinda non-existent, pretty much pretending to be hectic=D Kidding. I am indulging in a reasonable amount of school work now)

Hon and I went on a not-so-date-ish date. We just walked around and I bumped into Riezl (my long-lost ate in SPCP, sophomore year) and she started cursing and complimenting me. I really missed her! Basta! Hahahaha:)


What else? Well, today was not really anything. I am unusually enjoying my class every day (yes, even my Eng class). And we even shared a table with some Seniors this morning.

Ayun. Sige. Gotta work before I get really sleepy.

Blissful.

It's an unusually happy and perky day today. Well actually, I'm beginning to think everyday is that kind of day. -- and it's a good thing.

Okay, enough with using day a lot of times in two sentences. Urrrgh, inasmuch as it's a happy 'day', I am beginning to tire myself out because of the little adventures that we do around campus and all the walking that they entail. We had to go back and forth to class, to Katip and to a lot of different places to get books and stuff. Plus, the sun's heat didn't make the walkathon experience any better. It made it elaborately tiring and annoying. But hey, no big.

I forgot to eat lunch because Calc class was at lunch today and it lasted for an hour and thirty minutes(hafto get used to it every freakin' day). The 'tropa' (or at least what I call them now because we pretty much hang out everytime) and I together with our darling Bea had brunch at Mcdo after our break this morning. We did the usual things: the emo talks, the bashing and all the trivial girl and guy stuff. After Mcdo, we went to National bookstore to see if we can grab our books because the line in ORP is sooooo damn long, but then we were too late because the stock of the expensive Calc book just ran out. So we had no choice but to fall in line this afternoon. But it wasn't really bad. Mine's almost complete.

After the first two days this semster, the fuse has been lit. I am ever more determined to take my college life to a whole new level. I mean, I know that I can do so much more but yet I settle for the average. I don't have an excuse to be amongst mediocrity because at this point, I should be way past the adjustment stage. I have everything I could ask for as of this moment. My hon's very supportive and I'm no longer the damsel in distress who always has the hard time with the relationship and the professional work because the inevitability of each other's intereference really drives me nuts. We haven't fought that much (only once to be exact) since we got back and I'm glad as ever that he's doing his best to show that he's changed. I'm super super super excited for tomorrow and I really really feel loved. :)

So, with that in mind, I'm going to hit the lib and study for my first quiz in English tomorrow. I'll try if I could sneak in and edit this later.

Cheerios.:)

At long last.

It's 10:37 p.m. and I am so screwed for staying up this late because my class is at 7:30 a.m. tomorrow. Oh well, I fell asleep while waiting for Jiggy to appear in Deal or No deal a couple of hours ago so I guess that makes up for it.

Hon just woke me up and grabe. Can I just say that I was so kilig while he was trying to wake me up? Awww. I feel so loved right now! Nothing can make this day less crappy than my asawa's sweet stuff-ies. Whatev.

Well, the first day of the second sem didn't really suck. I mean, after all, it wasn't that bad. Well, the caf was loaded with people and that's something unusual. I guess the Ateneo community missed a lot of people during the sembreak. (Tama ba yun?) Hahaha.

Aside from my sucky En 12 prof who greeted us with her annoyingly perky "How did your last sem began?" (Now, seriously, how do these people make it as employees in our school?) and me not existing in the Fil 12 class list, nothing's bad so far. I'm actually looking forward to my App. Calc for Bus. class because for the first time in my entire life, I understand the prof! And he's not boring too!ü

To top it all off, can I just say that I'm falling in love with Bethany Joy Lenz' song in OTH Halo? Haaaahaaa. (Thanks to Laine who played it for me in her iPod.) I just downloaded it in Youtube and I've been listening to it nonstop. Oh well, gotta end this. I have to transfer notes pa and talk to Mazinger Z who is in dire need of girl counseling.

Lovin' it. (Although there are some defects in this blog, I'll see what I can do soon.)

Been wanting to do this since dawn this morning.

I officially crown myself as the queen of all couch potatoes. Nothing beats my record of sleeping at like 3 in the morning just sitting around and watching tv and consequently waking up super late the next day.

Hindi talaga ako sanay. Hmmm. Aside from the fact that I stink (because I haven't taken a bath yet) and that I'm a pig (I've been eating a lot because there's pancit and menudo here - I guess there's this birthday bash at our neighbor's house).

People do not usually find me at home during breaks because I either have stuff to do at school or I hang out with my friends. But now, since I practically missed out on IISDC's latest tournament and I wasn't abelt o help ADS although I did volunteer for it during my app period and most of my friends started school a week earlier than me, I didn't have much of a choice but to stay put and make myself a throne as the Queen of all Couch Potatoes.

I wish to continue this later after I finish taking a bath.ü

[EDIT] I'm about to edit this blog's lay-out (finally) because I have now decided to keep this account in blogspot. I was actually thinking of moving to LiveJournal but I changed my mind. I wouldn't want the hassle again. Besides, now I don't have much time to redo a lot of my entries because I'm waiting for a friggin' call. Kanina pa.

Well, muchos kwentos in another time.

Can't stay up late now because tomorrow's the first day of the sem and there's supposedly a new storm to hit the country too.

Cheerios♥

I feel so good.ü

Feeling so damn good.

What happens when you actually stay up until three in the morning just watching tv and being a pig? (think beef noodles and soup, cake and iced coffee)

Well, you pretty much wake up at three in the afternoon. Just like me.ü I can't really blame myself because I usually wake up when I start feeling the heat of the afternoon sun. However, since it's November and it's expected that people feel the chills, then I just go on in deep slumber until late in the afternoon, that is, if I don't get alarmed by something that I have to do because by then, I really have to get up from bed. I looooove this break. It's what? 46 dyas before Christmas? Yeah.ü

This is soooo cool! Well, I still have two days to accomplish my stuff plus the weekend (which I'm not really sure of being vacant because of my sched.) Well, there was this bizaare idea of going to Manila Zoo on Saturday but Crunch texted me and told me that they won't be able to go so that leaves me and Hon. But I guess, I'll suggest that we go to a different place instead. Hahahaü Arrrrgh. I really miss him already. I mean, yeah, we talk a lot now (I'm really suprised with the things that he's doing) but I really miss spending time with him.=( It'll come soon. But I hope it'll be sooner.

Hahahaha. I vow to change this blog's lay-out within today.

Cheerios!!!♥

Filling this.

The title's a bit like punning. Yeah, the psychological term that's supposed to fall under Freud's psychoanalytical uh...(I kinda forgot my HS notes already). Whatever. It has something to do with playing with words in such a way that they become... equivocal.

Okay. So 'filling' this is like 'feeling' this as in the ability of a person to put emotions into practice. It also means 'filling' as in making up for the void and the emptiness that's being felt by a person.

I have no idea why I even thought of that title.

Couch potato-ing.ü

Oh gawd. It's like less than a week before the second semester starts and here I am, doing nothing and not accomplishing anything in my to-do list. (Which includes changing this blog's lay-out)

I woke up at 3 in the afternoon. (Technically, that makes me 1 and a half hours awake at this moment.) Well, I slept at around 3 am and woke up again at 6. I stayed up because Toneth and I talked over the phone until the wee wee hours of the morning about everything, as in everything. Then, when we finally decided to sleep (because her parents were already up), I still had to wake up so that I could talk to hon.

Again, the things I do for him. Hmmm. He's asking me if we could eat at Kuya Tuchie's later. Awwww I guess he misses me already. But then, I can't because I have stuff to do. Stuff which I promised to do this morning but I kept putting it off and now I'm too lazy to do it. I guess I'll just tell him that I can eat out with him tomorrow after I go to school for my reg assessment. Arrrgh. I'm still lazy to wake up and do stuff. Waaaah. I so wish that I'll be exempted from PE. And I do hope that I get a good slot for natsci. Oh well. at least my random number's not as bad as the others'. Hahaha=p Kidding.

Hmmm. Gotta do stuff pa. Till here♥

Drastic changes.

I wish I were always this happy.

I'm kinda forcing myself to blog even if I'm not in the mood because I'm downloading a video in YouTube. So thanks to dial-up, it's going to take quite a while before I can actually finish Rihanna's We Ride. And yeah, the song's getting me all depressed.

It's still early. It's just 9:30 in the evening and someone already slept up on me. (Does that sound right?) Whatever. Okay. I'll do this entry like Hilary Duff did it in the movie "The Perfect Man", like I actually hear myself talk as I type this entry.

The weekend passed by leaving me a great deal of thought. Saturday midnight made my eyes sore again because Hon had his sleepover at Puma's house together with his barkada. It just followed that we didn't get to spend any time together this sembreak except when he helped fix me up before Laine's party. I know, some people would always question why it is so mandatory for people in a relationship to spend time together. I mean, yeah it's not always like that. But the thing is, we miss each other's company and that's like one of the basic things why we're in this commitment in the first place. We just love being with each other. Okay, enough with that talk.

My dad's birthday was a really good day for the family, especially me. After my dad treated us to MoA, (we ate a whole lot and spent a regretful amount on it) I bought new stuff for school such as clothes. Hahaha. Everything to my advantage. My dad was even teasing me by singing the happy birthday song because I got him to spend more money on me than on himself. After an afternoon of malling and shopping with my family, my parents decided to go home and postpone our visit to my lola because they still had to visit my ninang's mom who died and her wake was in Mandaluyong City pa.

So I spent my evening alone, watching One Tree Hill and that was when the horror started. Until now...

Moving on, I woke up unsually early today to get my course card and my reg form. I nervously lined up in the covered courts with Sher and Mau, wondering what my grades would be and if my prediction about them was right.

Well, after that, Ria and I windowshopped a little and ate at Gateway. ü

Yeah. Straight B's in all of the subjects except in PE and Math. PE is A and Math is C. Oh waht the heck. My qpi is just 2.81 and I still need to scrape up .54 points for me to reach the Dean's List because the required qpi is 3.35. Hmmm. I'm still thinking on how I'm going to do it because Math 19 is soooo not a joke. It's gonna be everyday on the second sem and it's equivalent to a throbbing 6 units. So, if I fail Math this coming semester, I'm such a goner. Kepp my fingers crossed. I'm really going to study hard. So, because of Applied Calculus for Business, my schedule is kinda overloaded provided that I will remain in the volleyball club but I still have to take PE classes. It means, less time slacking off, more time in school and career mode on. Plus, it basically means that I really have to focus because the second sem varsity accreds for ADS will be just around the corner and I don't want to mess it up again so it means more training.

Goodbye to social life I guess?=c Christmas is beginning to haunt me now. I'm getting a little feverish with the berrr month chills already.

Okay. It just dawned me that I want to take minors in Political Science. Wala lang. Hahaha. I still have to think about it but in the meantime, it's still in the bag.ü

Hmmm. I guess I have to end it here. I have a long list of things to do during the week like renovating my room and buying new school supplies. For now, it's watch tv till you drop and enjoy the rest of my break because 2nd sem is the killer sem to end my freshman year.♥

Berrrr. How I'd give anything just for things to go back to they way they used to be. But oh well, what matters is now.

Okay. I have exactly five minutes to do this post. (Bleh, not possible) Ay shooooooot. Sige na nga next time nalang. I have so much to say eh. Baboo.♥

How to make a girl smile (how he makes me smile) - Rica's multiply.ü

♥Tell her she is beautiful.
He's told me that lots of times already.

♥Hold her hand at any moment, even if its just for a second.
He always does.ü

♥Hug her from behind.
Never fails to melt my heart every time he does.

♥Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
Nah... Text messages pwede pa.

♥Wrestle with her :)
Haha. I always lose.

♥Don't go hang out with your ex when shes not with you, you might not realize how badly it hurts her.
Haha. No comment.

♥If you're talking to another girl, when you're done talking, walk over and hug her and kiss her. Let her know she's yours and they aren't.
Dapat lang dude.

♥Write her notes or call her just to say "hi"
Awwww. Letters. I just love them.

♥Introduce her to your friends as your girlfriend.
He introduces me as his 'asawa'.

♥Play with her hair.
I really love it when he does. He combs it pa when I sleep in his arms... shit. So sweeeet.

♥Pick her up (she loves it).
Oopps. Sorry hon. Katipunan's so far. Pero he's done it twice na.

♥Get upset if another guy touches her.
Naku. Ibang usapan na yan.

♥Make her laugh.
He never fails to.

♥Let her fall asleep in your arms.
Lagi naman eh=p

♥If she's mad at you, kiss her.
Ops. Haven't experienced that yet.

♥If you care about her, then TELL HER.
Hmmm. Have you told me that?

♥Every guy should give their girl 3 things:
a stuffed animal (she'll hug it every time she goes tosleep),
jewelry (she'll treasure it forever),
his sweatshirt sprayed with his cologne.

Stuffed, animal check. Jewelry, check. Sweatshirt? naaah. Jersey lang. Okay na yun.

♥Treat her the same around your friends as you do when you're alone.
Oo naman.=)

♥Look her in the eyes and smile.
I just want to melt shen he does.

♥Hang out with her on weekends.
When he's not busy though. I love spending time with him.


♥Kiss her in the rain (girls love this).
Haha. I do. I really do! Parang Dawson and Joey under the rain lang!

♥Kiss her just for the heck of it.
Always always makes me smile.

♥If youre listening to music, let her listen too.
Yep! He sure does this!!!=p He never fails to share the new songs that he likes.ü That's how close we are.

♥Remember her birthday and get her something,even if its simple and inexpensive, it came fromYOU.
it means all the world to HER.
Haaaay. *blushes*

♥when she gives you a present on yourbirthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it, even if you don't (it'll make her happy.)
Hahaha. Oo nga hon.

♥Always call her when you say you will, itmay not seem like it, but it does hurt her and makes her think you don't care so call even if you can only talkfor a minute. Girls don't necessarily have to have hour long conversations every night but its nice for us to hear your voice even for a quick hello.
Ops. Dunno with the last part but we always stay up until the wee hours of the morning just talkng and laughing about things. Diba? Even if we fight rin.

♥Give her what she wants.
Everything?=D

♥Recognize the small things. They usually mean the most.
Awwww. I know.

♥Dont hug her friends or your friends that are girls cause she'll feel left out.
Subukan mo lang. Sampalan na 'to.=D


♥Hang out with her whenever you are free and you should be free to hang with your girlfriend all the time.
Haha. How I wish.=p


♥Manage your time properly, and know your priorities.
Yes hon. Studies muna, then me... and me... and me... Haha=p


♥Never let anyone make her look stupid right in front of your face.
Suntukan na 'to!


♥Always make her feel special.
You always do... well sometimes hindi? hahaha=p


♥Always tell her, I LOVE YOU.
Never fails. -- I love you too.♥

Having a blast<3

I love my sisters♥

The highlights of my sembreak yet.

After Jackie's debut, I was in for another feast at Laine's party. Yeeeaaaah. Well, the evening was great, not to mention the events which happened earlier that day. Hon unexpectedly rang the doorbell while Lanna and I were fussing about how to fix my hair for the party. We were trying to make myself look like a "Greek goddess" but we were soooo clueless on how to do it. Okay. So hon came back a day earlier than what was planned. He helped fix me (specifically put make up on me --> Hahaha=D Career?). I was sooooo touched. And oh, Lanna was soooooo good because my hair ended up looking stylish and all that. And so I arrived at the venue a little after 8, sashayed past the smoking people outside WTC and met up with JV and Bea who were on their way to the bathroom. After fixinf ourselves up, we were ready to partttyy.=p

And so we did. I really had fun eating with my blockmates, delivering my speech as the first in the "Wishing Wands" list, dancing with Bea and JV and taking a whole lot of pictures the entire night. Grabe yung crowd, although there were a lot of people, I met some new ones and got to mingle with the other people. Kuya Euric kept on telling us that we should show how Ateneans rock in parties.=p Yeah! I even saw Ken there because he came at like 12 in the morning. I had a few drinks, one glass of vodka sprite, one shot of tequila and a few gulps of vodak again (courtesy of Niko when the bar ran out of drinks). And then... I just dance the night away.♥

Sleepover was super fun. Although it was a bit disappointing that Maann wasn't there. Nakakainis. We all have our share of sentiments. So there.

We watched movies (The Lakehouse, Tokyo Drift and Bring it On 3), ate a lot, went to SM, shared a lot of stories, stalked people in the net and stayed up until 4 a.m. and woke up at 7. Yeahahaha. Missed my girls soooo much that I really had fun spending the night with them Okay lang if I didn't get enough sleep. Grabe talaga yung feeling na makasama sila ulit.

I just love it.♥ So, the remaining days of the break are coming and I'm going to keep myself busy with unfinished tasks and prep myself up for the second sem. (Especially now that threats of ************ are rampant).

Blogging in the morning.-0-

Ola. I'm here over at Kara's house and we haven't slept after two movies. Yeahahaha.ü Coolness. SAbi nila magpatulog daw ako so, till here nalang muna. Have to wake up early pa tomorrow. Gbye!

Retrospect. I knew it was too good to be true.

God made the shooting stars for the hopeful.

I have no idea why the previous entry went wrong like that but my desire to change this blog's lay-out grew stronger. As in. I just have to find the time to do it and I know that, as Hermie has said it, it won't be in the near future. Hahaha=D

Wow. I missed this. I don't know why I kept putting it off. I pushed myself to blog in the past couple of days but I kinda lost it whenever I started writing an entry. Maybe I just felt that I lacked the emotion and inspiration to do it.

Now, I'm finally ready. So here goes...

Okay. So Friday went by really fast. I really had fun at Jackie's party. (All pics at my multiply) My brother and I went to Mcdo Taft as early as 4 pm and I had to wait for Maann pa because she came from a drinking session with her blockmates. Gaga talaga yun. She was pretty tipsy at the early part of the evening. Rox and the others really poked fun at her because she was getting all drummed up by the alcohol. So yun. When we arrived at Burgundy, the band and Maann and I rehearsed a bit. Michael was the first guy to arrive. And then followed by the other people who came in after we dressed up. We saw them as the elevator casually opened and broke the barriers which have long stood between us after we graduated from HS.

So moving on. Okay naman yung party. It was moved from the roofdeck to the restuarant because there were slight glimpses of massive gray clouds and droplets of rain. But then, the party went on. Maann, Kara and I were all back together. We were included in the 18 shots of tequila. Hmmm. I won't give it a blow by blow account. Just an observation and evaluation of what happened. We hosted the party and as usual, I had so much fun because I loved doing it. Sobra. It was super fun because I got to pig out, eat a lot, take pictures with friends, be in the limelight for the whole duration of the program, be with friends, meet new ones, dance wildly, be a good girl and then, finally call it a wonderful night.

Some things didn't change. Kung ano yung groups before ganun pa rin. Bogs, K9 and friends and of course, D3. Neutral nga sila Addie and Gladys because the Ponspons weren't there. Lyn of course was with us because she wasn't with the... uh. Ano ulit yung group nila? Yeah.

Kinda disappointing because then, we weren't really able to full blast our kwento modes. We just hung out with the usual people like we did way back in HS. I thought we had a lot of catching up to do, but then, sitting in a table full of familiar faces didn't really do the trick. Pero okay lang. I'm sure there'll be lots more to come. Partiesssss!!! --> The stress reliever and safeguard avenue for a college student.

So there. I went home really tired. I mean, after being hyped up in the party and dancing with someone (a guy) I barely know, who wouldn't be? But I still had to stay up for hon because he was leaving for Hongkong on that day.

The things I do for my asawa. True enough, I wanted to rant and bicker about how he didn't really have time for me all through out the remainder of the week in spite of the fact that he was to be gone for the rest of his break. Yeah. It meant scratching all our plans for halloween (just like last year) and us having to miss out on each other due to conflicts in schedules. When he comes back on the 1st, I'll be over at Kara's for the sleepover. So there. Going back... I stayed up until 2 a.m., forcing myself to be wide awake just to be alive when he departs. But I unfortunately gave in. I just left messages in his phone and I asked him to call me so as to wake me up, the first thing when he opens his eyes.

And so he did. He said that he was already packing and arranging his stuff. Then, text text nalang. I fell asleep because it took him so long to reply to my messages I guess because he had to do a whole lot of things pa. You know, carrying stuff and shit like that. So his last message to me was that he was already in the plane and about to take off na. =c So sad. But now, it's only two days before he comes back. Yeeey.ü

Then, the weekend zoomed by. I had the chance to hear mass last Saturday, we watched Step Up here at home (ang bagong tambayan) and my friends and I just chilled.

Sunday, nothing much. I was pretty much a couch potato. I even cried because of One Tree Hill. Oh God. I wish he were anything like Lucas. I mean, how he believed that Brooke was the one for him and that he was convinced that they were destined to be together. Not only that, he refused to make out with a girl who has already stripped naked in front of him. (That bitch, Rachel)

Monday, mundane. I went out today to scout for a gift for Laine and for my costume tomorrow night. Kasi naman, I was planning on being a fairy, good thing I talked to Laine and she told me that I can't because apparently, she's gonna be a fairy princess. So, I just had to adjust and be the Greek goddess instead. Tanong pa ni Cort, kumot lang daw ba yung suot ko. Pwede rin. Why not?=D

Okay. A lot of these seem like fun but they're hell not. Niko picked me up today and we had to go over to Laine's for the 'surprise'. The surprise ended as a 15-minute snooping in Laine's room and her wardrobe for tomorrow plus the tarpauline that she had made for tomorrow night's festivities. Oh yeah.

I even had to take a shower after I got back because I had really bad allergies. Maybe I got it from Niko's car.

So what I can say is, why do people try to ruin your life when you're trying so damn hard to live it?

That on the next reflective post. ♥

I soooo miss him.

Looking forward to...

Me, Jackie (the birthday girl this Friday) and Kara

I'm so freakin' busy right now. I have to do a lot of stuff to help for the preparations for tomorrow. Uuuyy. Haha. Hindi naman. Kasi Jennette and I agreed to do the compilation of songs and I still have to make the introduction and the spiel for tomorrow evening. Oooh. I still have to fix myself because I doubt that I'm still going to find time tomorrow.

Yesterday, I went to La Salle to meet up with Jackie and Maann (supposedly but she didn't show up) but I didn't really go inside. We just met up at Mcdo. I wasn't supposed to be meeting Jennette too but she saw me there standing outside Mcdo and we were both surprised and just laughed it off anyway.

When Jackie came (after some minutes of waiting) we accompanied her to Burgundy. We checked the place out and it was cool. There was a pool, a closed area and an open one. The only thing that needs to be addressed now is the rain. If it rains tomorrow night (and we really need to pray that it wouldn't) then the whole program has to be moved in the closed area, which is bad because it's a bit small and all the food's gonna be there. Besides, the lat part of the program's gonna be a lot of dancing to house music and we wouldn't be able to do that if all of us are in tinsy amount of space.

Then I went home with Crunch and Chelly (ulit). Pinagtulungan pa ko kasi I'm a blue blood in the land of green. Yeah right. Hahahah=p

Okay. I'm still having problems with regard to the transpo tomorrow. Ugh.

What else?

Oh yeah.

A message to the effin' gossip folks everywhere.

You guys just have to back off from our personal lives. We're not doing anything to you so leave us alone. One more bad comment and chismis about me, my family or my friends and you're gonna get it. You're so unfair. What? You expect us to understand that it's become part of your lifestyle that you have nothing else to do but spread foul gossips about people whom you don't even know and who haven't done anything against you? Makonsensya naman kayo. I know you're not blind and you're not manhid to feel the consequences of your actions. People get hurt and a lot of relationships are destroyed because of what you do. So bug off okay??? Stop it! Oh wait, you can't undertsand English pala. And you have no means of accessing this message because you guys have no background of the internet. Oh ano? Bastusan na ba? Kayo naman yung nagsimula eh. Papatulan ko na talaga kayo.

It's one thing to actually bear you guys and just always keep into consideration your plain existence whenever something comes up here in the village. Kasi baka may mangchismis blahblahblah. It's bad enough that we always have that to keep in mind. But you know what? Why don't you just do something worthwhile and helpful to the society like spreading the damn love? Huh? Kundi nga dahil sa mga families namin na pinagtatrabahuan niyo as tingin nyo pano kayo makakahanap ng means of living? Respect naman darlings. Yun lang yung hinihingi namin. Oh, and yung sa mga hindi naman katulong pero parang katulong kung mangchismis, you guys are better off building this chismis congregation and we can like press charges against your group. Konti pa talaga ha. Sumosobra na kayo.

So what if there are a lot of things that we do? At least we're minding our own businesses, patching up our own mistakes and we're not meddling with things that aren't ours.

And you guys go to Church? Haha. Grabe. Shame on you.

Now, if I hear anything bad about me, my boyfriend, my family, my friends and their own families (I don't care if you have a basis or if you heard it somewhere) I'm not going to hesitate to confront you guys. Wag kayong magalala. Magtatagalog ako pag kinausap ko kayo.

We can't stand it any longer. Now, you're gonna have a taste of your own medicine.